Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?

It was no laughing matter...

Don't trust atoms

They make up everything

Did you know atoms don't touch each other that means we have never touched anything in our lives

So no officer i did not punch that kid

A wise man once said:"never trust atoms!"

"They make up everything"




I'll see my way out

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

Two atoms are in a bar. One says, "I think I lost an electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?" to which the other replies, "I'm positive."

Did you hear the joke about the two helium atoms?

He He

What’s an atoms favorite video game?

Half-life

Did you hear Oasis's new song about the attraction and repulsion of atoms?

"And after all, you're my Van der Waals"

Never Date an Atom

They make up a bunch of stuff and then they split on you.

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

What follows 16 sodium atoms?

Batman

Sixteen sodium atoms enter a bar

Followed by Batman.

What is the profession of the handsomest atoms?

They're atomic models

What kind of a fish is made of only two sodium atoms

2 Na

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

What are 2 Protoactinium atoms together called?

PaPa

The chemistry teacher babbles on, "Yada yada, chemical formulae, elements, atoms, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium..."

One of the students stands up and says, "BORON!!!"

What did the sub atomic duck say to the other sub atomic ducks?

Quark

[OC] Why are atomic clocks so funny?

Perfect timing

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

Is your mum's atomic number 67?

Cause she a Ho.

What do you call a molecular ring of six iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

Two university students had a week of exams coming up but decided to party instead.

When they got to their exam they decided to tell the professor their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until th...

What do you call a group of electrons working as spies between atoms

Bond, Covalent bond

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

Just made up this chemistry joke, what do you think?

A sodium atom and a chlorine atom meet in a bar. During the conversation, these 2 atoms really start to *bond*.

Everything seems to be going well but shortly after the chlorine atom bursts into tears.

"What's wrong?!" the sodium atom asked.

"I'm negatively charged!" the chlorine...

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

Do you know they named the first nuclear cannon, Atomic Annie, after a woman instead of a man?

Because Atomic Adam sounded too Eve'il.

P.S. This is OC, so I really hope it _blows up._

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

Fuck me I'm easily lead

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

When it comes to atomic bombs

You have to go double or nothing

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

Two atoms are in a bar

One said to the other,' I just lost an electron'

'Are you sure?' Was the reply

'Yes, I'm positive'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two atoms walk out of a bar after last call

and the manager locks the door behind them. One atom turns to the other and says, "Oh shit! I left my electron in there." And the second atom says, "Oh no! Are you positive??"

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.

“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...

It’s a shame your friend has to be de-atomized today.

He will be mist.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

I've invented a new chemical compound consisting of sixteen Sodium atoms

I've named it "Batman."

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

“Two things can not touch, since there will always be something in between the atoms”

Good luck explaining that in court

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

How do atoms find a partner to bond with?

Through carbon dating

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was comparing the kids in his science class to the subatomic particles of an atom...

Little Johnny thought Maria was like a proton because she is always positive and happy.

Little Johnny thought David was like an electron because he is always negative and pessimistic.

Little Johnny saw George as a neutron because George doesn’t really care about anything.

And ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Atoms are catholic.

They have mass.

He was an expert on all types of atom splitting.

In fact you could say he is a fission-ado.

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you're sodium fine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atom walks into a bar in Japan and opens up a tab

Bartender says, "Make sure you pay up before you split."

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