What did the cartoon character say to his brother in law when he found out his wife was crazy?

You knew she was looney and a maniac...and you didn’t warn a brother?

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"

If cartoon characters become real, who would attract most women?

Pinocchio

What is the capital punishment for cartoon characters?

Getting drawn & quartered.

Apparently its illegal to show some cartoons in the middle east

Most cities won't screen episodes of The Flintstones but Abu Dhabi doooooooo

Patient: every day I feel more and more like a cartoon rabbit

**Doctor:** you have a bad case of updoc

**Patient:** what’s updoc?

**Doctor:** this is more serious than I thought

I saw a cartoon portraying a politican like a goat

It was satyr.

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A boy was assigned homework by his school teacher.

He needed to go home and come up with words or phrases he uses in just about everyday life to present to the class. He then decides to ask his family members for help and goes to his father first.

“Hey dad, I need some help with my homework.”

While his dad is busy watching the football...

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Legs in Japanese cartoons are cool

I just love anime shins.

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One day a little girl was watching cartoon when a porno came through

The little girl asked her mom "What are they doing?" The girls mom said "baking a cake." Then the next day they were walking in the park and there were these people making out And the girl said "Look mommy they are baking a cake!" The next day the girl says "Mommy you and Daddy were baking a cake la...

Which cartoon character curses the most?

The Road Runner

What do you call a deer who wants to make cartoons?

Adobe Illustrator.

What is a Irish nationalists favourite cartoon?

Fenians & Ferb

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

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BECOMING AMERICAN

Two Saudi brothers come to America and one buys a house on the west coast and the other on the east coast. They are so excited about being Americans and during their goodbyes they make a $10,000 bet: in two months they will meet again and the one that is the most American wins.

Two months pas...

Man: "I've always had this absurd feeling that I'm a cartoon character"

Psychologist: "That's a rather unusual mental state... How long have you felt this way?"

Man: "Ever since I was an outline..."

I rubbed a lamp and genie popped out, he said I could have ONE wish, so I wished for some of my words to be replaced with the names of cartoons

I am having a few Rugrats

I had a picture of my favorite cartoon rabbit, but when I came home one day, someone encased it in glass and hung it up.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

I went to the doctor and said "Doctor, I'm having trouble hearing." The doctor said "What are the symptoms?"

I said "A yellow cartoon family"

A beloved cartoon artist was found dead in their home today

Officers state that the details are sketchy

My blonde friend Charlene phones me up to ask for help with her jigsaw puzzle

I said "Surely, you can manage a simple jigsaw puzzle without needing help?"
She said "No honesty, it's really hard. The pieces are quite similar. I've been working on it night and day for a week and I've got nowhere"
I said "what's the picture of?"
"She said "It's a cartoon chicken."
I ...

Which cartoon character have you seen live?

Donald Duck

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Little johnny learns about the birds and the bee's

Saturday morning little Johnny wakes up and as he is about to go to the living room to watch Saturday morning cartoons he hears loud noise coming from down the hall. He follows the sound which brings him to his parents bedroom. Curious about what the noise is he slowly opens his parents bedroom door...

George Clooney creates an iTunes playlist and fills it with various cartoon soundtracks.

Clooney Tunes

A Sliced Dairy Product

There was once a man named Ani. Ani was a long-time comedian. He had been running both a YouTube and a Twitter account for an entire decade, and did stand-up in bars and comedy clubs. Everywhere he went, he was showered with praise for his originality and dedication. On one 17th of August, however, ...

A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.

"All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?" asks the agent.

The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!"

"Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out."

"No, wait," says the man. "I...

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Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon dicks on them.

I hate junk mail.

On my TV I can see plenty of zombies, cartoon characters, and religious hucksters.

I guess the elections are coming up soon!

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

A wife was cleaning under the bed of the guest room when she found 2 eggs and a 10 thousand dollars

She went to her husband and asked him what was that.

So he said “well to be honest when we got married I decided that every time i am cheat on you i would buy an egg”

“Well 2 times in thirty years isn’t that bad. What about the 10 k” she replied

“Well every time I collected a f...

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Three years ago I mistakenly bought my son a giant conch shell…

I have a son who’s on the spectrum. It’s quite common for people like him to latch onto one specific topic and become an absolute encyclopedia about it. Some people choose trains, some a cartoon. For my son, this was mollusks. Interesting topic I know, but it seemed to be a pretty good deal for us b...

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Six Letters of the Alphabet

Billy was a boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, the teacher gave the class a simple task.

“Ok class, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

So Billy left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he ...

Yesterday Reddit, Hulu and Xbox live was down

Must have been a boring day for the staff at BuzzFeed. They couldn't play Call of Duty and insult each other, watch cartoons or even copy and paste more stories for their website.

Now that Lucasfilm is owned by Disney . . .

Will ILM be removing the Notre Dame Cathedral from the Hunchback cartoon?

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Why is Japans birthrate so low?

Because kids and cartoons can't get pregnant.

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The hangover

A guy wakes up with a horrible hangover after a bender. Can barely open his eyes. Head pounding. Stomach churning.

He looks around, and with some relief realizes that he’s at home, in his bed. There’s a glass of water and two aspirins on his night stand, along with a note from his wife: “Dar...

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Classic Rocky and Bullwinkle pun

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police.

There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town's leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered her...

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Once, a kindergarten boy had to count to five

The class teacher assigned this boy to count to five the next day. When he went home, he asked his mother, who was talking on the phone:

"What is one?"

His mother replied, "be quiet!"

Then he went over to his brother, who was watching cartoons and not paying attention.

He...

Two men were chatting in a bar

"So what do you do?"

"I write"

"Oh, poetry or prose?"

"Neither, I write cartoons"

"Why's that?"

"No rhyme or reason"

Pluto's Orbit

Did you know that Pluto's orbit around the sun is so large that it didn't even complete a single Pluto year between the time we found it and declassified it as a planet? It takes 248 earth years for 1 Pluto year. Isn't that horrible? Put it this way. We named a planet after a cartoon dog, and before...

"..A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news..'"

"This remind me of a hilarious joke. A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news.'
'What are the bad news?' asks the patient.
'You only have 24 hours to live.' replies the doctor.
'Oh my, that's terrible! What could possibly be worse than that?!'
'Well, I've been t...

What is the difference between Donald Duck and Donald Trump?

One is a cartoon character with a hot temper and the other is a duck.

The Crunch Bird

There are many variations on this joke, including an old cartoon from the 1960s or 70s. This is just the version I remember off the top of my head:
A woman walks into a pet store looking for a new pet. After a few minutes of browsing around, she's not impressed by what she finds. She's about t...

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2 guys at a restaurant

2 guys are at a restaurant on the roof of a tall building.

the 1st guy says, 'I bet you a beer that I can jump off the ledge and the wind will blow me right back up to this restaurant.'

the 2nd guy says, 'you're on!' (not sure if he was kidding or not)

So the 1st guy jumps off t...

What do ISIS and anime fans have in common?

They both get hot and bothered over cartoons.

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