UPJOKE
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The Test

This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dad’s.

The President of the USA decides to run an exercise to test the effectiveness of the CIA, the FBI and the LAPD with a simple task - a bunny rabbit will be let loose in a designated forest and he will send in one agency at a time ...

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A final CIA test for three men

An American, a Russian and a Bosnian man get to the final test to be admitted to the CIA. An American enters a room where he sees his wife Jennifer. A voice says: " There is a gun on the table, your last test is to kill your wife, no questions asked." American points the gun, but after a while gives...

My drug test came back negative.

My drug dealer has some explaining to do.

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Wife got her test results back. We thought she had Tourette’s syndrome. Tests were negative.

Turns out I am a cunt & she does want me to fuck off

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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

Home Covid Test.

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test aga...

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

Linda and Martha are talking. "Have you heard of the Bechdel Test?" asks Linda.

"Yes," answers Martha. "My boyfriend told me about it."

I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83...

On the plus side my IQ test came back positive

If I got 50¢ for every math test I've failed

I would have $7.20 by now

[presidential test post]

pls ignore

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

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The Italian Virginity Test ....

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin. His doctor says … “Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit: a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue paint, and a Shovel....

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The Irish Math test

*disclaimer, i didn't invent this joke and i'm not sure who did but i hope you enjoy it...

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, rep...

Got called in for a drug test at work...

They said I tested positive for opioids.

I said "Oh yeah. There were poppy seeds on my bagel this morning."

They said "What about the THC, cocaine, and LSD?"

"It was an everything bagel."

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Polish guy goes into an Opticians for an eye test.

Optician holds up the card with CZWJNYSACZ and asks him can he read that?

The Pole says “Read it? I know the cunt”.

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US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

Trump tests positive for COVID-19.

He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.

A man takes his wife to get tested

Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.

The doctor tells him, “Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer’

The man, clearly frustrated, asks, “Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?”
...

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because




ROBOTS CAN...

If I had 50c every time I failed a maths test...

I'd have $6.30 right now

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Failed my biology test today...

They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

I used to have a job as a crash test dummy

But it wrecked my career.

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The Rorschach Test (Classic)

A man goes to a Psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about sex."

The Psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots.

"What is this a picture of?" he asks.

The man turns the picture upside down then turns ...

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I just took an online IQ test...

"404" sounds pretty fucking high!

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A man had three beautiful girlfriends but didn’t know which one to marry. As a test, he decided to give each woman $5,000 to see how they would spend it.

The first girlfriend went out and got herself
a complete makeover, She told him,
"I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second went shopping and bought the man new golf clubs, an iPad and an 80-inch flatscreen television. She said,"I bought th...

A wife gives her husband a cheating test.

A man's wife wanted to know how her husband would react if she was to just up and leave one day so she came up with a way to trick her husband into thinking she had left. She wrote a note saying how she was tired of living with him and doesn't want to put up with him anymore. She left the note on t...

A Covid test nurse asked me if I’ve had a sudden loss of taste.

I told her, "No, I've dressed like this for quite a while."

A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!"

The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS"

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal…

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes...

An in-depth test to see if you know how to avoid Clickbait

Apparently not!

Little Johnny brought home his history test result, it was 90.

His father was so happy with it. However, his mother, Karen, just couldn't believe her son got 90 in history.

After taking a closer look at the marks, she found that the handwriting style of the 9 and the 0 are different.

"Johnny, you are so busted. Tell me, did you add the 0 to yo...

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Two students are waiting to give their oral tests...

The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside

Examiner- Suppose you are traveling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student- I will open the window.

Examiner- Great, now suppose that the area of the window is 10 sq. ft, the volume of the car is 1000 cubi...

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A father buys a lie detector that slaps people when they lie. He decided to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”

Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps th...

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus.

2 days later he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you sir that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?!

Doctor: I'd recommend taking h...

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."...

Test

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.

Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note sayin...

3 soldiers take a test to get into a secret elite unit

The instructor says to the first soldier "The love of your life is tied to a chair in that room. Here's a gun i want you to go in there and kill her. Then you have past the test". The soldier goes in the room and after 5 minutes walks back out and says "sorry I can't do it". The instructor says "wel...

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down ...

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, "Free Beer For Life If You Can Pass Our Test!"

He asks the bartender, "What's this 'test' you have?"
The bartender says, "Well first, you gotta chug a gallon of pepper tequilla. Next, you have to go out back and pull the sore tooth out of our angry alligator. And finally, we have a girl up stairs who's never slept with a man, and you gotta g...

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

One blonde tells another "I just took a pregnancy test"

The other replies: "Were the questions hard?"

My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals.

I told her I hope she gets a "C".

Whoever doesn't like 80's music needs a Covid Test...

because the symptoms are they have no taste.

Why did Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson’s family get tested for COVID-19

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.

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New Anal Covid Test;

Put one finger in your mouth,
The other in your ass,
Count to 10,
Swap fingers, and if you can't smell or taste the difference,
Isolate.

A new and easy test for COVID-19

Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it.
If you can then you are halfway there.

Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus.

I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free eve...

I just took an IQ test and I am SO happy...

Thank God it came back negative!

Am I adopted?

Fred came home from University in tears.

"Mum, am I adopted?"

"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?

Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side o...

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

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Doctor: ”I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating.”

Me: ”Oh no! Why doctor?"

Doctor: ”Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting.”

I took a dyslexia test online, but as it turns out it was actually a dysphoria test, so guess what...

I'm a gril who can't raed.

Woman gets test results for her husband from the doctor

Doctor: Well, ma'am, your husband can live a long and healthy life, but we have to observe a strict regimen for him, or he won't. First, no agitation. His heart doesn't take that well, so you have to speak quietly and softly to him, don't require him to make any hasty moves, don't wake him rudely an...

Four roommates get drunk the night before an exam and they miss the test.

They go to the professor with a story that they got a flat tire on their way to take the exam and they beg for the chance to take a make-up exam.

The professor agrees.

On the day of the make-up test all four students show up right on time. The professor looks at his watch and says "be...

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Welcome to the "Masturbation 101" course. This is quite sudden, but there will be a test next week.

I hope all of you will come

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The Simple Pregnancy Test App

You just have to urinate on the sceeen. If the screen gets covered in piss you are not allowed to have kids.

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month...

But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

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A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

Yo mama so dumb, the only test she got an A on was her blood test

...and even then, it was an A minus!

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CIA final test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background
checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists:
two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of
the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you w...

A rabbit, an imam, and a priest walk into a blood test centre.

A nurse approaches the rabbit and asks, “Do you know what blood type you are?” The rabbit responds with: “I think I might be a Type-O.”

Kid 1: That 99th test problem was a b***h!

Kid 2: Yeah, well at least we know one thing for certain - our teacher is not Jay-z.

I just downloaded an ancestry test kit

And frankly, I don’t care about where I’m from. I just want to know who I’m allowed to make fun of

A man goes to a doctor for a test result

The doctor comes back with the coronavirus test results and asks the patient whether they want to hear the good or bad news first.

The patient says: "First the bad, please."
The doctor says, "You have the coronavirus." "And what's the good news?" asks the patient.

Doctor: "I go...

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.

He..really gets a kick out of it.

A man goes to the doctor to get his test results...

The doctor says, I'm sorry but I have bad news. You have cancer.

The man says, oh no, that's terrible!

The doctor says, I'm very sorry, but I have even more bad news. You've also got Alzheimer's.

The man says, oh my God, that's awful! But hey, at least I don't have cancer!

Word Test

See if you can do this. Read each line aloud without making any mistakes. If you make a mistake you MUST start over or it won't work.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is dumbass cat
...

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Why is a Grammar Nazi the best pregnancy test?

If you miss a period, you’ll know right away.

We had random drug testing at work today.

The pcp was my favourite.

What's the best part of being a test tube baby?

You get a womb with a view

Testing products on animals

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.

Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.

So Boris Johnson has tested positive for COVID-19...

Anyone else concerned with how quickly the virus has jumped from human to politician?

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A man walks in a bar and sees a jar full of 100$ bills

A man walks in a bar and sees a jar full of $100 bills, so he asks the bartender why there is so much money in the jar.

The bartender replies that it is a bet and you have to pay $100 to partecipate. The bet consists in three tests:

The first test: You see that man sitting back there? ...

Scientists have finally managed to grow human vocal cords in a test tube

The results speak for themselves

The FBI, the CIA, and the KGB are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI receive 1000 tips about the rabbit's location but refuses to investigate.

The CIA burns down the whole forest and said there's no rabbit.

The KGB drags a man out of the forest and beats him as he screams "OK I'm a rabbit!"

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My girlfriend did a lie detector test.

"According to the results," said the conductor, "your girlfriend has been unfaithful."

I paused for a moment, then said, "Just how reliable are these results?"

"Extremely," he replied. "She gave me a blowjob in the car park earlier."

Got an A- on my blood test

Will have to do better next time, but I'm getting there!

If I had 50 cents for every time I failed a math test,

I’d have 16.40 dollars.

Why can’t you take a test in the jungle

Too many cheetahs.

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man.

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-ski...

I got six minors on my driving test.

I accidentally reversed into a school playground.

I just passed by Canadian citizenship test!

I got an eh +

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I searched the internet for a Rorschach test

but all I found were a bunch of drawings of my room mates having sex

The doctor gives test results back to a man

“I’m afraid you have Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and Onomatopoeia,” said the Doctor

The man asks, “What’s Onomatopoeia?”

The Doctor replies, “It’s exactly what it sounds like”

A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.

While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"

When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.

Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, de...

geography test

What is the capital of Austria?

\- Berlin

What is the capital of France?

\- Berlin

What is the capital of Poland?

\- Berlin

All wrong. Adolf, you're gonna fail the test

\- We shall see

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Low tech COVID test?

Stick one finger in your mouth and one finger in your butt. Wait two minutes then switch. If you can’t taste the difference you probably have Covid.

What kind of shoes commonly fail drug tests?

High heels

A 70 year old man went for a sperm test

The Doctor gave him a bottle to collect sperm.


The next day, the man came with the empty bottle and said he tried with his left hand then right hand.
Then his wife tried with her left hand and right
hand. Then his daughter-in-law tried with both
hands & mouth. Then the neighb...

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There was an American man who lived in Thailand and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time.

Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis

Freaked out, he went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 day...

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing e...

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities.

I scored 100%, 92%, and 88%

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again,...

Test

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints....

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A Polish guy goes for eye test.

Doctor points towards the last line on Eye Test Chart,

S I S Z T R Z T O W S K I

Doctor, "Can you read that?"

Polish guy, " Read that? I fucking know that guy!!!"

The teacher pulls Johnny aside after a test...

“Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests,” she says. “You know I can’t condone cheating.”

Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it.

"Well,” said the teacher. “I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', an...

Recent political joke circulating in China

Three men who don’t know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.

The first man said: “I opposed covid testing.”

The second man said: “I supported covid testing.”

The third man said: “I administered the covid tests.”

Math Test

Boy: Can I get your number?

Girl: Sorry I have a boyfriend

Boy: I have a math test

Girl: Why are you telling me this?

Boy: Oh i thought we were mentioning things we can cheat on

Dad: What did you get in your tests?

Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.

Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?

Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .

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A man goes to see a psychologist

He sits down, and the doctor pulls out some cards with some abstract inky blots on them. "I'm going to give you a a Rorschach test, please tell me what you see."

He holds up the first one. The man says "a naked lady"

The doc holds up another one. The man says "a naked lady with a dick"...

Not to brag, but I aced the drug test at work today.

Nobody got higher than me.

Old School Turtle Test

The Turtle Test tests how clean your mind is. There are four questions. Each question is correctly answered with a clean response.

Q1: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog do on three legs?

A1: >!Shake hands.!<

Q2: What's it called when two co...

A 16-year-old boy passes his driver's test and gets his license.

He says to his father, "Dad, I've got my license now, and I want the keys to the car."

"You're not getting the keys to the car. Before you get the keys, I want three things from you. I want you to cut your hair, I want you to dump your loser friends, and I want you to start going to church ag...

driving test.....

there is an old man and a little baby, what do you hit?





the brakes.

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My scientist wife decided to test the hyphotesis that more sex would improve our marriage. It's only been a week, and I've already concluded...

...that I'm in the control group.

I have to take a drug test in a month and I think I might fail

I don't know anything about drugs

I took an OCD test...

...nineteen times until I got it all right.

IQ Test

Psych Admin: "Sir, your IQ results are in, you scored 91."

The other guy: "Wow, my first A+"

A chemistry student was asked to explain if heaven or hell exists on a test...

The question was: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First...

I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign

I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it.

A client was pulled over for suspected dui. He was sober, and didn’t want to do a field sobriety test

But found out that asking “can you just blow me” isn’t a good way to communicate this to the officer.

Failed Test

But officer, I don't deserve a DUI. In all fairness I couldn't pass that balance test sober.

The camouflage test

\- **Soldier**: Hello commander Robert!

\-**Commander**: Hello! I didn't see you at the camouflage test...

\-**Soldier** :Thanks commander Robert!

On the first test drive of my guitar-shaped car, I had a crash.

A real Fender bender.

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An 18 year old girl tells her mom she has missed her period for 1 month. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit...

I tested positive for COVID-19 on New Year's Day.

Guess you could say I started 2022 on a positive note.

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab...

and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get...

My son got 8 out of 10 on his driver's test.

The other 2 managed to jump out of his way.

A psychiatrist is testing his patients

He asks the first one "what is 4+2?" The patient replies "potato" The doctor is disappointed and moves on to the next one. He asks the second one "what is 4+2?" the patient replies "5000" The doctor is disappointed and moves on to the next one. He asks the third one "what is 4+2?" the patient replie...

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Wondering if you might be a terrorist yourself ? Do the Terrorist Test here;

YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider ...

Zoology Test

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology. So he joined in and after one week of study, a test was held. 

The professor passed out sheets of small
paper where in each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird'...

The town mayor decided to test how competent their emergency services were.

Each service will be sent into the woods to find a rabbit by the end of the day.

First up are the ambulances. They rush into the woods, scoop up the first thing they see, and rush it to the nearest hospital before presenting the mayor with a massive bill for their time.

Then the fire...

Underwater Test Scores

Father: How were your test scores, son?


Son: Underwater, Dad.


Father: What do you mean underwater?


Son: You know, below C level.

A man goes to the Optician for his eye test.

The Optician asked him what he can see.
"I see empty airports, empty football grounds, closed theaters and closed pubs."
That's perfect says the Optician, you've got 2020 vision!

The first student walks into the room, where he will take an oral history test.

The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"

The first student replied, "Karl Marx."

The teacher asked, "In what year?"

The first student replied, "1848."

The teacher asked, "Are ghosts real?"

The first student replied, "The Party says no, the people say ye...

A woman wants to test her boyfriend

She thinks he may be unfaithful, so she asks her sister to help her with something.

As the boyfriend pulls up to the house and enters to find a trail of roses leading up to a closed door. He opens the door to find his girlfriends sister, laying on the bed.

"So, do you fancy it? You kn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sits in his doctor’s office waiting for some test results…

The doctor enters;

“So doc, what’s the prognosis?”

“Well, I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating”

“Oh no, why?”

“Because I’m trying to speak to you about your results”

Nike once did animal testing on their shoes

None of them fit.

A man answered an ad that read "Hiring welders $18-$24 per hour"..

When he arrived he was told he'd have to take a welding test.

He turned in 2 sets of welds. One was a great weld, the other was a mess.

When the boss asked him why he did this he replied "One is $18/hr, the other is $24/hr".

A woman got a paternity test done and received the news on Christmas day.

Turns out Philippe is Navi's dad

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