Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I am thankful every day that I live in Canada.

Lots of violence could have been prevented in the old west

If only cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for everyone.

I grew up listening to music that demeaned women, glorified violence and normalized criminal behavior. I know it definitely influenced the culture around me.

Thankfully, I stopped listening to country music and found hip hop.

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Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence?

Batteries included.

There’s no way video games cause violence.

If they did, school shootings would involve a LOT more tea bagging.

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A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second p...

Why did the music conductor get arrested?

For misconduct.

Bonus - why did the violinist get arrested?

For violence.

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO?

Amber Herd

What do you call two digital artists in a fight?

Graphic Violence

My wife was gonna make a domestic violence joke...

But i beat her to it

A man with a gun barged into the pub earlier and was threatening violence if the bar didn't play some classic 80s tunes.

Luckily The Police turned up and sorted him out.

I made a YouTube video about the violence I endured as a writer on board a U-boat

Just hit subscribe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you want to figure out how to solve problems without violence,

wait until a mosquito lands on your testicle.

A class is working on antonyms

A teacher asks a child what the antonym for peace is, he doesn't respond. When the teacher asked what's wrong, the child replied, "Violence is never the answer".

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Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

The shop assistant asked if I wanna box for my groceries.

Told her I hate violence, and asked if I could just pay be card instead.

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Dave is in the court because of domestic violence.

"These papers say you beat your wife with a hammer" says the judge. "Is this true?"

"Yes," says Dave.

"Disgusting son of a bitch," says a man in the audience.

The judge proceeds. "Then, two weeks later, you beat your wife's mother with the same hammer. Is this true?"

"Yes...

I don't understand why people are disgusted by domestic violence against pregnant women.

At the end of the day, it's 2 against 1.

Violence is not the answer

Violence is the question

The answer is yes

Stop blaming the video games for violence.

Some of you played Mortal Kombat your whole lives and never learned how to finish her.

Violence is never the answer! Unless the question is...

What do you have if you have more than one violin?

There is no link between violence and video games...

But there is a link between violence and lag.

When my wife starts to sing....

I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

I would make a joke about domestic violence

But I just think it would hit too close to home for some

Games doesn't cause violence because...

...everyone are too busy to sleep with each other's mothers.

A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there...

it's alt right"

In New York, when a married couple gets into a fight, it’s called domestic violence.

In Alabama, it’s known as sibling rivalry.

I like my beer the same way I like my violence.

Domestic

Below our Southern border is filled with chaos, violence, and corruption. The government is in shambles and the people are always fighting amongst themselves.

Thank god I live in Canada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a domestic violence charge

From my penis

Why did the police attack the peaceful demonstration for Elijah McClain?

They were told to fight violins with violence.

One day TV is broadcasting about a gun shot in campus and the experts analyze that it is linked to the murder's massive time in playing violence video game.

Mum: No sense, my son is always playing dating sims and he still unable to find a girlfriend.

The next Pirates of the Caribbean movie is going to have more violence and nudity

It's going to be rated "Arrr..."

My friend's dad is a magician

He can turn 10 bottles of beer into domestic violence

South of the border

You know what, I don't care what people say but south of the border there is the country with senseless violence, looting, drugs etc. that I would not dare to touch with a ten feet pole!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I am so happy I live in Canada!

What does someone with a history or violence who digs up coal, and an 11 year old who swears at you during online hames have in common?

They're both offensive minors.

We are really concerned with what's going on South of the Border with all the drugs gun violence and now this new Dictatorship

I am Canadian

Teller: Sir, you want a box for your groceries?

My dad: No, I am very much against violence, I´ll just pay for it.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Oka...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you mix Adolf Hitler and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

Family violence

A 6 year old kid was at the center of a NYC Courtroom earlier this month when he challenged a court ruling over who should have Custody over him. When it was discovered that his parents beat him, he was given custody over to his grandparents. A problem arises when the boy says that his grandparents ...

Why was Gandhi an advocate of naan violence?

Because Hindus don't like beef

Heartbreaking

Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with chil...

Mime on mime violence is rampant.

But you just never hear about it.

Some people were swordfighting with long pieces of bread. Then, pretty soon, everyone was swordfighting with long pieces of bread

because violence baguettes violence.

Going To The Movies

I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.

She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"

I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

I wanted to spread my message of peace and non-violence to the whole wide world.

So I went to a secluded tribe in the Amazon, and their warriors were not at all keen to see me.

One ran up to me with a spear and said “I will stab you if you don’t leave”.

But I stood my ground, grabbed the spear, and told him that “violence is never the answer”.

He looked at m...

Crime And Violence

When I think about it, we are the ones to blame for all the crime and violence we have today, after all, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to get changed.

If the bullying and violence in the school is really getting to you and you don’t want to go back...

...after the summer break, have a word with your parents and try finding another job away from teaching.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a well-known terrorist with a long history of violence

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

Gamers say video games don't encourage violence.

Yet this new Star Wars Battlefront has got everyone wielding pitchforks.

What keyboard shortcut can be used to stop recent senseless violence from continuing?

CTRL-ALT-Right

(Not mine but had to share) *in a Deep South accent

I like my beer like I like my violence...
...Domestic

What was the man arrested for after blowing up a Chinese restaurant?

Wonton violence

President Trump says he supports victims of domestic violence.

He still pays alimony to Ivana Trump.

Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing.

And that's just to get the remote.

If Germany is fatherland and Russia is mother land

Then WW2 is domestic violence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate violence ...

Makes me wanna beat the fuck out of someone...

God called on the Pope, Donald Trump, and Bill Gates, and told them,

"I called you together to let you know that I am tired of all the bickering, hate and violence in the world. You have 30 days to get things in order, then I am going to end the world. "

The Pope woke his staff and said, "I have some good news and some good news. The good news is that we were ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Violence is the only option.

Unless a mosquito lands on your dick, then it's a hostage situation.

My friend got into hot water with a cult of mimes

They committed unspeakable acts of violence against him.

More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever

If you can't beat em, join em

Why is there no gang violence on the space station?

Because it is a zero G environment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered m...

When i was growing up, we weren't allowed to read the book "Ivanhoe" in catholic schools

Apparently there was too much saxon violence

Its just a fax

A guy walks into a bar and sits down.
After a few minutes, he starts dialing numbers
like a telephone but on the back of his hand.
He then flips his hand over, and starts talking into
the palm of his hand.
The bartender walks over and tells him this is a
very tough neighbo...

When a mosquito lands on your balls,

is the moment when you realize violence is not the answer

I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas

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A hideous little orc is in the kingdom's capital, looking to acquire medicine for his sick mom.

Nobody can stand the sight of him, with some even threatening violence of he doesn't leave.
He finds and alchemist's medicine shop at the market and tells him about his mother's illness.

"Ah, but of course!" says the alchemist, "It's clearly a case of Sakiara Fever. It's not very common at...

"We like our beer the way we like our violence..."

"Domestic"

-Stolen from a part of a Bill Burr skit. It apparently upset some easily offended people when they saw it at a bar

A monk decides to take up the art of swordplay.

Taking some time off from the Buddhist monastery, he trains with his fencing teacher, learning all the positions, attacks and defenses, and generally becomes fairly proficient at the sport. His teacher encourages him to take up the competition circuit, as there is little left she can teach the monk....

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