moleculeprotonisotopeelectronneutronchemical elementhydrogennucleusquarknucleonelectric chargeparticledeuteriumatomic numberalpha particle

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

Never Date an Atom

They make up a bunch of stuff and then they split on you.

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.


What is smaller than an atom?

Answer: half an atom.
BOOM. This blew your mind.

Who do you call to fix an atom?

A quantum mechanic

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?


Why can't you trust an atom?

Because they make up everything

Two atoms were walking down the street.

One of them said, "I lost an electron." The other one said, "Are you sure?" and the first one said, "I'm positive!"

What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom?

I've got my ion you.

A Sodium atom walked into a Bar.

Bartender: How may I serve you today?
Sodium: Nothing special just the basic stuff
Bartender: OH...
Sodium: Yes.

>!NaOH is a Basic Chemical!<

In a few minutes, a hypnotist convinced me that I’m a metal with atomic number 82.

Turns out I’m ….easily lead.

One atom says to another atom “I think I lost an electron”

The other atom answers “Are you positive?”

I don't trust atoms.

If you run them through a background check, you'll see they always carry charges.

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you're sodium fine.

What’s an atom’s favorite salad topping?


I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.


What should you never ask an atom?

Do a split!

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”


What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...


Did you know, atoms never touch eachother. Since we're made from atoms, we've never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question, officer, no I didn't punch that kid

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

12 atoms of sodium walk into a bar.

Followed by Batman.

So an atom and physicist were talking, and the atom says, "Oh no, I think I've lost an electron".

"Are you sure?", the physicist asks.

The atom replies, "I'm positive".

Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

>!sorry for the mandatory Cake day dad Joke!<

An atom walks into a bar...

The bartender says "For you, no charge"

The ion next to him says "That's discrimination!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call sub-atomic sex?

A quantum entanglement.

A merchant told another "I'll trade you a barium atom and two sodiums for that weight measuring device."

"BaNaNa for scale?"

What did one atom say to the other?

Thank you for your help in this matter!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that an American president gave the order to drop two atomic bobs on Japan?

It's Truman

Why are atoms selfish?

Because they're all that matter!

...Courtesy of my witty wife after my 11 year old asked the "Why should you never trust atoms? - because they make up everything" joke.

I thought surely the joke already existed, but I couldn't find it anywhere. Doesn't entirely work, but it got a l...

Why isn't energy made of atoms?

It doesn't matter

(go ahead and down vote :P)

Scientists have discovered the sub-atomic particle that confers density.

They've called it the Moron.

What do you call a ring of iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

If atoms make up everything, then is this joke's punchline made up of atoms?

No, it's made up of btoms

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

What’s the price for mutiny in the sub atomic realm?

Walking the Planck.

What do you get when you mix an atom of cobalt, an atom of vanadium, and two atoms of iron?


That one about the three helium atoms is pretty funny.


39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

An atom asks another atom,

Do these protons make my mass look big?

An oxygen atom and a potassium atom were involved in a car accident

Fortunately, they came out OK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

The worst possible pet you can have is an atom

They are always up to something when you're not looking, and when you look back they act totally innocent. If they are even still there.

According to Scientists atom’s are as old the universe

So therefore your honour she was legal

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