I don't get why you always have to find x in math equations

Guess I'll never know y

I will never date a girl who doesn’t understand algebra jokes

That’s why my x is no longer in the equation

I came across this equation on my chemistry test - C2H6O...

Looks like I'm dealing with an alcohol problem.

What is the naughtiest equation? (nsfw)


If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

What does a medical equation have in common with an onion?

They both make you cry

Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations?

They had fibromyalgebra

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What math equation has been charged with sex offenses?


I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

Why is X = 2K + 1 called the teenager equation?

because it can't even.

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A math professor, Dave, has a problem with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

A company needs to hire an executive but they don't know what field they need

So they line up interviews with an engineer, a lawyer and an accountant. The first to be interviewed is the engineer. The interviewer points to a white board with "1 + 1" written on it and says "What does this equal?"

The engineer looks at the equation and says "Two. There is no other answer,...

A math equation

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divide that by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and nothing else more.

A collection of math jokes

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude


An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

The doctor was asked about the condition of the quadratic equation that was trapped in the fire.

Doctor : Can't say much but he has some serious second degree.

What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations


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Despite an extensive knowledge of the inter workings of mathematics, the expert mathematician’s favorite equation was 1+2...

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

I'm bad at math

So the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

What do you call a sudden urge to solve differential equations?


The perfect AI

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

How do people in Prague solve Algebra equations?

Guess and Czech.

What do you get when you cross Russian literature with balanced chemical equations?


A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation?

HAmAr + SiCl

What happens when entropy meets an exponential equation?


How do you solve a math equation?

Isolate the "x" so it gets depressive and takes suicide.

I may be willing to solve equations..

but graphing is where I draw the line!

There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

I love quadratic equations so much I would give up my first born child for it

and that’s not a hyperbola

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Casual sex is like a math equation...

You add the bed, subtract your cloths, divide your legs, and hope you don't multiply

I offered to pay a friend to help me find the answers to a quadratic equation.

The equation was X^2 - 7X + 12 and even though I was prepared to give cash he gave me the answers for free.

Why are differential equation courses so dry?

Because the problems are all about losing liquids at varying rates.

Can someone integrate this equation?

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

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I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...

On the plus side, it still worked.

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a mathematician a riddler and a dumbass were at the gate of heaven

the angel at the gate frowned and apologized to the men "im sorry, but heaven is too full! if you want to come in you will have to trick the devil!" the devil appeared, smiling at the men, "well which one of you want to go to hell first?". after a pause, the mathematician walked up and handed the de...

What did the Exponential Equation say to the Linear Equation?

Real graphs have curves.

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Why is Hitler like solving the equation (x/10^6)=-6 for X?

The final solution leaves you with - 6,000,000

How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations?

He grabs them by the +c.

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3 Guys in hell

This is the story of an engineer from intel, a guy from the pentagon, and a small skateboarder all three ended up in hell after signing a contract with the devil himself

so he says to them

\- I will give each of you a chance to go to paradise, but beware, no second chance, it's eith...

What do you call an equation with no solution?

A hypocrite.

When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true.

Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'.

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If y = f(x) means y is a function of x


being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

My friend was arrested after carving equations into blocks of quartz

He was charged with manufacture of crystal math

A mobster kidnaps a biologist, an electrical engineer, and a physicist

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "

What's a Ninja Turtle's favorite equation?

A radical equation.

What are Muslim men's favorite mathematical equation?


Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Three professors are on a hunting trip

After hours of trudging through the woods, they spot their first game of the day: a deer sleeping soundly in the middle of a clearing.

The first one, a physicist, takes out his notebook and uses the equations of motion to aim his rifle at the perfect angle. Bang! His bullet whizzes past the d...

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

Man: Hi when do you use that calculator?

2nd Man: Oh, only on special equations.....

What would you call a poem written in the honour of a Mathematician?

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

My girlfriend is actually a solution

... of equation x²+1=0

You're in math class learning about quadratics.

You: The y-intercept is (8,0) right?

Student 2: Parabobly.

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Three guys die and go to Heaven...

When they go to approach the pearly gates suddenly Satan pops out and tells them, "Sorry Heaven is full! If you want to get in you gotta give me a question I can't answer correctly and I will let you in!"
The first guy steps forward. "I was a philosopher in my life and I can garuntee you don't k...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician ...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, a biologist, and a chemist are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball.

The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume

The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...

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A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven..

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven.

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Werner Heisenberg, Georg Ohm, Galileo Galilei, Max Planck, and Louis de Broglie were carpooling to work...

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua...

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[Long]A Theoretical Physicist is working diligently in his office at Columbia University.

With him is one of his graduate students minding her own business grading some of the first year students term papers. He is generally motionless except for the waggling of his pencil on the notebook he's doing sums in and the occasional pause to take a sip of his Jasmine tea.

All of a sudde...

A chemist, an engineer and a mathematician were all asleep in a hotel when several fires broke out in their respective rooms....

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

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