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Seeking Jokes

A man crosses the Mexican border seeking better living conditions for his family.

Then his constituency calls for him to resign as a senator from Texas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tries to clean his fake eye by licking it, but accidentally swallows it. He goes to the doctor in utter constipation seeking help.

The doctor tells the patient to bend over and cough, and promptly faints.

When he comes to, the nurse asks him what happened. "|'ve looked at quite a few arseholes in my practice" said the doctor, "first time ever an arsehole looked back!".

A man approaches an ancient temple seeking enlightenment

He hails the monk guarding the gate, "I have come to seek enlightenment for I know nothing"

The monk perks up, "Greetings, what is your name traveler?"

The man smiles, "I am Steve"

The monk laughs, "Lying so soon?"

A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.

A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhapp...

What do you call a Venn diagram seeking revenge?

A Venn dettagram

Seeking 1 night stand

Possibly two since I have two lamps

Seeking Legal Advice

If you're 70 and your husband coughs and you shoot him...can you claim self defense?

\#covid-19

The three sons of an old woman return home after years seeking their fortune

The three sons of an old woman return home after years seeking their fortunes.

They make merry and have dinner together. And before leaving, they hand their mother gifts.

The eldest son gifts his mother the deed to a massive palatial chateau in the French Riviera.

The middle son...

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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said

“TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"
Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. ...

A married couple is lying in bed one night....

A married couple is lying in bed one night.


The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interv...

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A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

A guy is seeking enlightenment and goes to a monastery and speaks to the head monk.

The monk says, "You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years."

The man agrees and after the first three years, the head monk came to him and said, "What are your two words?"
"Still hungry" the man replied, and the monk granted him more food at supper.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married woman visited a healer, seeking advice on her relationship

“Please you have to help me. Everyday my husband comes home from work he beats the shit out of me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

The healer says: “You see, in every man’s soul there is a lot of rage and violence. But as he grows older and wiser, he will learn to control his anger. My anc...

Screenwriters are very attention seeking.

After all, they cause a lot of scenes.

A very old couple is seeking a divorce

The attorney asked: "How long have you been married?"

"60 years" the old man said.
"61!" the old woman corrects him.

"Well why now? Why do you want a divorce"? asks the attorney.

"I've wanted a divorce for at least 50 years" says the old man. "I cannot stand this woman. Ne...

Epsteins victims were seeking justice

But were left hanging with Jefferys death.

I hate it when attention-seeking people announce their cake day

Well, I hate myself

An American man seeking peace among the religions of the East found a new guru.

After his new teacher had spoken for an hour on the importance of following one's inner nature along the path, the man interrupted to say: "I thought the idea was to lose one's desires and attain enlightenment."

"No, no," the teacher admonished. "That was Zen. This is Tao."

Many centuries ago, some thrill-seeking kings & queens would hire a special kind of jester to sneak up on them and try to scare the heck outta them at bedtime, what was it called?

Nightmare fool.

It absolutely bothers me when some attention seeking people make posts and comments indicating that it's it their cake day just so that people wish them.

I'm just glad I'm not one of those people

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A husband who filed against his wife appear in court to explain their reasons for seeking a divorce.

The judge is incredulous at the husband's grounds stating "She's a poor housekeeper", so he asks the husband to provide him more details.

"Well Judge. Every time I go to the kitchen to take a piss in the sink, it's always full of dirty dishes!"

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek...

They decide that Einstein is seeking. Pascal finds a wardrobe and hides inside. Newton finds some chalk, and draws a 1 meter by 1 meter square on the floor and sits inside it. When Einstein finishes counting he turns around and sees Newton. "I found Newton!" Says Einstein. "Actually, " says Newton,...

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A timber recycling centre placed a job ad seeking an experienced timber sorter.

And one morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

She gets her husband, the boss, who takes one look at the guy and says, "No offence pal, but how do you intend to sort timber if y...

Did you hear Earth is seeking psychiatric help?

It's bipolar...

The government was seeking for tenders to build a bridge

On Monday, the first contractor had a meeting with the minister.

"What's your quote?" the minister asked.

"$300 million" said the contractor.

"How do you come up with that figure?"

"Well," said the contractor, quietly, "$100 million for you, $100 million for me, and $10...

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

It's St Peter's day off and Jesus is manning the Pearly Gates...

When an old man arrives seeking admission. Jesus starts running through the application form.

"Name?" says Jesus in bored tone of voice.

"Joseph." The old man replies.

"Occupation?" Jesus drone on.

"Carpenter." Jesus looks up a little surprised but he continues.

"C...

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

Circus parents seeking adoption . . .

A couple who work at the circus go to an adoption agency. Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability as parents.

The couple produce photos of their 45 foot Class A Prevost coach, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then are doubtful about t...

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