What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?

The whites are useless.

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Why did the hen share her crayons with the rooster?

So the cock could doodle too

Whenever my wife is upset

Whenever my Wife is upset, I let her color in my black and white tattoos.

Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to crayon..

We all know Marines eat crayons, but what's their favorite flavor of crayon?

Crayonberry.

Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?

Yellow?

Where does a crayon go on vacation?

Color-ado. My seven year old just told me this one.

Why do nurses like red crayons?

Because they often have to draw blood!

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I was traveling on a 10 hour flight and thought I'd have a quick chat to make time go by faster

So I turn towards the young person beside me.

Me: Hello, would you like to have a quick chat to make time go by quicker?

She: Sure. What do you want to talk about?

Me: So why don't we talk about Iran's Nuclear Program?

Then she goes "All right then" and puts down her cra...

Yesterday, I walked into my living room and caught my son eating crayons.

Beaming with joy, I looked over to my wife and said “babe, he is going to make such a great Marine”

I feel sorry for kids who used to eat chalks and crayons when they were little.

They must have dyed inside a little.

Offensive crayon ideas!

Presidential Orange

Miscarriage Maroon

Privilege White

Travel Ban Brown

Lives Matter Black

"I should have known better than to talk to him like that, these bruises are my fault" Blue

Crayons are just like M&Ms....

They taste the same no matter what colour they are.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

Where do crayons go on vacation?

Color-ado

My Dad has a box of crayons on him at all times

I'm so proud that he's in the Marines

I bought my grandchildren some crayons. I have to say...

... they make my kin scrawl.

What do you call a crayon that looks like a strawberry?

A cranberry.

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No matter how many crayons you eat

If you paint with your poop it’s always going to come out looking like shit

What did the White crayon say to the Black crayon?

We make a GRAY team!

What did the paper say to the crayon when he found out that the crayon was pregnant?

Well color me surprised!

My niece stabbed me with a red crayon today...

It drew blood

What's the worst part about an unexpected box of Crayons?

It's out of the blue.

When our little girl was sick in hospital we bought her a lifetime supply of crayons.

It cost $3.

Little Jimmy is in first grade...

All his art work he has been bringing home from school is in black and brown. Fearing this may indicate a mental health problem, his parents take him to a psychologist for evaluation.

The psychologist says "First I would like to see a sample of your art work" and hands him a sheet of paper...

A Hot Mess

A boy and a girl are spending some time together at home until...

Girl: “Can you make me some hot chocolate?”

Boy: “Sure.”

After some time, the boy returns with a hot cup and gives it to the girl, she takes a sip and immediately spits it out.

Girl: “This tastes horrible! ...

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I went on the sex offender registry and found the addresses of all the sex offenders in my area, and sent them all hate mail.

Just to make sure they read it, I wrote the letters in crayon.

My wife accused me of being unsympathetic and not listening, so I bought her a GI Joe coloring book.

Now she'll always have a soldier to crayon.

After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie

House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall

I hated eating my greens in school when I was a kid

They always tasted worse than the other crayons

Fill out job applications in crayon...

...and if you don’t get hired, just blame it on your color.

I heard Joe Biden was gonna get the same intelligence briefing Trump gets everyday for the first time tomorrow.

Does the coloring book come with crayons?

My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.

So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.

Pencil Box Kingdom

Who's the king of the pencil box?

The ruler.

What's the kingdom's most important discovery?

Pencillin.

What is the national sport?

Erasing.

What's the national motto?

Keep calm, Crayon.

Who are their discriminated minority?

The whites....

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

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A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

I just can't draw blood

With this orange crayon.


It isn't sharp enough.

So my niece asked me if they have to swim to get in the Navy.

I couldn't figure it out, but I guessed she thought about it after my nephew declared that he was going into the Marines and stole her crayons.

My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like she was special...

...so I got her a helmet and a box of crayons!

What's the biggest difference between a crayon and your ex?

The crayon is non-toxic!

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On Christmas Eve, a postman is collecting letters from the post box when he comes across a letter addressed to Father Christmas

Intrigued, he opens it, to find, scrawled in orange crayon, the words

"Dear Santa,

My family is very poor, so this year I don't want any presents. Please could you just send me £20 so I can give it to my parents?

Love Kevin".

Touched, the postman searches his pockets, wh...

What's an artist's favorite fruit?

Crayon-berries

Sorry

Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors.

So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece.

This orange does not taste right...

I think I'm gonna put it back in the crayon box.

People are like a crayons

The white ones are useless.

I had a package delivered

And it was covered in drool and crayon.

That's the last time I pay for a special delivery.

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A firefighter, a Native American, and a soldier are in a plane...

...flying over the US. They aren't up very high and so the windows are open (ignore the unscientific logic of this, it's a joke). They've been in there quite some time, and the firefighter starts getting bored. He pulls out his extra hat and drops it out the window just to see what will happen.
...

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