UPJOKE
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A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you."

"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

Just some little maths. Solve carefully: 230 - 220 x 0.5

The answer is 5!

Why should you wear glasses when doing maths?

Because they help with division.

Half of me wishes I'd stuck in at Maths ......

Half of me doesn't and the other half thinks, what use is it anyway?

A Student in a Maths exam.

Student: How much is remaining, sir?

Teacher: it's last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

I'm starting a business to teach short people maths.

It's called, "Making The Little Things Count."

Divorce is like maths

You see X and wonder Y

Why did the Twitter kid have a panic attack in Maths class?

Because the teacher said they will be learning about Ratios.

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Just seen an advert in the paper...MATHS TEACHER NEEDED...£45,000-£50,000.

So I rang them up and said, "The answer is £5,000." Stupid fucks.

I knew I was going to fail my maths test when I entered the classroom

So I did a 360 and left.

New data has claimed that only 52% of students leave school with an acceptable grade in Maths.

Safe to say I am part of the 34% that struggled with it.

What's a Maths student's favorite drink?

Probably tea.

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If maths is mathematical, quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Testicles :)

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Sex is like math

Sex is like math

Add the bed

Subtract the clothes

Divide the legs and hope you don't multiply

My maths teacher always goes off on tangents in class

They say it’s the first sine of madness

If I had 50c every time I failed a maths test...

I'd have $6.30 right now

My brother made this one!

What’s a snake’s favourite subject at school?
Hisssss-tory!

Although some do enjoy maths too… especially the adding!

Most vampires suck at maths

unless you Count Dracula

75% people are good at maths

I am the other 13%

I complained to my maths teacher that it was too cold in the classroom

He told me to stand in the corner.

Because the coner is 90 degrees

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Little Johnny was doing his maths homework.

He says out loud, "One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight."
His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, "What are you doing Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "I am just doing my maths homework."
" And is this is how your teacher taught yo...

I have a maths joke...

But im 2² to say it

Why is the Maths book sad?

It has lots of problems

Maths make me feel numb

But divisibility by 2 makes me even number.

Do you know any maths jokes?

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

Maths teacher - Johnny, what's 2+2?

*Johnny counts on his fingers....*

Johnny - FOUR, miss?
Math teacher - yeah, that's right. But you are counting on your fingers...
Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's 3+3?

*Johnny fumbles around..*

Johnny - SIX, miss?
Math teacher - yes, that's right..but...

I was so busy with maths homework that I didn't brush my teeth for a week

The calculus had built up, and it was starting to get quite hard.

A boy was always getting low grades in maths...

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,

"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding t...

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

I always find maths jokes divisive but sometimes they add up

My main take away is that you have to move with the times

Why did the maths priest cross the road?

He needed to get away from the house of sin.

I had a combined class of philosophy and maths today......

The topic's name was " √ 2 Success"

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