What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

Lets face it English is a stupid language

There is no egg in the eggplant

No ham in the hamburger

And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England

French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted

But if we examine its paradoxes ...

What’s the Most Stupid Animal in the Jungle?

The Polar Bear

[Rant] I think it's stupid my friend is having a meltdown over missing a puzzle piece for his 10K puzzle

If he thinks that's bad, I'm missing 9999 pieces.

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

Thank god I live in Canada

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A man goes into a street of Moscow and yells: "I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader".

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier explained to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man: "Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the street?" The man says: "I was thinking about Hitler of course". Stalin lets the man go but st...

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

Wrestling is so stupid;

men with no pants, fighting for a belt.

Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.

We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.

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Three guys discuss whose wife is the most stupid.

"Mine bought a kitchen for $10,000 - and she cannot even cook!"

"Yeah, mine bought a car for $20,000 - and she cannot drive!"

"Ah, that's nothing. Mine bought 100 condoms for a business trip - and she does not even have a penis!"

A father is scolding his stupid son.

"Timmy, you're an idiot! You're as dumb as this table!"

He knocks on the table for effect.

"Dad, dad, someone knocked, I'll go get the door!"

Father facepalms.

"Gods, Timmy, you're stupid. \*I\* knocked. \*I'LL\* go get the door!"

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

Heard that the people who invented the COVID vaccine also invented a vaccine for stupidity.

Not going to take either cause

1) COVID isn't serious.

2) Why would anyone take a vaccine that makes you stupid?

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Harris Teeter and these stupid masks...

I knew it would eventually happen and today it did. I was prepared. I came out of Harris Teeter with my mask on and keeping six feet distance to everyone, pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting groceries int...

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A Nazi walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and looks around seeing an older Jewish man sitting in a corner. He turns to the bartender and announces loudly: "A round of beer for everyone except that Jew over there!"

The Nazi turns to the Jew smiling nastily and is surprised to see him smiling warmly back. So...

A guy was in high school for 10 years. He must have been really stupid, but not as stupid as the guy who was there 20 years.

The longer you go to high school, the dumber you are. Thats why I never went.

If a smart man puts on his thinking hat, what will a stupid man puts on his head?

A foolscap

95% of people are completely STUPID

Luckily, I’m in the other 10%

Your momma so stupid

She took 9 months to make a joke.

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Stupid highway patrol man

So this semi trucker got his truck stuck underneath an overpass. A few minutes later a highway patrol officer came up to him and said “Did you get your truck stuck?”
Without missing a beat the truck driver said
“Nope I was delivering this overpass and ran out of gas.”

A blonde says "Not all blondes are stupid, and I can prove it!"

"...Give me any state, and I'll tell you it's capital."

A person yells out, "Missouri!"

"M" replies the blonde.

Yo mama so stupid

She wears a face mask on a zoom meeting

Stupid joke of the day

I hate doing meth. Always forget to carry the one.

Doctors tried to figure out why blondes are stupid...

so they decided to see inside one of their heads. Upon removal of the scalp they found nothing but a piece of string. Confused about their discovery, they cut the string, and the ears fell off.

Someone shouts: ”Stupid Dad jokes are making the Earth an impossible place to live!”

A Dad shouts back: “Maybe you just need some Space.”

99.99% of people on reddit are stupid.

I am the 1%.

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

As the first fleet rounded the headlands and sailed into Botany bay the local Aborigines could see several men looking towards them through big fancy telescopes. One of the Aborigines comments "stupid white man,

can't even play the didgeridoo".

The stupid criminal hall of shame.

STUPID-CRIMINAL HALL OF SHAM:

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene a...

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Yo momma so stupid

she stuck a battery up her ass and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"

I’m American, and I’m sick of people saying America is “the stupidest country in the world.”

Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times

Just like yo momma.

I tried donating blood today

NEVER AGAIN!!!
Too many stupid questions
Who’s blood is it?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?

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My wife asked me to stop buying stupid shit online.

So I shipped her back to Russia.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in

The stupid teacher.

Teacher says while standing: "If you think you are stupid stand up."

Student: *stands*

Teacher: "So you think you're stupid?"

Student: "No, I didn't want you to feel lonely"

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

Stupid firemen.

You're not stupid if you haven't been to university

Einstein never went to university and he was the first man to climb mount Everest

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid,”

...he wrote, after they cut out his tongue.

There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says...

"Hello, I'm Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water."

What do you call a prescription opioid abuser who realise their stupidity but won't stop anyway?

an oxymoron

While filling my car up, I noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do, but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see two cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it...

Tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying!" type screaming.

I look around and see that this woman's arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air!

The cops jump into action...

CIA Uncovers Chinese Plot to Make America Stupid

It's called Tik Tok.

Don't play stupid with me!

I'm better at it than you.

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The airplane was filled with people to the last seat, everyone was waiting for the pilot and co-pilot to arrive.

Finally they come. The people can see them through the windows, they get inside the plane and the passengers are freaked out. Both pilot and co-pilot are wearing blindfolds marking them as blind, have white canes with them and dark sunglasses. The people freak out a bit, but after both of them get i...

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The wealthy George (the original joke is in Swedish and the translation might be a bit off)

On the beach in large luxury house lives the wealthy George. One day Carl comes from the tax authority and asks how George can live so richly when he has no income.

“I bet”, says George.

“But you can not survive on betting, can you?” asks Carl from the tax authority.

“Do you ...

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A guy goes up to the bartender and bets him $50 he can pee in a beer glass from all the way across the bar...

... without getting a SINGLE drop on the bar. The bartender thinks it’s impossible so he takes the bet.

The guy places the glass at one end of the bar & stands at the other. He unzips and starts a’pissin. And it goes AAAAALL over the place, not a single drop even coming close to the glas...

It turns out that 70 percent of people are stupid.

Glad I’m in the other 20 percent!

Daylight saving adjustments are stupid

Last time I got a morning wood in the bus instead the bed.

Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most stupid.

"Mine is very stupid", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"

"Nah... mine is even more stupid" replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."

L...

Stupid but I think it’s Hilarious

How does a momma bumble bee feed her baby?

Stupid kid joke: Why was the sand at the beach wet?

Because the sea wee'd.

Your mama so stupid she tried kill herself in the garage with the car running...

Too bad she drives a Tesla.

An ugly arrogant woman NSFW

An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7.

Why the h...

Driver: "Officer, what am I supposed to do with this stupid ticket?"

Officer: "Keep it. When you have enough of them, you get a bicycle".

God must love stupid people!

He made SO many.

Social Distancing is so unbelievably stupid

If corona came from China, surely it can go another 6ft.

Why are Americans so stupid?

Because they shoot all the ones that go to school

People tell me I'm stupid for cleaning my firearms with honey.

But I'm sticking to my guns.

Whats the difference between stupidity and ignorance?

I don't know and I don't care.

If you are stupid, stand up!

Teacher: Everyone who thinks they are stupid, stand up.

After a while, Little Johnny stands up,


Teacher: Ah, so we have one stupid person among us.


Little Johnny: Actually, It broke my heart to see you standing there alone.

Man my girlfriend is stupid.

Just because I take my schizophrenia medication doesn’t mean she has to leave me.

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.

A man was watching TV and enjoying a beer.

Don't go," he yelled at the screen. "Do not enter that building. Walk away. Argh, you stupid man!"

His wife called from the kitchen, "What on earth are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

## So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, b**ut ...

How do you call a stupid dubstep?

A Dumbstep.

Damn girl are you a piñata?

Because imma need a blindfold before I hit that

I have to stop saying, "How stupid can you be?"

I think some people are taking it as a challenge.

I told my 14 year old son I thought 'Fortnite' was a stupid name for a computer game.



I think it is just too weak.

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A man walks into a bar and says, "A round for everyone and one for the bartender!"

So everyone takes their drinks and the bartender says to the man, "That'll be forty dollars."

The man says "What? I haven't got any money."

So the bartender beats him up and makes him throws him out.

The next day the man returns and says again "A round for everyone and one for t...

Death is like being stupid.

It’s only painful for the others.

Last year I replaced several windows in my house and they were the expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.

But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work has been completed for a whole year and I had yet to pay for them.

Boy oh boy did we go 'round. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking ...

There's a boy named Bonnie...

There’s a boy named Bonnie.

He is made fun of throughout high school because of his weird name, and so he is become very shy.

But he has a crush on a girl and works up the courage to ask her out.

She says yes, and he is so happy.


After years of dating, he works up ...

Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid?

Luckily im in the other 5%

Two Nuns Are Driving Through Transylvania When A Vampire Jumps On The Car

Nun 1: "Quick! Show him your cross!"

Nun 2: *Opens Window* "Get off my car you stupid git!"

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I think I'm going to lose my driver's license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Ima...

I was having dinner with my boss

His wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.

My favourite Tim Vine Joke

My wife said "Why don't you write a book instead of stupid word play jokes?"

I said, "That's a novel idea."

50,000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eightee...

My friend went to California last year, he saw 2 people arguing. A European and an American, they were arguing about whether Americans were stupid or not, the European then said "You're proof that Americans are stupid" and the American responded:

I'm not even American, I'm Californian!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All those people claiming Donald Trump is like Hitler need a reality check.

After all, its not like Donald Trump could write a book.

Edit: alot of people moaning in the comments "this is a stupid joke, Trump did actually write some books so this makes no sense!?".

Look at the sub you are in, some of these posts you'll see will just be jokes. If you are the sn...

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar with a monkey. Proceeds to the bar, and asks the bartender if he can sit and have a few beers as his monkey joins him.

It’s slow, so the bartender says “sure.”

After a few drinks, the guy asks the bartender if he would keep an eye on his monkey while he uses the...

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I tried to find a porn director willing to hire me as a performer, but I couldn't...

Apparently I didn't look hard enough.

*(As you can probably tell by how stupid it is, I wrote this one myself.)*

A guy was screaming "The President is Stupid" on the middle of a street in Washington DC

A policeman came up to him and slapped him once.
Man : "I was talking about the President of Ireland."
*The policeman slapped the man again.*
Man: Why did you slap me?
Policeman : "As if we don't know which President is stupid"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saturday morning I got up early, [long]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch. grabbed the dog. slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled...

Only stupid people never change their minds

That's what I've always said.

British people are so stupid!

You ask them how much money something is and they will only say how much it weighs! Also, why is everything so heavy there?

Why do rats run into a trap for a little bit of cheese? They are so stupid.

Oh, honey, I'm home!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking in Russia

when he shouts "I hate that stupid leader with his stupid mustache!"

A soldier, on hearing that, arrests the man and takes him straight to Stalin.

The soldier told Stalin what he heard and so Stalin asks the man what he meant when he said that.

The man replies "I was talking ab...

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Harry gets pulled over on the highway for speeding

Harry: Is there a problem, officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone

Harry: No, I was only going 65 tops

Harry's girlfriend: Oh Harry, you were going at least 80

Harry gives his girlfriend a nasty look

Cop: I'm also writing you a ticket for that broken ...

When you feel like you're ugly, stupid and have no redeeming traits....

Don't wallow in despair; at least you have sound judgement.

You are obese!

A woman visits the doctor

Doctor: Madame, you are obese.

Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!

Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.

Those Tennessee Boys Are Stupid

So these counterfeiters make a mistake and print a load of $15 bills.
The head man says "No problem. We'll take these bills down to Tennessee. Those hicks won't know the difference. We'll swap out the bad bills for real money."

So they head down to Tennessee and stop at a small general st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call something that you're not supposed to ask during sex?

A stupid fucking question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can't take it with you

A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny was sent home early from school one day.

His Dad seeing him walk into the house was visibly confused and asked Little Johnny why he was sent home.


"I failed my math test" he told his Dad.


"How!? We been studying all week for that stupid thing!" his dad replied angerly.


"First the teacher asked me 'What is ...

At Friday night services, Morris goes to his friend Irving and says,"I need a favor..."

"I need a favor, I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving is not very fond of the idea but being Morris' life-longfriend, he reluctantly agrees.
After services, he strikes up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts o...

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

My stupid parents and their stupid great marriage.

Ruined my standup career.

Mickey and Patrick are on their way home from the pub one evening, when Mickey finds a mirror on the ground...

Looking into the mirror he calls over to Patrick:

"Paddy, come and have a look.... this fella seems oh so familiar.."

Patrick grabs hold of the mirror and peers in:

"Ohhhh you stupid git" he says, "It's me!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A russian went out of Stalin's office and says to himself

This stupid mustached man.
A KGB officer hears him and grabs him to stalin and tells him what he heard.
Stalin to the man: who did you mean when you said "mustached man".
The man: Hitler of course.
stalin to the KGB officer: And who YOU thought he was referring to?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the lioness was sitting next to her husband lion

when out of nowhere the hayena came and starts throwing insults at the lion :
"you son of a bitch you motherfucker u are one weak ass king you are so stupid... etc".
the lion doesn't move an inch and keeps his cool but the lioness is so furious :
"are you not gonna do anything " .
but th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Student and teacher

[b]One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" o
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
a "Well, hello there sir. So you actually th...

2 Stupid Friends talking.

Ram to Shyam:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Monkeys like you should be in a zoo,
Don't be sad I will be there too,
But not in a cage
Just laughing at you.

Shyam back to Ram:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are,
Once you know ...

What borders on stupidity?

Canada and Mexico.

(Stolen from a German friend on FB where it's apparently making the rounds...)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like y...

Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year's resolution was

She replied, "to get people on reddit to quit repeating the same stupid joke."

Why did the chicken cross the road? (Courtesy of my 5 year old)

Because chickens are stupid!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex called me angrily last night and said, “Are you fucking stupid?”

I said, “No. We broke up, remember?”

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