UPJOKE

mathematicsvariablealgebrarational numberpolynomialgeometryequalitycalculationcomplex numberreal numberequivalenceeconomicsquadraticlinear algebraequating

That’s why my x is no longer in the equation

B=D

y = cos x is irrational

Because they don't believe in higher powers

.

NaCl(aq) + NaCl(aq)

———————————

. C^7

~~ Saline, saline, over the seven seas ~~

NaCl(aq) + NaCl(aq)

———————————

. C^7

~~ Saline, saline, over the seven seas ~~

After some struggle, the coworker finds that he can't figure out the answer in just one day, so the next day he tells the mathematician that he'll need two more days to find a proper solution.

Two more days pass and he still can't solve the equation, so he goes back and asks him for just thre...

Two more days pass and he still can't solve the equation, so he goes back and asks him for just thre...

They both involve relatives.

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divide that by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and nothing else more.

Plus three times the square root of four

Divide that by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and nothing else more.

They swore their teacher told them it was H to O

But everyone says it’s BS

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

God tells them that heaven is full and they will have to trick the devil to be let in. God calls the devil and the devil comes in and introduces himself.

The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation. The devil solves it in 10 seconds and the teacher is sent to hell.

The...

The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation. The devil solves it in 10 seconds and the teacher is sent to hell.

The...

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

because it can't even.

Is 4n to me

I call it Al Gore-ithim

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

You add the bed, subtract your cloths, divide your legs, and hope you don't multiply

They had fibromyalgebra

An algorithm

(Credit to my girlfriend)

(Credit to my girlfriend)

A mathemortician.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

but graphing is where I draw the line!

Calculust

F=ma

Se^x

Because the problems are all about losing liquids at varying rates.

This joke comes from my father, who taught at a mostly black high school

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

During a calculus lecture:

"Can someone come to the board and integrate this?" he says, pointing to an equation

He looks around, wondering why no one has answered

Once again, he asks "Can someone com...

It's not called fluid mechanics for nothing.

What you do to one side, you must also do to your mother

except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

On the plus side, it still worked.

... of equation x²+1=0

They are not important and nobody cares about them.

He heard it involved axes.

A hypocrite.

A radical equation.

Tolstoichiometry

He grabs them by the +c.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

That horny bastard just couldn’t get enough of that three sum.

The equation was X^2 - 7X + 12 and even though I was prepared to give cash he gave me the answers for free.

He was charged with manufacture of crystal math

and that’s not a hyperbola

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

A philosopher, a mathematician, and an idiot die and go to heaven.

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

They arrive at the pearly gates and St. Peter greets them with a smile, but the devil is standing beside them. The three men stand there looking very confused. Saint Peter tells them that heaven is getting very crowded, and o...

Inequalities

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.

Einstein is studying the formula for a ...

When they investigated they found he had died of dehydration, slumped over an untranslated copy of Homer's Iliad that had been sent to him by mistake.

Scrawled on the margins were the words "This is the most complicated equation I have ever seen"

Scrawled on the margins were the words "This is the most complicated equation I have ever seen"

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Then;

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

being a lying ass hoe = f(my(x))

should be an easy equation to understand

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

The final solution leaves you with - 6,000,000

You: The y-intercept is (8,0) right?

Student 2: Parabobly.

Student 2: Parabobly.

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

2nd Man: Oh, only on special equations.....

The engineer believes equations approximate reality..

The physicist believes reality approximates equations..

The mathematician has no idea what the other two are talking about.

The physicist believes reality approximates equations..

The mathematician has no idea what the other two are talking about.

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

the angel at the gate frowned and apologized to the men "im sorry, but heaven is too full! if you want to come in you will have to trick the devil!" the devil appeared, smiling at the men, "well which one of you want to go to hell first?". after a pause, the mathematician walked up and handed the de...

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher: Tell me the equation of this graph.

Student: This is fucking pointless

Student: This is fucking pointless

He sits them down and tells them, "I need a way to win a horse race every time. You are each going to think up a plan for doing this... Or else. "

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "

...

A week later, the biologist walks in, "It's simple. We drug the horses with this series of amphetamines and steroids that I've come up with. "

...

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, a biologist, and a chemist are each asked to compute the volume of a little red rubber ball.

The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume

The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...

The mathematician finds the equation of the surface, performs a triple integral, and computes the volume

The physicist dunks the ball in a pool of wat...

...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?

He really rose to the equation.

He really rose to the equation.

Our mechanic's professor's reasoning of

"Why businessmen earn more than engineers ! "

If we equate the two variables namely into the two field's general statements,

- Time is money

- Knowledge is power

We know,

- Power = Work / Time

Substitute the variab...

"Why businessmen earn more than engineers ! "

If we equate the two variables namely into the two field's general statements,

- Time is money

- Knowledge is power

We know,

- Power = Work / Time

Substitute the variab...

This joke *may* contain profanity. 🤔

Boudreaux got laid off from his job in Louisiana, so he needed a job. He headed to Mississippi where his cousin works at a logging company. He met with the supervisor for an interview almost immediately.

"Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job."'

The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and...

"Hi, I'm Boudreaux I'm lookin' for a job."'

The supervisor looked Boudreaux up and...

Me: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Math is hard, and so I am.

Her: I wish you were my differential equations homework... because if you were, you would be hard and I would be doing you on my desk.

Me: Well, I'm awfully glad you're not *my* differential equations homework... because i...

Her: I wish you were my differential equations homework... because if you were, you would be hard and I would be doing you on my desk.

Me: Well, I'm awfully glad you're not *my* differential equations homework... because i...

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

Right away the engineer finds some stick and stones, which he uses to build a hammer, which he uses to break open coconuts to get some nutrients.

After five days eating plenty of coconuts, he decides to go looking for the physicist.

He finds the physicist quite thin, he clearly have no...

After five days eating plenty of coconuts, he decides to go looking for the physicist.

He finds the physicist quite thin, he clearly have no...

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