Can we ban the “yo momma” jokes from this sub? They’re old, stupid and have been used by everyone hundreds of times.

Just like yo momma.

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Thank god I live in Canada

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My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, “Don’t go to church you stupid bitch,” I said “what are you watching?”

She said, “Our wedding video.”

Stupid kid

Kid asked his mom what is a million. Mom answered: "thousand thousands."
-Then what is thousand? kid asked.
"It is ten hundreds my boy."
-Uhmm... Hundred?
"Yeah, ten times ten..."
-But then what is 10?
"It is your IQ."

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on stupid stuff!"

Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid."

"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".

What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

Yo Mamma So Stupid

She thought Chicken Stock was KFC's share market

How do you make a stupid joke go to the top of the front page?

Just say you heard the joke from a little kid first.

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My mother-in-law says she’s thinking of throwing herself in the canal, I hope she doesn’t do anything stupid.

Like changing her mind.

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

I used to be young and stupid.

But now I got older.

*One never knows,,, A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"

One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!! The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew he...

I can get almost all of my friends to do stupid stuff by simply saying, "YOLO"

It never seems to work with my Hindu friends though.

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

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I’m not fucking stupid.

I used to , but then we broke up.

Wrestlers are stupid.

They compete for a belt and none of them wear pants.

Yo momma is so stupid

She studied for a drug test

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

Nobody stands up

Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

Little John stands up

Teacher: "Ohh, John you think you're stupid?"

Little John: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

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Stupid pun i just thought of

A boy comes home to his dog after being a weekend away at the beach as he plops onto his bed he takes a big sniff and asks himself:
“did the dog crap or am i just imagining shit?”

What’s the Most Stupid Animal in the Jungle?

The Polar Bear

Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.

We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.

Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid...

If they had used a "G", nobody would ever have found their treasure.

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Was having dinner with the in laws and the MIL said ….

….’How many potatoes would you like?’

I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’

She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cunt”

The difference between a stupid person and a pizza

One is easy to cheat, the other is cheesy to eat.

What do you call a stupid grain?

A half wheat!

[Rant] I think it's stupid my friend is having a meltdown over missing a puzzle piece for his 10K puzzle

If he thinks that's bad, I'm missing 9999 pieces.

Yo Mama so stupid...

...she was yelling into the mailbox. When I asked her what she was doing she said she was sending a voice-mail.

95% of people are completely STUPID

Luckily, I’m in the other 10%

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The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

Yo mama so stupid, her password requirement needed to be 8 characters long so she typed in

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".

Stupid people are like Slinkies.

They don't have much purpose, but it's fun to push them down the stairs.

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Three guys discuss whose wife is the most stupid.

"Mine bought a kitchen for $10,000 - and she cannot even cook!"

"Yeah, mine bought a car for $20,000 - and she cannot drive!"

"Ah, that's nothing. Mine bought 100 condoms for a business trip - and she does not even have a penis!"

Why is learning linux stupid?

All of the lessons are full of sudo science

Batman : You idiot Robin. You don't have to pee in the hall. There is a bathroom you stupid.

Robin : Sorry. What is a hroom.?

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

What's the term for the number of stupid people in an area?

Duncity.

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A man goes into a street of Moscow and yells: "I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader".

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier explained to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man: "Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the street?" The man says: "I was thinking about Hitler of course". Stalin lets the man go but st...

People say humans aren't stupid

Yet half of humanity are dumber than average.

The definition of stupidity is When you have a Land Rover, a Land Cruiser....

But still have a Landlord.....

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While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

its stupid to say you're going to feed the hungry

who else would you feed

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

And I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Yo mama’s so stupid...

She cried onto a ketchup packet because it said “tear here.”

haha Belgians dumb

The King of Belgian visits the King of the Netherlands and laments that the Dutch people always make fun of the Belgian people. "Can't you just do something rediculously stupid? That way we have something to make fun of you. Just make a bridge in the middle of the desert, that would be so dumb"
<...

This waitress asked me a really stupid question

She said, "how did you find your steak sir?"

I said, "well, I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was."

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

A man gets a flat tire outside the fence of an insane asylum.

While he's changing the tire he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries. He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but since he was rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain. While he's standing there staring at the spare wit...

Newsreader: Coming up, an idiot will attempt something stupid soon...

...Moron that later!

Your momma so stupid

She took 9 months to make a joke.

Yo mama so stupid

She wears a face mask on a zoom meeting

Wife's says "Where did you get that stupid joke?"

Husband "Reddit"

Wife "I know you read it, I meant where...."

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A farmer walks into his house with a duck under one arm

He walks into the living room where his wife is sitting on the couch and says “this is the pig I fuck when you’re not around.”
His wife says “You stupid bastard. That’s a duck, not a pig!”
The farmer says “I know. I was talking to the duck!

There. Fixed it.

A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...

I used to fear the robot apocalypse

But now, after seeing how dangerous stupid people can be...

I'll take artificial intelligence over no intelligence any day.

99.99% of people on reddit are stupid.

I am the 1%.

A father is scolding his stupid son.

"Timmy, you're an idiot! You're as dumb as this table!"

He knocks on the table for effect.

"Dad, dad, someone knocked, I'll go get the door!"

Father facepalms.

"Gods, Timmy, you're stupid. \*I\* knocked. \*I'LL\* go get the door!"

(A joke my physics teacher told) There was a Bulgarian man who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

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Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?

Because blonde men are stupid too.

A guy was in high school for 10 years. He must have been really stupid, but not as stupid as the guy who was there 20 years.

The longer you go to high school, the dumber you are. Thats why I never went.

A blonde says "Not all blondes are stupid, and I can prove it!"

"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."

A person yells out, "Missouri!"

"M" replies the blonde.

While filling my car up, I noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do, but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see two cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it...

Tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying!" type screaming.

I look around and see that this woman's arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air!

The cops jump into action...

50,000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eightee...

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A husband comes home to his wife after being fired from the pickle factory...

His wife asks him "So what happened?"

The husband explains "I often get bored at work and today my mind was wandering and I thought to myself 'what would happen if I stuck my penis inside the pickle slicer?'"

The wife is clearly blind-sided by this confession and doesn't know what to s...

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The New Yorker the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begi...

Why are Americans so stupid?

Because they shoot all the ones that go to school

Old woman on her deathbed

An old woman lays dying in the hospital after a long illness as her husband sits beside her. She says, "Darling, I want you to go home and look in my closet and pull down the box on the top shelf. I've been keeping a secret all these years."

The man goes home, pulls down the box and finds tha...

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I was walking through the local park when I was verbally abused by two unruly kids.

Then the mother got involved with a real volley of the worst swear words I have ever heard. So I asked her, are the children twins? She said how the fuck can they be twins? One is 12 the other is 8 you stupid fucking Prick. I replied, I couldn't imagine anyone fucking you twice..

Earl and Darling are in love

Their relationship is prefect, they date, become engaged, and finally marry.

Then their first child comes and a healthy son is brought into this world. Darling has always been a bit of a hippie and she thinks that "Love" is the perfect name for him. Earl isn't quite sure about this, but he ...

After years of dating. John and Gail decided to go ahead and get married.

One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke................. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you...

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in

Stupid joke of the day

I hate doing meth. Always forget to carry the one.

Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most stupid.

"Mine is very stupid", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"

"Nah... mine is even more stupid" replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."

L...

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A farmer was out by his barn, repairing a fence.

A young hen came near him, pecking at the ground. He was surprised when he thought he heard a “psst”. The farm looked around and saw no one, so he continued his work.

Then he heard it, clear as day. “Hey. Down here.”

The farmer looked down and saw the hen looking at him.

“Did y...

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My wife asked me to stop buying stupid shit online.

So I shipped her back to Russia.

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A Nazi walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and looks around seeing an older Jewish man sitting in a corner. He turns to the bartender and announces loudly: "A round of beer for everyone except that Jew over there!"

The Nazi turns to the Jew smiling nastily and is surprised to see him smiling warmly back. So...

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Harris Teeter and these stupid masks...

I knew it would eventually happen and today it did. I was prepared. I came out of Harris Teeter with my mask on and keeping six feet distance to everyone, pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting groceries int...

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Friday night, Patrick went to his friend Paddy and said

"Paddy, I need a favor - I'm sleeping with the bartender's wife. Can you hold him in the pub for an hour after he closes up?"

Paddy was not very fond of the idea, but being Patrick was a lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.

After the pub closed, Paddy struck up a conversation with ...

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Stupid highway patrol man

So this semi trucker got his truck stuck underneath an overpass. A few minutes later a highway patrol officer came up to him and said “Did you get your truck stuck?”
Without missing a beat the truck driver said
“Nope I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas.”

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The art of Veterinary Medicine

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two quali...

Someone shouts: ”Stupid Dad jokes are making the Earth an impossible place to live!”

A Dad shouts back: “Maybe you just need some Space.”

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

You're not stupid if you haven't been to university

Einstein never went to university and he was the first man to climb mount Everest

Doctors tried to figure out why blondes are stupid...

so they decided to see inside one of their heads. Upon removal of the scalp they found nothing but a piece of string. Confused about their discovery, they cut the string, and the ears fell off.

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

Failed DIY project

I thought it would be cool to tar up my driveway, but it ended up looking hideous. Can’t even blame anyone, it’s my own stupid asphalt.

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Yo momma so stupid

she stuck a battery up her ass and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid,”

...he wrote, after they cut out his tongue.

A man walks into an eye doctor…..

……..he says hello to the doctor, and the doctor says the same. The doctor asks the man if he’d like to hear a joke. The man says yes. “Why does the phone wears glasses?” The doctor asked. The man shakes his head in confusion. The doctor continues, “because he doesn’t have any contacts”. The man frus...

As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed into Botany bay the local Aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes. One of the Aborigines comments "stupid white man,

can't even play the didgeridoo".

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I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

Tom was not the brightest kid in his school.

None of his classmates liked him. He was plain stupid when it came to even simplest stuff. His teacher always told him "you're driving me crazy".

One day, Tom's mother visited school and when she spoke to teacher, the teacher directly said: "Your child is absolutely stupid, not only his grad...

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There is a new teacher in a school, and she is sent to the worst class with the laziest and the most spoiled kids.

The new teacher starts introducing herself to the first-graders, asking some questions to them, hoping to get them to like her.

She decided to start the lesson in a fun way to get the children's attention. So she starts drawing some pictures on the whiteboard and asks the children what has s...

"Do you know my father is a doctor?"

Guy 2: Wow! My father is a doctor too!

Guy 1: Phillip is my last name.

Guy 2 [excited]: Omg! My surname is Phillip too.

Guy 1: I'm 23 years old.

Guy 2: What? Get out of here [laughing], I'm also 23 years old.

Guy 1: Don't tell me that you are born on the 14th of Au...

Knock Knock

\-Who's there?
\~Daisy
\-Daisy who?
\~Daisy me rollin'!





I know it's terrible but my aunt named Daisy just came up with this and I thought it was so stupid it made it funny and wanted to share.

My aunt named her son "Shine".

I didn't know why she gave him such an awkward name.

Until one day when I listened to her singing her son to sleep:

"You are my son, Shine,

My only son, Shine..."

\-----

Edit: stupid typo

Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid?

Luckily im in the other 5%

There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says...

"Hello, I'm Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water."

God must love stupid people!

He made SO many.

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I wish -

### A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.


“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.


The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.


“How mu...

poor teacher

A teacher was teaching a class, when the students started creating chaos.

The teacher shouted "Whoever is standing will be declared as stupid"

Everyone went back to their seats except for one.

"So you admit you're stupid?" said the teacher,

"No, but i didnt want you to be...

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Freudian Slip

Tim needs to get to Cincinnati. He decides to take a train. When he walks up to the ticket counter the woman behind the counter had huge breasts. He tells her " I would like Cicket to TITSanati, um I mean a Ticket to Cincinnati." The woman blushes and laughs it off. Tim gets his ticket and boards t...

A retired Army General moves into a new apartment after quitting service.

Over the next few weeks, his new neighbors realized that on the weekends he would return to his apartment at 2am very drunk, remove his left boot and slam it on the floor, remove his right boot and slam it on the floor even harder and then go to sleep. Since the force of these thunderous slams was e...

Two cops are talking...

Two cops are talking, the first one says: "my boy is such a stupid mug, I asked him to go to the bar and see if I was there, he came back telling me I wasn't there, so stupid!"
The other cop laughing says: "you're right so stupid, but why didn't he call you!"

Stupid but I think it’s Hilarious

How does a momma bumble bee feed her baby?

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