Why don't blind people sharpen pencils?

They don't see the point.

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless



(I'll show myself out)

My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare.

It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

How did the mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil!

What did the pencil in the front of the line say to the pencil behind him.

Hey you're number 2

Heard the one about the constipated mathmetician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.

I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a guy with a pencil strapped to his pecker?

Dick Tracy.

I can use pens, but pencils?

That’s where I draw the line.

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

What did the depressed kid say when he broke his pencil?

There's no point

My Friend stabbed me with a pencil...

He drew blood

Do you know that joke about broken pencil?

Never mind, it’s pointless!

A man walks into a bank, because his credit score is mysteriously low.

He doesn't understand this. He knew that he had paid all his debts, repaid all his loans, the whole shebang.

He enters the bank and walks up to the bank teller.

"Hi," he says. "I've noticed that my credit score seems a little low. Could you please check why?"

"Alright," says ...

I would sharpen my pencil instead of buying a new one...

but it just feels like as though there's no point to it.

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she l...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A participant in a duel showed up armed with a pencil and paper,

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

If you were anti-pencil

Would you be erasist?

Whats a writing utensil's favorite place to go on a vacation?

Pencil-vania!

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?

The sharpener made a better point.

What did the pencil say to the sharpener?

Quit going in circles and get to the point

I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Best joke in the..

**World:**
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What ...

What's the difference between a broken pencil and a bad joke?

A broken pencil has 2 parts, but a bad joke

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

I thought about stabbing my best friend with a worn down pencil.

But there was no point.

Shakespeare was at the store looking for pencils, but he couldn’t decide which ones to buy.

2B or not 2B; that was the question.

My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils...

When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

A man walked into an office supply shop a year ago, laid down and said he is a pencil and will never leave.

Some say he is still stationary today.

What do a woman and a pencil have in common?

Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

 
 

Credit: 3rd grade me.

In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

What do you call someone who runs into pencils?

Someone who gets to the *point*.

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail?

It broke mid-sentence.

I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends.

But I didn't see the point.

My teacher told me to take out my number two pencil.

Lady, I don't have a favorite pencil, let alone a runner up.

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

What do you call a pencil super-glued to the floor?

Stationary stationery

A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun

Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun

But there's no point.

I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead.

I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil?

I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN WRITE NOW

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania

A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.

When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."

"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.

"I do...

Where is the world's biggest pencil factory?

In Pennsylvania.

What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper?

I dot my i's on you!

-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

So I used a blunt pencil yesterday...

It was pointless.

In art class, I saw my friend making a gradient from dark to light on his paper with his pencil today.

"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Illustrating Fifty Shades of Grey..."

A pencil isn't as phallic as a

pen is.

I stuck my hand in my pocket and my pencil stabbed me

Thankfully it didn't draw blood

What do you call two pencils fighting?

A grafight.

I only like using sharp pencils...

Otherwise they're pointless.

What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?

They're both dull and pointless.

Did you ever hear about the guy that got his degree in breaking pencils?

He said it was pretty pointless.

Why do pencil races take so long?

Because pencils are stationery.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My pencil isn’t prone to making Freudian Slips

but my penis

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male manager is assigned a state of the art, hot female looking robot secretary for the office...

...As he's being trained on the many features it has, he's told the robot will basically do anything he wants. He asks, anything? The installers reply, anything ;) and once they were done, they went onto other offices in the building to install more robots.

The manager instantly locks the doo...

Pencil Box Kingdom

Who's the king of the pencil box?

The ruler.

What's the kingdom's most important discovery?

Pencillin.

What is the national sport?

Erasing.

What's the national motto?

Keep calm, Crayon.

Who are their discriminated minority?

The whites....

A pencil walks into a bar

The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
The pencil yells back "Erasist!"

Have you guys heard the one about the pencil with an eraser at both ends?

It's not that great. It doesn't have a point, really.

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes.

He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

Jack And Jill

Jill and Jack go to Catholic school. Jill is known for sleeping.

The teacher asks Jill “Who created Earth?”

Jack pokes Jill with his pencil.

She yells “Oh my God!”

“that is correct Jill.”

She goes back to sleep.

The teacher asks Jill “Who is our Lord and Sav...

If I put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener

Will it come out sharp or shredded?

Tried to stab a guy with a pencil once

But it wasn't 2B.

A Nihilist tries to sharpen a pencil

No punchline because we all die eventually, and in 100 years 99% of us will be forgotten. There is no point to life. Comedy is just a distraction from our eventual deaths in which we turn into a shriveled decomposing lifeless corpse, left to accumulate mould and simply vanish. If there is anything f...

I went to Walmart today

I went to Walmart today, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.

When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the tick...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum...

Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs. Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began. After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said,...

I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key..

Stayed stationary.

Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates?

He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.

I just spent a whole hour writing with a broken pencil...

...before I realized that it was pointless...