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Dirty Joke Jokes

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A dirty joke told by 85yo grandpa to the whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at...

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

A dirty joke from the 1400s...

In Florence, a young woman, somewhat of a simpleton, was on the point of delivering a baby. She had long been enduring acute pain, and the midwife, candle in hand, inspected her secret area, in order to ascertain if the child was coming. “Look also on the other side,” said the poor creature, “my hus...

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A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century

The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do no...

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1 dollar for dirty joke

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?

Me: “asstasticbum”

Homeless man: “So asstasticbum, the...

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A fly over a stream. [Dirty Joke]

One day, in a peaceful forest, a fly buzzed over a stream.

In the stream, a salmon was swimming, and it looked up and saw the fly. It thought to itself, "If that fly would drop down about a half an inch, I'd be able to jump up, catch it, and I'd have myself something to eat."

Alongside...

My oldest dirty joke, From my grandfather around the campfire...

**An old couple gets pulled over and...**

Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."

**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**

Lady cop - "Oh, I ...

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Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Little Timmy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
Little Timmy started playing in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
Little Timmy took a bath.

Wanna hear a cleaner joke?
Little Timmy took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear en even cleaner joke?
Little Timmy...

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Dollar for a dirty joke

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?"

Me: "John"

Homeless man: "So Johnny, there is blac...

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The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke.

After a real objectionable example of that one day, the
female students got together and decided that next time,
when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he
entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Ha...

Here’s the oldest dirty joke I know

Ethyl and Gladys walk the same route every day, and they stop at the same bench to smoke a cigarette before finishing their walk back to their apartments.


One day, just as they lit their cigarette, it starts to rain. Neither ladies brought umbrellas.


Gladys, the innovator s...

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This is the first dirty joke my dad ever told me

So Dopey and the other seven dwarves go to visit the pope. Doc goes up to the pope and asks, "Pope can you tell me, are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"

He thinks for a moment. "No", he says, "There are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican."

The other dwarves chuckle.

"Well can yo...

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Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.

But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.

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2 Dirty Jokes as told to me by a homeless guy.

If a guy with a foot fetish cheats on his wife, would you say *he got off on the wrong foot?*

**and** (no offense meant to all the women out there, I swear!)

You know why god invented the yeast infection? So that women would also know what it's like to live with a miserable cunt!
...

My kid came home and asked if I wanted to hear a dirty joke…

He said: 2 pigs fell in the mud and three came out

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A professor told dirty jokes in class

the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kind of jokes they all will leave the class as a protest.

Somehow the professor heard about the plan.

In the next lecture, in the beginning of the lecture he said: "In Swede...

My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke.

Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

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Dirty joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

-Man fell in a puddle!

Want to hear a clean joke?
-Man took a bath!

Want to hear another clean joke?
-Man took a bath with bubbles!

Want to hear a dirty joke?
-Bubbles is the woman next door!

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(Short) Dirty Joke

Police have issued a city-wide statement:

"Approximately an hour ago two thieves ran off with multiple pounds of Viagra"

They say to keep an eye out for two hardened criminals...

Dirty Joke

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the ...

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Dirty jokes

A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with...

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Protesting dirty jokes

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day,...

What do you call an especially dirty joke?

Pun-gent

A "Dirty Joke"

A boy fell in the mud.

I wanted to tell a dirty joke about a baby chicken but...

Then I realized it was a little fowl.

This is not a dirty joke.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.

Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, yo...

What's your favorite not a dirty joke that you can tell your parents?

Mine (I think I read this one here on Reddit but I'm not sure):

A guy goes to the circus. After the show, he speaks to the manager and asks for a job.

Manager: "Alright, what can you do?"

Guy: "I can do great bird impressions"

Manager: "That's nothing impressive, a lot of...

Eli's Dirty Joke

Cowboy Earl and Betty are senior citizens. Well Earl has always wanted and expensive pair of Alligator Boots

Seeing them on Sale one day he buys a pair and wears them home
"Hey Betty y'all notice anything different about me?"
"What's different? Its' the same shirt you wore yesterday ...

I've only got one dirty joke on this sub.

The rest were scrubbed.

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The dirty joke from 'Freaks and Geeks'

A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life. Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.

She looks at him ...

I would tell you a dirty joke about 36 holes of golf...

...but it’s two course.

First dirty joke I ever learned...from my mother

Little Red Riding Hood: Mr. Big Bad Wolf, are you going to eat me whole?

Mr. Big Bad: No, when I come to that part, I am going to spit it out.

I searched dirty jokes in google to repost on r/jokes

My face popped up as the first result.

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Dirty Joke literally

Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.

Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.

Friend: Ok I can see it...

Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.

Friend: Uh-huh. I'm likin' this.

Me: Ok. So ...

A really dirty joke.

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.

So a guy tells an antivax kid a dirty joke

Antivax kid: I don’t get it

Guy:you will when your olde...oh wait

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Dirty Joke

My sex life with my wife has started degrading.

Guess it's time to Bury her corpse

Dirty Jokes for Grandma

A sailor comes to port, and decides he really needs to get laid. So he walks into town, and sees a sign- "Sisters of Mercy Convent & Brothel". He walks into what appears to be a church. There's a nun sitting by a table near the door. She intuits what it is he's looking for, and says, put $5 in t...

Mom's unintentional dirty joke

One night my brother and I were talking to my mom about how my brothers dog is always on the couch.

Mom: "You need to teach your dog to stay off the furniture when you're here with her, your dad will agree."

Brother: "Dad was the first one to let her get on the couch."

Me: "Wow ...

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A dirty joke about a horse

Ok, so a man comes into a bar...

Shit, fucked it up, it was supposed to be a horse. Let me try again.

So a man comes into a horse...

My mom told me my first dirty joke.

Why didn't Cinderella go to the ball?
She didn't want to choke!


I'm twenty three now, I was fourteen when she said it but always stuck with me because my mom was always very polite and didn't tell dirty jokes.
Thanks for all the comments;)!

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I was gonna make a dirty joke.

Butt f*ck it!

This compressed file contains a dirty joke.

Sigh *unzips*

Dirty jokes time.Don't click if you are easily offended.

I asked my uncle how I could tell if a girl was into me?
He told me, Oh that's easy, when you have your hand down her pants...if it feels like your feeding a horse...she likes you.

The world's shortest dirty joke ...

Gynecologist found drug stash.

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First dirty joke an adult ever told me, what's yours?

A pelican spots a frog in a marsh and swallows him whole. The pelican flies off and reaches a great height. Suddenly the frog pokes his head out of the pelicans butt and yells out to the pelican "Hey,how high are we right now?", the pelican replies "About 100 meters.", to which the frog nervously re...

This was the first dirty joke my mom ever heard -said when she was 16 by my grandfather who loved a good joke.

A old man is walking down the street when he sees a beautiful young woman in a dress walking towards him. As he approaches her, a gust of wind blows her skirt up over her head. Frantically she pushes the fabric back down into place and turns a little red from embarrassment. Not wanting to cause furt...

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(Dirty Joke) What do a Penis and a Rubiks Cube have in common?

The more you play with it the harder it gets!

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What's your favorite dirty joke?

Mine is: Wht do Jewish men have their sons circumsised? Because they know Jewish women can't resist anything 10% off.

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The corniest dirty joke ever

There are three guys lost in the desert. They have been wandering around for weeks, and are somehow still alive, yet they are on the brink of death. They crawl over a sand dune and all stop, staring into the distance with their mouths agape.

"Do you see that?" the first guy says. "Yup," the o...

Why are dirty jokes so uncommon

Because the punchline's always so hard

Alexa, tell me a dirty joke

The patron tells the waiter "this coffee tastes like mud". The waiter replies "yes sir, it is fresh ground".

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