A guy wanted to show me his Bird imitation skills but I refused

So he flew away

I asked a guy if he could do an imitation of a pheasant.

He said, "Sure, I'm game!"

And that, Your Honour, is why I shot him.

Credit to u/Bradders_Extreme123 .

What do you call an imitation Limo driver?

A Faux-ffeur.

What's the difference between a man working in an imitation cheese factory and Freddie Mercury?

The first man wants to fake brie.

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Turns out the parents of that cerebral palsy kid on my street strongly disagree.

Why would an imitation diamond remind you of St. Patrick's Day?

Because it's a shamrock.

How is imitation like a plateau?

They're both the highest forms of flattery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reacting to fear. [long]

I was gathering information for my psychology thesis and set out to interview people who have been in dangerous situations and find out how they reacted to extreme fear.

After some inquires I'd discovered there was a gentleman in a nearby assisted care facility that had been a wildlife photog...

What do you call imitation Vietnamese noodle soup?

Faux.

Alan takes his wife fishing

On a usual trip he catches 10-15 fish. He's gobsmacked when the pair of them manage a haul of over 100! He decided to enter them both into the local fishing competition.

The day of the competition rolls around, and each of the Anglers take it in turns. The first man is a big beefy lad, and he...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They...

I have an albino doppelganger

He's a pale imitation

The circus was in town and was taking applications from the local townspeople for wildly unique acts.

The interviewer was at the end of a long fruitless day of these local no-talents, when the last applicant, Jack, stepped up to the table.

“Ok”, said the interviewer, “what’s your special talent?”

“I do bird imitations!”, replied Jack.

The interviewer sighed and shook his head. ...

My wife told me I was a "model husband"

I said "thank you sweetheart"
Then she showed me her definition of model.
"A small imitation of the real thing"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip.

He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he'd buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

He went to a store that sold sex toys and started to look around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr Lion goes down to the river to drink...

...and as he lowers his head to the water, Mr Chimp leaps down out of the trees, scampers up behind Mr Lion, yanks his tail to one side, and visits an unspeakable outrage upon the King of the Beasts!

He then scampers away, leaving Mr Lion crestfallen and vowing to revenge himself on the imp...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison...

(I don't know why my friends like this one so much, feel free to tell them it's awful and confirm my opinion.)

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escape the women's prison late one night. With the police hot on their heels, they decide to hide in an abandoned factory. Splitting up, they all ...

At first I was angry...

...when all my friends began collecting stamps after I started.

But then I remembered: imitation is the sincerest form of philately.

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