UPJOKE
pastelpencilcrayolachalkwaxeraserinkhighlighterdrawcharcoalpetroleumdoodlesketchbookacryliccollage

Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones?

Yellow?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the hen share her crayons with the rooster?

So the cock could doodle too

Where does a crayon go on vacation?

Color-ado. My seven year old just told me this one.

What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?

The whites are useless.

Why do nurses like red crayons?

Sometimes they have to draw blood

Sometimes when people are sad, I let them color in my tattoos.

Sometimes people just need a shoulder to crayon.

We all know Marines eat crayons, but what's their favorite flavor of crayon?

Crayonberry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He can't help but notice that the covers to all the electrical sockets behind the bar have been scribbled all over with what appears to be crayons. "So what's up with all the crayon scribbles on the plug-ins?" he asks the bartender. "Oh, I did that," the bar...

I got some black and white tattoos done in shapes a few years ago, and anytime my wife gets upset she just lies on me and colours them in...

I guess sometimes, she just needs a shoulder to crayon.

Credit u/HugoZHackenbush2

I feel sorry for kids who used to eat chalks and crayons when they were little.

They must have dyed inside a little.

Where do crayons go on vacation?

Color-ado

Crayons are just like M&Ms....

They taste the same no matter what colour they are.

Yesterday, I walked into my living room and caught my son eating crayons.

Beaming with joy, I looked over to my wife and said “babe, he is going to make such a great Marine”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was traveling on a 10 hour flight and thought I'd have a quick chat to make time go by faster

So I turn towards the young person beside me.

Me: Hello, would you like to have a quick chat to make time go by quicker?

She: Sure. What do you want to talk about?

Me: So why don't we talk about Iran's Nuclear Program?

Then she goes "All right then" and puts down her cra...

What did the paper say to the crayon when he found out that the crayon was pregnant?

Well color me surprised!

How do programmers arrange their crayons?

They use color coding.

I bought my grandchildren some crayons. I have to say...

... they make my kin scrawl.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

What do you call a crayon that looks like a strawberry?

A cranberry.

My Dad has a box of crayons on him at all times

I'm so proud that he's in the Marines

My niece stabbed me with a red crayon today...

It drew blood

Fill out job applications in crayon...

...and if you don’t get hired, just blame it on your color.

When our little girl was sick in hospital we bought her a lifetime supply of crayons.

It cost $3.

What's the worst part about an unexpected box of Crayons?

It's out of the blue.

Mental hospital

The doctor is having a test on his patients to see if they are already fit to go back on their normal lives.

So the doctor drew an imaginary door using crayons on a big wall to see if the patients can distinguish a real door or not.

Then the doctor said "Who wants to go outside?" point...

A woman comes home to her husband, upset and bawling her eyes out...

Her husband, who's having a chat with one of his mates over a coffee, takes his shirt and vest off, gives the woman a box with some colouring stuff in, and she calms down and begins to draw Noddy in wax on her husband's right scapula.

The husband's mate looks bemused and asks the guy what she...

My wife accused me of being unsympathetic and not listening, so I bought her a GI Joe coloring book.

Now she'll always have a soldier to crayon.

I hated eating my greens in school when I was a kid

They always tasted worse than the other crayons

My wife said she wanted to feel special this Valentines Day.

So I bought her a helmet and some crayons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went on the sex offender registry and found the addresses of all the sex offenders in my area, and sent them all hate mail.

Just to make sure they read it, I wrote the letters in crayon.

After Trump changes course of hurricane with a sharpie

House approves budget of 12 crayons for border wall

Pencil Box Kingdom

Who's the king of the pencil box?

The ruler.

What's the kingdom's most important discovery?

Pencillin.

What is the national sport?

Erasing.

What's the national motto?

Keep calm, Crayon.

Who are their discriminated minority?

The whites....

What's the biggest difference between a crayon and your ex?

The crayon is non-toxic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

Little Jimmy is in first grade...

All his art work he has been bringing home from school is in black and brown. Fearing this may indicate a mental health problem, his parents take him to a psychologist for evaluation.

The psychologist says "First I would like to see a sample of your art work" and hands him a sheet of paper...

I heard Joe Biden was gonna get the same intelligence briefing Trump gets everyday for the first time tomorrow.

Does the coloring book come with crayons?

I was applying to volunteer at a blood drive, but they rejected me when they asked me to demonstrate drawing blood.

I guess they didn't want me to use crayon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prison guard gives Bill Cosby and opportunity...

After several brutal years in prison, Bill Cosby is approached by a prison guard who presents him with what seems like a great opportunity.

"Bill," he says, "you've demonstrated good behavior in here for the past couple years despite all the harassment from the other inmates. I know it must n...

I just can't draw blood

With this orange crayon.


It isn't sharp enough.

My girlfriend wanted me to treat her like she was special...

...so I got her a helmet and a box of crayons!

This orange does not taste right...

I think I'm gonna put it back in the crayon box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Christmas Eve, a postman is collecting letters from the post box when he comes across a letter addressed to Father Christmas

Intrigued, he opens it, to find, scrawled in orange crayon, the words

"Dear Santa,

My family is very poor, so this year I don't want any presents. Please could you just send me £20 so I can give it to my parents?

Love Kevin".

Touched, the postman searches his pockets, wh...

So my niece asked me if they have to swim to get in the Navy.

I couldn't figure it out, but I guessed she thought about it after my nephew declared that he was going into the Marines and stole her crayons.

Why did the elephant paint itself lots of different colors.

So that it could hide in the crayon box. Courtesy of my 4 y/o niece.

People are like a crayons

The white ones are useless.

I had a package delivered

And it was covered in drool and crayon.

That's the last time I pay for a special delivery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A firefighter, a Native American, and a soldier are in a plane...

...flying over the US. They aren't up very high and so the windows are open (ignore the unscientific logic of this, it's a joke). They've been in there quite some time, and the firefighter starts getting bored. He pulls out his extra hat and drops it out the window just to see what will happen.
...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.