-Knock knock. -Who’s there? -Broken pencil. -Broken pencil who?

Never mind, it’s pointless.

What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.

But i'm afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy...

3 objects were talking, a sharpener, a pencil and a ball. The ball was saying that the pencil wasn't sharp. The pencil retorted that he was very sharp. What did the sharpener say?

"No, no, he's got a point."

Downvote me all you want guys

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

Why did the eraser on the end of the pencil feel like giving up?

Because it couldn't see the point.

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

I would tell you a joke about a broken pencil...

but there's no point.

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can’t tell whether it’s 2B or not 2B.

What so you call a pencil with no tip?

Pointless

whats the biggest problem while buying a pencil?

2B or not 2B

I was going to make a joke about a pencil.

But I really don't see the point.

I made a pencil with two erasers

.
.
.
.
.
.
It was pointless

Pens and pencils are both weak in their own way.

Pencils break under too much pressure and pens just run out when you need them most.

Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania

Why can't pencils move?

Because they are stationery

I am not sorry

I will be glad if I make at least a few people smile

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Jimmy: Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?

Jimmy: What? Last time I asked, you told me to use "May I". So unfair!

Teacher: Quit clowning around, Jimmy, you know you can't borrow a pencil over Zoom.

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils?

Broken

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Being left handed I was always told I was more creative but all I noticed was that I smudge the words when writing with pencil.

I guess it’s a blessing and a cursive

Not having a pencil sharpener is useless for two reasons

1 - Pencils would be pointless

2 - Pencils would be pointless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Cucumber, A Pencil, and A Penis...

An oldie from High School.



A Cucumber, A Pencil, and A Penis all are having a conversation about how rough their lives are.

The Cucumber says to them, "My life sucks. They either chop me up and throw me in a salad or they drown me in a jar until my body turns sour and eat me."<...

Did you hear the joke about the unsharpened pencil?

Eh, never mind. There’s no point.

Choosing pencils is impossible for me, I'm always confused with the amount of blackness I need.

2B or not 2B, that is the question.

I had decided to write a letter by hand the other day when my pencil broke.

I tried to finish but it was pointless.

The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.

They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B

Want to hear a pencil joke?

It's a sharp one.

This is one that you wood not be able to erase from your memory.

But, then again...

It is quite graphite.

Sorry for making feel lead on there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Work it out with a pencil

(Trying to fix up a joke that was brewed up this past weekend.)

There's this French guy, squatting by a river, with his pants around his knees, his bare butt hanging over the water. A stranger comes out of the woods, sees this, and notices 2 dangling bits on the French guy.

"Omg! You ...

In the 60s, the Russians and the Americans were competing for the best space program

They both were determined to prove they had the greatest minds, the greatest technology. In one example, the Americans spent almost a million USD just to invent a no-gravity pen. They put their best minds to work, and came up with putting a small CO2 pressure cartridge into the back of the ink tub...

Why did the pilot turn his plane into pens, pencils and a ruler?

Because to refuel it needed to be stationery.

Have you heard about the constipated accountant?

He tried to work it all out with a pencil.

When it comes to sharpening pencils,

there's never a dull moment.

I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings

In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out

I struggled for hours trying to make use of my broken pencil...

But it was pointless.

If you roll a pencil down a hill..

..is it still stationary?

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An artist and his wife have been having sex daily for almost two months.

While highly unusual, he doesn't question it for fear of pressing his luck. One day, his wife approaches him.

"Honey? Can you draw a picture for me?"

"Sure babe, what would you like?" he replies.

"I want to see how you think our baby will look."

The husband stares at her,...

Little Johnny and little Susie were in Sunday school.

Johnny, thinking he was being funny, kept poking Susie in the back with a pencil.

Up front, the teacher was asking some questions, "What did lucifer say after falling from heaven?" She asked. Just then Johnny jabbed Susie with the pencil.

"Cut it out." She hissed over her shoulder....

Students in a college final exam were nearing the end of the testing period...

"All pencils down, turn in your tests, put them in a stack on my desk" ordered the professor to the class of 200 students.

Almost every student put their pencil down except for one student who was adding to their last answer. When the other students had handed in their tests the late student ...

The Pope gets on an aeroplane and sits next to an Irishman

His cardinals sit behind him and the Irishman. The aeroplane gets high up in the air and the Pope takes out a crossword that he's been solving and gets stuck on one clue. The clue has three letters already filled.

*"14. A woman in your life."*

*"\_UNT"*

The Pope shows the clue t...

Larry, the clumsy carpenter, was using his tablesaw and leaned in close to check he was following the line he had marked on the plank.

ZANNGGG! His left ear gets neatly severed, tumbles through the air and lands in the pile of sawdust.

Screaming in pain and panic, Larry drops to the ground, one hand pressed against his head and the other sifting through the sawdust.

Joe, hearing the commotion, races over to help. When...

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer and an accountant were all up for a job interview

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer, and an accountant were all up for a job interview:

The mathematician was called in and asked as part of the interview, “What is 1+1?” The mathematician gets his calculator out and does the calculation and says “2.”

The engineer is then asked the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A deaf-mute guy goes into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he's come out without any, and he resorts to...

I've been using up the ink in all the pens and all the lead in our pencils.

Makes my daughter's Christmas wish list much shorter.

Little Bobby was in class and wrote “ICK” on his desk with a pencil. He dared little Jimmy to write a “D” at the beginning. The teacher, Mr. Brown, saw the whole thing. As Jimmy wrote the “D” the teacher approached them and Bobby blamed it all on poor Jimmy. Mr Brown shouted . . .

“Bobby!!! You penciled ick!!” Mr. Brown was fired for using profanity.

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

What do you call a pencil with erasers on both sides?

Pointless, like your comments lol

Police are searching for a robber who's stealing blunt pencils.

Quite frankly, they cant see the point

Why do influencers always carry a pencil?

To draw attention

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, little Susie was sitting in Sunday School

Susie was a good kid who liked to pay attention in here sunday school bible classes. The only problem was the she sat in front of the class delinquent, Joe. While the teacher was teaching, she decided to ask the class a question to make sure all the kids were paying attention.


"So class, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 3rd grade teacher...

Prepares her 9 year olds for a writing class.

Teacher: “class we will be learning how to write without lifting your pencil off the paper!”

Little Johnny: “I know how to do that!”

Teacher: “You know how to write without lifting off the page!”

Little Johnny : “Yes ma’am t...

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Popewas on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person." Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if the ...

What does an unsharpened pencil and accumulating reddit karma have in common?

There's no point in either of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?

She's got a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil.

I need a pencil sharpener.

Just to put it bluntly.

Would would happen if you cut yourself with a pencil?

You would draw blood

What did the pencil in the front of the line say to the pencil behind him.

Hey you're number 2

If you were anti-pencil

Would you be erasist?

I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Credit: 3rd grade me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Dirty Ernie was in school and the teacher says “let’s do description and guessing, Tammy, reach in this bag and describe what you feel” Tammy reaches inside and says “ it’s round and

firm I think it’s a ball “ the teacher says “no! It’s an orange”Johnny comes up next and reaches in “ it’s rectangular and firm it’s an eraser!” Teacher goes no “It’s a granola bar” dirty Ernie stands up and goes “ teacher I’m reaching in my pocket abd felling something long hard with a firm pink ti...

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?

The sharpener made a better point.

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

i have a 2B pencil, and a 2H pencil, the question is which should i use?

2B or not 2B?

Why did the pencil stink?

Because it was a #2

My Friend stabbed me with a pencil...

He drew blood

I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.

I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.

What did the depressed kid say when he broke his pencil?

There's no point

Why aren't there more pencil fights in ufc?

Last time it lead to a draw!

How do mathematicians get rid of constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell which one is a blonde waitress?

She's the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering where she put her pencil.

Source: Heard it ages ago

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nurse: "Dr, why do you have a rectal thermometer behind your ear?"

Dr, after grabbing thermometer: "dammit, some asshole has my pencil."

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

Have you read the article about broken pencils?

I hope not, the reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.

People make mistakes

That's why a pencil has an eraser and Katie has gonorrhea

Did you ever hear about the mathematician who had constipation?

Don’t worry, he was fine, he sat down and worked it out with a pencil.

It seems like anything goes these days. A friend of mine has just become engaged to a pencil!

Now he wants to introduce me to his bride, 2B.

My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils...

When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife go to church

The man has a plan since his wife keeps falling asleep during mass. The man brought a pencil with him to poke his wife so that she would stay awake.

During mass, the priest decides to play trivia, at which this point the wife is asleep. The priest asks “Who was atoned for the sins of man?” ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny and mary at bible school

So mary and johnny are at bible school and mary has a habit of falling asleep. When this happens johnny pokes her with his pencil to wake her up.

After the teacher asks a few questions mary falls asleep and the teacher says who is our lord and savior. Johnny pokes mary with his pencil and sh...

What's the difference between a broken pencil and a bad joke?

A broken pencil has 2 parts, but a bad joke

Jack and Molly in school...

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next d...

What do you call a stationery convention in Philadelphia?

Pencil-mania

Recently a teacher got arrested...

Police found a pencil, ruler and notebook. Allegedly he was part of the Al-Gebra network and possessed weapons of math instruction.

Little Johnny pokes Jenny

A teacher asks the students the following questions

"Who created the universe?"

Johnny, who's sitting behind Jenny, pokes her with a pencil.

Jenny exclaims "Oh, God!!"

Teacher says "Excellent, Jenny".

The teacher then asks again, "Who was the son of God?"

Jo...

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