A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting...
The three see a buck a little distance away.
The physicist makes a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation, assuming an ideal bullet and neglecting wind resistance, and then fires. The bullet lands 10 meters in front of the buck.
The engineer has been doing his own calculations, adding...
After calculations I found out that my wedding will cost $50k
Now all I need is $50k
and a wife
Beauty contests are becoming a popular way to promote things. For instance, the winner of the Trigonometry Club's beauty pageant was crowned....
Tour Leader pageant winner: Miss Guided
Encyclopedia Brittanica pageant winner: Miss Information
According to my calculations, about 40% of Americans are Republicans
But that’s just a Conservative estimate
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Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings
"Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
Scientists have today discovered that dark matter actually does not exist.
The source of the unknown mass in the galaxy was never dark matter, but the result of a calculation mistake.
The scientists admit that they forgot to include your mother in the calculations, and therefor the last (approximately) 80% of the mass in the Milky Way has finally been discovered.
A Chinese student is quite good with mental calculation
... but has this habit of looking up whenever he does heavy calculation. He is a third-year student in a university, major in Computer Science. And he works part time in a convenient store near his uni. He doesn’t speak much on his part time job, but he is honest, hard working, and is well mannered ...
A man is on his deathbed.
A man is on his deathbed. He has three friends who come and visit him, being a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer. He tells them, “I know you can’t take it with you. But I want to try. I’m giving you each $10,000 cash. When you come up to my coffin to pay your respects I want you to take ...
The great ancient Indian mathematician, Aryabhatta, asked his wife: "Will you let me go out alone & enjoy myself with my friends over every weekend, every month?"
Wife: "What is the probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?" That's when Aryabhatta discovered zero!!!
Apparently, when you drink a pint of Beer
You shorten your lifespan by 9 minutes. So according to my calculations, i died sometime in 1644.
My boss calls me "The computer"
Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
What do you call a set of calculations to determine the fluidity of a former Vice President's dance moves?
Al Gore rhythm algorithm
A new study shown that 1l of beer cuts life for 5 hours
By my calculations, i died in 1872
A Physicist, and Engineer, and a Statistician...
are attempting to fire a cannon at a target 100 meters away. The physicist takes the lead, and performs numerous calculations to determine the cannonball's trajectory. He carefully aims the cannon and fires, coming short by 10 meters. The engineer, accounting for real world tolerances and imperfecti...
I tried to draw a circle, after doing all my calculations, it would never be correct...
Turns out, it was a rounding error
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Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)
Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...
The stock market is getting crushed
My calculations indicate I can retire 10 years after I die
Murphy and O'Brien calculate the depth of a well
Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come a clearing and see an abandoned well. Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?' O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'. Murphy says, 'What's that?' O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the...
“I am a master of fast calculations.”
“I am a master of fast calculations.” - “OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?” - “22!” - “Ha ha, that’s wrong!” - “Might be, but it was fast!”
In a hotel a engineer, a physicist and a mathematician...
... are sleeping when a fire breaks out.
The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.... After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.
But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, n...