UPJOKE

sciencearithmeticmathematiciangeometrycalculusalgebranumberpure mathematicsmathematicsmathematicallogicnumber theorytrigonometryengineeringphysics

I'd have $6.30 right now

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

*disclaimer, i didn't invent this joke and i'm not sure who did but i hope you enjoy it...

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, rep...

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, rep...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He says out loud, "One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight."

His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, "What are you doing Johnny?"

Johnny replies, "I am just doing my maths homework."

" And is this is how your teacher taught yo...

His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, "What are you doing Johnny?"

Johnny replies, "I am just doing my maths homework."

" And is this is how your teacher taught yo...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

The answer is 5!

"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "

And the dog barked ten times.

"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "

And the dog barked twenty times.

"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "

"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding t...

And the dog barked ten times.

"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "

And the dog barked twenty times.

"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "

"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding t...

A man is walking home when he stumbled upon an old lamp by the trash, seeing that it’s still presentable, he decided to rub some of the dirt off of it. A cloud of smoke began seeping through the lamp and a Genie appeared before him.

“Thank you for freeing me, I am a genie and I shall grant yo...

“Thank you for freeing me, I am a genie and I shall grant yo...

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan

Because they multiply by dividing.

Mean

Because under communism, everything is equal

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...

"2+5, the son of a bitch is 7"

"3+6, the son of a bitch is 9"

His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"

"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"

Mom: "Is t...

"2+5, the son of a bitch is 7"

"3+6, the son of a bitch is 9"

His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"

"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"

Mom: "Is t...

An "algae bra"

Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Tea...

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Tea...

That's what I call a significant figure.

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

The rest 37% are dumbasses though

But im 2² to say it

You see X and wonder Y

Because they help with division.

So the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

Student: How much is remaining, sir?

Teacher: it's last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

Teacher: it's last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’

After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’

‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’

‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

So I did a 360 and left.

It's called, "Making The Little Things Count."

unless you Count Dracula

Safe to say I am part of the 34% that struggled with it.

Half of me doesn't and the other half thinks, what use is it anyway?

Because he was kung-fused.

Because they have word problems

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

.. If they're under thirteen just do them in your head

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

But divisibility by 2 makes me even number.

The average maths joke is pretty mean

It has lots of problems

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

So I rang them up and said, "The answer is £5,000." Stupid fucks.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Testicles :)

They say it’s the first sine of madness

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like math

Add the bed

Subtract the clothes

Divide the legs and hope you don't multiply

Add the bed

Subtract the clothes

Divide the legs and hope you don't multiply

I can't even Count.

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