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A construction worker comes home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he grabs the guy and drags him naked down the stairs to the garage.

He grabs the guy’s cock, puts it in a vise, screws it down real tight and removes the handle of the vise. Then he rummages around in a drawer until he finds a hacksaw, which he picks up and displays to the terrified man.

The man, wide-eyed, screams, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to cut off my...

Do you know what the opposite of a drag race is?

I don't, but the truck driver passing another on the interstate sure might.

I like drag racing

Dressing up in women's clothing and driving down the street full speed

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What’s grey, weighs 500 pounds, and drags along the bottom of the ocean?

Moby’s Dick

The worst drug in the world

is the one people use incorrectly as past tense form of the verb to drag.

Why are drag queens such good swimmers?

Because they're very flambuoyant.

A legless crossdresser?

Drag Queen

Two Dragons walk into a bar

Dragon 1: It’s a bit hot in here

Dragon 2: Shut your mouth

A friend asked if I'd like to go drag racing,

I had to politely decline.

I can't even walk, never mind run in high heels

My grandfather adopted a legless dog and named him Cigarette.

And after a long day, he goes for a drag.

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Two boys...

Two boys an 8 year old and his 6 year old brother are talking one morning and the 8 year old says “today at breakfast to mess with mom we should each say a cuss word. I’ll say hell and you say ass.” The 6 year old agrees.
So they go downstairs to the kitchen and the mom asks the 8 year old “what...

DRAG QUEEN NAME

Came up with a great drag queen name :
Jenna Talia

What’s the hardest part about drag racing?

Running in heels.

Why did the squirrel judge the drag queen competition?

He is an expert at hiding nuts.

I tried drag racing the other day

It is murder trying to run in heels.

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says “I’m outside 28 Eucalyptus Road”.

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There’s shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. “Jack?” says the operator, conc...

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer"

A mob drags a man into a police station for running over 13 people, while shouting "Murderer!" "Killer "
The policeman disperses the crowd and begins to interrogate the suspect.

The policeman :" Tell me what happened. "

The suspect :" Sir I was driving home within the speed limit ...

I hate when my wife drags me to a dance class.

She knew I was paraplegic when she married me.

I have a dog with no legs

I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.

Did i ever tell u about the time i went to see a drag race?

Yeah... I wasnt expecting to see a bunch of dudes dressed as ladies heading for the finish line.

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My ex begged me frequently to drag my balls across her face(nfsw)

Turns out she's sackreligous.

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What is giant, pink and drags across the ocean floor?

Moby's Dick

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Two men both drag their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1968."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."

What I don't understand about drag racing

is why they're all dressed like women.

Donald Trump hired a group of drag queen sheep...

They were called the “Fake Ewes”

I've been doing some drag racing recently.

It's quite the transsport.

Did you hear about the scottish drag queen?

He wore pants.

What's the difference between a weed and a lion in drag?

One is a dandelion and one is a dandy lion!

What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?

The phrase "I blew a tranny" means something totally different.

What do you call a drag queen with a cold floating in a pool?

Phlegmbouyant

My girlfriend tried to drag me to yoga with her...

I said, "namaste here".

Why did cavemen drag their women by the hair?

Cause if you dragged them by the feet, they'd fill up with dirt.

Why are dragons such good story tellers?

Because they have long tails

I went to a drag race yesterday

It's amazing how fast men can run in heels.

Say what you will about drag queens...

but they get into more woman's pants than I do.

SPOILER ALERT:

I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.

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A terrible joke

My friend was really mad at me because I was masturbating while sniffing his sisters underwear I think it was because she was still in them. It really made the rest of her funeral a real drag.

Jane was waiting for Sam to return from an outing with his boss. Around 6:30 p.m., she began to worry.

Sam finally stumbled in around 8pm, and looked exhausted and worn out.

"What happened? You were supposed to be here 3 hours ago. You look horrible!"

Sam caught his breath and collapsed on his couch. "We were playing golf... we got to the third hole, and the boss had a heart attack and...

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Three guys die and go to hell [LONG]

Satan meets them for orientation. He asks the first one "What was your favorite sin in life?" He replies "It would have to be booze, I stayed drunk all the time." So Satan leads him to a door and opens it to reveal a giant room containing acres of every type of alcoholic drink imaginable; beers, ...

Golf "is" a drag

Bob and his three golf buddies were out, playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.

The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong?

Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes, then...

They're giving Caitlyn Jenner ANOTHER TV show

Apparently, they have her competing in the Olympics again. It's going to be called "Drag Races".

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident.

The doctors saved his life, but he lost one eye. Before a nice glass one could be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye.

The man becomes very depressed because of his eye loss and sits at home, moping around.

Eventually his friends come over and drag him out to a bar to try and ...

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

A horse and a chick are playing in a meadow...

After a time, the horse gets stuck in the mud. Frantic, he tells the chick to run to the farm and get the farmer to pull him out.

The chick runs as fast as her little legs will carry her and reaches the farm to find the farmer is nowhere to be seen. She finds an open window into the farmhous...

A physicist, engineer, and statistician go hunting...

After a long day of no luck, they are walking back dejectedly, rifles slung over their shoulders. Suddenly, they spot a deer in a clearing 150 feet away.

"I'll get him," the physicist says, doing some quick calculations and taking aim. BANG! The shot goes 10 feet long, but amazingly, the deer...

Years ago I used to do a lot of drag racing...

...buy I kept tripping in those high heels

An old lady is walking down the street when a mugger grabs her, drags her into an alley, and starts groping around down in her bra.....

The old lady asks, "What the hell are you doing!?"

The mugger says, "I'm looking for the money!"

The old lady replies, "Well, keep that up and I'll write you a check!"

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A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.

There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarl...

Two guys are walking through the woods one day when they stumble across a big deep hole.

The first guy peers into it and says, "Wow! That looks deep."

The second guy says, "It sure does. Let's throw a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is. We'll be able to tell the depth by how long it is before we hear the noise of the pebbles landing."

So they pick up a few pebbles...

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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,

when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the...

Tony Stark's drag queen name.

Fe Male.

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from t...

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
So Jack could lick her candy
But Jack got a shock
And a mouth full of cock
Cause Jill’s real name is Randy

-told by a local drag queen. Happy pride month!

I'm pleased with it.

(Came up with this earlier today and told my 14 year old daughter. She was not impressed.)

I'm going to write a new movie script. It will be about a locomotive that breaks down and must, by pure manpower alone, be pulled back to the rail yard.
I'll call it "How To Drag Your Train In."

A man who we’ll call Bob comes back from his morning golf with his friends looking visibly tired

His wife says to him “why are you so tired?” He responds solemnly saying: “Harry had a heart attack and died on the 4th tee.”

“That’s horrible!” his wife says. “Tell me about it” said Bob. “After that it was just hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry.”

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I was told by my therapist to stop listening to Africa

but it's gonna take a lot to drag me away from it

A tourist in Mexico goes into a bar to get wasted

It’s his last week on vacation and one of the things on his bucket list to do is basically to drink until he is completely wasted. As the night prolongs, he notices little by little the bar begins to empty. The bartender in his best English that he can muster says to him, “Señor, I think you should ...

So I finally decided to check out the local trans convention

It was such a drag.

What do you call a broke-down speedster?

A drag racer

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A unique Newfie joke

*Note: I am a Newfie, and Scottish/Irish heritage as well, so this is my favorite joke to tell. It works better when some of the actions can be performed...*

A Scotsman, Irishman, and a Newfie are exploring a jungle on an island in the Pacific. They come across a tribe of cannibals and are ca...

A man spends the entire night getting hammered at his local pub.

After last call, the man stands up from his stool but falls flat on his face trying to walk. He pulls himself up in the doorway of the bar, attempts to stand, but falls flat on his face to the sidewalk. He drags himself to his car and drives home. He tries to unlock his front door, finally gets it u...

Did you hear about the Furry Convention in King’s Landing this year?

It drag-on, and on, and on.

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the do...

What do you call a slow and boring lizard?

Drag'on.

What do you call a monarch that plays tug of war ?

A drag queen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman...

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman are trekking through the jungle together. They’re hacking down trees, killing leopards, and generally doing manly things.

All of a sudden, they are confronted by a group of natives, who grab the trio and drag them to their little village and tie them to s...

Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel.

One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders a...

If horse racing is the "sport of kings"

is drag racing the sport of queens?

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all running from these police officers.

They find a shack that has 3 potato sacks in it and decide to hide there in the sacks. The police officers find the shack and see the sacks.

They kick the first one with the brunette in it. She says "Meow, meow!". So they think it's a cat in there.

They move on and kick the second one ...

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