UPJOKE
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Stupid Jokes

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...
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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint.
He walks into the livin...
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9 out of 10 Americans are stupid...

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
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Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

*Nobody stands up*

Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

*Little Johnny stands up*

Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're sta...
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Gen Z names are so stupid. For instance, a young man introduced himself to me as Jathan..... Not Jason. Not Nathan... Jathan.

I'm not good with remembering names so I try to incorporate them into the conversation to help me to remember. So I said to him

"It's very nice to meet you Jathan."

"That is a very unique name, Jathan."

"Are you from around here Jathan?"

To which he replied

"Wow, a...
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Racism is so stupid.

You shouldn't treat someone differently just because they're from an inferior race.
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Three guys discuss whose wife is the most stupid.

"Mine bought a kitchen for $10,000 - and she cannot even cook!"

"Yeah, mine bought a car for $20,000 - and she cannot drive!"

"Ah, that's nothing. Mine bought 100 condoms for a business trip - and she does not even have a penis!"

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow

Someone pees "Brezhnev is stupid" into the snow on the Red Square.
The KGB immediately starts an investigation, the results are in the next day:
\- Comrade Brezhnev, be strong. Our doctors confirmed the urine belongs to comrade Gromiko.
Brezhnev defeatedly leans back in his chair. ...
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Lets face it English is a stupid language

There is no egg in the eggplant

No ham in the hamburger

And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England

French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted

But if we examine its paradoxes ...
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Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times..

Just like yo mamma
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70% of people are stupid

I’m obviously part of the other 40%.
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A man was arrested for telling a joke which called Vladimir Putin stupid.

He was tried and sentenced to 15 years and 3 months in a work camp.


When asked about the strangely specific sentence, the judge explained that he gave 3 months for insulting the president, and 15 years for divulging state secrets.
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Stupid one liners everyone should know

I'll start: I recently sold my vaccum. It was just collecting dust.
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What’s the Most Stupid Animal in the Jungle?

The Polar Bear
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I hate when you're over someone's house and they start asking you stupid questions.

Like "who are you" and "is that a gun?"
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My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it

So I bought her a candle. That showed her.
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I've been told that I'm either naive or stupid.

I'm not sure which side I'm moron.
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Yo mamma is so stupid...

She went to buy pictures at Adobe Photoshop
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"You're so childish!" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends?! This is ridiculous, this relationship is over!"

"This relationship is what? Over!"
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What do you call a stupid fish?

Dumbbass
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Yo mama so stupid

When she gives someone a piece of her mind, it's considered particle decay.
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Wrestling is stupid...

Some guys with no pants fight for a belt.
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Why are Americans so stupid?

Because they shoot all the ones who go to school

EDIT: I love jokes and comedic freedom... but I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THIS ONE LOL

EDIT 2: Thanks for letting me share the pain of this one with you, internet. And I’m not European (where are ppl getting this lol), I am also 🇺🇸
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Why are so many americans stupid?

Cause they shoot the ones that go to school
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80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!...
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All the blondes in the world are tired of being portrayed as stupid

... so they decide to prove that they're just as smart as anyone else.

They hold a big conference, and fill up an entire stadium of blondes. People come from miles and miles to be part of this, the stadium is filled, the city outside the stadium is packed, and millions more watch from home as...
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Kids these days are so stupid

They actually believe I've got chocolate in my van
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My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, “Don’t go to church you stupid bitch,” I said “what are you watching?”

She said, “Our wedding video.”

98% percent of the population is stupid.

Luckily I’m part of the 3%.
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My wife said all I do is make stupid animal jokes

She’s free to see otter people
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95% of people are completely STUPID

Luckily, I’m in the other 10%
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Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid.

If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
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What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.
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The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid

Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.
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"Shinedark," mumbles God. "Earthspin. Fadetablack...no that's stupid...."

"With all due respect, Holiest of Holies," sighs Lucifer, motioning to his fellow seraphim, "we're all exhausted. Can't we just call it a day?"
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Why are there so many stupid people in the world?

Because shitty parents don’t know how to swallow

Are Gorillas stupid?

Of course, who else would complain about a 19$ drink but keep coming back to the same bar
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(OC - and stupid) If there was a reindeer racing league, what would it be named?

NASCARibou
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"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...

Or something shorter, like "co-vid".
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Dumb, Yet Stupid

Godzilla: I don't feel so well...
Mothra: What did you eat?
Godzilla: Netflix.
Mothra: Why did that make you sick?
Godzilla: Dunno. I feel like I've eaten Stranger Things...
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Yo Mamma soooo stupid ...

Her offspring doesn't even know how to finish a sen
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My psychiatrist’s Rorschach ink-blot tests are so stupid.

They’re just pictures of my parents fighting.
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Stupid people are like glow sticks.

I want to snap them and shake the shit out of them until the light comes on.

The word diputseromneve is pretty stupid

But backwards it's even more stupid.
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What do you call a stupid religious person.

Holy shit.



(This isn't meant to offend anybody.)

I wish I was stupid.

Y'all seem so happy.
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Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.

Thank God I'm Canadian.
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Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid?

Luckily im in the other 5%
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George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.
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A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are stupid

so he holds an all blond convention and randomly picks someone from the crowd. First he asks her what two plus two is. She answers seven, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what ten minus four is. She answers thirteen, and the crowd yells, "Give her another ...
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People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid

But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.
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My ex called me angrily and said, “Are you fucking stupid?”

I said, “No. I used to, but we broke up, remember?”

Wrestlers are stupid.

They compete for a belt and none of them wear pants.
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Stupid joke my dad told me when I was a kid, never forgot it.

So, the story goes that there was this town that had a big red lever in the middle of the town square. The lever, if pulled, would destroy the world. Because of this the lever was heavily guarded at all times. Here is where we introduce a man in that town. His name was Nate. Nate grew up around that...
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What is the difference between stupidity and genius?

"What is the difference between stupidity and genius? Genius has its limits."
-- Albert Einstein
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Your momma so stupid

She took 9 months to make a joke.
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Yo momma is so stupid

She studied for a drug test
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I come from a stupid family.

During the Civil War, my great-uncle fought for the West!
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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
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Stupid

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" Little Johnny replied, "No, ma'am, but I hate to see y...
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My stupid, hungry donkey decided to eat a window

It was a huge pane in the ass
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I can't stand those stupid people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn".

Stupid firemen.
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I saw a sign that said: "Society for asking stupid questions".

A man walked up and asked: "Excuse me, is this the society for asking stupid questions?"
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Once there was a stupidly large family...

Once there was a stupidly large family with 100 children, all named “One, Two, Three,” and so on.

The child named Ninety grew up to be a strict person with an average job and life. She got married and had 3 children, all of which were mischevious and often got into trouble. They became very c...
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My stupid parents and their stupid great marriage.

Ruined my standup career.
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A man is sitting on a flight from NYC to London

He feels a little cold, so he asks the cabin attendant for a blanket. The cabin crew completely ignores him. On the seat next to him is no other than a parrot. The parrot screams "get me a scotch on the rocks you stupid cunt". Not a moment passes and the parrot gets a nice glass of whiskey. The man ...

People say humans aren't stupid

Yet half of humanity are dumber than average.
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Stupid people are like Slinkies.

They don't have much purpose, but it's fun to push them down the stairs.
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People who talk to their dogs are just plain stupid...

Saw a couple today talking to their husky. Intelligent dog, don't get me wrong, but do they seriously think he understands everything he is told? I came home and told my cat all about it, we laughed our asses off!
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I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people

I'm just
saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
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Yo mama so stupid

She wears a face mask on a zoom meeting
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[Rant] I think it's stupid my friend is having a meltdown over missing a puzzle piece for his 10K puzzle

If he thinks that's bad, I'm missing 9999 pieces.
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Your mother is so fat and stupid

She came last in the human race
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Yo Mama so stupid...

...she was yelling into the mailbox. When I asked her what she was doing she said she was sending a voice-mail.
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Why is learning linux stupid?

All of the lessons are full of sudo science
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I used to think that crystal girls where stupid.

All their talk about how crystals would "align their chakras and give them powers" made me think they were dumb.

How could a rock give them powers?

But then I tried crack.
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The other day I bought Canadian insurance, but then I realized how stupid that was.

When am I gonna get attacked by a Canadian?
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Me and a couple of the guys were having a beer and laughing about how stupid our wives are.

Ted said, "Mine's the stupidest. She goes out shopping and she comes back with a pair of jodhpurs and a riding crop, and she's never been on a horse in her life."

Jack said, "Mine's stupider than that. She goes out shopping and she comes back with a sailor's jersey and cap and a pair of deck ...

I hate when people don’t know the difference between “you’re” and “your”..

There stupid.
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Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...
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The Democrats have a plan to make the Republicans sound stupid.

Operation "Just Let Them Talk"
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Stupid pun i just thought of

A boy comes home to his dog after being a weekend away at the beach as he plops onto his bed he takes a big sniff and asks himself:
“did the dog crap or am i just imagining shit?”

God must love stupid people!

He made SO many.
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A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him

"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.

The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasa...

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Stupid Dog

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. "An' wot's this then? " he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog. " As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a...

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.
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Male pupil: The principal of our school is stupid.

Female pupil: Do you know who I am?


Male pupil: I don’t know.


Female pupil: The principal’s daughter.


Male pupil: Hey, do you know who I am?


Female pupil: I don’t know.


Male pupil: That’s good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I recently agreed to a Hall Pass system, but she made such a stupid choice.

I told her that the two women I picked were Scarlett Johansson and Gal Gadot.

But instead of celebrity hunks, my wife went with the 2 guys who cut our grass.

I used to be young and stupid.

But now I got older.
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My wife asked me to stop buying stupid shit online.

So I shipped her back to Russia.

Stupid one I just thought of

What’s a hitmans favorite unit of measurement? A shot
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Everyone outside the US thinks all Americans are stupid

Was ALBERT EINSTEIN stupid?
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What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

(Stolen from a German friend on FB where it's apparently making the rounds...)
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Stupid question.

Do homeless people get knock knock jokes?
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Stupid highway patrol man

So this semi trucker got his truck stuck underneath an overpass. A few minutes later a highway patrol officer came up to him and said “Did you get your truck stuck?”
Without missing a beat the truck driver said
“Nope I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas.”

Yo momma so stupid,

she uses an emery board to file her taxes.
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A stupid pun joke- The moon and the sun are having a conversation

The moon and the sun are having a conversation.
The moon says “Hey, you have been pretty dark lately. That kinda defies your entire sol purpose. The sun replies with “When will you stop telling me these stupid puns like a lune-atic.”
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There is a new vaccine against stupidity.

But anti-vaxxers don't get it.
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Your mom is so stupid

She thought reddit was a social media.
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They say 99% of the population is stupid...

I'm glad to be a member of the other 2%!
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My wife said I should stop making stupid puns and take her abortion more seriously.



I won't let this d-fetus.
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You're not stupid if you haven't been to university

Einstein never went to university and he was the first man to climb mount Everest
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Stupid but I think it’s Hilarious

How does a momma bumble bee feed her baby?
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Man my girlfriend is stupid.

Just because I take my schizophrenia medication doesn’t mean she has to leave me.
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Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.
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What do you call a stupid grain?

A half wheat!
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Some asshole knocked on my door today, telling me I needed to be “saved” or else I would “burn”. I told him to fuck off.

Stupid fireman.

Damn girl are you a piñata?

Because imma need a blindfold before I hit that
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Stupid TV Trivia- Here are some of mine- post your own!

Did you see "Gilligan’s Island" that time when they almost got rescued?

Remember that "Star Trek" episode when they met those aliens?

Did you catch "Jersey Shore" when they got drunk and had that fight?

How about "The Bachelorette" episode when she cried.

Did you see t...
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There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says...

"Hello, I'm Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water."
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