UPJOKE

### I will never date a girl who doesn’t understand algebra jokes

That’s why my x is no longer in the equation

B=D

### What is the equation for break up?

y = cos x is irrational

### Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers

### What’s seafarer’s favorite chemical equation?

.

NaCl(aq) + NaCl(aq)
———————————
. C^7

~~ Saline, saline, over the seven seas ~~

### A mathematician asks his coworker to solve a complex equation for him.

After some struggle, the coworker finds that he can't figure out the answer in just one day, so the next day he tells the mathematician that he'll need two more days to find a proper solution.

Two more days pass and he still can't solve the equation, so he goes back and asks him for just thre...

### What do Einstein's equations and his love life have in common?

They both involve relatives.

### A math equation

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divide that by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and nothing else more.

### My kiddo thought the equation for water was HIJKLMNO

They swore their teacher told them it was H to O

### There’s an equation to describe the magnetic field generated by a constant current

But everyone says it’s BS

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A math teacher, a gym teacher, and a stoner die and arrive in heaven at the same time.

God tells them that heaven is full and they will have to trick the devil to be let in. God calls the devil and the devil comes in and introduces himself.

The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation. The devil solves it in 10 seconds and the teacher is sent to hell.

The...

### I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

### Why is X = 2K + 1 called the teenager equation?

because it can't even.

Is 4n to me

### I made a math equation explaining vice presidents

I call it Al Gore-ithim

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

### What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

### I may be willing to solve equations..

but graphing is where I draw the line!

Calculust

F=ma

Se^x

### Why are differential equation courses so dry?

Because the problems are all about losing liquids at varying rates.

### Can someone integrate this equation?

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

### Nothing gets panties wet like a Navier-Stokes equation.

It's not called fluid mechanics for nothing.

### what did Freud say about an algebraic equation?

What you do to one side, you must also do to your mother

### There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...

On the plus side, it still worked.

### My girlfriend is actually a solution

... of equation x²+1=0

### What do the Royal Family and Probability math equations have in common?

They are not important and nobody cares about them.

### Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

A hypocrite.

Tolstoichiometry

### How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations?

He grabs them by the +c.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Despite an extensive knowledge of the inter workings of mathematics, the expert mathematician’s favorite equation was 1+2...

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

### I offered to pay a friend to help me find the answers to a quadratic equation.

The equation was X^2 - 7X + 12 and even though I was prepared to give cash he gave me the answers for free.

### My friend was arrested after carving equations into blocks of quartz

He was charged with manufacture of crystal math

### I love quadratic equations so much I would give up my first born child for it

and that’s not a hyperbola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven..

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven.

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

### What are Muslim men's favorite mathematical equation?

Inequalities

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

### Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

### One day, a mathematician was found dead in his office....

When they investigated they found he had died of dehydration, slumped over an untranslated copy of Homer's Iliad that had been sent to him by mistake.
Scrawled on the margins were the words "This is the most complicated equation I have ever seen"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Why is Hitler like solving the equation (x/10^6)=-6 for X?

The final solution leaves you with - 6,000,000

You: The y-intercept is (8,0) right?

Student 2: Parabobly.

### What would you call a poem written in the honour of a Mathematician?

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

### Man: Hi when do you use that calculator?

2nd Man: Oh, only on special equations.....

### The difference between the engineer, the physicist, and the mathematician..

The engineer believes equations approximate reality..

The physicist believes reality approximates equations..

The mathematician has no idea what the other two are talking about.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### a mathematician a riddler and a dumbass were at the gate of heaven

the angel at the gate frowned and apologized to the men "im sorry, but heaven is too full! if you want to come in you will have to trick the devil!" the devil appeared, smiling at the men, "well which one of you want to go to hell first?". after a pause, the mathematician walked up and handed the de...

### Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

### The perfect AI

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

### A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### The teacher shows the student a blank graph

Teacher: Tell me the equation of this graph.
Student: This is fucking pointless

### A mobster kidnaps a biologist, an electrical engineer, and a physicist

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "
...

### An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician ...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, a biologist, and a chemist are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball.

The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume

The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...

### Did you hear about the math teacher...

...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?

He really rose to the equation.

### Why Businessmen earn more than engineers !

Our mechanic's professor's reasoning of

"Why businessmen earn more than engineers ! "

If we equate the two variables namely into the two field's general statements,

- Time is money
- Knowledge is power

We know,

- Power = Work / Time

Substitute the variab...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Boudreaux Goes Looking for a Job

Boudreaux got laid off from his job in Louisiana, so he needed a job. He headed to Mississippi where his cousin works at a logging company. He met with the supervisor for an interview almost immediately.

"Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job."'

The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and...

### An escalating series of math jokes

Me: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Math is hard, and so I am.

Her: I wish you were my differential equations homework... because if you were, you would be hard and I would be doing you on my desk.

Me: Well, I'm awfully glad you're not *my* differential equations homework... because i...

### A chemist, an engineer and a mathematician were all asleep in a hotel when several fires broke out in their respective rooms....

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

### An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician get stranded on a desert island…

Right away the engineer finds some stick and stones, which he uses to build a hammer, which he uses to break open coconuts to get some nutrients.

After five days eating plenty of coconuts, he decides to go looking for the physicist.

He finds the physicist quite thin, he clearly have no...