Experiencing Jokes - 47 Hilarious Experiencing Jokes

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Sperm and egg sales are experiencing a boom right now

I guess sex cells

If you're experiencing joint pain,

you're probably holding the lit end.

I just opened a wig shop for vengeful mad scientists and evil geniuses experiencing hair loss.

It's called "There'll be hell toupe".

A man visited his doctor, concerned about experiencing eye pain every time he indulged in a cup of coffee

"Doctor, every time I have my morning coffee, my right eye hurts. Is that supposed to happen?"

The doctor responded, "Well, it's certainly not a common side effect. But don't worry, you can still enjoy your coffee. Just remember to remove the spoon before taking a sip.”

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After experiencing Nirvana during sex, but before you make The Offspring, what do you produce?

Pearl Jam.

A town was experiencing a drought period

So minister told parishioners to gather and pray for rain. Once they show up he starts yelling at them and criticizing them for lack of faith. "But we have faith, we are here!" somebody answers. To which minister angrily answers: "Where are your umbrellas then?"

Anyone else experiencing bad weather?

Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Northern tip of Connecticut. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the North wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but...

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After experiencing a dry spell in her marriage, a woman decides to see if there’s anything she can do to help her husband.

She heads to her local chemist and bravely asks the store worker if there’s anything she can buy to spice up her love life.

“Hi, can I get Viagra here?” she asks the old male pharmacist working at the local chemist.
When he confirms that they do sell Viagra she asks: “Can you get it over t...

Penguin experiencing car trouble

Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.

To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the...

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My therapist asked me if I was experiencing any dark thoughts recently

I assured him that I only date white women

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A man scores a hot date Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.

The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his date are having dinner. The man is in love with her, but is experiencing an increasingly uncomfortable ...

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories.

so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see,"...

A man experiencing erectile dysfunction

A man experiencing erectile dysfunction goes to see a doctor. The doctor asks him about his eating habits, whether he exercises or not, and what he does for a living. After considering everything he has heard, he asks to see a picture of the man's wife. The man opens his wallet and shows him. The do...

Quebec, Canada is currently experiencing record breaking flooding

It's a good thing frogs can swim

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I think I'm experiencing deja poo...

Same shit, different day.

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A woman has been experiencing frequent bowel movements

A woman went to the doctor with a crappy problem for a while. “I wake up every morning, have my cup of coffee, and at 8:15am I’ll have a bowel movement” she explained to her doctor.

The doctors runs some tests and comes back with the results. “Ma’am, it seems to me that you have three little...

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A young man is experiencing back problems..

..and his back problems are starting to affect his ability to breathe and speak normally. He schedules an appointment with his doctor to assess and fix the problem. The man arrives to his appointment and says "Doc.. I.. c-c-can't talk.. c-c.. can't breathe.. back hurts.. help!" So, the doctor doe...

What do you get when experiencing rapid decompression in a German luxury automobile?

Mercedes-Bends

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College professor is experiencing a “slow-down” in his sex-life with his wife...

... so he is trying to figure out how to spice it up. He is hearing that there is a foreign student who has a lot of luck with girls on the campus so he decides to ask him for advice.

“Paolo, how are you doing it?”
“Well professor, right before I am about to do it with a girl, I whip my j...

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A husband and wife experiencing a crisis in their relationship have their first session with the marriage counselor.

He wants to start the therapy with something encouraging and motivating, so he asks them: "Tell me one aspect of your personalities that is common for you."

The husband replies with disappointed voice: "None of us gives blowjobs."

What do you call the underwear of someone experiencing nocturnal emissions?

Dreamcatchers

My doctor said "I understand you are experiencing hearing problems. Please describe the symptoms. "

So I told him that Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

A man experiencing a split personality went to the psychiatrist. One personality swore he was a teepee and the other swore he was a wigwam.

The psychiatrist replied, "You're just too tense"

Wikileaks has been experiencing financial difficulties recently.

Would it help if they began running... classified ads?

A man walks into his doctor's surgery and says "Doc, I'm experiencing some discomfort downstairs"

The Doctor takes a look and says "well I think I see the problem - you've got a steering wheel in your pants".

The man says "Thanks doc! It was driving me nuts!"

After experiencing weeks of pain, a man finally decides to go to the hospital...

The doctor says, "What seems to be the problem?"
The man replies, "It hurts here (touches his thigh), it hurts here (touches his wrist), it hurts here (touches his hip). It hurts everywhere!"
After a few seconds of examining the patient, the doctor realizes whats wrong with the man.
The doc...

Congratulations, you've won a free vacation across Canada! You have a choice between experiencing the vast Canadian Arctic, or everything else that Canada has to offer.

You either see all of it, or Nunavut.

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A man and his wife goes to the doctor because she is experiencing shortness of breath and she comes out of the exam room saying, "Well, the doc thinks I have a nice cooter!"

"What in the actual fuck?!!" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice cooter."

The husband is pissed and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice cooter? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not w...

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A plane filled with passengers was flying from Glasgow, Scotland to Dublin, Ireland.

Just as the plane reached the ocean, a bunch of warning instruments in the cockpit lit up. The captain made an announcement to the passengers. "Please remain clam. We are experiencing mechanical problems, and I do not believe the plane is safe to fly across the sea. We are going to have to turn ...

A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.

He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ...

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said.

Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a nosedive and he was really catching a lot of heat from the board. At wit’s end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer ...

Johnny Depp was talking to a friend one day. He explained he was experiencing some minor hearing loss but didn’t want people to know about it. But since yesterday the tabloids began reporting his secret issue, much to his distaste. His friend asked how the secret could’ve possibly gotten out.

Johnny Depp replied: “Rumor has it, Amber Heard.”

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles

Now I'm experiencing constant vowel movements. My next trip to the bathroom could spell DISASTER.

Pill commercials nowadays be like

“After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!”

“Consult a doctor if you’re experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine”

A pregnant woman enters the delivery room with her husband

The doctor tells them that a new scientific breakthrough has been achieved : A way to transfer pain felt from one person to another. "This way, you can share the pain between the two of you, if you wish." The husband and wife agree.

"Great", says the doctor. "Considering men don't come close ...

Due to recent changes, 50 cent has changed his citizenship to the UK.

After experiencing weight gain, he is being converted to UK currency and will now be known as "50 pounds".

Gordon Freeman recently turned 45 and started buying loads of retro PC gaming equipment.

He was experiencing a Half Life crisis.

I have a theory as to why the Cybertruck is taking so long to get in production:

They are experiencing an Elon-gated Delay!

The weakening and eventual shut down to the AMOC is expected to reduce total precipitation in North America and increase it in Africa.

Hundreds of millions of North Americans experiencing the worst droughts in history will be like "I guess the rain's down in Africa."

A politician visits a rural area to gain appeal for the upcoming elections

He schedules a meeting with the local leaders to discuss problems the town has been experiencing so that he could provide help and solutions.

"Governor, our town has been experiencing two big problems," says one of the leaders

The politician pounds his table, "Ok tell me what they are,...

Watching action movies on shady sites is great.

You get to experience the movie for free that you would usually have to pay for.

The intense hacking scene in which the database needs to be defended from overseas hackers displaying threat messages.

As well as experiencing the supermodel love interest confess her love.

Then ...

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A man went to the doctor complaining about erectile dysfunction...

A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection. After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an exp...

One afternoon at the paddle boat hire hut...

"Come in number nine. Your time is up."

"Umm...we only have eight paddle boats."

"Number six? Are you experiencing difficulties?"

My first original joke. Feel free to critique

Prince William, Catherine, and their children were all enjoying dinner one evening. The food did not sit well, and everyone but Catherine was experiencing gas later that night.

“I’m surrounded by a bunch of tooters!” exclaimed Catherine.

William said, “Dear, we’re not Tudors - we’re WI...

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Blonde on a Galloping Steed

Standing beside a valiant stallion, a beautiful blond decides she must ride this animal despite having no previous riding experience.

Soon, she finds herself atop the horse's back, galloping through a lush green meadow.

The horse suddenly picks up speed and she finds herself euphoric...

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A wealthy man went to see his family doctor for his annual physical...

The doctor asked the man if he was experiencing any changes to his health.
Shyly the man replies, "Well, actually Doc, I do have a new problem. You see, I've been fooling around with the maid and I think she gave me VD..."

"Oh, I see," says the Doctor, "looks like we'll need to run a few e...

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