What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we’re made of atoms, we’ve never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.

Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?

It was no laughing matter...

Did you hear the joke about the two helium atoms?

He He

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

Never Date an Atom

They make up a bunch of stuff and then they split on you.

What fish is made out of two sodium atoms?

2 Na

Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up everything.

What did the chlorine atom say to the sodium atom?

I've got my ion you.

What did the oxygen atom in tuxedo say to the hydrogen atoms?

Bond, Covalent Bond

Two atoms are talking and one says "I think I lost an electron."

The other atom says "Are you sure?" The first atom replys "Yes, I'm positive!"

Atoms can't actually touch. We're all made of atoms and all mater is atoms which can neither be created or destroyed.

so to answer your question, no officer I did not punch that child

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

Who do you call to fix an atom?

A quantum mechanic

What did the Big Boy Atomic Bomb say to the Nuclear Bomb when they met?

Nuke, I am your father.

why did atomic number 29 go to music school

because he was a conductor

If you laid every atom in the sun end to end, it would be roughly 3.0818632e+23 times the width of the universe, or roughly 1.1701458e+43 lightyears.

That’s almost as wide as your mother.

"In the beginning there was nothing. Then atoms were created."

***"WHO'S ADAM?!"***

What do you call a scientist who splits atoms to create bubbly beverages?

A nuclear fizzicist.

What’s the price for mutiny in the sub atomic realm?

Walking the Planck.

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"

It replys "I'm positive."

An atom loses an electron…

it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

Did you hear about the two atomic bombs that got into an argument?

They had a fallout.

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

What’s an atom’s favorite salad topping?

Croutons

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar

Followed by Batman.

How do hydrogen atoms find a new leader?

They hold an *electron*.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

Stand up Comedy on Star Trek

Yo mamma so fat… she tried to use the teleporter, but it ran out of atoms before she made it to the other side

Two guys decide that they'd go out drinking on the night before their exam.

Wasted on the night before, the two arrive at the university well after the exam ended. They went straight to the professor, saying that they couldn't take the test because one of the car's tires had gone flat. Surprisingly, the professor allows them and promptly tells them to come back tomorrow....

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

What follows 16 sodium atoms?

Batman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl??

See? Sometimes alcohol IS the answer!!

A wise man once said:"never trust atoms!"

"They make up everything"




I'll see my way out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pair of aliens land in the desert near an old abandoned gas station.

Seeing nothing else around, they assume the gas pumps are the dominant life form and approach one to ask it questions. When the pump fails to respond, the aliens begin to grow frustrated, and one pulls out his weapon and threatens the pump.

"Respond now, or I shall blast you into atoms!"
<...

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

If atoms make up everything, then is this joke's punchline made up of atoms?

No, it's made up of btoms

Why are atoms Catholic?

Because they have mass

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

What is the profession of the handsomest atoms?

They're atomic models

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

Fuck me I'm easily lead

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

According to Scientists atom’s are as old the universe

So therefore your honour she was legal

The worst possible pet you can have is an atom

They are always up to something when you're not looking, and when you look back they act totally innocent. If they are even still there.

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

What do you call a molecular ring of six iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you're sodium fine.

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

Cake day joke! What do Trump and Atoms have in common?

They make up everything!

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