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How does a computer science major pick up girls?

Oh shit thought this was google

One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"


The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I co...

A science joke

A policeman catches an an electron for speeding.
Police: Do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: Yes, but now I don't know where I am.

I once told a joke about science

It didn't get a reaction

I don't like computer science jokes...

Not one bit.

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
...

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

I'm a man of science

at least that's what my horoscope says

Albert Einstein was so smart that he created his brother with science. He named him Frank

Frank Einstein

You need some science to understand the joke

This is a joke my friend made.

Once there were two chemist. One day, after work, they both went to a restaurant for dinning.

The waiter came, and asked what they wanted to order.

"Please give me a cup of H2O,"said the first chemist.

"A cup of H2O too," the second chemist ...

When I was a child I asked my dad for help with my science homework. I asked "dad, how do you make a hormone?" And he said...

"Don't pay her."

Do You know why there's religious holidays but no scientific holidays?

Because science always works

Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?

Because it’s always pushing electrons around

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The 6th grade science teacher asks her class a question.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will g...

How is a kid failing science and an antivax parent related?

One is just the evolution of the other.

Dad joke + science joke

Did you know that protons have mass ?

Lol i didn't even knew they were catholic

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Back in high school, I was really bad in science. (OC)

I even failed sexual chemistry.

My dog ate my computer science project

"your dog ate your coding assignment?"


It took him a couple bytes

The first day of school, I signed up for Math, English, Science and Geography..

The rest, as they say, is History

Science tip

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

I am not smart enough to understand everything proven by science

Most of it I just take on faith

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

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One day Johnny was late for science class. When his teacher asked where he had been, he replied, "I've been putting fire crackers up a frogs arse!"

"Rectum!" Says the teacher, horrified.
"Wrecked 'im!?  It damn near killed him!!"

I was planning to donate my body to science,

but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.

So now I’m donating my brain to religion instead.

What do you call the science of classifying living things?

Racism

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A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science?

You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.

A Science Fiction Story for Telepaths

Aw, You Know What I mean.

I came here to do two things: argue about science, and make sure my children don't get vaccinated.

And I'm all out of children...

The science of ping pong balls...

Long, Science

A science convention is in town. So a chemist, physicist and engineer walk into a local bar. The bar tender sees them and says, "hey, you're all wise guys, how would I figure out the volume of this ping pong ball?" The chemist takes the ball from him, pulls out a graduated cylin...

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...

...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

One thing I know is that a computer science major didn't name the original pokemon.

Otherwise, charmander would evolve into stringmander.

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Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose ...

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion flies you into buildings.

I introduced science and technology to the frogs in my neighborhood in an attempt to uplift their species.

All of my neighbors are mad at me now because now the frogs only say “rivet”.

Said in my middle school science class. "Halophiles are a type of bacteria that can survive in the saltiest places on earth."

Student Response: Does that mean they can survive inside a Fortnite lobby?

I wanted to high five this student so hard.

(Science joke) Whats the difference between boys and girls?

I don't know all the specifics, but there's a vas deferens.

Science joke

What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

Why do Christians hate science?

They always think of it as two Adams bonding.

Teachers can be funny sometimes, even science teachers.

Periodically, that is.

When I got my science degree I got a puppy

because every scientist needs a lab.

A student asks CS professor: did your years of studying computer science ever helped you in your life?

Professor replies: oh yes, for sure, computer science did help me in my life. One day I'd get my socks from the laundry and they were all mixed up in a big pile of socks. But then I remembered that I knew QuickSort and sorted them in O(n log n) time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

According to Science

Alcohol is a solution.

When I die, I want to leave my body to science

More specifically, a scientist who's working on bringing dead guys back to life

Son leaves a note

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Oh science, Oh science, Oh science!!”

~ an atheist having sex

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.
<...

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

Top 10 most important sciences

10. It is

9. impossible

8. to rank

7. the importance

6. of science

5. because

4. all of them

3. are equally

2. important.

1. Physics

In Science Class, We Are Taught About Invasive Species..

In Georgia, the waters are filled with the Flathead Catfish. The Flathead Catfish is a strong predator, with nothing that can stop its hunt for food naturally. It is one of the most dangerous animals in the ecosystem, it will tear apart Georgia's rivers, then move into Florida. Reports are showing t...

I Really Don't Like Atomic Science

Honestly, It's Such A Bohr.

The Teacher tells her class: “Your science test was terrible. 32% of you got an F.”

A blonde student shouts in anger: “That can’t be right, there’s not even 20 of us in the class!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Faith vs Science

I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

What did the Arts student say to the Science student

Why did I waste 3 years of my life?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

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Heisenberg, Schrodinger, and Ohm get pulled over while driving together to a science convention.

The cop asks Heisenberg “do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies “no, but I know exactly where I am.” The cop says “you were doing 55 in a 40.” Heisenberg is irritated and exclaims “Great now I’m lost!”

The cop is suspicious and searches the car, when he pops the trunk he a...

I tried to think of a good science joke

But all the good ones Argon

What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other?

Cyber boolean

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend “if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.?” The friend replied to that
“Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO”

I just found out about this underground science ring

It's called the Large Hadron Collider

Science is progressing in leaps and bounds. In 20 years...

...we'll definitely have better smartphones.

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical science still does not have a cure for premature ejaculation.

But researchers say it's coming quickly.

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

&nbsp;

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

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