A legless crossdresser?

Drag Queen

Two Dragons walk into a bar

Dragon 1: It’s a bit hot in here

Dragon 2: Shut your mouth

DRAG QUEEN NAME

Came up with a great drag queen name :
Jenna Talia

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”.

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jack?” says the operator, conc...

A friend asked if I'd like to go drag racing,

I had to politely decline.

I can't even walk, never mind run in high heels

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

I tried drag racing the other day

It is murder trying to run in heels.

Tapeworms built a plane, but it didnt fly very fast.

Turns out they forgot to account for parasite drag.

Donald Trump hired a group of drag queen sheep...

They were called the “Fake Ewes”

I hate when my wife drags me to a dance class.

She knew I was paraplegic when she married me.

Did i ever tell u about the time i went to see a drag race?

Yeah... I wasnt expecting to see a bunch of dudes dressed as ladies heading for the finish line.

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

What’s the hardest part about drag racing?

Running in heels.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is giant, pink and drags across the ocean floor?

Moby's Dick

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My ex begged me frequently to drag my balls across her face(nfsw)

Turns out she's sackreligous.

What I don't understand about drag racing

is why they're all dressed like women.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men both drag their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1968."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why are there no transvestites in space?

Because there is zero drag.

 

 

^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.

 

 

 

Edit: ***SANITIZED VERSION***

 

Q: Why are there no drag queens in space?
<...

I've been doing some drag racing recently.

It's quite the transsport.

What's the difference between a weed and a lion in drag?

One is a dandelion and one is a dandy lion!

I have a dog with no legs

I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.

Did you hear about the scottish drag queen?

He wore pants.

What do you call a drag queen with a cold floating in a pool?

Phlegmbouyant

What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?

The phrase "I blew a tranny" means something totally different.

Why are dragons such good story tellers?

Because they have long tails

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two tribal men drag two criminals into the Chief's hut...

The Chief asked the first criminal, "You shall choose your punishment for your crimes! Choose!"

"Death! Or Canyananga?"

Criminal #1 thought: "Well, I don't want to die..."

"Canyananga!"

The Chief responded, "Very well. Bring in... Canyananga."

An ugly, giant ...

Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?

Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, "Wow! That looks deep."

The second guy says, "It sure does. Let's throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We'll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing."

So they pick up a few pebbles...

My girlfriend tried to drag me to yoga with her...

I said, "namaste here".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A couple of sub-par jokes.

Chris returned home after a long day out on the course. Upon walking through the door, he was greeted by his wife, who asked about his game.

"Oh honey, it was awful," sighed Chris. "Glen- you know Glen; Trish's husband?- he had a heart attack and dropped dead on the second hole."

"My G...

Say what you will about drag queens...

but they get into more woman's pants than I do.

Drag slicks are a lot like condoms...

...you don't really mind a broken one until you realize how expensive it's going to be.

SPOILER ALERT:

I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,

when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A terrible joke

My friend was really mad at me because I was masturbating while sniffing his sisters underwear I think it was because she was still in them. It really made the rest of her funeral a real drag.

Why should you hire a drag queen to help clean your garage?

They know how to tuck away junk.

I went to a drag race yesterday

It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.

Golf "is" a drag

Bob and his three golf buddies were out, playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.

The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong?

Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes, then...

They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show

Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called "Drag Races".

A physicist, engineer, and statistician go hunting...

After a long day of no luck, they are walking back dejectedly, rifles slung over their shoulders. Suddenly, they spot a deer in a clearing 150 feet away.

"I'll get him," the physicist says, doing some quick calculations and taking aim. BANG! The shot goes 10 feet long, but amazingly, the deer...

What do you call a broke-down speedster?

A drag racer

A man spends the entire night getting hammered at his local pub.

After last call, the man stands up from his stool but falls flat on his face trying to walk. He pulls himself up in the doorway of the bar, attempts to stand, but falls flat on his face to the sidewalk. He drags himself to his car and drives home. He tries to unlock his front door, finally gets it u...

Years ago I used to do a lot of drag racing...

...buy I kept tripping in those high heels

An old lady is walking down the street when a mugger grabs her, drags her into an alley, and starts groping around down in her bra.....

The old lady asks, "What the hell are you doing!?"

The mugger says, "I'm looking for the money!"

The old lady replies, "Well, keep that up and I'll write you a check!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman...

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman are trekking through the jungle together. They’re hacking down trees, killing leopards, and generally doing manly things.

All of a sudden, they are confronted by a group of natives, who grab the trio and drag them to their little village and tie them to s...

Tony Stark's drag queen name.

Fe Male.

Longwinded story of a pigfarmer

A pigfarmer needs his smaller herd of pigs bred one year, but the hog rental place is flooded with requests. He pleads with them for his business sake, before the guy from the hog place finally lets him in on a little secret - it's actually possible to inpregnate the pigs yourself, but the place wil...

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident...

The doctors save his life but he loses an eye. Before a glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.
The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home moping around. Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and cheer him up. While a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy hears a noise on his roof. He goes outside and sees a large black bear on the roof.

So he calls an animal trapper and explains the situation. The trapper says he'll be right over.

About an hour later, the trapper rolls up in a huge pickup truck with a large metal cage in the bed. He gets out of the truck followed by a tough looking pitbull. The dog looks pretty beat up, with...

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

A man has been stuck on a desert island for 10 years

when he notices an unusual speck in the distance.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer the man starts to rule out the possibility that it’s a small boat or even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, is a beautiful blonde woma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are stranded on a desert island. (Long) (NSFW)

Three men wash up on a desert island. They don’t know each other and don’t know where they are. Soon, they get very hungry. They go into the island to see if they can find any food. They happen to stumble upon an enormous cache of perfectly ripe fruits. They eat to their heart’s delight, and when th...

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.

One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lost goat

So these two redneck guys are walking through a forest and hunting for squirrels and rodents and shit. They come across a giant sink hole in a wide open cut of the forest. One redneck says to the other “ I wonder how deep this here hole is.” The other redneck says “let’s find something to throw in t...

An Irishman has been shipwrecked and stranded on an island for over 20 years. [MEDIUM]

One day, on his daily walk of the beach, he sees something way out in the ocean. At first he couldn’t make out what it was, as it got closer, he could see something red.

Finally, it was close enough to determine that the red was actually the hair of a woman. A very pretty dame in her 20s. ...

The Three-Legged Pig

An insurance salesman decides to make one last cold call on his country route and winds up way in the back country at the end of a dirt road. He drives up to the farm, gets out of the car with his briefcase, and walks up to the door. On his way, he glances at the fenced in area attached to the bar...

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning.

"I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes...

So there's this musician.....

So theres this musician who is incredibly gifted. Any instrument he touches he can instantly play at a masters level. Unfortunately for the musician he lived in a country ruled by a dictator. One day the dictator learns of the musician's talent and has the musician brought before him.

The dic...

A boy stays home from school one day and catches his mother having a steamy affair...

He is playing in his parents bedroom when he hears his mother lead her lover up the stairs. The boy hides away in the closet. Before things get heated, however, his father comes home early. “Quick, into the closet!,” she yells, and the lover hides inside.

“It’s dark in here, isn’t it?,” asks ...

A man is eating dinner at a very nice restaurant with his Ostrich...

and as they finish up, the waitress brings him the bill. He owes exactly $84.38. The Ostrich takes a long drag from his cigarette, and without looking or hesitating the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly enough to pay the bill. The waitress was impressed but didn’t really give it a se...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all running from these police officers.

They find a shack that has 3 potato sacks in it and decide to hide there in the sacks. The police officers find the shack and see the sacks.

They kick the first one with the brunette in it. She says "Meow, meow!". So they think it's a cat in there.

They move on and kick the second one ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 dogs walk into a bar ..

The first dog, a big dog, walks to the bar and asks for 3 frothy beers. The barman is stunned and exclaims "What!? A talking dog! I can't believe it!"

The dog sighs. "I get this all the time! I'm a talking dog. Whoopty doo. My name is Huey and I do regular dog things. I chase cars, drag my ar...

Two blondes went out deer hunting...

...and they managed to shoot a deer. They started dragging the deer by the hind legs to get it back to their pick up truck.

An experienced hunter saw them and said, "No, girls, you're doing it wrong. You're dragging against the grain of the deer's hair. If you drag by the antlers, you'll...

An old lady is looking to buy a condom...

At a nursing home, two elderly women, Ethel and Vivian, are smoking outside on their balcony.

It starts raining, and Ethel pulls a thin rubber tube out of her purse and carefully slips it over the lit end of her cigarette.

“What is that?” Vivian asks her.

“A condom. I just sn...

I don't like these Chinese New Year celebrstions

They tend to Drag-on.

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Husband goes golfing every Saturday morning with the same foursome.

But he’s always home by 2 o’clock so his wife puts up with it.

This one Saturday, 2 o’clock comes and goes. Three, four, five; still not home.

Finally at 6 o’clock he comes staggering through the front door. He’s dirty, he’s sweaty, he looks totally exhausted.

His wife exclai...

Two men stumble across a hole in the woods.

They want to see how far down it goes, so they look around for something to drop inside.

One man notices an old rusty anvil.

With great effort, they drag it to the hole and push it inside.

The watch the anvil drop into the hole, and even after it disappeared into the blackness, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A butler comes up to his lord reading a book to tell him something urgent.

"Milord?" says the butler.

"Yes, Alfred? What do you need?" answers his lord.

"I am sorry for this interuption but I've found some monkey that is up on one of the palm trees we have planted in our garden recently, milord." explained himself Alfred.

Lord sighs, closes his book an...

A man walks into a bar carrying a dog with no legs...

The bartender says, "What's your dog's name? The man replies "Cigarette". The bartender says "Why'd you name him that?" The man replies, "Because every morning, I take him out for a drag."

Paddy and the new girlfriend

Paddy rings his new  girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers.

Excitedly she opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags Paddy in.

She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says 'This is for the flowers!'

'Don't be silly,' says Padd...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says...

"Wait, honey, there's somethin' I need you to know. I'm a virgirn"
"WHAT THE FUCK?" The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out. He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Every Saturday Leon played golf with his best friend Charlie.

It didn't matter if it was sunny, raining, or hailing they played golf like clockwork. When he got home his wife would ask how his day went, and he would say:

"It was wonderful, because I got to play golf."

After 30 years of this Charlie, unfortunately, died. The next Saturday Leon kep...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off!”

“What happened?” asked the bartender politely.

“See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her goddamned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window an...

How long does it take a cross dresser to get to the ground if they jump out of a plane?

Depends on the drag coefficient

What do you call two speeding men in dresses?

Drag racing.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits a brothel

A man—a salesman to be exact—is driving along an old two lane highway. It’s the worst part of his territory, as it takes him far from home for days on end.

He misses his wife, his tv, his wife, his la-z-boy, and most of all...his wife.

His mind starts to wander as he thinks of his wi...

A soldier and a citizen are sharing a cigarette in soviet Moscow one evening when they see a man hurrying down the street...

"Hey! You there! Stop, comrade!" says the soldier.

The man continues to rush down the street, nearly at a full run.

"I said STOP!" shouts the soldier as he shoulders his rifle.

The man continues his rush down the street as a crack thunders through the air and the man falls to t...

Foot, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot

There's a road, on one side is a beautiful green field and on the other side is a horrible muddy field with three sheep. The first sheep is named Foot, the second sheep is named Foot Foot and the third sheep is named Foot Foot Foot. One day Foot said to Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot "Bah, Foot Foot a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Traveling Salesman

A traveling salesman is going door to door in a small town. After having the door slammed in his face multiple times he decides to knock on one last door. The door is answered by a 10 year old boy wearing lingerie, high heels, lipstick and smoking a cigarette.

Salesman (shocked) : Young man a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Scotsman walks into a pub...

He drags himself onto a stool and orders a beer. Placing the full glass in front of him, the bartender inquires upon his sad face.

The man answers with a smoky and trembling voice and a Scottish accent:

Ah, tell ya man! This pub, this very pub we're just sitting in. I built it, with m...