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Pressing Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

simulation of monkey pressing button

simulation complete

I like pressing f5.

It's so refreshing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian soldier is standing naked in the shower looking at his watch furiously pressing the buttons

His comrade hears the beeping and comes to see what's up,

"What are you doing there naked blyat? There is no water in the building."

"Yesterday I looted this watch. There is English writing on it and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the commander."

"So?"

"He said ᵂ ...

What do you say to a koala to encourage him to beat his personal best in bench pressing?

Bro Eucalyptus!

I keep pressing the space bar on my computer

But for some reason I am still on Earth.

I spent the last hour repeatedly pressing F5

It's pretty refreshing.

I pointed out that my wife was pressing a no-wrinkle shirt,

but she didn't appreciate the irony.

Hey @realDonaldTrump, try pressing the caps lock key...

@realDonaldTrump: O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife keeps pressing the panic button on her car keys when I kiss her

I really do make her horny

In the Soviet Union a listener calls Radio Yerevan with a pressing question.

"Is it true" the listener asks "that in Moscow, at the Red Square, Moskvich cars are being given for free?"

"It is absolutely true" the host replies "just not in Moscow but in Leningrad, not at the Red Square but at the Revolution Square, not cars but bikes, and not given for free but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't feel bad about pressing the close door button when you see someone running for the elevator.

If they have that much energy, they should take the stairs.

The answer to the most pressing question in human history

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette and has a smile on its face. The egg is staring at the ceiling with a frown on its face. The egg mutters under its breath 'well, I guess we answered That question.'

I'm feeling sad because I went to the supermarket today for the sale they had on ginger ale but they were dumping all their stock into a hydraulic crusher out back.

It was soda pressing.

Why did the guy hate his job at the can crushing factory?

It was soda pressing.

I used to work for a soft drink can crusher

It was soda pressing

I always get sad when I crush my drink cans.

It’s soda pressing.

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