UPJOKE
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I passed a tow truck and the poor driver was crying his eyes out.

I thought "He's headed for a breakdown"

What weighs 40 tons, fits seven guys and is just getting towed away by 2 rednecks in a tractor?

Your Mum.

scarlet johansson

There’s an airline crash in the Pacific. The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman.

Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll.

The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the me...

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An Octopus in the Highlands

One lovely evening in the Scottish Highlands, a lad walked into a local pub with his octopus in tow. There was a general start in the otherwise subdued and cozy establishment. The lad takes a seat at the bar, props his octopus in the seat next to him, and proclaims for all to hear:

“I hereby ...

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A woman was stuck in a ditch and called a tow truck for help.

The truck arrives and the driver sticks his head out the window and says “Ma’am you are the third freshly fucked lady I’ve pulled out of a ditch today.“

“I am CERTAINLY not “freshly fucked!““ the woman replies indignantly.

Driver “Maybe not, but you ain’t out of the ditch yet either!“

A member of our church choir arrives every Sunday morning with her seven children in tow….

all a bit rumpled but never the less on time.

Scarcely able to get my one child ready, I asked her how she managed her brood so efficiently.

"Easy," she replied with a smile. "I dress them the night before."

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Horse and Chicken

are farmyard pals and take daily walks around a large farmyard. One day after a particularly heavy rainfall, horse takes a miss step and falls into a large hole in the ground. Unable to get out, horse panics and whineys to chicken for help. Chicken realises he's not up to help, rushes off to the far...

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

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A lawyer is sitting in his parked BMW when a tow truck crashes into the car.

The crash takes car door clean off and the driver speeds away. The lawyer immediately signals a cop and begins ranting about how much the damage to his car is going to cost. The cop replies, "You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is money."

The lawyer says, "How DARE you call ...

An old Fiat breaks down on a remote road

The driver discovers he has no service and can't call for help. Just as he starts walking, a shiny new BMW stops next to him. "Hey man, having car trouble?" The driver asks. "I'm afraid so." The driver of the Fiat answers. "Tell you what, my car is strong enough, I'll tow you to the nearest garage!"...

A cute girl was towing two tow trucks

She had a great pickup line

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Boudreaux pulls up to Thibedeau's house towing his boat.

He calls for Thibedeau, who comes out the front door

Boudreaux says "I got a new outboard, let's see how she runs."

Thibedeau says "I'll get my gear!"

They head down to the bayou and are cruising along when Boudreaux hits an underwater stump . His brand new outboard gets knocke...

The Electric Bus

It’s a new day in the world of public school transportation as the fleet has been switched over to electric powered buses. Everything has been working out wonderfully except for ongoing issues with bus 118.

Not every day, but at least once a week, bus 118 would be out on it’s run when there ...

Jim is delivering a truckload of penguins to the zoo

His truck breaks down on the side of the highway and he has no clue what to do. Luckily a friendly fellow with another truck stopped and asked if the guy needed any help. Jim asks the man if he wouldn't mind taking the penguins to the zoo for him, and he would give him $100.

"Sure" the friend...

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Police officers stops car towing, no idea for better title

first time poster, not sure if its re-post sorry if it is, translated as im not from english speaking countrie

Driver of old Yugo (old shitty car) had stopped on highway because of engine problem and started to stop cars for towing to nearest exit, there happened to Ferrari driver to stop and...

I am going to tow a whale with open mouth behind my boat :

Operation : Overkrill

Why are trailers good listeners?

Because they go where they’re towed.

I had a flat on the highway and walked 8 miles into town to the auto shop. The mechanic towed my car, fixed my tire and gave me a great deal on a new muffler.

Now I’m tired and exhausted.

You hear about the snail who had to call a tow truck?

He couldn't make 'is car go

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An old Australian gynecologist was doing his rounds with a group of interns in tow.

As they were making their way between patients, one of the interns tapped the elderly doctor on the shoulder.

"Uh, doctor? I just thought I should tell you that you have an IUD behind your right ear."

The old doctor fumbled behind his ear and retrieved the offending device, scowle...

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[NSFW] Tow best friends where on a skiing trip together with their wives.

During the after ski, the men decide it would be a good idea to go to bed with each others wives. The men whom had been drinking both though this was a fantastic idea. They both agreed to make a competition out of it. Whom could make the others wife climax the most times wins.

Not to draw su...

The tow

A man sees an attractive woman on the side of the road. He stops to ask if she needs any help.

The woman says, "Yes, my car has broken down and I don't know what's wrong with it."

The man says, "Don't worry; I'll get you and your car to a mechanic in town. Have you ever been towed befo...

If you're towing a speedboat...

...are you pulling a fast one?

The traveling salesmen

Two traveling salesmen were riding together across West Texas when their car began to sputter and cough. Soon, it died completely and they were stranded on the side of a state highway with little traffic.

Fortunately, a pick up truck pulled over to help. The driver was a comely middle aged wo...

Towing ropes can't be learned

They must be taut.

A guy was shopping at an outdoor fish market...

His dog was nosing around and all the sudden a lobster reached out of its tank and grabbed the dog's tail. The dog yelped and ran down the street with the lobster securely in tow. "That's a good trick, Mister," said the fishmonger, "but call your dog so I can have my lobster back!" The guy looks ...

What do you call a desert towing company?

A camel tow

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Why did the proctologist have his cars towed to the auto repair shop?

He rectum.

Why did the dog's car get towed?

The dog had too many unpaid barking tickets

A penguin was driving down Route 66…

He started to have car trouble and broke down in the middle of the desert.

He called for a local tow truck, and they said they’d be there in about an hour, so the penguin sat and waited.

The tow truck finally came and drove the penguin and the car to the mechanic shop. The mechanic s...

The hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, sat in Fangorn Forest to hear the first annual post-Sauron "Ent Comedy Jam" .... (An original LOTR-themed meta-joke for you.)

The hobbits Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, sat in Fangorn Forest to hear the first annual post-Sauron "Ent Comedy Jam."

With them was Gandalf, returned from over Sea with Frodo in tow just for the occasion. No one in living memory – at least now that the elves were all in the Undying Lands to...

Lada breaks down on the autobahn...

... Driver gets out only to see someone pull up in a Porsche Cayenne. Cayenne driver asks him does he need a tow. Lada driver replies with a "Yes. I will turn my right blinker on to tell you that you are going too fast." After a few hundred meters, a person in a Lamborghini Urus speeds by.

Po...

Thoughtful Drug dealer.

A man gets pulled over by a police officer, and the cop pulls him out of the car and asks "Do you have anything I should know about before I look in there?". The guy shrugs his shoulders and the cop begins looking in the car. He pops the trunk and finds a kilo of coke. He holds it up and turns back ...

Analysis of the tanks is as follows:

American tanks are more effective, however can be spotted easily due to the usage of Fortunate Son whenever a hatch opens.

However, Russian tanks are silent. This is not intentional, as they ran out of fuel.

French tanks have a speed faster in reverse than in forwards.

Similarly...

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Thank you Russia...

for this beautiful green tractor! Woke up one day to see this massive beauty on my front road. Too bad it didn't have any fuel, had to tow it to my garage to fill her up.


Seems like I could store plenty of stuff in these 2 big boxes at the top. "Miss suh les"? Is that a new Russian word...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's...

So there's this bar in New York called Walter's - it's named after the guy who runs the place, Walter Green. He's an older guy who doesn't understand a lot of technological stuff, and so the bar is plain and simple, just as it was when he first opened it back in the 1960s. One of Walter's regular cu...

There was a contest on who had the most children...

Contestant #1 walked out on the stage with 12 children behind him. The audience clapped politely, and one of the judges commented "That's a lot of kids, but you can do better."

Contestant #2 walked out on the stage, bringing with him 24 children, all of different ages. The audience clapped mo...

A blonde, a brunette and a red head go hunting....

A blonde, a brunette and a red head go hunting....

The first day, they set up camp and the brunette goes out on her own. Later that afternoon, she returns with a deer in tow! "Wow," said the blonde, "How did you find that?!"

"It's easy," said the brunette, "I just followed the tracks!"...

A British man in a Jag is broke down on the side of the road

When the tow truck comes and the driver sees the Jag, he says "Hey you know why the British like warm beer?"

The Jag driver with a complete deadpan look says "I dunno. Why...?"

And the truck driver laughs and says "Because Lucas makes refrigerators too!"

I need a push

I was sound asleep one night, it was about 3am when we heard a knock on the door. My wife asked me if I was going to go see who was at the door. I told her “it’s 3am, I don’t care who’s at the door, they can go to hell!”
“Well” my wife says “what if someone really needs help and we are the on...

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Redneck book of manners.....

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.


2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.


3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.


4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.


5. Even if you're ...

A traveling salesman was driving through the countryside when his car broke down.

Without phone service, he walked a couple miles to a farm house where he knocked on the door.

The old farmer answered and the salesman told him of his situation.

The farmer says. "It's getting late, but your welcome to spend the night. We'll call the tow truck in the morning.
<...

I was driving down the highway after a long day's work.

Traffic was light, not much of a problem.
I was listening to the radio and thinking about my evening.
It's not that I was distracted, I just never expected it to happen
Sure enough, on the road was some leftover glass from an accident that morning.
And I drove right over it. ...

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down.

AAA (Antarctic Automobile Assn) tows it to the garage in the nearest town, where the mechanic says he has time to look at it, give him half an hour.

The penguin wanders down the street to an ice cream shop and decides to beat the heat with a cone of his favorite flavor, vanilla. Of course, b...

A Chemist, an Engineer, an Electrician and an IT guy get stranded on the side of the road after their car break down...

It’s the dead of winter and the wind chill is below freezing. One of them gets off the phone with the towing company, “they said it’s going to be at least two hours.” They all stay in the car.


After a few minutes the Chemist tells the other three, “I’m pretty sure I know what happened......

A penguin broke down in Las Vegas.

A penguin was driving through Vegas when suddenly his car stopped working so he had it towed to the nearest mechanic.

When he got there the mechanic told him it could take an hour or two to find out what is wrong with his car. The penguin was getting hot so he asked the mechanic where he coul...

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Gorilla Hunting *long*

A very rich man decides that he is going to take a trip to Africa to hunt the legendary Great White Gorilla. But as he has no hunting experience, he places an ad to hire a hunting guide. Days go by and no one answers his ad. The man is scheduled to leave for his trip in 2 days and still not a single...

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A Catholic Irishman is on his deathbed.

He calls for his son, and tells him "My boy, go fetch the Anglican Pastor, I wish to convert before I die". His son is shocked! The father has been one of the most prominent Catholics in the community, he made large donations to the Church every year, attended Mass every day, and was close friends w...

A Penguin is driving on a scorching day out near Nowhere, Texas

… and his car breaks down. Penguin gets his car towed to the nearest shop.

Mechanic says “looks like you blew a seal”. He asks the mechanic how long it should take. The mechanic says probably a few hours. So the penguin asks if there's anywhere to go to cool off while he waits. Mechanic says...

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Applying for a sales position

A man goes to apply for a job in a big Walmart. He's interviewed by the personnel manager and asked:

\- Do you have sales experience?

\- Yes sir, I worked selling clothes.

The manager decides to give him a test, so he says:

\- Come to work tomorrow at 9 AM. You'll work al...

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A rat an an elephant are walking around when the rat falls into a hole.

The rat panics as the hole was deep and he couldnt get out. The elephant looks at the situation and offers help.

“I know this isnt’t ideal but youre gonna have to trust me”

The rat desperate and exhausting all other options he asks for the elephants idea

“Im gonna stick my pen...

Russian joke: a tourist gets pulled over by a cop in Russia.

Cop: You were speeding! I am going to confiscate your driver's license and I'm calling for a tow truck to take away your car.

Tourist: But I need to get to the airport and the car is a rental!

Cop: I dont care.

Tourist: Please, be be reasonable, you cant do this!

Cop: We...

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A young boy applied for a job at a store...

The store manager said: “We are looking for somebody with sales experience but we’re having a holiday sale tomorrow and you can give it a try.”

At the end of the day the manager checked the day sales and was shocked, the boy had sold $79,083.25 worth of merchandise.

He asked the boy ho...

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Little Johnny

One day, Little Johnny was sadly moping around the house.
In order to cheer him up, Johnny’s mother gave him a dollar and sent him outside.
As Johnny walked down the road, he ran into a farmer selling ducks.
Johnny asks the farmer, “How much for a duck?”
The farmer says, “I’ll give yo...

One day, legendary musician Sting becomes bored of music, and decides to try his luck at day trading.

He does a few online courses and begins trading.

On the first day Sting loses some money, but learns from it, and unpertrubed by the small losses he continues with it. On the second day, Sting loses a bit less, and learns even more. Happy with the results, he decides to sink some more money i...

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A Hindu, a Jew and a lawyer are traveling, taking a scenic route through the country when their car breaks down...

It's too late in the day to call a tow truck, so they walk up the road to a small farmhouse to ask for help.

They knock on the door and the farmer warmly greets them. They explain the situation and he says that he doesn't have he necessary equipment to tow them, but if they would like to sta...

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A friend of mine was killed last night. I came here for some relief from the grief and you all helped me so I thought I'd share my favorite joke.

It's important that you use a southern accent in your mind ;)



Jim Bob and John Boy were sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow. On the road at the edge of their property they see a Volkswagen sputter to a stop. They head out to it and see a pretty woman looking at the e...

While on a walk two men pass a bar...

Two friends are out walking their dogs on a hot summer day when they pass a bar.

"Let's stop and grab a drink"

"They don't allow pets - let's just keep going"

"Follow my lead"

The first man walks into the bar, his dog in tow.

"Sorry but we don't allow dogs in here....

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A Chinese family moved into my neighborhood when I was in high school...

They had a pair of twins, named Ving and Ling, who were my age. I liked Ving, but his sister Ling was kind of a bitch. Eventually, Ling told me that he hated his name, and he wanted to change it. I asked him, "What do you want to change your name to?" and he said "Lee. You know, like Bruce Lee?" Lin...

An old man was driving his old Fiat in the Italian countryside, when the car broke down

He pulled over to the side, and called for a tow truck. While he was waiting, this guy in a Ferrari, who must have felt very generous that day, stopped and asked if he needed any assistance.

“It’s okay, the tow truck will be here soon,” the old man told him.

But the guy with the Fe...

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Fiat vs Ferrari

Mark has a Ferrari. John has a Fiat 500.
John’s Fiat broke down, so he calls Mark to tow it. Before they start driving, John says: “You start driving, and if you’re driving too fast I’ll honk.”

Mark starts driving extremely fast. In the meantime, a police officer sees them and reports into...

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Farmer problems (long joke)

There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, chug chug chug it breaks down.

So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tr...

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Fiat vs Ferrari

So on a nice and sunny Sunday afternoon Jim is taking his LaFerrari for a Spin on the Highway. Driving along for a while when Jim spots a broken down Car on the side of the road, apparently having some issues. As Jim is passing he realizes the Car is a Old Fiat 500.

Chuckling to Himself abou...

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An Eskimo goes to New Zealand on a holiday

He hires a car to drive around but barely 100km into the journey his car breaks down ,he gets it towed to a mechanic on advice from the rental place, the mechanic pops the hood and says
“I see your problem here looks like you’ve blown a seal”, and the Eskimo replies angrily “at least I don’t fuc...

I sorted by top of all time and copied and pasted the best joke here

I was just about to hit submit and a tow truck came along and hitched onto the back of my car. I jumped out and screamed, *Why are you towing my car?* The tow driver just stared back at me with this dead look in his eye, not saying a thing. *At least tell me where you're bringing my car*, I begged. ...

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

What do people with foot fetishes and recovery vehicle drivers have in common?

Tow (toe) jobs

Protection

A woman was driving Up North late at night when her car broke down. About a mile down the road, she saw a cabin in the woods. Two men came out.

"Can we help ya, miss?"

"Yes, my car broke down about a mile back. Could you drive me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?"

"...

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Never will you meet a man like Jeff.

Diana told Jeff she hated to be embarrassed. She broke up with every man she embarrassed herself in front of.

After eating at a resturaunt, Diana unexpectedly burped loudly. Before she could even turn red, Jeff burped so loud the dishes rattled.

While sitting in church, Diana farted. B...

What does Superman use to dry himself?

A Tow-El.

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A horse, a chicken and a fantastic moral. [long]

There is a horse and a chicken and they are best friends. One day horse and chicken are walking down a trail when horse steps into some very deep mud. Horse struggles to get out but he cannot set himself free and chicken is too small and feeble to free horse as well. As chicken is crying for his fri...

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Police training

2 FBI agents, 2 state troopers, and 2 Detroit cops are sent out to the woods for training.

At the end of the training, the instructor tells the class he’s going to release a rabbit and they are to track it, capture it, and bring it back.

First, a rabbit is released for the FBI agents, ...

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A businessman breaks down on the side of a country road...

Along his trip to the big city a businessman's car breaks down on a long stretch of country road. As he exits his car he finds no mechanic shops or gas stations along the road and his phone is out of the service area. Luckily a farmer on a tractor stopped by and offered his support.

Farmer: ...

A man was offroading in the desert.

He was driving over the dunes and past the shrubs and bushes that dotted the landscape, when a sandstorm started blowing over. He figured he'd be fine, but the sand made his engine lock up.

After it had passed, he went out in search for help. The storm disoriented him and blew away his car tr...

A man was speeding, when a cop noticed him.

The man saw the cop and tried going faster. The cops chased him, he sped up even more, the cop stayed on him.



The man finally got his car going as fast as his car would go and the cop still stayed on his tail, so he pulled over.



The cop walks up to his and tells the guy...

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There’s a diminutive, mousy-looking elderly man in a pub, quietly staring into his glass.

He has sad, sad eyes and a generally upset demeanor.

The door of the pub is slammed open and a lorry driver charges in. He roars up to the bar counter, orders four pints of the strongest beer the bartender has, and drops heavily down upon one of the bar stools.

As he drains his beers, ...

My car wouldn't start so I called my favorite middle eastern company to help me

Camel Tow

There was this little girl sitting on the English side of the English Channel, bawling her eyes out. This pigeon was flying over and spotted her, so the pigeon flew down and asked what was wrong.

The little girl told the pigeon that she wanted to be a ballet dancer more than anything, but the only way she could be a ballet dancer was to get to France, being really the only place that teaches ballet.
After thinking for a moment, the pigeon told the little girl to wait and he would return.<...

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Two Army Rangers are on vacation in New Orleans....

when they both get the idea to catch an alligator, skin it and get shoes made out of its carcass.

They go to an outfitter to get a boat and all the gear they’ll need, and during the conversation they mention they are army. The outfitter tells them that two Marines with the exact same idea pas...

Officer couldn't believe his eyes.

A man was driving along in his beat up old dodge, when suddenly it broke down. He was parked on the side of the road trying fix it, when a Jaguar pulled up in front of him and offered to help. After a few minutes the two men obviously weren't going to get the old car going again, so the Jaguar drive...

How does North Korea celebrate Christmas?

With missile tows

A Blonde working in an office...

she glanced out the window and noticed a car , towing a small rowboat parking beside an empty field. She thought nothing of it and continued to work.

She looked out again towards the field and seen a blonde woman getting out of the car, removing the boat and dragging it into the field. "What ...

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Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

A guy plays golf every Sunday morning with his friends...

This coming Sunday happens to be his 25th wedding anniversary. He wants to play golf as usual. His wife wants him to spend the whole day with her. They come to a compromise - he'll play 9 holes first thing in the morning and then come straight home.

The wife is expecting him home at around 10...

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The moral of the story.

One day a monkey was walking in the jungle when he heard a terrible screeching sound. He ran on further to find that an Ostrich was stuck in the deep mud near a watering hole. The monkey dare not try to go into the mud, he tried to find a branch from a tree.. but it was too small. He had no rope. Wa...

George and Ted were driving through the countryside when there car broke down.

They went to a nearby farmhouse to call a tow truck. When they knocked on the door, a gorgeous woman answered.

"Can we use your phone?" they asked.

"Yes," said the woman. So George and Ted used the woman's phone to call a tow truck.

The tow truck company told them that it woul...

A guy is driving through a snowstorm in Alaska when his car breaks down...

...so he gets it towed to the nearest mechanic. As he awaits the diagnosis he steps out for a smoke. He walks back in after smoking and a few moments later the mechanic comes out and says to him, "um...it looks like you blew a seal." To which the man responds, "oh nah, that's just some frost on m...

How to speak Chinese

That's not right..................................Sum Ting Wong


Are you harbouring a fugitive?...............Hu Yu Hai Ding?


See me asap......................................Kum Hia Nao


Stupid man........................................Dum Gai


Small horse....

New Zealand Humor

(Stolen unashamedly from a comment on Quora)

Some years ago the Pope was visiting New Zealand as part of a world tour.

On a day when he had a few hours to spare he asked if he could be shown one of the famous beaches of New Zealand, so his hosts took him to a beautiful, secluded beach ...

I once new a guy who loved tractors, but one day he sadly fell off his tractor and broke his arm and vowed to never go near a tractor again.

A few months later after coming home from a night out with his friends and with his buddy in tow, he arrived home to find his house on fire.

He immediately rushed inside took the deepest breath he could and inhaled all of the smoke, and all of the flames.

His now bewildered friend aske...

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A guy who has spent his whole life in the outback of Australia decides he wants a change in his life, so he moves to the city.

He arrives in Sydney, and the first thing he does is looks for a job. He goes to the biggest department store downtown and applies for a job. The HR rep asks him if he has any experience in sales. So the guy says 'yea I was considered one of the best salesmen out Bush'. The rep isn't amused. 'This ...

A penguin has car trouble

He calls a tow truck and rides with the driver to a service station. Inside they also sell snacks, so he buys two ice cream sandwiches. He scarfs then both down and walks out to check on his car, neglecting to wipe his face. He asks the mechanic “what’s this issue?” The mechanic responds, “it looks ...

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Bill is out for a drive and comes across a place that does psychic readings.

Bill, ever the skeptic, walks in just to tell the psychic that he's a fraud and that he's taking advantage of people. The psychic tells Bill to try his Skeptic's package. "What's that?", Bill asked. "It's a special deal I offer to people who don't believe in psychics." The psychic began to explain. ...

You don't see that everyday.

A man was driving his ferrari down a country road when a farmer flagged him down and said that his tractor died in a field and needed a little help. The man agreed to help tow the farmer's tractor back to his farm. They agreed that the tractor's left blinker meant speed up and the right blinker mean...

The French Test Drive

An American couple took their honeymoon in France, and they loved it so much they decided they just had to live there. But the costly move left them in financial hardship. Eventually, they did both find jobs, but on opposite ends of the city, so they decided to buy a car.

"This one," said the...

Walrus is driving down the street when suddenly.....

His car breaks down in the hot desert. He calls a towing service and takes it to the nearest shop in some small town he's never been in.

Mechanic tells him it's going to be awhile. Walrus says, no problem. I'll just go across the street and treat myself to something cold at that restuarant ...

A child who loved tractors (sorry if it’s a repost, haven’t seen it yet)

There was a young boy born to a family of farmers, his name was Ryan.

From a very early age he was amazed by all the machinery on his farm, but especially the tractors, his father owned four, each unique to their tasks. The large red one for the tonnes of wheat, the slightly smaller green one...

Super fast Nano

A tata nano breaks down on a roadside. A BMW 750Li stops to help the driver.

"I will tow you to the next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash your lights."

They start up slowly but only a km or so down the line a Porsche speeds pas 150km/hour.

The BMW driver tot...

A horse and a chick are playing in a meadow...

After a time, the horse gets stuck in the mud. Frantic, he tells the chick to run to the farm and get the farmer to pull him out.

The chick runs as fast as her little legs will carry her and reaches the farm to find the farmer is nowhere to be seen. She finds an open window into the farmhous...

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3 Men are stranded in the middle of nowhere as their car broke down.

They suddenly see a house in the distance and decide to seek assistance but decide to go individually as they do not want to alarm the home owner. So the first guy approaches the house and is greeted by the most hideous old lady he has ever seen and he asks "hey, is there by chance you have a teleph...

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The high-speed Prius.

There is a broken Toyota Prius on the side of an American highway.

Suddenly, a Bugatti driver pulls up next to the Prius and offers to tow the hybrid to the nearest repair shop. The Toyota owner agrees. They also agree on that the Prius driver will flash his high beams when he'll want to slow...

95% of all Ford trucks made in the past 20 years are still on the road.

The rest have been towed home.

A penguin's car breaks down...

...and he has it towed to a repair shop. The mechanic tells him that he should have some information in about an hour. The penguin sees an ice cream shop across the street so he wanders over while the mechanic works. He finds the vanilla is the best ice cream he's ever eaten and he eats it with mess...

Here's some Lame Game Dev Humour:

So, I used to work at a studio - doesn't really matter where - and there was this one guy who'd always be around. Just around. I didn't want to seem impolite so I never asked what he did. I kept my head down and did my thing, you know. I mostly forgot about him, except for when I'd be working late a...

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Spy

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
<...

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A wise old man walks out his door one morning to sip his coffee and take in the dawn of a new day.

As he adjusts his view towards the street he sees a boy pulling a wagon with something in it in the direction of town.

He addresses the boy and asks "young man, what do you have in your wagon this morning?".

The boy replies "it's chicken wire sir."

Man "well what are you going t...

A lawyer was driving in the middle of nowhere...

A telephone pole was suddenly struck by lightning, falling in front of the lawyer, causing him to swerve into a ditch and total his car.

He got out of his car and looked around. In the distance, he saw a pink-striped house.

He walked to the house, went up a pink-striped sidewalk, knoc...

Three little old ladies die in a car crash...

When they get to heaven, St. Peter is waiting to welcome them.
"Welcome, ladies," says Peter. "We only have one rule up here, don't step on the ducks."
The three little old ladies look around and notice there are ducks everywhere, thousands of them.
"Why all the ducks?" asks the first li...

After years of saving Saul finally had enough money to get his eye transplant in China

His wife was opposed to the idea on moral grounds. His brother was worried he might lose what little sight he had now. His friends were worried that what he was doing wasn't entirely legal.

He dismissed them all one by one and finally bought his ticket and set off with grim determination. <...

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There was a new guy in town looking for some action...

He meets a guy at a new job and asks him where he can find a lady of the night. The friend tells the new guy he can find one downtown and she only costs 25 bucks!

The guy doesnt have much money at the time so he asks his friend for some. The friend says "Well, i cant loan you any money, but I...

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An old man is sitting on his porch...

An old man is sitting on his porch when he sees a young boy walk by carrying some chicken wire. He shouts "Hey boy where are you goin with that chicken wire?" The boy replies "I'm going to catch some chickens." The man shouts back "Boy you cannot catch chicken with chicken wire!" The boy just shr...

A man is out driving his Lada when it brakes down on the autobahn

Soon afterwards a porsche pulls up behind the Lada, "do you want a tow?" The porsche driver offers.
"Yes please" exclaims the Lada driver "I will put on my indicators if I think you are going too fast"
The porsche driver agrees and sets off towing the Lada,
After about half an hour a Lambor...

How do you transport large munitions around Christmas time?

A missile tow.

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A Hindu, a Jew and a televangelist...

A Hindu, a Jew, and a televangelist are driving down a desolate road late at night, when suddenly the car breaks down in front of a farm. They decide to see if the folks who live on the farm will let them sleep there for the night so they can call a tow truck in the morning.

They knock on th...

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