Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?

It was no laughing matter...

What do atoms and black lives have in common?

They matter

Did you know that atoms never touch each other. And since we’re made of atoms, we’ve never touched anything in our entire lives.

So to answer your question officer, no I did not punch that kid.

Did you hear the joke about the two helium atoms?

He He

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

Never Date an Atom

They make up a bunch of stuff and then they split on you.

What fish is made out of two sodium atoms?

2 Na

"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One says, “I think I’ve lost an electron

.”The other says, “Are you sure?”

The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”

Never trust atoms.

They make up everything.

What do you call a scientist who splits atoms to create bubbly beverages?

A nuclear fizzicist.

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together.

OMg

What’s the price for mutiny in the sub atomic realm?

Walking the Planck.

Who do you call to fix an atom?

A quantum mechanic

What do you call a secret agent that holds two atoms together?

Bond. Atomic Bond.

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

Two hydrogen atoms decide that they want to ride on the Large Hadron Collider.

They jump on a plane to Switzerland and sneak in while no one is looking. As they start to speed up one of them realises that they have both lost their electrons. It mentions it to his friend who asks "Are you sure?"

It replys "I'm positive."

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

Two atoms go on a date...when suddenly, one of them drops an electron and gasps. The other atom asks...are you sure?

I'm positive! Replies the other atom.

An atom loses an electron…

it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”

What’s an atom’s favorite salad topping?

Croutons

How do hydrogen atoms find a new leader?

They hold an *electron*.

Did you hear about the two atomic bombs that got into an argument?

They had a fallout.

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar

Followed by Batman.

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the Helium atom feel lonely? No one wanted to bond with it would be a logical answer.

The truth is, it is just an asshole!

Why isn’t energy made up of atoms?

It doesn’t matter.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

What follows 16 sodium atoms?

Batman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like partic...

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

Cake day joke! What do Trump and Atoms have in common?

They make up everything!

What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl??

See? Sometimes alcohol IS the answer!!

A wise man once said:"never trust atoms!"

"They make up everything"




I'll see my way out

What is the profession of the handsomest atoms?

They're atomic models

According to Scientists atom’s are as old the universe

So therefore your honour she was legal

Did you hear Oasis's new song about the attraction and repulsion of atoms?

"And after all, you're my Van der Waals"

What are 2 Protoactinium atoms together called?

PaPa

The chemistry teacher babbles on, "Yada yada, chemical formulae, elements, atoms, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium..."

One of the students stands up and says, "BORON!!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My trip to Japan

I went to Japan as a little boy. I was like 10 but it was a blast for me and others. First memory was from the airport when a fat man cut us off in the line to the airplane, but he got dropped off the flight as he didn't have his ticket, or maybe he lost his passport... I am splitting atoms anyway s...

What do you call a molecular ring of six iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Currently I'm working on a paper about the excessive consumption of whiskey based cocktails during the creation of the atomic bomb.

You might say it's my Manhattan project.

[OC] Why are atomic clocks so funny?

Perfect timing

The worst possible pet you can have is an atom

They are always up to something when you're not looking, and when you look back they act totally innocent. If they are even still there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

Fuck me I'm easily lead

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

Do you know they named the first nuclear cannon, Atomic Annie, after a woman instead of a man?

Because Atomic Adam sounded too Eve'il.

P.S. This is OC, so I really hope it _blows up._

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two atoms walk out of a bar after last call

and the manager locks the door behind them. One atom turns to the other and says, "Oh shit! I left my electron in there." And the second atom says, "Oh no! Are you positive??"

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.

“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...

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