UPJOKE
recursionpseudocodecomputer sciencearithmeticheuristiccalculationcomputerinterpretercomputeinterfaceiterationastronomergeographercomputablepersian language

What do you call a man obsessed with algorithms?

An Algo-holic.

I never knew what an algorithm was.

I always thought it was Al Gore's band, Al Gore Rhythm.

What algorithm does Amber Heard use to dig for gold?

Depp First Search.

My girlfriend wanted to visit another country, so I wrote an algorithm that crawls all the travel sites online...

She wanted to go to either Canada or Iran.

Canada, Canada's pretty close, I just ran Canada in about 2 minutes; I found a way that fit our budget.

And Iran, Iran's so far away, I just ran Iran all night and day; I couldn't get a way.

A Machine Learning algorithm walks into a bar.

200 times.

>!But on the 201st iteration it managed to path around it. !<

>!On the 202nd iteration it became the bartender and all the other bartenders were fired. !<

An AI algorithm walks into a bar...

and says "I'll have what everyone else is having."

What did the lazy algorithm say to the next iteration upon receiving an interim result?

Calc you later!

I have developed a high tech algorithm to tell if a girl likes me

1. No

Al Gore was tapping his foot while waiting impatiently for an elevator. The man standing next to him said: "Nice Algorithm!"

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

A machine learning algorithm walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What would you like to drink?"

The algorithm replies, "What's everyone else having?"

Why is the algorithms lecturer so fat?

Because he always minimises the running time.

What does 2020, YouTube’s algorithm, and Reddit’s karma calculator, have in common?

Nobody knows how it really works and is just hoping for the best.

How do you add flavor to your algorithm?

Use a Boolean cube.

What is a caveman's favourite audio compression algorithm?

OGG

You wouldn't happen to be a consultant now, would you?

One day, a shepherd was out grazing his sheep when a stranger came up to him and made him a proposition:

Stranger: If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have without counting them, will you let me have one of them as a prize?

The farmer, out of curiosity , agreed.

So the ...

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

A physicist tries betting on horse races

The physicist could not get any job, so he decided to bet on horse races to make a living. He did intensive experimentation, and used state of the art machine learning algorithms to gain more insight. After filling many notebooks and accumulating a very large amount of data, he exclaims "I have the ...

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you follow them?

Machine Learning algorithm: yes.

If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called...

The Algorithms.

I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(

What do you call Bill Clinton's VP programmatically tapping his foot and clapping his hands?

Algorithm

Algorithm

A former vice president playing the drums

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Our smart devices are spying on us, and I have proof!

I used my smart camera to take a dick pic, and within an hour the algorithm started sending me targeted ads for army helmets and bean bag chairs.

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

I coded a program to detect Al Gore’s speech by his cadences.

I used an algorithm.

yo mama so fat

that a recursive algorithm to calculate her mass suffers from a stack overflow error before completion.

Job taken seriously

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the ...

You know how I know Al Gore invented the Internet?

The whole thing runs on algorithms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just a compilation of 10 corny jokes that still make me chuckle.

1. What was wrong with the wooden car with wooden wheels?
It "wooden" go!

2. Why can't a dick be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot

3. A guy walks into the doctors office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ass. The doc takes one look and he says, "It looks like w...

What's the shortest way to someone heart?

The Dijkstra's algorithm.

What do you say when Al Gore writes computer code?

He's writing an Algorithm!

What would you call a song about climate change?

An Algorithm.

A programmer is having trouble with a program.....

Stan has trying to make a program that can not only understand humour, but make original jokes.

After a year of neural network testing and months of creating the perfect algorithm, he runs the program for the first time.

Unfortunately all the program comes up with is stale, unfunny jo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny

A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

A Collection of "How many X does it take to change a lightbulb" Jokes

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and One to develop an algorithm to change lightbulbs efficiently.

Engineers:
One. One to change the lightbulb.

Electricians:
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to argue about how ...

One day at the Psychiatric Ward...

A psychiatrist is evaluating three new mental patients. He turns to the first one and asks, "How much is 3 times 3?"

The mental patient thinks and thinks. He racks his brain. Finally, after several minutes, he answers, "128!"

The psychiatrist turns to the second mental patient and asks...

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