I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.

But i'm afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy...

Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania

I would tell you a joke about a broken pencil...

but there's no point.

Why did the eraser on the end of the pencil feel like giving up?

Because it couldn't see the point.

What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

My friends are getting tire of me always talking about sharpening my pencil...

...but really, I'm just trying to make a point.

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

Where does Dracula buy his pencils?

Pennsylvania.

Life is just like a broken pencil.

It's pointless.

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

Who’s in charge of the pencil case?

The ruler

What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?

2B or not 2B

Someone stole all the pencils at the police station

Detectives have no leads.

The pen and the pencil

What’s the difference between a pen and a pencil?

The pen only lived up to half the name.

I’ll be here all night everyone!

Why should you not write notes with a dull pencil?

Because it's pointless.

William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...

...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

I refuse to use a pencil and a ruler on anything but paper...

that's where I draw the line.

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

Here is a joke about a pencil with a broken tip.

Never mind it is pointless.

I'm about to embark on a huge art conquest of Shakespeare's work and am undecided on which pencil to use...

2B or not 2B

I sharpened my pencil...

...just to make a point.

I was going to try to post a joke about sharpening pencils in the dark...

But I couldn’t see the point.

A pencil and a scissors are having a debate.

Everytime the pencil make a good point, the scissors get a little snippy.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit d...

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless.

A pencil isn't John Wick's primary murder weapon.

But it's definitely number 2.

A pencil isn’t my favorite writing tool...

...but it’s a solid number 2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill and Steve are a gray couple on an airplane.

Bill turns to Steve, "you know what would be wild? We should have sex on the plane, like right here in our seats."

Steve surprised "whoah man, there are people everywhere, they would watch, it'd be weird."

"Nobody pays attention on a plane." Says Bill. With that he gets up and shoots t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, an engineer and a mathematician stand on the roof of a burning house.

The only way down seems to be a big leap down into a nearby pool. The house is high though and the pool small.

The priest is ready right away for his leap of faith. "So god help me!" He says, takes a second to gather himself, sprints towards the edge and jumps. He just barely misses the pool....

How did the constipated Mathematician work out his problem?

With a pencil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen and the Metal Panties

One day the king had to go for a year-long expedition and knew his queen was going to have sex with everyone through the county, so he turned to his court magistrate for help. The court magistrate showed the king a pair of metal panties, with a hole in the middle. "Why doesn't that just defeat the w...

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I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out….

there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, how about giving a man a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another...

Why do they even sell unsharpened pencils?

I just don’t see the point.

I was going to sharpen my pencil to take my test on nihilism..

But there was no point

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unexpectedly, an artist's wife starts having sex with him every day.

Though quite unusual, he didn't question his luck, deciding to just enjoy the ride.

One day, his wife approached him. "Honey? Can you sketch a picture for me?"

"Of course!" he replied. "What should I draw?"

"What you think our baby will look like."

He stared back at her,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them if they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agrees.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into the...

Knock knock

- Who's there?

- A blunt pencil

- A blunt pencil who?

- Leave it. There's no point.

[LONG] A Man walks into a bar.

A short man, with thick glasses, a calculator in is breast pocket, a huge notebook tucked under his arm, and a pencil behind his ears, walks into a bar.

At this bar they have a contest. On the bar counter is a large jar filled with 100s of dollars, and next to it is a basket of lemons.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: Daddy, do trees poop?

Father: Of course, That's how we get number 2 pencils.

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

Pencils that aren't sharpened are ...

Pointless.

I went to the doctor's office. The phlebotomist appeared, holding a sketchbook and a pencil, and said...

"Hold still so I can draw your blood."

A census taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We...

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I keep reading pencils as penis

Guess I'm dickslexic

What do you call somebody who hates pencil marks because they're black?

Erasist.

Why did Shakespeare write in ink?

Pencils were confusing to him. 2B or not 2B?

How does an accountant fix constipation?

Works it out with a pencil

My first breakup was in grade two...

She left me for the guy with a new pencil.

How does a pencil hire their workers?

He appoints them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

Did you hear the joke about the unsharpened pencil?

Eh, never mind. There’s no point.

Being left handed I was always told I was more creative but all I noticed was that I smudge the words when writing with pencil.

I guess it’s a blessing and a cursive

Not having a pencil sharpener is useless for two reasons

1 - Pencils would be pointless

2 - Pencils would be pointless

What do you call a pencil with erasers on both sides?

Pointless, like your comments lol

whats the biggest problem while buying a pencil?

2B or not 2B

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Two CEOs meet after....

One of them has visited Japan. So they are talking about how the trip was and one says:

"look I got this amazing robot secretary from there, it does everything human secretary does except 20 times faster and 200% more efficiently."

The other one says: "that sounds impressive but does ...

Three contractors bid to fix a fence at 10 Downing Street...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at 10 Downing Street. One is from up North another is from Poland, and the third is a Tory Party Donor. All three go with a Tory Party official to examine the fence.

The contractor from up north takes out a tape measure and does some measuri...

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

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A Cucumber, A Pencil, and A Penis...

An oldie from High School.



A Cucumber, A Pencil, and A Penis all are having a conversation about how rough their lives are.

The Cucumber says to them, "My life sucks. They either chop me up and throw me in a salad or they drown me in a jar until my body turns sour and eat me."<...

The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.

They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.

Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Jimmy: Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?

Jimmy: What? Last time I asked, you told me to use "May I". So unfair!

Teacher: Quit clowning around, Jimmy, you know you can't borrow a pencil over Zoom.

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

Josey wasn't the best Sunday School student.

She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.

"Who is the creator of the universe?"

Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with his pencil to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated h...

Police are searching for a robber who's stealing blunt pencils.

Quite frankly, they cant see the point

When it comes to sharpening pencils,

there's never a dull moment.

Choosing pencils is impossible for me, I'm always confused with the amount of blackness I need.

2B or not 2B, that is the question.

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils?

Broken

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Credit: 3rd grade me.

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Work it out with a pencil

(Trying to fix up a joke that was brewed up this past weekend.)

There's this French guy, squatting by a river, with his pants around his knees, his bare butt hanging over the water. A stranger comes out of the woods, sees this, and notices 2 dangling bits on the French guy.

"Omg! You ...

Which coloured pencil is the sharpest?

Red, because it can draw blood.

I've been using up the ink in all the pens and all the lead in our pencils.

Makes my daughter's Christmas wish list much shorter.

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

Little Bobby was in class and wrote “ICK” on his desk with a pencil. He dared little Jimmy to write a “D” at the beginning. The teacher, Mr. Brown, saw the whole thing. As Jimmy wrote the “D” the teacher approached them and Bobby blamed it all on poor Jimmy. Mr Brown shouted . . .

“Bobby!!! You penciled ick!!” Mr. Brown was fired for using profanity.

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings

In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The blank Canvas

A little girl was sitting in art class. The class teacher said:
"Here is your test, draw something that you will present."
The little girl asked:
"Can the canvas have anything in can imagine?"
The teacher responded:
"Yes, I encourage."
30 minutes later the teacher said "time! Pen...

My Friend stabbed me with a pencil...

He drew blood

A conductor is getting an orchestra together for a performance but having trouble finding a clarinet player.

Finally, he calls a contractor who tells him "Well, the only guy I've got available at this moment is this jazz clarinetist.”

The conductor replies "I can't stand working with jazz musicians! They dress lousy, they're always late, and they all have an attitude problem.”

“Well" replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

If you roll a pencil down a hill..

..is it still stationary?

You can lead a horse to water

But a pencil must be lead

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

A frantic woman on the phone:

Hello, My 4 year old son just accidently swallowed my pen, he looks very blue now...

911 operator: ok, I will send an ambulance to you right the way, what’s your address ?

Woman: 123 Centre street, please hurry up, and what should I do in the meantime?

Operator: ... could you us...

What did the depressed kid say when he broke his pencil?

There's no point

I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.

I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.

I need a pencil sharpener.

Just to put it bluntly.

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

Have you read the article about broken pencils?

I hope not, the reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

i have a 2B pencil, and a 2H pencil, the question is which should i use?

2B or not 2B?

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...

So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.

Why can't you win an argument with a pencil?

Because the pencil has a point.

My mate left his wife

My best mate found out last week that he couldn't give his wife children.He left her in the middle of the night .

I went to see his wife today, I held her in my arms, comforting her, both of us crying.

"He didn't even leave a note." She sobbed."He wanted to, but couldn't." I wailed bac...

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