When I die, I’m donating my body to science.

It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I coul...

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

Why is a science party the best party?

A lot of great chemistry.

2 scientists were at a science sale

The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.

If science were easy...

They would call it your mom.

Why is an achievement in Mathematics greater than an achievement in any of the other sciences?

Because for an achievement in math, you receive Abel whereas for science, you receive Nobel.

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion, in to buildings.

My wife just said, “I just don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, “That makes two of us.”

I'm going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy...

he always wanted me to go to medical school.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a computer science major pick up girls?

Oh shit thought this was google

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There are 2 farmers, Jim and Bob, sitting in a Bar having a beer..

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”


The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.”


The first student responds, “Good choice! Her c...

Heard this one from a political science professor

A man just arrived in New York City. In the taxi heading to his destination, the taxi passed by the United Nations building. The man said to the driver “Wow, that’s the United Nations building.” The driver responded “Yes it is.” The man then asks, “How many people do you suppose work in there?” Afte...

Studying science makes me numb...

Studying math makes me number!

Science jokes

Man: Help!

Officer: What is the problem?

Man: He's throwing sodium chloride at me!

Officer: Why does that provoke a shout for help?

Man: Because it's a salt!!!!

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
...

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Two mathematicians and two physicists take a train to a science symposium

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

According to Science,

Alcohol is a solution

We were always taught the rule, i before e except after c...

But now it's been disproved by science.

A science joke

A policeman catches an an electron for speeding.
Police: Do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: Yes, but now I don't know where I am.

I'm a man of science

at least that's what my horoscope says

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

Science Humor

Physicist: "There's a hotel in Germany with a plaque stating that Heisenberg may have slept here."
Me: "Really?"
Physicist: "Well, I'm not sure..."


(as heard in an 'Inspector Lewis' episode)

Science joke

I was going to make a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon

I don't like computer science jokes...

Not one bit.

Dad joke + science joke

Did you know that protons have mass ?

Lol i didn't even knew they were catholic

What do you call a dragon with no silver?

a dron.



dr**ag**on (science joke)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man had a 16 inch Dick.

Poor guy. He couldn't get any gals.


He went to a doctor, who was looking at the miracle unbelievably.


"I..I.." the doctor stuttered, " Medical science cannot cure this."
Poor guy.

"But..." the doctor says, "there is a wizard in the deep Lock Nock Lake. Go to him and ...

When I was a child I asked my dad for help with my science homework. I asked "dad, how do you make a hormone?" And he said...

"Don't pay her."

Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?

Because it’s always pushing electrons around

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework

Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 6th grade science teacher asks her class a question.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will g...

A father was walking past his son's bedroom one day and happened to look in.

He was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up off the floor. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

Fearing the worst, he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. It said:

*Dea...

How do Science Nerds flirt?

I'd Like to be a DNA helicase so I can unzip those genes!

I am not smart enough to understand everything proven by science

Most of it I just take on faith

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in high school, I was really bad in science. (OC)

I even failed sexual chemistry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sugar and sperm (true story)

During a Science class...

Teacher: Human sperm has sugar as one of his main ingredients.

Female student: Teacher, if it has sugar why it's not sweet?

Teacher: because the area that detects sweetness is the tongue, not the throat.

I came here to do two things: argue about science, and make sure my children don't get vaccinated.

And I'm all out of children...

The first day of school, I signed up for Math, English, Science and Geography..

The rest, as they say, is History

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

I was planning to donate my body to science,

but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.

So now I’m donating my brain to religion instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

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An uneducated man decides to give college a second chance. He walks up to the Dean of his local community college and says, "I want to learn something new, I haven't learned much and I want to learn more,". "Great, which class would you like to take?" said the Dean.

"Which classes do you offer?" responded the man.

"We have all sorts of classes, from science to logic," said the Dean.

"What's logic?" asked the man.

"Well, I can use information to assume something." Said the Dean.

"How?" asked the Man.

"Take this scenario, d...

The science of ping pong balls...

Long, Science

A science convention is in town. So a chemist, physicist and engineer walk into a local bar. The bar tender sees them and says, "hey, you're all wise guys, how would I figure out the volume of this ping pong ball?" The chemist takes the ball from him, pulls out a graduated cylin...

Nowadays there’s a pill for everything

to keep your nose from running, to keep you regular, to
keep your heart beating, to keep your hair from falling out. . . . Why, thanks to advances in
medical science, every day people are dying who never looked better.

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

Science tip

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

One thing I know is that a computer science major didn't name the original pokemon.

Otherwise, charmander would evolve into stringmander.

When I got my science degree I got a puppy

because every scientist needs a lab.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose ...

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.
<...

Two cats are sitting on the roof. Which cat will fall off first?

The cat with the smaller [mu](https://www.britannica.com/science/coefficient-of-friction)!

Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science?

You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.

What do you call the science of classifying living things?

Racism

Science joke

What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

Coulda been worse.

A father walks past his son's room and to his astonishment he sees that the bed is neatly made and the room is all tidied up.

Then he saw an envelope on the pillow.

It's addressed to "Dad".

He picked it up, tore it open and read the note:

"Dear Dad, it is with great regre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Said in my middle school science class. "Halophiles are a type of bacteria that can survive in the saltiest places on earth."

Student Response: Does that mean they can survive inside a Fortnite lobby?

I wanted to high five this student so hard.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

I introduced science and technology to the frogs in my neighborhood in an attempt to uplift their species.

All of my neighbors are mad at me now because now the frogs only say “rivet”.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

(Science joke) Whats the difference between boys and girls?

I don't know all the specifics, but there's a vas deferens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist, a mathematician, and in idiot all die in a car wreck and go to Heaven.

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist steps up and asks him, "What is the most c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to her doctor

"Doctor, please help me. My husband is _lazy_ in the bed, if you know what I mean"

The doctor smiles and says

"I have what you need. Science has made gigantic progress in this field."

The doctor gives her a small packet.

"Put the content of this sachet in his food and you...

When I die, I want to leave my body to science

More specifically, a scientist who's working on bringing dead guys back to life

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Oh science, Oh science, Oh science!!”

~ an atheist having sex

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

Teachers can be funny sometimes, even science teachers.

Periodically, that is.

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

&nbsp;

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"

You wanna hear a super cool science joke?

0K

Top 10 most important sciences

10. It is

9. impossible

8. to rank

7. the importance

6. of science

5. because

4. all of them

3. are equally

2. important.

1. Physics

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