UPJOKE

sciencearithmeticmathematiciangeometrycalculusalgebranumbermathematicsmathematicallogicnumber theorytrigonometryengineeringphysicsbiology

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He says out loud, "One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight."

His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, "What are you doing Johnny?"

Johnny replies, "I am just doing my maths homework."

" And is this is how your teacher taught yo...

His mum overhears this and is shocked! she says to him, "What are you doing Johnny?"

Johnny replies, "I am just doing my maths homework."

" And is this is how your teacher taught yo...

I'd have $6.30 right now

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"What happened?" The father asks.

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

"Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?'

"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''

The next day, the boy comes home from scho...

The answer is 5!

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "

And the dog barked ten times.

"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "

And the dog barked twenty times.

"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "

"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding t...

And the dog barked ten times.

"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "

And the dog barked twenty times.

"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "

"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding t...

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*disclaimer, i didn't invent this joke and i'm not sure who did but i hope you enjoy it...

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, rep...

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, rep...

Because they multiply by dividing.

I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan

An "algae bra"

Mean

The rest 37% are dumbasses though

Teacher: "Ok, Jimmy. If I gave you two cats and another two cats, how many cats would you have?"

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Tea...

Jimmy: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, Jimmy. Let me ask you another way. If I give you two apples and I give you another two apples, how many apples would you have?"

Jimmy: "Four!"

Tea...

That's what I call a significant figure.

Safe to say I am part of the 34% that struggled with it.

So I did a 360 and left.

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

Because they help with division.

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So I rang them up and said, "The answer is £5,000." Stupid fucks.

Student: How much is remaining, sir?

Teacher: it's last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

Teacher: it's last 20, be quick.

Student: 20 what? Apples?

So the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

It's called, "Making The Little Things Count."

‘Well done darling’ the girl’s mother replies. ‘That’s because you’re blonde.’

After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’

‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

After returning from school the next day the girl tells her mother ‘I am the smartest student in my maths class! I can count up to 15! Everyone else stopped at about 5’

‘Well done’ replies the mother again. ‘That’s ...

A man is walking home when he stumbled upon an old lamp by the trash, seeing that it’s still presentable, he decided to rub some of the dirt off of it. A cloud of smoke began seeping through the lamp and a Genie appeared before him.

“Thank you for freeing me, I am a genie and I shall grant yo...

“Thank you for freeing me, I am a genie and I shall grant yo...

unless you Count Dracula

Because he was kung-fused.

Half of me doesn't and the other half thinks, what use is it anyway?

Because they have word problems

But divisibility by 2 makes me even number.

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic. "What's wrong?" asks e^x. "There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hur...

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.. If they're under thirteen just do them in your head

It has lots of problems

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Testicles :)

*Johnny counts on his fingers....*

Johnny - FOUR, miss?

Math teacher - yeah, that's right. But you are counting on your fingers...

Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's 3+3?

*Johnny fumbles around..*

Johnny - SIX, miss?

Math teacher - yes, that's right..but...

Johnny - FOUR, miss?

Math teacher - yeah, that's right. But you are counting on your fingers...

Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's 3+3?

*Johnny fumbles around..*

Johnny - SIX, miss?

Math teacher - yes, that's right..but...

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

The average maths joke is pretty mean

but I’m 2² to say it

Because the teacher said they will be learning about Ratios.

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Sex is like math

Add the bed

Subtract the clothes

Divide the legs and hope you don't multiply

Add the bed

Subtract the clothes

Divide the legs and hope you don't multiply

They say it’s the first sine of madness

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