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Campaign Jokes

Matthew McConaughey is campaigning to be Governor of Texas..

Running on an alt right, alt right, alt right platform.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to join the Trump campaign because I was circumcised.

Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...

Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.

Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.

What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?

She had the black vote all locked up.

It’s refreshing to see a President keeping his campaign promises.

Although I’m not entirely sure rotating people through the cabinet counts as creating jobs but the effort is certainly present.

Crassus was defeated during the campaign for Parthia

Crassus averted.

What do you call a failed political campaign?

An **elect**ile dysfunction.

Why did the presidential candidate have an affair during his campaign?

He wanted to appeal to swing voters.

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.

Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns?

They always fail their Constitution checks.

Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign

..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term

Anti-abortion campaigners be like....

"You cannot defeat us!!"

Jewish ad campaign

Old man Moskowitz was getting along in years. He decided to retire and let his 3 sons run the company (which manufactured a wide variety of nails). The sons thought they could increase market-share with some judicious billboard advertising.
Only a week later the old man was taking his usual Sund...

Bill is out campaigning with Hillary...

they stop for lunch in a small diner and when Bill orders, he says, "I'll have a quickie."

The waitress giggles and Hillary glares, but says nothing.

The next day, at lunch in a diner, Bill orders: "I'll have a quickie."
Same response.

The third day, Bill ordering lunch say...

Joe Biden should change his campaign slogan

To make America great again.

Donald Trump is a brilliant campaigner.

He's the only person who could get Biden elected.

Did you hear Elizabeth Warren cancelled her campaign?

It wasn't the first race she has had to leave.

Mike Pence has postponed a scheduled campaign stop in Indiana

In other words he changed his schedule on the fly.

Trump's campaign slogan for 2020

You get out what you Putin

Why did the dyslexic republican politician have to suspend his campaign?

Because he vowed to put an end to texas.

Did you hear about Coronas new marketing campaign?

Apparently it's gone viral in China.

I feel sorry for Corona beer's marketing campaign

Nothing can go viral.

Join my new national campaign and ban pre-grated cheese.

so we can make Britan grate again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitlers campaign slogan?

Gotta catch them all...

It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns

Last time I voted for a real estate agent

50Cent says Trump offered him $500,000 to join presidential campaign

Only Trump would pay $500k for $0.50

Such a deal maker.

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Donald Trump holds a fund raising campaign rally.

During the rally, he steps down from the stage and slaps one of his cheering supporters. Now the shit has really hit the fan.

A politician spends 500 million dollars on his own campaign...

And all he gets is American Samoa

What's the difference between a cult and a skeleton political campaign?

nobody knows

Trump's campaign slogan for the 2016 presidential election was "Make America Great Again."

Biden's campaign slogan for the current election should be "Make America Great Again."

An ad campaign for pitted peaches (long)

So there’s a farmer and he wants to market his peaches. They are canned peaches and part of the appeal is you don’t have to pit them. They are pitted by other people before they get out in the cans! Easy! So he has this idea to hire a model to photograph in the process of pitting to communicate this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Will Mayor Pete’s campaign office be phoning voters

By making Butti calls?

Ted Cruz releases three new campaign promises:

Ted Cruz may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Ted Cruz must obey orders given him by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Promise.

Ted Cruz must protect his own existence as long as such protection d...

After seeing the Anti-Smoking campaign, I don't smoke anymore.

But I don't smoke any less, either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump may not fulfill all of his campaign promises...

...but he sure is making Saturday Night Live great again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've started using gametes in my advertising campaign.

You know, sex cells.

It's difficult, but Trump is still focused on keeping campaign promises during this pandemic.

Just a few more cases and Mexico will pay for that wall

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

Have you heard about Missouri's new tourist campaign?

"Missouri loves company."

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

The anti-drug campaign

Two men join a local anti-drug campaign. They walk up to the person running the campaign.

The man looks towards them and says,
"Ah, I'm guessing you two are here for the campaign."

The two men agree and the manager of the campaign said,

"Alright guys, we were just running a...

Trump launch a military campaign against Syria

Operation Desert Stormy

Curtis Jackson, aka 50 cent, considering to run for office. His first campaign slogans released.

Change we can believe in! The change we need!

An American politician and a Russian politician are walking next to a river...

The American points to a bridge and says,

"See that bridge? I campaigned for that bridge, chose the construction company, and even arranged for the funds for it to be built." The American then pats his pocket and says, "Of course I took a portion off the top for myself." and the two men laugh...

A nail company wants to expand their business...

The firm, a long-established family company called Wilson's Nails, has seen their revenue declining in recent years and decides to try an ad campaign to boost sales. They contact a highly regarded Madison Avenue ad agency to produce an ad for them; After a few weeks, the agency sits the owners and s...

What happens when Trump gets “jinx” called on him by the Vice President while campaigning in Florida?

He has to buy Mike Pensacola.

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters

She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.

Did you hear that Adelle started a campaign to raise awareness for sea life by reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone while scuba diving 60 ft under the water.

They called it "Rowling in the Deep"

The campaign to re-irritate our international allies is called:

Make America Grate Again

Chance The Rapper endorses the President and Rudy Giuliani, announces his full support of their voter fraud campaign.

Correction: Chance the Total Landscaper

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks l...

Wario has just revealed his campaign slogan

'We need to build a wah'

So, a young man was in demolitions training from a multi-campaign veteran. During drills he responded:

Okay, Boomer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would Obama's campaign slogan be if he confidently ran for office in Japan?

Shuriken

Did you hear about the popular underwear campaign?

It was briefly successful

A politician visits a village on the campaign trail and asks the villagers what their needs are

“We have two basic needs, Sir” replies the village leader. “Firstly, we have a hospital but no doctor”

On hearing this the politician brings out his phone, and after speaking for a while he tells them not to worry, a doctor will be present tomorrow and asks what the second problem is.
...

My dad has a great idea for Donald Trump's campaign slogan.

"Vote for me in 2016 or there'll be hell toupée."

So Gillette just came out with a new Ad campaign calling out men for toxic masculinity.

I can honestly say this is the first time Ive ever seen a razor blade company cut their own wrists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are gametes used in big marketing campaigns?

Because sex cells

Everyone's talking about Trump having Covid-19, but what if Mrs. Hicks' condition doesn't allow her to support his campaign?

That would be pretty hopeless.

Why doesn't Trump's campaign manager answer his phone?

Unlike him it doesn't have battery charge.

Why couldn't Hillary Clinton keep up her US presidential campaign?

She was let down by a weak Constitution.

I wrote a movie about a posh woman who catches glandular fever and develops sight problems, which sets her on a journey to become an environmental campaigner.

Princess Mononocle.

The President's son, son-in-law, campaign manager, and a Russian lawyer walk into a bar…

finish that one for me, will ya

Throughout the summer Trump's campaign was on the gas pedal...

But now they have turned on Cruz control.

Trump asks what a tragedy is...

During one of his campaign trips, Donald Trump visits an elementary school and enters one of the classrooms. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asks Mr. Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word “Tragedy.” So he asks the cla...

I was going to tell a joke about Donald Trump's presidential campaign..

but then I realized it was racist, too long, and didn't make any sense.

CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign.

Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's a political campaign we can all get behind?

gay rights

Everything is relative

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money
to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same
church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could
he see right through the brothers...

Donald Trump had a close adviser named Hope Hicks. Which makes sense -- her name suggests his campaign strategy:

Say racist things and hope hicks will vote for you.

Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate:

1. Be endorsed by Dave.

2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.

The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign

it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators

Why did Hillary Clinton had her campaign chairman John Podesta send the crowd home from the Clinton HQ?

She 'accidently' deleted the email with her consession speech.

People seem to have a kind of anti-water campaign that only comes around at Christmas

All I hear for two weeks is "No well, no well, no well"

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