The 90+ Best Obvious Jokes

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.

I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

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A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that the grandfather has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, etc.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long - easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears Gramps calmly say, "Its okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there boy."

At the checkout, the little te...

The tale of Sister obvious

Once upon a time there was a nun called Sister obvious, they called her that as she was very logical and had a solution for most things.

One day, Sister obvious and a fellow nun was walking home from the market when her fellow nun (let’s call her Sister May) said “Sister, I think there’s a ma...

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Jane was obviously attracted to Tarzan and asking him about his life asked how he had sex..

"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.

Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show yo...

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As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection.

"Maybe you should wait outside whilst I examine your dog," said the vet.

Edit: HOLY SHIT FRONT PAGE!!!! I'm so excited i almost cum in my pants! but i came in my dog instead :)

The American education system obviously listen to Pink Floyd.

They've left those kids a loan.

EDIT: Woke up to find THIS :O

I told my wife I wanted to name our unborn son Obvious.

She said, "That's a stupid name."

I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."

There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......

One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"

The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...

I was bored and hit my Nokia with a hammer, it broke, obviously.

So, I took it to Best Buy to get it fixed, and the woman at the counter said they can't fix hammers.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID

none of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently

What do you call someone who points out the obvious?

Someone who points out the obvious.

My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties

Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?

Who would be worse than Captain obvious?

Doctor Obvious

Obvious media bias

Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

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I once stole a jar of orca semen from my friend, the scientist. After a few years, I felt bad, and eventually returned it. My friend was obviously confused by this and said "Thanks, but what is it?" I replied...

"Your whale cum."

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."

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A mother found out condoms in her daughter's dresser. She is obviously concerned, so she asks her, "Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies...

Not really, mom. I just sort of lie there.

As he pushed in the rectal thermometer, I felt myself getting a painfully hard and obvious erection

"Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog," the vet said

It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby.

Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.

It's obvious people offering UFO conspiracy theories don't understand basic science.

If they did, they'd be offering UFO conspiracy hypotheses.

I arrived at the gas station only to see that its 7.00 dollars per gallon and 7.00 dollars per pack of cigarettes. And since my job is on the line, the answer is pretty obvious.

I can bike for 30 miles, its better for my health anyways.

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The organs of the body are trying to decide who should be in charge, the brain says 'I control all the information to and from the body, I'm the obvious choice' the lungs say 'well you can't do any of that without me, so I should lead' finally the rectum says 'I do waste disposal, I should lead' ...

All the other organs laugh at the rectum, in protest the rectum tightens right up. Soon the lungs and brain feel awful and are struggling to work, as are all the other organs, to appease the rectum they name it in charge.

Moral of the story is, the arsehole is always in charge.

Congratulations to the obvious winner of last night’s debate...

The voyager space probe hurtling away from our solar system at over 35k mph!

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Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make!” “And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well...” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin. “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Moth...

A man walks his dog late at night when he observes an obviously drunk guy. The guy stops at a parked car, swipes across the car's roof with his arm and says "Nope."

He stumbles over to the next car, again swipes across the roof with his arm and again: "Nope."

This goes on for a while until finally the dog owner decides to ask the man what he was doing.

Drunkard: "I'm searching my car!"

Dog owner: "But you can't find your car by swiping your...

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some h...

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What do you call a constipated detective that solves cases with obvious details?

No shit sherlock.

It should be obvious to everyone that communism won't work.

I mean seriously, there were so many red flags.

My fried just got engaged to her boyfriend, Peter, and was gushing about how in love she is. Obviously the first thing out of my mouth was "oh, so you're a massive Peterphile!" Apparently that was "inappropriate" and now she's annoyed with me.

This is actually a true story, so hope it's okay that it's not in a standard joke format.

How to know if you belong to r/Jokes: You read the the obvious same thing twice without knowing.

Even if it is in the Title.

My wife accused me of always stating the obvious.

I replied, "That's what you think."

Obviously, this is a cake day post

I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake.

They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?"

I said, "yes".

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I once came home to find 4 masked men beating up my younger brother. Obviously I rushed over to help out.

...the little shit didn't stand a chance against all 5 of us.

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A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very unexpectedly, the baby is born without arms. Or legs. Or even a body. It's just a head...

Nevertheless, the couple embrace their roles as parents and, as unusual as it is, they raise their baby, trying to make his life as normal as possible. Obviously, it's a struggle, but they manage... and they love and treat their son like any other normal kid. Well, as much as possible.

On the...

If there is a body found at a barbershop, the most obvious murder weapon is the most likely.

It's Occam's Razor.

I think everyone is wrong about President Bolsonaro of Brazil. The man's obviously a deeply committed environmentalist...

After all, wiping out a sizable part of your population is a great way to save the rain forests.

My friend was obviously upset, so I asked her what was wrong. She said they lost her brother last night.

Apparently, "Why aren't you out looking for him?" was not the reply she expected.

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Obviously and because.

Teacher in the class:

\-Kids, please form a sentence with words "obviously" and "because".

After a while teacher asks:

\-Have You come up with something, kids?

One kid raises his hand and says:

\-Grandma took the newspaper and went into the woods.

\-But wher...

My friends call me Captain Obvious

It's because I state the obvious.

A North Korean lady was in line in front of me at my bank in the U.S., trying to exchange some won. She was obviously irritated, arguing with the teller.

“Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla of won, today I get
only one hunat eighty. Why it change?”

Teller shrugs his shoulders, says, “Fluctuations.”

Korean lady says, “Fluc you white people too!”

Politicians have been fighting the war on drugs for a long time and it's obvious that they're losing.

Maybe they should try doing it sober instead.

Why was it obvious that a double amputee was the last one to exit a UK pub?

He was legless

The moon landing was obviously fake.

Like the moon is still up there, it didn’t land anywhere.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

What's black, and white, and OBVIOUSLY belongs in NeverLand?

Pan, duh.

My teacher told me that I obviously didn't understand contractions.

I said, "I am better at them than you're."

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NSFW A Welsh coal miner is met at the door by his obviously angry wife....

when he arrives still drunk from the weekend on Sunday morning.

She asked him: "Did you not get paid Friday for working all month?"

He replies (with a belch): That I did, my lovely woman!"

She glares back at him, "And how much of that month's pay do you have left?"

Barely...

One blond to another: which is further away, London or the moon? The other: helloo isn’t it obvious?

You can’t even see London from here

Police suspect that a recent string of burglaries have been committed by a person obviously suffering from severe IBS. The culprit has left their "calling card" at each house they've broken into.

Unfortunately, the police have no firm leads.

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Is it obvious what would happen if i sealed someones asshole?

No shit.

Red flags in relationships are always so obvious in hindsight.

I blame the Doppler effect -- when they're coming right at you they look blue.

What starts with W, ends with T and has two letters in between.

Just stating the obvious.

This morning I saw a lady talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought the cat understood her...

When I got home I told my parrot. We had a good laugh. Lol.

My neighbour obviously doesn't watch adult movies...

She asked me to fix the sink and I'm still here an hour later fixing the sink. >.<

Just saw the new infinity wars trailer today and to me, it was pretty obvious who's dying.

Well, so long, DC.

I have a problem where I'm always falling for the most obvious things.

I guess I just don't understand the gravity of my situation.

There's a really obvious way to get people to bruise their shins.

When I tell you what it is, you'll kick yourself.

Just bought a book "Jokes about Captain Obvious".

It's full of Captain Obvious jokes.

70% of dishes are under-seasoned, according to a recent survey by the seasoning manufacturers' association. Obviously, this is biased.

Take it with a grain of salt.

A man was walking down the street around 3am, obviously drunk, missing a shoe and weaving to and fro, when a policeman spotted him and stopped his car along the curb nearby.

"Good evening sir, would you mind stepping over here for a moment, please?" the policeman asked.

Haltingly, the man came over to the police car. "Gooodsh evening occifer, whass the trouble?"

"Well," the officer began, "it seems you're not quite in any condition to be walking along in ...

My friends started calling me captain obvious

But just so you know I’m not actually a captain, it’s just a nickname.

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So a man walks into a bar, and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man:

"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scorching weather, but do they call me "McGregor ...

What did Captain Obvious say as a baby cattle entered the room?

A door a bull

I never knew something could be "glaringly un-obvious"

I still have no idea why my wife is looking at me like that.

Flat earthers are so close to the truth, but there are some obvious discrepancies . I've finally solved it...

Welcome to the Pringle Earth Society...and remember, once you see, you can't disagree.

The take a penny, leave a penny trays in businesses are a great idea that obviously makes things easier for customers and merchants alike by saving time and effort for all.

It's common cents.

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We had student's contest for the best short story of the first sex experience. The obvious winner was titled:

"Home Alone"

Pretty Obvious

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

Jesus was obviously white.

He even tastes like crackers!

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He was asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining ...

Europeans have been testing aircraft engines against bird strikes for a long while, using a cannon which launched (deceased, obviously) chickens at the aeroplane.

Eventually, the Americans decided they needed to test their engines tbe same way. So they brought a device over and started testing. No matter how resilient they made the engines, they always failed. After months of testing, they gave up and sent for a European engineer to advise on what wad wrong.<...

Our government leaders have obviously never played Civ....

If they had they would know that not investing in education science and the economy coupled with an unreasonably large military is a a good way to get worked over by Gandhi later in the game.

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Isn't it obvious that she's a mom?

It's ap-parent.

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What do Tetris and sex have in common?

There’s no winning, it’s just about how long you last

Edit: stop saying I obviously don’t have sex. We’re on reddit. Isn’t that obvious by now?
Also ty to all the absolutely hilarious comment, y’all have made my day

Obvious, innit?

A guy was very self-conscious, because he'd been born without ears. Despite this, he'd become general manager at his company.

He was still self conscious though, so when interviewing people, he'd ask if they noticed anything about him, anything they could mention about him, and if people re...

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Joe rented an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

Joe smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Joe broke out into a sweat...

It's rather obvious that dogs can't operate an MRI machine..

But catscan!

Clickbaits seem so obvious...

Just like this one.

As I arrived at work this morning, I saw a flower delivery truck parked outside my building, and a guy was frantically taking flowers from the truck to inside and was in an obvious hurry, so I encouraged him by shouting...

"Run, florist, run!"

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They made an engaging looking couple in the swank restaurant: The man was handsome, graying and obviously well off; the woman was a joy to any eye - very young, ravishing and delectable.

As they each read their menus, the gentleman asked his date what she would like to eat.

She scanned the menu yet again, and said, "To begin, I'll have two champagne cocktails, then a dozen oysters on the half shell and a tureen of turtle soup. As entrees I'll have the filet of English s...

A German host said to his English guest, who was obviously not enjoying his meal:" i am sorry you don't like our food.

But I'm afraid the wurst is yet to come."

It's Obvious...

So two mathematicians meet in the corridor of their building and one asks the other "so what are you working on?" The second mathematician replies "I've been working on this interesting proof, come into the lounge and I'll show you".

The two go into the faculty lounge and the guy starts to wo...

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“Those are some damn sexy legs” a cute customer said to me while we toured the showroom of the furniture store I work in. I was so flattered- obviously my workout routine was working!

But then he said,
“Oh, I’m talking about that chair over there. I’ll take it”

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

A Sensitive Guy (NSFW-ish)

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the ...

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During the US Government shutdown, obviously the US Mail is still working...

...because people keep posting the same shit again and again.

What personal question is not obvious yet nobody has ever needed to ask anyone?

Are you vegan?

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber.

I don’t know if it was our source, or our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers.

After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same c...

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