I don't get why you always have to find x in math equations

Guess I'll never know y

If you sneeze on a calculator when you're doing a multiplication equation inside of your house, do you now have a Gross Domestic Product?

*sorry I know I tried way too hard with this lol*

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

I came across this equation on my chemistry test - C2H6O...

Looks like I'm dealing with an alcohol problem.

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations?

They had fibromyalgebra

A math equation

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divide that by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and nothing else more.

I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

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What math equation has been charged with sex offenses?

cos(B)

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a mathematician a riddler and a dumbass were at the gate of heaven

the angel at the gate frowned and apologized to the men "im sorry, but heaven is too full! if you want to come in you will have to trick the devil!" the devil appeared, smiling at the men, "well which one of you want to go to hell first?". after a pause, the mathematician walked up and handed the de...

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If y = f(x) means y is a function of x

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

The doctor was asked about the condition of the quadratic equation that was trapped in the fire.

Doctor : Can't say much but he has some serious second degree.

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Despite an extensive knowledge of the inter workings of mathematics, the expert mathematician’s favorite equation was 1+2...

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

I made a math equation explaining vice presidents

I call it Al Gore-ithim

What do you call a sudden urge to solve differential equations?

Calculust

A mobster kidnaps a biologist, an electrical engineer, and a physicist

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "
...

i love math but the equation 2n+2n

Is 4n to me

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations

F=ma

Why is X = 2K + 1 called the teenager equation?

because it can't even.

What do you call a musical equation that a former Vice President composes?

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

What happens when entropy meets an exponential equation?

Se^x

How do people in Prague solve Algebra equations?

Guess and Czech.

What do you get when you cross Russian literature with balanced chemical equations?

Tolstoichiometry

I love quadratic equations so much I would give up my first born child for it

and that’s not a hyperbola

I may be willing to solve equations..

but graphing is where I draw the line!

Three professors are on a hunting trip

After hours of trudging through the woods, they spot their first game of the day: a deer sleeping soundly in the middle of a clearing.

The first one, a physicist, takes out his notebook and uses the equations of motion to aim his rifle at the perfect angle. Bang! His bullet whizzes past the d...

How do you solve a math equation?

Isolate the "x" so it gets depressive and takes suicide.

There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

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Casual sex is like a math equation...

You add the bed, subtract your cloths, divide your legs, and hope you don't multiply

What was Stalin's favorite chemical equation?

HAmAr + SiCl

I offered to pay a friend to help me find the answers to a quadratic equation.

The equation was X^2 - 7X + 12 and even though I was prepared to give cash he gave me the answers for free.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Why are differential equation courses so dry?

Because the problems are all about losing liquids at varying rates.

How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations?

He grabs them by the +c.

What are Muslim men's favorite mathematical equation?

Inequalities

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.




The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could b...

What did the Exponential Equation say to the Linear Equation?

Real graphs have curves.

Can someone integrate this equation?

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

What do you call an equation with no solution?

A hypocrite.

what did Freud say about an algebraic equation?

What you do to one side, you must also do to your mother

When you add the same thing to both sides of an equation, it remains true.

Therefore, since 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', then 'progress' is the opposite of 'Congress'.

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I was trying to solve an equation when I realised that the minus button on my calculator was broken...

On the plus side, it still worked.

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Why is Hitler like solving the equation (x/10^6)=-6 for X?

The final solution leaves you with - 6,000,000

My friend was arrested after carving equations into blocks of quartz

He was charged with manufacture of crystal math

What's a Ninja Turtle's favorite equation?

A radical equation.

What would you call a poem written in the honour of a Mathematician?

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

Man: Hi when do you use that calculator?

2nd Man: Oh, only on special equations.....

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Three guys die and go to Heaven...

When they go to approach the pearly gates suddenly Satan pops out and tells them, "Sorry Heaven is full! If you want to get in you gotta give me a question I can't answer correctly and I will let you in!"
The first guy steps forward. "I was a philosopher in my life and I can garuntee you don't k...

My girlfriend is actually a solution

... of equation x²+1=0

You're in math class learning about quadratics.

You: The y-intercept is (8,0) right?

Student 2: Parabobly.

Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Werner Heisenberg, Georg Ohm, Galileo Galilei, Max Planck, and Louis de Broglie were carpooling to work...

...when they got pulled over for speeding. However, when the police officer tried to ask them how fast they were going, he couldn't get a straight answer, and the group was so rowdy that they had to be brought in for questioning.

So all 7 of them are taken to the police station, and individua...

Back when Einstein was giving lectures to Universities, he traveled by car.

During one journey to a certain university, his driver remarked "Dr. Einstein, I have heard you deliver that lecture over 20 times. I know it by heart and I am certain I could give it myself."

Einstein thought for a bit and replied "Well, I'll give you the chance. They don't know me at the ne...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

A chemist, an engineer and a mathematician were all asleep in a hotel when several fires broke out in their respective rooms....

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

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A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven..

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven.

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

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[Long]A Theoretical Physicist is working diligently in his office at Columbia University.

With him is one of his graduate students minding her own business grading some of the first year students term papers. He is generally motionless except for the waggling of his pencil on the notebook he's doing sums in and the occasional pause to take a sip of his Jasmine tea.

All of a sudde...

A farmer, an engineer, and a mathematician are building a fence...

The farmer, drawing from his years of farming experience, tells the others about how much wood and materials they’ll need to build the pin for his sheep to graze.

The engineer, determined to find the exact amount of materials to build the fence, draws up a series of complex equations and calc...

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation.

(Via my coworker)

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

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So 3 men die and go to heaven...

So three men die and go heaven- a chemist, an idiot, and a mathematician.

When they get to the pearly gates of heaven, St. Peter is standing there, and says "Alright heaven is getting full, so to get into heaven, you have to ask me a question that I do not know the answer to.
The mathemat...

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The teacher shows the student a blank graph

Teacher: Tell me the equation of this graph.
Student: This is fucking pointless

Did you hear about the math teacher...

...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?

He really rose to the equation.

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