A friend of mine tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He’s a pickup artist.

Told my girlfriend she was drawing her eyebrows too high

She looked surprised.

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What has three legs and four arms?

My son's shit drawing of a snake.

I used to believe that my stencil drawings served a purpose, but now I know they're meaningless

I'm an ex-stencilist

I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.

But i'm afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy...

What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing?

A chalk-a-doodle-do!

(Credit: My 6 year old daughter who makes up jokes while we're driving. Proud parent moment, she is getting to be one of the best pun-slingers I know)

I was drawing a graph for my report expecting a straight line. But I got a curve.

What a plot twist

They laughed at my crayon drawings...

I laughed at their chalk outlines.

There was a line drawing competition going on in Las Vegas...

The goal of the competition was to make the straightest line (7 ft long) with the weirdest material. Bobby Jay, a contestant, wanted to wow the judges so he could win the competition. So he decided to do something different.

Bobby wanted to make his line out of fruit punch, never seen before....

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My priest got mad at me for drawing a risque woman showing her butt on a stained window, but thankfully he let me off with a warning.

Looks like I got a crass glass lass ass mass pass.

Why does North Korea excel at drawing straight lines?

Because they have a supreme ruler

Did you hear about the kid who always kept a drawing pin in his pocket during self-defense class?

Apparently he had heard that a tack is the best form of defense.

A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that?
There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."
He says, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."
His brother came over to visit several days later.
He sees the wife and asks wher...

What do you call an American drawing?

A Yankee Doodle

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What do you call an ink drawing on a woman's breast?

A tittoo.

An electrician tells the engineer, “I wired everything exactly according to the drawing and I flip the switch and there’s no current.”

“Yes, I see the problem,” The engineer responds. “We just can’t draw any current.”

An old rabbi feels his time on Earth is drawing to a close.

He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he has never done. He thinks for a while and comes to a decision - he has always wanted to know what pork tastes like, and damn it all if he isn't going to try it before he passes on.

He's a cautious man, however, and he's aware of hi...

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?

The coffin painter

Why did the one drawing not trust the other drawing?

It was being sketchy.

It turns out that I am really good at drawing..

Well,at least the doctor said so,as he spoke in a British accent about how I am artistic..

When I was younger I used to have these little plastic cut outs for drawing around.

I’d do them all the time, almost compulsively, but there would always be more. I’d spend hours and never run out. Then I realised, I’d never be done, I’d never accomplish anything because there would always be more and long after I stopped or died they’d be there.

Anyway that’s the story of m...

I put my name into a drawing in order to win a tiny broom used to clean beef.

I hope I win this sweep steaks

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I posted myself drawing a perfect freehand ellipse on r/gifs. Everyone loved it and started trying themselves. We were all complimenting each others steady hands, when one guy commented, "circle jerk!".

"What an idiot", I thought and replied, "oval, you moron!"

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"

"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied

The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."

She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."

"What if he's not in heaven? Th...

Back to the Drawing Board

(after the Apocalypse)

God: *sigh* "Ok. This time I'm going to make them all the same color.

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Tom was famous with his amazing drawing skills.

One day he drew a $100 bill on the desk of his teacher. Once the lady entered to the class immediately noticed that and started tearing it. After 10 min she ended up breaking her acrylic nails.

"Tom, get the hell outta here! I need your father right away" yelled the teacher.

30 min la...

I didn't think I was any good at drawing until my parents took me to see the doctor

Anyone else on the artistic spectrum?

I'm bad at reading social cues, can't make eye contact, am really good at drawing, and don't pick up on sarcasm...

I think I might be artistic.

A police artist is drawing a sketch.

Police artist: "So, he had grey hair, grey eyes, grey shoes, medium build, no glasses and wore a grey suit."

Dog: "Correct!"

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A penis is much like those drawings you did as a kid...

You may be proud of it and want to show it off to everyone but no one else really wants to see it & they're probably laughing at it behind your back.

To settle their differences, Jesus and Muhammed agree to pistols at dawn, Jesus wins...

...because drawing Muhammed is forbidden.

I can tolerate many drawing tools...

But straightedges are where I draw the line.

Easy drawings can be fun

But connect-the-dots is where I draw the line!

Today, my girlfriend said she's dumping me for some geometric drawings

Figures.

What do you call a girl who is bad at drawing?

Tracey

Did you see that police drawing of that guy on the news?!?

He looked sketchy

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.



See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how y...

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Young thug

A young thug with his pants hanging half off his ass walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting somethi...

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My little boy was drawing pictures.

I thought I'd give him a hand, so I drew a picture of a deer. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' I drew antlers on it to make it easier. 'What's that, Son?' 'Don't know, Dad.' 'You see them out in the forest'. 'Don't know, Dad.' 'Rhymes with 'beer'. You know, beer like your Dad drinks.'...

A Russian artist was drawing a landscape and he messed up...

...so he had to retrace his steppes.

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A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

Little Johnny and the drawing project

One morning to spice things up, teacher decided to have a classroom drawing project. One person would start, then the next student would add to the drawing. She asked the students who wanted to start first, so little Johnny raised his hand. Knowing little Johnny had a disturbed mind, she decided ...

We practiced drawing circles in art class today

It was completely pointless

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A man walks into a bar.....

"What'll it be, sir?" asks the landlord.

"A pint of the black stuff if you please" replies the man.

"I just need to change the barrel, help yourself to some nuts while I nip down to the cellar".

Noticing the bowl of nuts for the first time, the man reaches to take a few. As he ...

I don't know who this Rorschach guy is, but he is really good at drawing pictures of my disappointed father.

Credit to one of the writers of the Daily Show when I saw him do stand up, but I don't remember the name.

If picking up girls is an art

Then I’m a 10 year old drawing stick figures

__________________________________________

Just drawing the line somewhere on R/Jokes

A police facial artist tried drawing a suspect's face...

It was a bit *sketchy*

Two blondes are drawing money from an ATM. One of them says to the other...

I love the sound of money being printed.

inspired by the girl who was surprised after drawing her eyebrows too high

I tried to tell this foreign exchange student that she drew one of her eyebrows higher than the other, but I don't think her English was very good because she looked confused ​

I used to think my drawings made me autistic...

it turns out my Grandma was just from Boston.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos...”

But before he can finish his sentence, a gunshot rings through the air and he falls to the floor, blood oozing out of his head. Screams are everywhere as the audience seeks cover.

His best friend Nathaniel is in the audience, but all he can do is sit there in shock and stare at the corpse of ...

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Every year at the state fair...

... Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.

"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you...

I went to a space museum, because they where having a prize drawing for a car.

I didn't win the car but they gave me a constellation prize.

My favorite drawings at the Mohammad cartoon festival in Texas...

were the two chalk outlines out front.

I wrote a song about drawing maps,

but it never made the charts.

I lost my ruler and my work after drawing a graph...

I think they were plotting something.

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Once, a third grade teacher had to teach SexEd to her class.

She had never taught it before and decided to start of by drawing a penis on the whiteboard. She asks the class,” Anyone know what this is?”
A boy raised his hand and exclaimed,” I know what that is! My father has 2!”
The teacher was confused and asked the the child, “ Are you sure?”
The...

Queen were on their very first tour and there was a mishap in booking hotel rooms.

They were meant to book two rooms with two beds each - instead they ended up with a single room with one bed. They were considering drawing straws to determine who would sleep on the floor, but miraculously, Freddie Mercury, Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor all managed to fit comfortably on t...

Little girl is drawing at school one day...

Teacher walks over and asks, "What are you drawing?"

"A picture of God."

"But", says the teacher, "nobody knows what God looks like."

"They will in a minute."

*Credit to Sir Ken Robinson*

My teacher told me my drawing was pretty good,

I told her I know. My mom always told me I was borderline artistic.

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Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.

The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d rather like to give you a second chance than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

On monday, the two guys were...

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I once met a detective who would copy drawings of penises in his spare time.

I think his name was Dick Tracey

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

I took my first course in 'How to be a sketch artist' only yesterday

And I'm already drawing large crowds.

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was v...

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My cousin has a speech impediment...

Even though he is in his mid twenties and has had speech therapy he still gets his R’s and W’s mixed up some what frequently.

Yesterday we were at my best friend’s house so I could introduce them, since they both have been great people in my life. About an hour into our hang out session my ...

A Guy is being questioned in the police station, having just witnessed a murder.

They ask him if he can recall any details about the crime he had just witnessed, but the guy can't remember a single thing.

After a few hours of questioning and getting nowhere, the detectives decide to try something different and hand the guy a piece of paper and a pencil.

They ask ...

Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his studio

The burglar got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.

Jazz hands

Worker one: why does jerry the maintenance guy always do jazz hands after hes finished looking inside the copy machine?
Worker two: is part of his routine maintenance

(I wanted to do this joke as a picture but im lazy and bad at drawing, also sorry for the bad joke)

The founders of Canada were sitting around, trying to come up with a name for their new country.

They couldn't come up with anything until one of them suggested putting all of the letters of the alphabet into a hat and drawing them out one at a time. The eldest member of the group was chosen to draw letters. So he starts in. "C, eh. N, eh. D, eh."

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I'm allegedly sexually obsessed, so I went to a psychologist for a test.

First he drew a straight line and asked me what it is. "That's a penis", I responded.
Next he drew a circle, which I identified as a tit. Finally he drew a triangle, which looked like a vagina of course.


"No doubt," he said, "you are sexually obsessed."

"Are you kidding," ...

"Fetch me my red shirt..."

One fine afternoon, a merchant captain was guiding his crew across the Spanish Main when the sailor from the crow's nest called down in a panicked voice.



"Cap'n!!!" he cried, "Ship approaching from the starboard side! An' she's flying pirate colors!!!"




Calmly, the ...

In class today, the kids were learning how to draw the letter P.

"Ok class, today I'm going to teach you how to draw the letter P."

*Teacher draws the letter P on the white board*

"Now you try."

*All the kids try to draw the letter P*

The teacher notices one kid in the back of the class shaking after drawing it.

"Very good class...

Does anyone know how to draw a very realistic bullet?

Because I'm drawing a blank.

Stupid People Rehab

A group of stupid people were put in rehab. The doctors wanted to see if they made any progress and decided that the person who passes this test will be let out. The test was to put them all into an empty room with no windows or visible exit.

They drew an obviously fake door on the wall an...

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An engineer threw a party for all of his friends.

During the party, someone realized that the big lottery drawing was that night. Since they were low on beer, they decided to all come up with their lottery numbers and buy their tickets during the beer run.

The programmer created an interactive program, complete with simulated announcer readi...

My artist friend is a real narcissist.

He's always drawing attention.

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I bought a Ouija board recently from a strange old man...

I got it home, laid out the pieces and before I could even ask it a question the planchette started to move around, it eventually spelt

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE TO YOU


'What is your message?' I asked.

YOU SHOULD BE DANCING

Fear started flushing over me, 'Why s...

Moishe the actor

Moishe, a Jewish actor, is so down and out, he's ready to take any acting gig that
he can find. Finally, he gets a lead, a classified ad that says, "Actor Needed To Play
An Ape." "I could do that," says Moishe.
To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the Central Park Zoo in New Yor...

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A man is tested by a psychologist for sexual obsession.

The psychologist draws a line and asks the man what it is. "This is a penis," answers the man.

Then the psychologist draws a circle and asks the man the same question. "This is a tit," replies the man.

Finally the psychologist draws a triangle, which the man identifies as a vagina...

I once spent a month in prison.

I once spent a month in the slammer.

It wasn't that bad. The guards were friendly. My cell-mate was a cool guy. The food was better than my wife's. I didn't see any fights. I wasn't assaulted or raped.

On my last day a guard walked me out to the exit gate. We chatted about football o...

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