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Injuring a part of your body makes you realize how many movements use that body part.

Like spraining your wrist and then having difficulty masturbating with your other hand.

Fat-Pride movement is the only movement...

Without movement.

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Did you know that when you say "poop" your mouth actually makes the same movements as your anus when you poop?

Same thing goes for "explosive diarrhea" ...

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I went to my doctor with severe constipation. I explained to him about my really, really dense bowel movements.

"Tough shit," he said.

Movement

So I was on the toilet for so long my movement became a fully fledged composition

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What do you call it when a garden shed supports the Nazi movement?

The Third Rake

Have you heard about the movement to replace lab rats with lawyers?

The researchers don't get so attached and there are *some* things a rat just won't do.

To counter the Islamist movement, we need to inject more christianity into our children.

No, father, not THAT way.

I mixed laxitives in with the Holy water today.

It started a religious movement.

The #MeToo movement wouldn't have worked 20 years ago

Because it would have been pronounced Pound Me Too.

Most people don't know that Adam Smith was caught up early on in the #metoo movement, when he was accused of groping his secretary.

But he insisted it was just the invisible hand...

I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a nasty bag of trash,

but the presidential secret service wouldn't let me anywhere near him.

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A man was driving on the freeway when he saw a sign that said "Whistle Blowjobs - 10 miles"

" whistle blowjobs?" He thought to himself, wondering what that was all about.

"They suck your dick while they whistle? That's impossible!"

Then he passed another sign: "Whistle Blowjobs - 5 miles"

And another: "Whistle Blowjobs - 1 mile"

At this time he was so curious...

I get that the “#me too” movement is supposed to be empowering...

But they could’ve picked a better slogan than “PoundMeToo”

I always thought it was vowel movement instead of bowel movement...

Which kind of makes sense if you think about it...

You’re on the toilet going Aaaaa.... Eeeee.... Iiiiii.... Oooooo.... Uuuuu...

And sometimes WHY?!?!

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Executives at Monsanto have announced an initiative to genetically alter deer for increased movement speed.

Those assholes will do anything to make a quick buck

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

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I thought my latest bowel movement was crap...

...but then I got a second wind.

The anti-vaxxer movement will end the same way that it started...

It'll go viral.

Two ants, a mother and her daughter, are out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One of them, with a sign reading "It's time to GO!" spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, but do you have a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support o...

What's the official song of the Anti Vaxx movement?

Down With the Sickness

How is fat acceptance a movement?

When nobody moves.

Let them eat Cake

Marie Antoinette started the body positivity movement. Quite revolutionary.

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You know what's the #MeToo movement's problem?

Fucking women.

“Doc, I’m no longer constopetid!”

Doctor: Do you mean constipated?

Man: No, I had a vowel movement.

Thanks to the anti-vaxx movement, people are dying needlelessly.

I hope this goes viral.

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement

He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

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Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"

The other friend replies: "No shit Sherlock, of course I do!"

Did you hear about the junkies who accidentally joined an alt right movement?

Apparently they thought they were signing up to Join For White Powder.

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

The #Metoo movement is getting out of hand! Now there are assault allegations against Slenderman!

But don't worry, they're all faceless accusations.

I ate four cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Then I had probably the biggest vowel movement ever.

My personal trainer in Moscow surprised me by making me do a weird turning movement while holding a medicine ball.

I guess you can say it was a Russian Twist.

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A bear started a cleaning program after a season

He gathered all the animals and gave each of them a task.
But 1 animal was missimg, a rabbit.
The bear was searching for him for couple of hours without finding him.
But then he noticed some movement in nearby bush.
He said: "Rabbit is that you ?"
He responded with: "Yes"
Then bear...

What did the nurse say to the patient who swallowed Scrabble tiles?

Don't worry, you'll have a vowel movement soon.

What’s the best way to track your bowel movement?

Keep a log.

Why can’t astrologers find humor in the movements of stars and planets?

The real joke is in the comets

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I met a man who claimed he hadn't had a bowel movement in nearly 3 weeks.

I'm pretty sure he was full of shit...

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

The year 2120 in a classroom.

Teacher: "That anti-vaccination movement eventually died out in the beginning of the 21st century."

Student: "I'm glad they finally came to their senses."

Teacher: "No. It was Polio."

The flat earth movement have a proud announcement to make:

We now have followers all around the globe.

I accidentally drank holy water with my laxatives.

I’m about to start a religious movement.

Yo mama so fat

There's an entire movement that thinks she's flat.

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A guy tried to get me to join the movement to ban porn.

I told him I'll give you my porn when you pry it from my warm, lubed hands.

Dogs should be able to vote.

The movement to accomplish this will be called ruffrage.

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Three Old Men are Sitting on a Park Bench

The first one starts talking about his problems regarding his health.

"Oh my god, I can't tell you how hard it is at my age. Every morning, I wake up at 7 o'clock, I go to the restroom and I try to urinate but no matter what I do, I can't go."

The second one then chimes in:

"You...

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A woman was in a coma

and she had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small, recognisable movement.

They w...

Millions of years ago there was a dinosaur empowerment movement called "dino-might."

It blew up over night.

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I've heard that couples who are close sometimes share pictures of their bowel movements

But it turns out my wife isn't a fan of my shit-posting.

I think the March for Our Lives Movement is slowing down.

I mean, first they were running for their lives, now they're just marching.

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A woman has been experiencing frequent bowel movements

A woman went to the doctor with a crappy problem for a while. “I wake up every morning, have my cup of coffee, and at 8:15am I’ll have a bowel movement” she explained to her doctor.

The doctors runs some tests and comes back with the results. “Ma’am, it seems to me that you have three little...

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Entertainment night at the senior home

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens' Centre.

After the community sing-along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show -Claude the Hypnotist!



Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.



"Yes, ea...

Two trucks crashed on the freeway, one carrying intestines for transplant, and the other carrying various types of chairs.

It was a catastrophic bowel movement. Bits of stool went everywhere.

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I went to the doctor because I hadn't had a bowel movement in nearly 2 weeks.

The doctor says to me "Well, it sounds like you're really bunged up."
I replied "No shit!"

Did you hear about the movement to ban shredded cheese?

They want to make America grate again.

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