What’s the scariest movie to show a pencil?

...
...

Point Break.

Why did the redneck get colored pencils before he got his flu shot?

He heard that vaccines can make you artistic.

Why do influencers always carry a pencil?

To draw attention

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A participant in a duel showed up armed with a pencil and paper,

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

I finally hung up all of my pencil drawings.

But i'm afraid it makes my house look kinda sketchy...

My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare.

It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

Would would happen if you cut yourself with a pencil?

You would draw blood

Heard the one about the constipated mathmetician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

How did the mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil!

i have a 2B pencil, and a 2H pencil, the question is which should i use?

2B or not 2B?

What did the pencil in the front of the line say to the pencil behind him.

Hey you're number 2

I accidentally stabbed my teacher in the face with a pencil.

I thought I would be in big trouble, but she turned a blind eye.

What does a mathematician do when constipated?

He gets a pencil and works it out.

Police are searching for a robber who's stealing blunt pencils.

Quite frankly, they cant see the point

I was going to tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

...but it's kinda pointless.

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she l...

I need a pencil sharpener.

Just to put it bluntly.

What did the pencil say to the sharpener?

Quit going in circles and get to the point

What did the depressed kid say when he broke his pencil?

There's no point

I would sharpen my pencil instead of buying a new one...

but it just feels like as though there's no point to it.

My Friend stabbed me with a pencil...

He drew blood

Why don't pens and pencils walk around?

Because they're stationary

I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener?

The sharpener made a better point.

Whats a writing utensil's favorite place to go on a vacation?

Pencil-vania!

If you were anti-pencil

Would you be erasist?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy with a pencil strapped to his pecker?

Dick Tracy.

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

What do you call a comic drawn with only a pencil?

A graphite novel

My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils...

When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

What's the difference between a broken pencil and a bad joke?

A broken pencil has 2 parts, but a bad joke

Shakespeare was at the store looking for pencils, but he couldn’t decide which ones to buy.

2B or not 2B; that was the question.

What did a run on sentence and a used pencil share at the same time?

A very dull point

I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends.

But I didn't see the point.

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

 
 

Credit: 3rd grade me.

A man walked into an office supply shop a year ago, laid down and said he is a pencil and will never leave.

Some say he is still stationary today.

What do a woman and a pencil have in common?

Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...

What do you call someone who runs into pencils?

Someone who gets to the *point*.

My teacher told me to take out my number two pencil.

Lady, I don't have a favorite pencil, let alone a runner up.

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

What do you call a pencil super-glued to the floor?

Stationary stationery

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail?

It broke mid-sentence.

Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun

But there's no point.

I only like using sharp pencils...

Otherwise they're pointless.

I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead.

I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania

What do you call two pencils fighting?

A grafight.

What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?

They're both dull and pointless.

A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun

Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.

What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper?

I dot my i's on you!

-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.

When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."

"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.

"I do...

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp

A pencil isn't as phallic as a

pen is.

What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil?

I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN WRITE NOW

I stuck my hand in my pocket and my pencil stabbed me

Thankfully it didn't draw blood

So I used a blunt pencil yesterday...

It was pointless.

Did you ever hear about the guy that got his degree in breaking pencils?

He said it was pretty pointless.

In art class, I saw my friend making a gradient from dark to light on his paper with his pencil today.

"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Illustrating Fifty Shades of Grey..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My pencil isn’t prone to making Freudian Slips

but my penis

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in DC.

One is from New York , another is from Tennessee and the third is from Florida.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male manager is assigned a state of the art, hot female looking robot secretary for the office...

...As he's being trained on the many features it has, he's told the robot will basically do anything he wants. He asks, anything? The installers reply, anything ;) and once they were done, they went onto other offices in the building to install more robots.

The manager instantly locks the doo...

A pencil walks into a bar

The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
The pencil yells back "Erasist!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes.

He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

Have you guys heard the one about the pencil with an eraser at both ends?

It's not that great. It doesn't have a point, really.

Pencil Box Kingdom

Who's the king of the pencil box?

The ruler.

What's the kingdom's most important discovery?

Pencillin.

What is the national sport?

Erasing.

What's the national motto?

Keep calm, Crayon.

Who are their discriminated minority?

The whites....

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.