One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I co...

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
...

Science tip

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs

The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.

How do Science Nerds flirt?

I'd Like to be a DNA helicase so I can unzip those genes!

If you want to be a computer science major, all you have do is get sick.

Before long you’ll be coughing and hacking.

I came here to do two things: argue about science, and make sure my children don't get vaccinated.

And I'm all out of children...

What do you call the science of classifying living things?

Racism

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

Do You know why there's religious holidays but no scientific holidays?

Because science always works

I was planning to donate my body to science,

but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.

So now I’m donating my brain to religion instead.

Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science?

You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose ...

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Teachers can be funny sometimes, even science teachers.

Periodically, that is.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

One thing I know is that a computer science major didn't name the original pokemon.

Otherwise, charmander would evolve into stringmander.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The 6th grade science teacher...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will g...

The science of ping pong balls...

Long, Science

A science convention is in town. So a chemist, physicist and engineer walk into a local bar. The bar tender sees them and says, "hey, you're all wise guys, how would I figure out the volume of this ping pong ball?" The chemist takes the ball from him, pulls out a graduated cylin...

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

I introduced science and technology to the frogs in my neighborhood in an attempt to uplift their species.

All of my neighbors are mad at me now because now the frogs only say “rivet”.

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

Said in my middle school science class. "Halophiles are a type of bacteria that can survive in the saltiest places on earth."

Student Response: Does that mean they can survive inside a Fortnite lobby?

I wanted to high five this student so hard.

When I got my science degree I got a puppy

because every scientist needs a lab.

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...

...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

(Science joke) Whats the difference between boys and girls?

I don't know all the specifics, but there's a vas deferens.

Why do Christians hate science?

They always think of it as two Adams bonding.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

Science joke

What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

When I die, I want to leave my body to science

More specifically, a scientist who's working on bringing dead guys back to life

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

“Oh science, Oh science, Oh science!!”

~ an atheist having sex

According to Science

Alcohol is a solution.

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.
<...

You wanna hear a super cool science joke?

0K

A student asks CS professor: did your years of studying computer science ever helped you in your life?

Professor replies: oh yes, for sure, computer science did help me in my life. One day I'd get my socks from the laundry and they were all mixed up in a big pile of socks. But then I remembered that I knew QuickSort and sorted them in O(n log n) time.

I Really Don't Like Atomic Science

Honestly, It's Such A Bohr.

What did the Arts student say to the Science student

Why did I waste 3 years of my life?

The Teacher tells her class: “Your science test was terrible. 32% of you got an F.”

A blonde student shouts in anger: “That can’t be right, there’s not even 20 of us in the class!"

I tried to think of a good science joke

But all the good ones Argon

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend “if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.?” The friend replied to that
“Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO”

Top 10 most important sciences

10. It is

9. impossible

8. to rank

7. the importance

6. of science

5. because

4. all of them

3. are equally

2. important.

1. Physics

Science is progressing in leaps and bounds. In 20 years...

...we'll definitely have better smartphones.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Faith vs Science

I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

Son leaves a note

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm get pulled over while driving together to a science convention.

The cop asks Heisenberg “do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies “no, but I know exactly where I am.” The cop says “you were doing 55 in a 40.” Heisenberg is irritated and exclaims “Great now I’m lost!”

The cop is suspicious and searches the car, when he pops the trunk he a...

What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other?

Cyber boolean

I just found out about this underground science ring

It's called the Large Hadron Collider

What is science called if it involved light blue light rays?

Cyance

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Medical science still does not have a cure for premature ejaculation.

But researchers say it's coming quickly.

My computer science professor was fired for giving a lecture in Octal

My school has very strict policies regarding eight-speech.

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks:

"do you want fries with that?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class:

"Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary st...

What’s the most popular band in the world of science?

My Chemical Reaction.

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"

Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog?

They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.

I broke into a science lab and made some toast. Eating it made me really sick…

I guess I’m just lab-toast-intolerant

Why don't Flat Earthers like science?

Because it challenges their world view.

I don't like computer science jokes..

Not one bit

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

&nbsp;

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

In science class, 3 worms were places into 3 different jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:

The first worm in alcohol ---dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.<...

So my science teacher began her astronomy unit with star formation

She gave a stellar explanation.

What's the most attractive law of science?

Gravity.

Everything falls for it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I had a science lesson yesterday in class and the question was something along the lines of "what part of your body would you get rid off?"

Some guy responded, "My spine, It holds me back."

I fuckin' died, especially when my classmates were having pirate reactions. Holy shit.