One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:


"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I coul...

My wife just said, “I just don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, “That makes two of us.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a computer science major pick up girls?

Oh shit thought this was google

Science flies you to the moon.

Religion, in to buildings.

A man named Isaac and a famous science fiction writer sit in a bar.

Isaac says to the science fiction writer, "who are you?"
The writer replies: "I am Isaac."
Delighted at the coincidence, Isaac says "As am I!"
The writer frowns and shakes his head. "No, Asim*ov*."

Science jokes

Man: Help!

Officer: What is the problem?

Man: He's throwing sodium chloride at me!

Officer: Why does that provoke a shout for help?

Man: Because it's a salt!!!!

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”


The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.”


The first student responds, “Good choice! Her c...

Studying science makes me numb...

Studying math makes me number!

According to Science,

Alcohol is a solution

Heard this one from a political science professor

A man just arrived in New York City. In the taxi heading to his destination, the taxi passed by the United Nations building. The man said to the driver “Wow, that’s the United Nations building.” The driver responded “Yes it is.” The man then asks, “How many people do you suppose work in there?” Afte...

A science joke

A policeman catches an an electron for speeding.
Police: Do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: Yes, but now I don't know where I am.

Science joke

I was going to make a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon

I'm a man of science

at least that's what my horoscope says

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
...

Science Humor

Physicist: "There's a hotel in Germany with a plaque stating that Heisenberg may have slept here."
Me: "Really?"
Physicist: "Well, I'm not sure..."


(as heard in an 'Inspector Lewis' episode)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two mathematicians and two physicists take a train to a science symposium

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

I don't like computer science jokes...

Not one bit.

What do you call it when the Enterprise's android science officer drives in reverse?

Data backup

Do You know why there's religious holidays but no scientific holidays?

Because science always works

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to think Science and Religion didn't mix, but my Astronomy professor is always talking about how sexy angels are

We even had an entire chapter devoted to Celestial Bodies, and let me tell you, some of them are incredibly hot.

A science teacher takes his young student aside...

A science teacher takes his young student aside in the lab one afternoon and tells him he wants to teach him a new way of discovering knowledge and developing understanding. He is an excellent student but tends to get caught up in the strictness of the scientific method.

"It's all very well t...

When I was a child I asked my dad for help with my science homework. I asked "dad, how do you make a hormone?" And he said...

"Don't pay her."

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airpo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 6th grade science teacher asks her class a question.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will g...

How is a kid failing science and an antivax parent related?

One is just the evolution of the other.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in high school, I was really bad in science. (OC)

I even failed sexual chemistry.

Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?

Because it’s always pushing electrons around

How do Science Nerds flirt?

I'd Like to be a DNA helicase so I can unzip those genes!

My dog ate my computer science project

"your dog ate your coding assignment?"


It took him a couple bytes

The first day of school, I signed up for Math, English, Science and Geography..

The rest, as they say, is History

I came here to do two things: argue about science, and make sure my children don't get vaccinated.

And I'm all out of children...

Science tip

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

Mary has a Master's degree in physical science. Each day, she asks, "Why does this work?"

Kevin has a Master's degree in mechanical engineering. Each day, he asks, "How does this work?"

Jack has a Master's degree in economics. Each day, he asks, "How much does this cost to manufacture?"

Joe has a Master's degree in chemistry. Each day, he asks, "Could this be hazardous to t...

I'm doing a science experiment on comedy where I tell people a joke and see their reaction.

Welcome to the control group.

I was planning to donate my body to science,

but then I realised science has plenty of bodies already.

So now I’m donating my brain to religion instead.

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...

...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

What do you call the science of classifying living things?

Racism

In my Science class we were talking about Kinetic and Potential energy. I said outloud "No wonder my mom calls me Kinetic"

"Because I have no Potential"

If you want to be a computer science major, all you have do is get sick.

Before long you’ll be coughing and hacking.

One thing I know is that a computer science major didn't name the original pokemon.

Otherwise, charmander would evolve into stringmander.

Did you know that there's a breed of dog who loves science?

You can tell which one it is because they're always wearing a lab coat.

When I got my science degree I got a puppy

because every scientist needs a lab.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose ...

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

The science of ping pong balls...

Long, Science

A science convention is in town. So a chemist, physicist and engineer walk into a local bar. The bar tender sees them and says, "hey, you're all wise guys, how would I figure out the volume of this ping pong ball?" The chemist takes the ball from him, pulls out a graduated cylin...

I introduced science and technology to the frogs in my neighborhood in an attempt to uplift their species.

All of my neighbors are mad at me now because now the frogs only say “rivet”.

Said in my middle school science class. "Halophiles are a type of bacteria that can survive in the saltiest places on earth."

Student Response: Does that mean they can survive inside a Fortnite lobby?

I wanted to high five this student so hard.

Science joke

What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

(Science joke) Whats the difference between boys and girls?

I don't know all the specifics, but there's a vas deferens.

Son leaves a note

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the...

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.
<...

Teachers can be funny sometimes, even science teachers.

Periodically, that is.

Why do Christians hate science?

They always think of it as two Adams bonding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

When I die, I want to leave my body to science

More specifically, a scientist who's working on bringing dead guys back to life

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Oh science, Oh science, Oh science!!”

~ an atheist having sex

Top 10 most important sciences

10. It is

9. impossible

8. to rank

7. the importance

6. of science

5. because

4. all of them

3. are equally

2. important.

1. Physics

The Teacher tells her class: “Your science test was terrible. 32% of you got an F.”

A blonde student shouts in anger: “That can’t be right, there’s not even 20 of us in the class!"

I Really Don't Like Atomic Science

Honestly, It's Such A Bohr.

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