I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.

But i'm afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy...

Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania

3 objects were talking, a sharpener, a pencil and a ball. The ball was saying that the pencil wasn't sharp. The pencil retorted that he was very sharp. What did the sharpener say?

"No, no, he's got a point."

Downvote me all you want guys

I would tell you a joke about a broken pencil...

but there's no point.

Why did the eraser on the end of the pencil feel like giving up?

Because it couldn't see the point.

What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

Why can't pencils move?

Because they are stationery

I am not sorry

I will be glad if I make at least a few people smile

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn’t 2B.

My friends are getting tire of me always talking about sharpening my pencil...

...but really, I'm just trying to make a point.

Knock knock. Who’s there ? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who ?

who cares it’s pointless

Student: Can I borrow a pencil?

**Teacher:** I don't know, can you borrow a pencil?

**Student:** Aha, but I clearly meant to ask for permission. Since you and the rest of the class understood my intent perfectly well, and the word "may" to show permission is rapidly falling out of fashion, there is nothing wrong with asking...

Where does Dracula buy his pencils?

Pennsylvania.

What's the difference between communism and a pencil?

The pencil works on things other than paper.

Here is a joke about a pencil with a broken tip.

Never mind it is pointless.

I'm about to embark on a huge art conquest of Shakespeare's work and am undecided on which pencil to use...

2B or not 2B

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

I refuse to use a pencil and a ruler on anything but paper...

that's where I draw the line.

William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...

...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit d...

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless.

A pencil isn't John Wick's primary murder weapon.

But it's definitely number 2.

Who’s in charge of the pencil case?

The ruler

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

A pencil and a scissors are having a debate.

Everytime the pencil make a good point, the scissors get a little snippy.

I was going to try to post a joke about sharpening pencils in the dark...

But I couldn’t see the point.

I went to Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face...

Why do they even sell unsharpened pencils?

I just don’t see the point.

A pencil isn’t my favorite writing tool...

...but it’s a solid number 2

I was going to sharpen my pencil to take my test on nihilism..

But there was no point

Why did Shakespeare write in ink?

Pencils were confusing to him. 2B or not 2B?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: Daddy, do trees poop?

Father: Of course, That's how we get number 2 pencils.

Three contractors bid to fix a fence at 10 Downing Street...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at 10 Downing Street. One is from up North another is from Poland, and the third is a Tory Party Donor. All three go with a Tory Party official to examine the fence.

The contractor from up north takes out a tape measure and does some measuri...

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

I have a hard time trusting people that use pencils to draw.

They're sketchy.

I went to the doctor's office. The phlebotomist appeared, holding a sketchbook and a pencil, and said...

"Hold still so I can draw your blood."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

What do you call somebody who hates pencil marks because they're black?

Erasist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two CEOs meet after....

One of them has visited Japan. So they are talking about how the trip was and one says:

"look I got this amazing robot secretary from there, it does everything human secretary does except 20 times faster and 200% more efficiently."

The other one says: "that sounds impressive but does ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unexpectedly, an artist's wife started having sex with him every day.

Though quite unusual, he didn't question his luck, deciding to just enjoy the ride.

One day, his wife approached him. "Honey? Can you sketch a picture for me?"

"Of course!" he replied. "What should I draw?"

"What you think our baby will look like."

He stared back at her,...

How does a pencil hire their workers?

He appoints them

Pencils that aren't sharpened are ...

Pointless.

Being left handed I was always told I was more creative but all I noticed was that I smudge the words when writing with pencil.

I guess it’s a blessing and a cursive

Did you hear the joke about the unsharpened pencil?

Eh, never mind. There’s no point.

Not having a pencil sharpener is useless for two reasons

1 - Pencils would be pointless

2 - Pencils would be pointless

whats the biggest problem while buying a pencil?

2B or not 2B

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep reading pencils as penis

Guess I'm dickslexic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alien couple land their saucer in a farmer's field

They approach the house and explain to the farmer and his wife that they are intergalactic swingers. He asks them is they are ok to spend the night and then go back to their planet in the morning. The farmer and his wife talk it over and agree.

The male alien takes the farmer's wife into th...

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

I failed my Shakespeare test because I forgot to study and I used the wrong pencil.

I couldn't tell whether it was 2B or not 2B.

Once upon a time on a dig in Egypt...

A few years ago I was in Egypt, on a dig site, not far from the banks of the Nile but out of the way of the Pyramids and Statues you'd associate with the usual "big finds" of the late 19th/early 20th century.

We were looking for a tomb, a new paper had raised interesting questions about a po...

Josey wasn't the best Sunday School student.

She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question.

"Who is the creator of the universe?"

Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with his pencil to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated h...

The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist.

They have signs next to them that say “No Colored Pencils”.

I recently came across Shakespeare's chewed pencil...

It's so chewed, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can't sharpen pencils?

Broken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Cucumber, A Pencil, and A Penis...

An oldie from High School.



A Cucumber, A Pencil, and A Penis all are having a conversation about how rough their lives are.

The Cucumber says to them, "My life sucks. They either chop me up and throw me in a salad or they drown me in a jar until my body turns sour and eat me."<...

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

A conductor is getting an orchestra together for a performance but having trouble finding a clarinet player.

Finally, he calls a contractor who tells him "Well, the only guy I've got available at this moment is this jazz clarinetist.”

The conductor replies "I can't stand working with jazz musicians! They dress lousy, they're always late, and they all have an attitude problem.”

“Well" replie...

Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Jimmy: Teacher, may I borrow a pencil?

Teacher: I don't know, can you?

Jimmy: What? Last time I asked, you told me to use "May I". So unfair!

Teacher: Quit clowning around, Jimmy, you know you can't borrow a pencil over Zoom.

Police are searching for a robber who's stealing blunt pencils.

Quite frankly, they cant see the point

What do you call a pencil with erasers on both sides?

Pointless, like your comments lol

When it comes to sharpening pencils,

there's never a dull moment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Work it out with a pencil

(Trying to fix up a joke that was brewed up this past weekend.)

There's this French guy, squatting by a river, with his pants around his knees, his bare butt hanging over the water. A stranger comes out of the woods, sees this, and notices 2 dangling bits on the French guy.

"Omg! You ...

A mathematician cured constipation.

How, you ask?

He worked it out with a pencil.

A frantic woman on the phone:

Hello, My 4 year old son just accidently swallowed my pen, he looks very blue now...

911 operator: ok, I will send an ambulance to you right the way, what’s your address ?

Woman: 123 Centre street, please hurry up, and what should I do in the meantime?

Operator: ... could you us...

You can lead a horse to water

But a pencil must be lead

There were too many pencils that they made a whole state.

It was named Pencilvania.

This one is a bit of a long one so just bear with me. It is a joke commonly said among post soviet people

Stalin sits at his usual table, in the glorius kremlin studying the map of eastern germany. His pencil sitting proudly beside him. Comrade Stalin looks away for a split second, and the pencil is gone! Stalin takes out a second pencil and places it on the table. Looks the other way again and the seco...

My mate left his wife

My best mate found out last week that he couldn't give his wife children.He left her in the middle of the night .

I went to see his wife today, I held her in my arms, comforting her, both of us crying.

"He didn't even leave a note." She sobbed."He wanted to, but couldn't." I wailed bac...

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

&nbsp;
&nbsp;

Credit: 3rd grade me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four women went to a vocational testing facility...

Four women went to a vocational testing facility to determine what skills they have that could be useful in the workforce. They entered a room where an instructor greeted them.

"Hello ladies!" the instructor said. "Our process is actually very simple. I will give you five letters, and each of...

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

I've been using up the ink in all the pens and all the lead in our pencils.

Makes my daughter's Christmas wish list much shorter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
<...

Choosing pencils is impossible for me, I'm always confused with the amount of blackness I need.

2B or not 2B, that is the question.

I get aroused when I erase pencil drawings

In fact, I think I'm gonna rub one out

The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...

So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.

Little Bobby was in class and wrote “ICK” on his desk with a pencil. He dared little Jimmy to write a “D” at the beginning. The teacher, Mr. Brown, saw the whole thing. As Jimmy wrote the “D” the teacher approached them and Bobby blamed it all on poor Jimmy. Mr Brown shouted . . .

“Bobby!!! You penciled ick!!” Mr. Brown was fired for using profanity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know trees poop?

Well, where do you think #2 pencils come from? Sorry, thats was crappy. I’ll leaf now

What do accountants do when they're constipated?

They have to work it out with a pencil.

Why are pencils and communism so similar?

They both only work on paper!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to Write a Paper

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair, in a well lit place, with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.

2. Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you conce...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a couple who were very, very dumb.

They used to listen to everything said to them without thinking any deeper.

After about a year after their marriage, a beautiful baby boy was born to them. They decided to baptize him and name him according to a very popular astrologer's idea. So they took him to the astrologer's sanctum
<...

Which coloured pencil is the sharpest?

Red, because it can draw blood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was stranded on a desert island with Heidi Klum...

Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks.

Finally, he asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other's needs.

Heidi was game and a very nice sexual relationship began. 

After several months, the guy approac...

If you roll a pencil down a hill..

..is it still stationary?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The teacher asked the hottest girl in my math class to divide 13,939,393,938 by 2.

The student got to work, and as she did, her breathing became deeper and more rapid. A pink blush appeared on her cheeks and she clutched the pencil more tightly as she wrote. The class was stunned as we watched her begin to writhe in her seat. Soon she began to moan and mutter, "oh, my God!" Still,...

My Friend stabbed me with a pencil...

He drew blood

What did the depressed kid say when he broke his pencil?

There's no point

A man walks into a bar

A short man, with thick glasses, a calculator in is breast pocket, a huge notebook tucked under his arm, and a pencil behind his ears, walks into a bar.

At this bar they have a contest. On the bar counter is a large jar filled with 100s of dollars, and next to it is a basket of lemons.
...

What does an unsharpened pencil and accumulating reddit karma have in common?

There's no point in either of them.

A student sits in class, eagerly listening to the lecture.

Next to him, a classmate who is twiddling his thumbs and spinning a pencil.

The teacher finishes the lesson and asks the students to copy the board.

Soon enough, the teacher walks over to the eager student and asks what he’s doing, as he isn’t writing.

Twiddling his thumbs and ...

I need a pencil sharpener.

Just to put it bluntly.

Have you read the article about broken pencils?

I hope not, the reviewers said it’s pointless and lead on for too long.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.

I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?

The sharpener made a better point.

i have a 2B pencil, and a 2H pencil, the question is which should i use?

2B or not 2B?

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