Why did the atom not laugh at his friend's joke?

It was no laughing matter...

What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

I’ve got my ion you.

What follows 16 sodium atoms?


Never Date an Atom

They make up a bunch of stuff and then they split on you.

Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because, they make up literally everything.

What kind of fish is made of only 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na

An atom is sitting at a bar

One says over a drink, "I think I lost all my electrons" the bartender asks "are you sure?" The atom replies "I'm positive"

How do atoms decide which one should be put in charge?

By having general electrons.

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar

... followed by Batman.

What are 2 Protoactinium atoms together called?


What did the sub atomic duck say to the other sub atomic ducks?


What do you call a molecular ring of six iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

A helium atom walks into a bar.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases in here."
The helium doesn't react.

I've wondered what atom bombs were made of, my friend summarized it for me.


The chemistry teacher babbles on, "Yada yada, chemical formulae, elements, atoms, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium..."

One of the students stands up and says, "BORON!!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An H+ ion and a hydrogen atom were bonding

"No homo?" the hydrogen atom asks.
"No homo," the H+ ion says sadly.

[OC] Why are atomic clocks so funny?

Perfect timing

Have you heard the joke about the two helium atoms?


What do you call a group of electrons working as spies between atoms

Bond, Covalent bond

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

You'd think that atoms bonding would mean they're being friendly to each other, but instead they steal each others electrons.

Isn’t that Ionic?

An atom loses an electron...

It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

When it comes to atomic bombs

You have to go double or nothing

Do you know they named the first nuclear cannon, Atomic Annie, after a woman instead of a man?

Because Atomic Adam sounded too Eve'il.

P.S. This is OC, so I really hope it _blows up._

Why did Oppenheimer invent the atomic bomb?

Because he wanted the world to lighten up.

What did American physicists say to the US government after German scientists discovered how to split atoms?

Don’t worry, theres other fission, DC.

It’s a shame your friend has to be de-atomized today.

He will be mist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two atoms walk out of a bar after last call

and the manager locks the door behind them. One atom turns to the other and says, "Oh shit! I left my electron in there." And the second atom says, "Oh no! Are you positive??"

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant

A neutron and a uranium atom walk into a restaurant. They sit at a table and order a full meal, having a muted conversation during the meal. The waiter comes over and the neutron asks for separate checks. He brings the split bills like requested.

“I hope you two have a good evening,” he says...

Copper and chromium must be pretty great atoms...

If they have such an exceptional ground state

Two atoms are in a bar

One said to the other,' I just lost an electron'

'Are you sure?' Was the reply

'Yes, I'm positive'

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen atom had a threesome...

Made me so wet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

Fuck me I'm easily lead

What do you call a group of 500 atoms?

A Refund.

*This post is brought to you by "Todd Howard did Nothing Wrong" gang*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scientist walks into a bar and sees a depressed man.

"What's wrong?" says the scientist.

"I have nothing to live for," the man replies miserably. "I'm an absolute nobody. I don't have anything to offer the world. I'm completely unspecial and just another average Joe. I don't even know why I'm here. What's the point? What's my purpose?"


What’s an atoms favorite video game?

Half life

I've invented a new chemical compound consisting of sixteen Sodium atoms

I've named it "Batman."

Three atoms, hydrogen, helium, and oxygen walk into a bar.

They go up to the bartender, Germanium, and start to order their drinks, but soon realise they are short on cash.

Hydrogen says to Germanium, "Hey man, we've had a long week, bonding is hard. If we can make you laugh, can we drink for free tonight?"

Germanium thinks about it for a min...

“Two things can not touch, since there will always be something in between the atoms”

Good luck explaining that in court

Who’s your favourite Canadian music icon that also practices advanced culinary technique which enhances the flavour of poultry at the atomic level?

Brine Atoms

Do you ever just accidentally infuse an extra atom of oxygen into your water?

Fear not, H2O2 is H2O too

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Atoms are catholic.

They have mass.

He was an expert on all types of atom splitting.

In fact you could say he is a fission-ado.

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you're sodium fine.

How do atoms find a partner to bond with?

Through carbon dating

A man walks into the particle store

A man walks into the particle store to buy particles to make atoms. He browses, finds what he needs and pays for it.

However, when looking on his receipt afterwards, he sees that the clerk forgot to ring up an item. He says "Sir, you forgot the neutrons". The clerk looks up at him and says: "...

Why do all of the carbon atoms in benzene get along so well?

They learned to just let pi bonds be pi bonds.

An oxygen atom was looking forward to a threesome,

Instead the poor guy got ozoned.

I Really Don't Like Atomic Science

Honestly, It's Such A Bohr.

What did the inert gases do when they discovered they were mono-atomic?

They won a noble prize

What do you call an atom with a negative charge?

An ion

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