Atheism has a rubbish business model

It's non-prophet.

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No."

“It’s to look at.”

Why didn't the guy date the model with no legs?

He was lack toes intolerant

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To all the hot women out there: I may be 50 years old,but I have the body of a 25 year old model with a 12 inch dick

In my freezer.

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The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

NSFW Advice For Aspiring Male Genital Models

Don't do it if you have other options. The whole industry is just pretty nuts.

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The wife asked me if I thought she could be a model..

"There's no fucking chance you fat bastard." I laughed.

"Fuck off." She sobbed. "I'll have you know I've got a try-out for a modelling job this afternoon." She then grabbed her coat and stormed out.

A few hours later, she came home. "Well fuck you." She said proudly. "You're now lookin...

An old Businessman and his young Model ex-wife

were fighting over the custody of their 3-year-old son.
The young mother protested that since she brought the kid into this world,
she had a natural right to the custody of him.
The judge asked the businessman to explain his side of the case.
After a long moment of silence, t...

A man in the locker room of an upscale gym in NYC answers a cell phone and puts it on speaker while he dresses

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.

Woman : I also stopped b...

What do a bikini model and turkey have in common?

The white parts are the best.

There was a fire at my local model village today

Eye witness reports claim that flames could be seen from up to 3 feet away

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Did you hear about the model that fucked a clown?

It was pretty fucking funny.

A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are tasked with finding the volume of a rubber ball

The mathematician takes the ball, measures its diameter, then calculates the volume.

The physicist submerges the ball in water and measures the amount of water displaced.

The engineer twists and turns the ball, looking for the model number.

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

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My wife of 25 years laughed when I said I still had the body of a sexy model.

Until she checked the deep freeze in the garage.

Don't step on the chickens

Three men die and come to the pearly gates. They swing open and they hear the voice of god booming: "Be welcome to heaven, but don't step on the chickens!" and as far as the eye can see there are chickens EVERYWHERE.

One guy is like, "forget this!" and instantly steps on a chicken. They hear ...

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Three men find a lamp...

Three middle aged men are walking along an abandoned beach when they find a golden lamp glistening in the sun. Deciding they have nothing to lose, they decide to rub it and see what happens. In astonishment, they see a genie appear before them.

"Thank you for freeing me from my lamp. To thank...

Seems my girlfriend's moonlighting as a parts model

I overheard her on the phone to her friend, boasting about how much she was earning doing hand and foot jobs.

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The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday...

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.


The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.


Doughboy is ...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

Tha Apple car will be the first car that will slow down when they release a new model.

They said this is a joke.. I'm not sure..

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A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist

"I have a date this weekend with two smoking hot models. I want to be able to stay hard the whole time I'm with them. I'm looking for something stronger than Viagra!"

The pharmacist says "Well, I do have this new experimental drug. It works instantly and is guaranteed for three days without s...

Roomba

I'm told the latest model of Roombas has failed to impress customers. It just sits gathering dust on the shelves..

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Model trains are like breasts

They are there for the children but it’s the father that winds up playing with them the most.

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If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...



This is an old joke and sadly some of this has come to pass.



If General Motors Built Cars like Microsoft...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology li...

An Artist asks his model if she’s okay with nudity

Model-“Yes I am”
Artist- “Thank God! These pants were killing me!”

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A man walks into a sex shop to purchase a small see-through lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife th...

A smoking room in a big tech corporation

A smoking room in a big tech corporation (because the equipment is so fragile and sensitive that smoking is not allowed nearby). A lot of smoke and talk - circuits, chips, boards, punch cards and so on.

Then a young technician suddenly says, "Why we're always talking about tech things only? W...

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded do...

I think the wife's got me a build-it-yourself scale model of a horse for my birthday next month.

I've just found a big piece of it hidden in her bedside drawer.

Two men were washed ashore during World War I.

Their ship, an aging minesweeping model, had wrecked off the coast of an uninhabited island. As the older veteran worked to build a makeshift camp, the younger soldier managed to salvage a radio, and quickly telegraphed an SOS with their coordinates.

To their surprise, a ship responded withi...

Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.

He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.

He jumped in front of a model train.

The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.

He overdosed on placebo pills.

He jumped off a low bridge.

He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.

He doused himself in diesel and trie...

How do Instagram models get paid?

Per DM

I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine.

It’s a pretty good µ-boat.

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This guy is sitting in a bar when this beautiful super model walks in.

So after a few minutes, the guy walks over to her. He leans in and whispers in her ear " Hey can I smell your pussy?" The girl is irate, and she screams at him "What is wrong with you?! That's disgusting! How could you say that?!! NO! You cannot smell my pussy!!!" and the guy says " oh, well I g...

What do you call someone who specializes in selling insurance to hand models?

A digital security specialist.

I met a Chaturbate model a few days ago

Her parents are both poor but she comes from money.

A man who collects model trains was driving his wife insane with all the money he was spending on his hobby

One day, he went too far and spent nearly $1000 on a model train. His wife was so furious she took the train and broke it over his head.
So he took her to court for domestic caboose.

As well as exercise equipment, Christie Brinkley is now doing advertising for a bicycle parts company.

She's their new spokes model.

My doctor told me I have modeled skin.

I said model, really? I always thought it looked like concrete that sat in acid rain for 20 years. He said no, m-o-t-t-l-e-d, and it’s a severe case. I said severe huh? I guess that makes me a super mottle.

Back in the 1980s the soviets had their own version of the American toy Stretch Armstrong. They modeled it after their hero, Karl.

The toy was called Stretch Marx.

(OFFENSIVE) Why do models don't brush their teeth?

Because you have to brush your teeth after every meal.

I've started my own buisness building model yachts in my attic during lockdown.

Sales are going through the roof.



(I'll take my things and leave now..)

She has a Tesla!

Wife (dying): After I die you marry a nice woman

Husband: No I can never do that

Wife: Give my belongings to her. My room, my dresses, my car,....

Husband: No need she already has a Tesla Model X

Wife: WTF !!??!!!!!!

Was recently hired as beauty product model...

I was the "before" model.

I was going to be a body parts model.

But then they started asking all these questions like “Who’s arm is that?!” and “Where did you get that leg?!”

My sister said she wanted to be a model

I told her that it would take 20 minutes in photoshop minimum

Whenever I see Instagram models working out, I am inspired to do my own workout.

Unfortunately, it's only for my left arm.

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A tractor joke

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

Unemployed hand model here...

Seeking hand jobs.

My girlfriend, an Instagram model, asked me to go to the store. She said to get groceries and nothing else.

Just food for thot.

Mini van roll over results in one fatality.

As the older model Ford Aerostar rolled over the driver was ejected. The vehicle then rolled over the driver, piercing him with the exterior mounted antenna. The driver expired before paramedics arrived.

Medical examiner's report states. The driver died of a Van Aerial Disease.

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My hot neighbor

I was excited when my hot neighbor said she would bring me something special last night, it turned out she wanted to gift me models for earth and neptune

She gave me blue balls and left

There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.

Their next car is Elon gated.

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

New SUV

Well Gm has planned to relaunch the Hummer line as eco friendly electric trucks. To save even more electricity the horn had been removed from the deluxe model and a bell installed attached to a cable. It will be called the Humdinger edition.

Babies

The best part about babies is you can just preorder the newest model.

Did you hear about the super model with IBS that committed a fashion faux pas?

Got runs in her stockings.

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A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The ...

I've been staring at topless models all day, just dreaming

But sadly, I can't afford the diecast convertible cars at the moment

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Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

What is the equivalent of being a model at Instagram?

Being a millionaire in Monopoly.

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

A farmer walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that can cut down 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The farmer is suitably impressed, and buys it.

The next day he brings it back, complaining that it would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAY! The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the farmer says: “What’s that noise?”

I heard an Italian supercar manufacturer is going to be making its next model be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts

They're calling it the Ferrari Rocher

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

“How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees?” he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn’t work prope...

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I was offered sex with a 24 year old Instagram model last night. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon scent or vanilla.

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Boobs are like model trains

they’re made for the kids, but usually it’s the dads who end up playing with them the most

I dont get why Christians are so bad at managing money. Aren't they supposed to model Him?

And He is known as the God who saves!

Im so sorry.

Did you hear about the man who's making model boats in his attic?

Sails are going through the roof.

Mr. Zuckerberg how do you sustain a business model in which users don’t pay for your services?

Zuckerberg: “1010011010”.......Ahem

Zuckerberg: “Senator, we run ads”

A Polish man moves to Korea and tries to find work

He looks for work everywhere but can’t find any, until after thorough searching he lands an interview at a car dealership. The man is interviewed by the boss, who not only has a poor grasp on English, but he also seems to have a very hard time getting his name right. The man tries to explain his nam...

Ball volume

A mathematician, scientist, & engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a ball



The mathematician derived it using a formula given the circumference



The scientist measured the displaced volume when submerged in water

The engineer found the model # ...

I told my friends I am an Instagram Model

‘Unemployed’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it

I have the body of a 24 year old model

But it takes up too much room in my fridge.

Canadian #1: What can I get for ya there bud?

Canadian #2: Oh I’d like this fancy car please.

Canadian #1: Well how about that, would you like the stock model or can I interest you in some upgrades?

Canadian #2: I’d like all the bells & whistles and upgrades ya got please.

Canadian#1: Well you must be quite wealthy th...

Why are foot models legends?

They have achieved incredible feats

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

They say that going to school is important

but becoming a instagram model is importanter!

For all you men dreaming of elaborate ways of hooking up with an Instagram model, all it took me was a good dinner date....

Just some food for thot.

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A sailor and a female model survive a shipwreck.

A ship sinks, and a sailor and a female model manage to swim to an unpopulated island. There are enough resources for them to survive, so they start to live there, eventually becoming a couple. After two years, the sailor suddenly looks at the model with a desperate expression, and says" "I cannot t...

I hate being the only 3D modelling guy at my workplace

Every day my coworkers will ask if I can do them a solid

Why do vampires like single proprietorship model of ownership?

Coz, they are afraid of stake-holders!

Porsche wanted to name their new car the Model E

But the name was already Taycan.

Did you hear that Apple is coming out with YET ANOTHER new iPhone model?

Critics are calling it the iPhone Xs.

(Edit: I hate to put this here but: pronounced like “Excess”)

How many Instagram models does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they hold the light bulb up and the world revolves around them.

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At the asylum

A Dr. Is doing the rounds in an insane asylum one night.

He walks into the first patient's room and sees him playing with modeling clay.
The Dr. asks him how he's doing.
The patient replies "Doc I'm molding with clay. It's therapy. I feel much better!"
The Dr. says "Good. You should...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Where do the world's skinniest models come from?

Hungary.

My side hustle (building model boats in my attic) is going so well that...

I might have to move to new premises.

Sales are through the roof.

What plane model can carry the most thots?

Hoeing 737

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

An italian mafia man got in to a Mercedes-Benz model taxi

As he was sitting in the back, he asked the driver: "why is that hood ornament sticking out like that in mercs?"
The driver answered jokingly: so it would be easier to aim when driving over pedestrians. See that old lady crossing the road over there?" driver started to acclerate towards her and ...

[NSFW] Russian cam models are currently being investigated.

They're accused of meddling in U.S. erections.

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

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A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

"That's easy, I want to be an asshole!" yells Little Johnny.

The Teacher is shocked with Little Johnny's response and wants to send him to detention, but out of curiosity she let's him continue hoping for an explanation.

Little Johnny continues: -Well, when I'm out on the street with ...

An old snail walks into a car dealership

An old snail walks into a car dealership and tells the salesman he's looking for the flashiest, most expensive sports car he's got. The old snail explains he's been working hard and saving his whole life and this car is to be his reward.

The salesman is thrilled and shows the old snail a brig...

What’s a German underwear model’s favourite animal

Ze-bra

Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model...

They hired me as the "before" picture.

An officer pulls over a man and a woman for driving their late-model Mercedes coupe 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit.

The officer approaches the car, seeing an affluent-looking late-50s gentleman behind the wheel and a striking woman at least 20 years younger—and bearing a diamond on her left ring finger worth at least a year of the officer's salary—in the passenger seat.

"I stopped you because you were goin...

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....


NAME - Greg Bulmash


DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be a...

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Did you hear about the artist that painted nude models for free?

He did it for the exposure.

What’s the model name of Tesla’s new SUV?

Journalist: “What’s the model name of the upcoming SUV?”

Elon Musk: ’Y’.

Journalist: “Because I’m asking.”

Musk: “And I’m telling you.”

Journalist: “So if you’re telling me, what did you say it’s called?”

Musk: ‘Y’

Journalist: “Why?”

Musk: “Exactly.”<...

my friend has a model fish collection

they are all to scale

My girlfriend has the body of a model..

And a life prison sentence.

I am dating a former Sears model

Her name is Manny Quinn.

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

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A man realized he needed to pu...

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.
"Anything from $2 to $2,000."
"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.
The salesman put the device around the man's neck, and said: "You just stic...

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a Golf club.

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.

After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole.

Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H – Husband, W ...

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Olie & Lena are driving down the road in their Model T...

Suddenly, a mother skunk enters the roadway with her two young babies. Olie can’t stop in time and runs the mother over.

It winter time and Lena jumps out of the car to rescue the two orphans. She gets them back in and they’re shivering:

“Oh, Olie! They’re so cold! What should I do ...

These Tesla models look super good.

Pretty S3XY if you ask me.

Yesterday, I applied to model for Calvin's

I hope they don't deKlein...

Why do tall people have no role models?

Because they have no one to look up to.

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