"You have to help me," the atom says, "I've lost one of my electrons!"

"Are you sure?" it's asked

"Yes — I'm positive!"

I don't trust atoms...

I hear they make up everything.

Two atoms are walking down the street

One says “Hey, I’ve just lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

Have you heard the joke about the two helium atoms?


What do you call a group of electrons working as spies between atoms

Bond, Covalent bond

Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?

It was no laughing matter...

16 sodium atoms walked into a bar

Followed by batman

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.

“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...

I think atoms are chronic liars in a group setting.

Because they make everything up together.

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two atoms walk out of a bar after last call

and the manager locks the door behind them. One atom turns to the other and says, "Oh shit! I left my electron in there." And the second atom says, "Oh no! Are you positive??"

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

What do you call 2 sodium atoms in the ocean?


What kind of fish is made of only two atoms?

2 Na

Atoms are catholic.

They have mass.

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

Two atoms are in a bar

One said to the other,' I just lost an electron'

'Are you sure?' Was the reply

'Yes, I'm positive'

I've invented a new chemical compound consisting of sixteen Sodium atoms

I've named it "Batman."

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

He was an expert on all types of atom splitting.

In fact you could say he is a fission-ado.

“Two things can not touch, since there will always be something in between the atoms”

Good luck explaining that in court

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

What’s an atoms favorite video game?

Half life

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

An atom walks into a bar

He said I think I lost an electron on the way in.
The bartender asked if he's sure.
He said Ion positive.

How do atoms find a partner to bond with?

Through carbon dating

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

3 kids are in class Atom, Molecule and Matter. Atom turns to molecule and tells him a joke. Molecule laughs so hard and asks why don't you tell Matter the joke.

Atom: he wouldn't get it, he's too dense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atom walks into a bar in Japan and opens up a tab

Bartender says, "Make sure you pay up before you split."

What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel

Why do all of the carbon atoms in benzene get along so well?

They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.

An oxygen atom was looking forward to a threesome,

Instead the poor guy got ozoned.

What do you call a nitrogen atom having a 5-way orgy with 4 other hydrogen atoms?


Two atoms come back after fishin’

But they don’t come back after fusion.

What do two atoms argue in the hadron collider?

Higg no rants

What do you get when you mix an atom of cobalt, an atom of vanadium, and two atoms of iron?


2 scientists see atoms for the first time.

Scientist 1: So everything is made up of these tiny particles?

Scientist 2: I guess so.

Scientist 1: What should we call the things they make up?

Scientist 2: Why name it? It doesn't seem that important to me.

Scientist 1: Are you sure? Cause I think it all Matters.

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