What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

-Knock knock. -Who’s there? -Broken pencil. -Broken pencil who?

Never mind, it’s pointless.

I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.

But i'm afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy...

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

Choosing pencils is impossible for me, I'm always confused with the amount of blackness I need.

2B or not 2B, that is the question.

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can’t tell whether it’s 2B or not 2B.

When it comes to sharpening pencils,

there's never a dull moment.

Why do influencers always carry a pencil?

To draw attention

Little Bobby was in class and wrote “ICK” on his desk with a pencil. He dared little Jimmy to write a “D” at the beginning. The teacher, Mr. Brown, saw the whole thing. As Jimmy wrote the “D” the teacher approached them and Bobby blamed it all on poor Jimmy. Mr Brown shouted . . .

“Bobby!!! You penciled ick!!” Mr. Brown was fired for using profanity.

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

What do you call a pencil with erasers on both sides?

Pointless, like your comments lol

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

Police are searching for a robber who's stealing blunt pencils.

Quite frankly, they cant see the point

Would would happen if you cut yourself with a pencil?

You would draw blood

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

What does an unsharpened pencil and accumulating reddit karma have in common?

There's no point in either of them.

Do you know who I am?

It was final exams for a senior level college class, and the exam counted as 75% of the grade.

The exam was also strictly timed.

5 minutes before the time was up, the professor gave a warning, "remember, 5 minutes left. When I say put your pencils down, you must do it, or you'll immedi...

I need a pencil sharpener.

Just to put it bluntly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A builder

I had a builder in yesterday who had lost his ears in a bandsaw.

"Fucking hell," I said,

"how do you manage?"

"I can still hear," he said,

"I just get on with it."

"No, I mean where do you put your pencil?"

You shouldn’t write with a broken pencil

It’s pointless

I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

I was in the shop looking for a new pencil for English class

2B or not 2B, that is the question

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil!

What do John Wick and Eminem have in common?

They kill people using a pencil.

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

Have you read the article about broken pencils?

I hope not, the reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.

I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.

I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.

Little Johnny is sitting in class behind a girl named April

The teacher asks “who created the universe”
Little Johnny poked April with his pencil and April yelled “MY GOD”
the teacher replied with “ yes, god did create the universe”
Then the teacher asked another question “where do you go when you live a good life after you die”
Little Johnny pok...

It seems like anything goes these days. A friend of mine has just become engaged to a pencil!

Now he wants to introduce me to his bride, 2B.

Why did William Shakespeare only write in quill?

Because pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B

Physicists, Engineer and Statistician go hunting ...

... as they are walking through the woods, they spot a deer.

"This one is mine" said Physicists. He takes out a pencil and a notepad and does some ballistic calculations, but calculates them in vacuum. He picks up his rifle, aim, fires. The bullet overshoots by 5 yards.

"Give me that...

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?

The sharpener made a better point.

What did the pencil in the front of the line say to the pencil behind him.

Hey you're number 2

Nancy Pelosi, Mike Pence and Donald Trump died and went to heaven.

St Peter greeted the three of them at the Pearly Gates.

"Ah, my friends, you arrived just in time for our new programme." St Peter proclaimed. "You get to go back to Earth and for one month as anything you want. Then you come back here to proceed to your eternal reward."

"I want to be ...

How do you trace a scatter plot?

Give the pencil to Michael J. Fox.

-Bo Burnham

Teacher: which is the best hand to use when writing something, left hand or right hand?

Pupil: None of them. It’s better to use a pen or pencil.

The teacher noticed that a girl was falling asleep in Sunday school

She knew the girl wasn't paying attention so she asked her, "Who created the world and everything in it?" The boy sitting behind her poked her with his pencil, hard. She screamed, "Oh, God!" and she got that question right. The teacher could swear she wasn't paying attention so she decided to ask th...

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

What's the difference between a broken pencil and a bad joke?

A broken pencil has 2 parts, but a bad joke

My Friend stabbed me with a pencil...

He drew blood

What did the depressed kid say when he broke his pencil?

There's no point

My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils...

When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Ms. Delinsky is trying to get her 4th-graders to settle down for a quiz.

She's been having real problems with her newest year of students, who as always seem way rowdier than the year before them. She blames smart phones and internet memes for this. However, Ms. Delinsky a clever lady, and she thinks she has a plan. She's going to start a 'meme' in her class: Quiz Positi...

Why did Shakespeare use ink when he wrote his plays?

Because he couldn’t decide which pencil to use; 2B or not 2B.

I went to Walmart today and I was there for literally 5 minutes....

When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and sta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is falling asleep in class and little Susie is sitting behind him

The teacher noticed Johnny’s head down so she called on him to answer: “Johnny, who is our lord and savior?” Susie pokes him in the back with a pencil, making him jerk awake and scream “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher was shocked but just said “very good Johnny” and he fell back asleep. Teacher notices t...

The Religion Exam

A class of 30 students 10 year old students were set a Religion exam. One boy had not revised and decided the best course of action was to ask the girl next to him.

The boy poke the girl with his pencil to get her attention and whispers “What was the name of Christian Lord?”

The girl ...

Rich, Dave, and Johnny are contractors.

Rich, Dave and Johnny are three contractors who are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

Rich first takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure t...

A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.

He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, “Hey, do you see my ear down there?”



The guy on the street picks up an ear. “Is this it?”



“No,” replies the construction worker, “Mine had a pencil behind it.”

Was playing soccer last week and the referee said I could only take the free kick if the ball was stationery.

So I swapped it for a pencil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum...

Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know a blonde is having a bad day...

When she has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

They couldn’t budget

Eventually they did work it out with a pencil though.

My sister started using a pencil to do her eyebrows.

It looks a little sketchy.

8-year old Billy comes home from school with a note from his teacher.

It says, "Billy stole a pencil from the student next to him." Billy's father is furious. He goes to great lengths to lecture Billy and let him know how upset and disappointed he is, and he grounds the boy for two weeks.

Finally, he concludes, "Anyway, Billy, if you needed a pencil, why didn't...

Little Johnny is in class and his teacher is teaching about description. She reaches into a bag and feels around. She says "Sally, what I'm feeling something round and firm, what is it?"

Sally says "a ball" and teacher says "nope it's an orange". The teacher then reaches in and goes " what I'm feeling is smooth and flat and flexible, David, what is it?"David says"a piece of paper?" "No" goes the teacher "a piece of aluminum foil" Johnny stands up, reaches into his pocket and goes" t...

”Wanna hear an unfunny knock knock joke?”

“Knock knock!”

“Who’s there?”

“Broken pencil!”

“Broken pencil who?”

“Broken pen... ah never mind, this joke has no point!”

“Yeah that wasn’t very funny.”

“I found it.”

“Found what?”

“The point!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Clara was on a cruise by herself for vacation.

She was at the railings, staring at the ocean, watching the sunset. Then, a man walked down the stairs, watching her. He decided to start talking to Clara.



"Maam, you hsve very pretty eyes. Would you like to go eat dinner with me?"



Clara blushed and accepted, taking his...

A large college class was taking a timed final exam...

As time wound down, the prof counted down, 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 minute... put down your pencils.

As all the other students walk up and lay their tests down on the profs desk, one student in the front row kept writing.

The prof said, " put down your pencil."

The stude...

A Guy is being questioned in the police station, having just witnessed a murder.

They ask him if he can recall any details about the crime he had just witnessed, but the guy can't remember a single thing.

After a few hours of questioning and getting nowhere, the detectives decide to try something different and hand the guy a piece of paper and a pencil.

They ask ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion at its finest

One day Johnny and Sarah are sitting in religion class.
Johnny was really tired so he kept falling asleep.

The teacher asked the class “who is the son of god?”
She called on Johnny and Sarah pokes him really hard with the sharp end of her pencil and it woke him up in a fright and he yel...

A devout Catholic man has just boarded a plane, and he's really dreading the long flight ahead. All of a sudden, the pope boards and takes a seat right next to him! What an honor!

The man sits there, thinking about how best to conduct himself and what to say, when the pope takes out a golf pencil and starts doing a crossword puzzle. Wow, His Holiness does crossword puzzles? the man thinks. I hope he asks me for help. That'll be my in for a wonderful conversation!

Sure ...

On the snowy mountains of eastern Asia, there live a secluded group of monks

Bi-weekly the head monk teaches a class of young monks the way of their order. One particular class began with the head monk explaining that while the world is full of hidden meaning, objects are nothing but themselves, and thus meaningless. The head monk said 'you see children, this vase I hold is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see his gynecologist

"So, what seems to be the problem sir?" The doctor asks politely.

"Well, uh, there seems to be something wrong with my genitals..." he says awkwardly. "I want you to check up on me, but I'm embarrassed you'll laugh"

"Sir, I have been in the medical business for 15 years, and I have nev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with a pencil strapped to his pecker?

Dick Tracy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Emma didn't get very much sleep on Saturday night.

Because of that fact she kept falling asleep in Sunday School. While she was sleeping, her teacher decided to ask her a question, "Who created the universe?"

The boy sitting next to her, Joey, poked her with his pencil to help her our. She jumped up and yelled, "God!"

The teacher told ...

Where do writing utensils live?

Pencil-vanya

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher is helping her young students with their colors and shapes.

"Boys and Girls, I'm thinking of something round and red!" she says.

Julie's hand shoots up. "A cherry!!" she says, beaming.

"Noooooo," says the teacher, "It's an apple...But I'm glad you're thinking...... "

She smiles at the class. "Let's try another one!" she says. "I'm think...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.