Yo mama so ugly, when she was young,

her mama left her outside a store and got fined for littering.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ugly man is sitting alone in a bar when suddenly a beautiful woman approaches him.

The woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?"

The man is stunned as he never thought a woman like her would ever approach him so he agrees.

They both get into his car and drive out past the edge of town. He stops at a cliff with the view of the whole city.

Wit...

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.

After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to...

A man accompanied by his big ugly daughter was traveling on a lonely road when they were held by bandits and looted of his belongings.

As the bandits disappeared in the distance, he moaned to his daughter, “I’m ruined. In years I saved those ninety thousand dollars. All my other worldly possessions were in that leather suitcase. I lost everything.”

“Not everything, dad” The girl said coyly. “I saved the money.”

“What...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember when porn genres were tame, none of that freak nasty stuff like furries, ugly bastards, vore, and other weird fetishes.

Seriously, what is the world cumming to?

John planned a big orgy but accidentally only invited ugly people.

Nobody came.

Your mom is so ugly...

That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask

An ugly arrogant woman NSFW

An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.

The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7.

Why the h...

I sold the ugly suit!

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that ...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout ...

Your mama is so ugly

Your dad wakes up with morning wouldn’t.

Your mom is so ugly that. . . .

The entire world created a virulent strain of Coronavirus just so she'd wear a mask.

And she's so dumb, she thinks that masks aren't effective.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

If someone gave you $200 because “you’re ugly”, would you take the money?

Me: Absolutely! I’m ugly, not stupid.

Not a proper joke but it was the smart answer that made me giggle.

A proud new dad sat next to me in the bus today, pulled out his phone, and showed me a picture of his rather ugly baby.

I told him, "that's a really nice phone."

You're either ugly or your mean. You can't be both.

Mitch McConnell: "Allow me to introduce myself"

What do you call an ugly dinosaur?

An eye-saur.

My landlord managed to get rid of 230 pounds of ugly fat...

he evicted me!

Do you ever looked at someone and think, "DAMN this guy is UGLY as F**K"?

Anyway, I'm getting rid of all the mirrors in my house.

My blow up doll is ugly as sin

But she always manages to take my breath away

An ugly son asks his Dad “Why is my sister named Rose?”

Dad: Because when she was coming out of the hospital, a rose fell from the sky and landed on her forehead.

US: Same for Penny?

Dad: Yup. A penny just fell onto her little head.

Son: Thanks dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Ugly Dudes

3 ugly guys were sick and tired of being ugly so they went to see a witch and ask for her advice.

The witch instructs the three to go to one specific bridge, jump off of it and while falling, yell how they want to look like. They could even simply name any celebrity and look like them.
...

Never let anyone tell you that you are ugly.

Because you know that yourself.

You’re momma so ugly

That when bob the builder see her he says I can’t fix that

Am I PRETTY or UGLY

Girl: (asking her boyfriend) Am I pretty or ugly.

Boy: you are both

Girl: What do you mean?

Boy: You are pretty ugly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to know the worst part about online dating as an ugly guy?

Fucking nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Getting oral sex from an ugly person is like bungee jumping.

You know it’s gonna be fun but for fuck sakes don’t look down!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

I wish I was ugly for one day

I’m tired of being ugly everyday ;-;

Yo Mamma’s so ugly...

She’s been inspiring others to practice social distancing her whole life!

Yo momma is so ugly.....

Walmart started requiring her to wear a face mask 10 years before they even heard of coronavirus.

Man i was so ugly as a kid

Even the priest rejected me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says: “you must be single”

The man replied: “Wow how did you know that ?”

Cashier: “ Because you’re fucking ugly”

Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you...

An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

You can't be trans and say that you're ugly

You're a customisable character

A man ask a pretty women: ”if there is a scale of a person’s looking, on the left is ugly, and on the right is pretty, so what do you think of me?”

”I think you are in the middle,” says the women.

”So my looking is just okay,” says the man, a bit disappointed.

”No, you are pretty ugly, ” says the women.

A bus full of ugly people

Heading to the national ugly people convention rolled off a cliff and everyone died. They ended up in heaven, St. Peter at the gates exclaimed “wow, you guys are ugly, I feel bad so I’ll grant you all one wish”

The first person says “I want to be beautiful”
Poof, he was a handsome man.
...

You're so ugly that I'm going to have to stop drinking

just in case I start seeing two of you...

I am 70% lame, 50% ugly

and the remaining % good in maths

I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.

They’re my last reshorts.

When you feel like you're ugly, stupid and have no redeeming traits....

Don't wallow in despair; at least you have sound judgement.

Karen was an ugly woman who never had a boyfriend. She had enough and decided to go to a psychic for help.

"Honey!" said the psychic, "You will not have luck with love in this life. But after death, you will be a much desired woman and all the men will fall at your feet.”

She left so happy and excited at this idea that she jumped off the highway bridge. As she went over she thought to herself "the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fuck ugly people.

That way you'll finally get laid.

You know you're ugly...

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

So I mentioned how my crush wanted me to give up beekeeping. I was holding one of them and she said "How can you hold that ugly creature?". I said I didn't think it was ugly.

I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

A bus full of ugly people crashes and everyone dies.

Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself. "Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you all, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in." The first person steps up and thinks for a momen...

Your so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got arrested for littering.

Just a joke calm down

People say there are no advantages to being ugly

But conveniently, my portraits just hang themselves.

Two women go to heaven and meet St Peter

He told the two women you can do anything you want here in heaven but please do not step on a duck because they make a terrible noise and racket.

The two women agreed and entered heaven. One day, one of the women accidently stepped on a duck and sure enough it made such a terrible noise and ...

I made a joke about ugly people the other day.

Someone walked up to me and hugged me and said " it takes courage to talk about your face"

Apparently there are two rules to win in life...

1. Never be poor.
2. Never be ugly.

Well, the joke's on me.

I went to Walmart today

I went to Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're taking United” was the reply. "We got a great rate!”

“United?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old,...

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox

the cat kept covering me
up.

Why does the ugly waitress work for tips?

Because nobody wants to stick the whole thing in

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

High School Reunion

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which showed is full name.

Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could this be the same g...

A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say "Ma'am that is one ugly baby you have there!"

The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort "Well I ... I never!"

The man continued: "I'm just being honest with you ma'am, I mean, I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper".

Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a fligh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man named Ray Berkowitz who, unfortunately for him, was not blessed in the looks department.

For a long time he thought he would never meet a woman. But one day he met a nice woman who was also far from pretty and they ended up getting married... and she got pregnant.

They decided that if it was a boy they were gonna name him Charles.

One day while Ray was out of town for work...

I have 8 eyes, 2 mouths and 3 ears. What am I?

Ugly

My doctor is....

I went to my doctor today and he told me I was overweight.

I said I wanted a second opinion....

and he said okay you're ugly too.

Yo mamma’s so ugly...

Yo daddy takes her to work with him every day so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

What do you call an ugly old woman who dies of hypothermia?

A snow crone.

Yo mama's so ugly

She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck..

and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, an...

Things turned really ugly at my house last night.

My girlfriend removed her make up.

The ugly baby

A woman is getting on the bus with her baby in her arms. She's fumbling through her purse looking for the fare when the bus driver looks across and says "Gees lady, that's The Ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
She throws the fare at him and stumbles to the back of the bus in a huff.
"What happe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ugly lady grabbed my ass today

I turned around and asked her, "do you have a pen?"

She said, "of course I do!"

I replied, "well, you get better get back to it before the farmer realizes you're missing."

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk a carton of eggs a quart of orange juice a head of romaine lettuce a 2 lb. can of coffee a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict'...

People used to call me ugly in middle school, but things have changed

I'm not in middle school anymore

How ugly are you?

I take 10 pictures of myself and delete 12.

Yo mama so ugly...

she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job application!

When I was born I was so ugly...

the doctor slapped my mother.

\- Rodney Dangerfield

If someone offered you $100 cause you're ugly, would you take it?

Hell yes, I'm ugly, not stupid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your momma’s so ugly...

her blowjobs count as anal.

First date

A man goes to the store to buy some condoms. The clerk asks if he needs a bag. He says no thanks, she's not that ugly.

We all know that Australia is full of ugly insects

But this "kill it with fire before it lays eggs" thing has gotten greatly out of hand...

Just another one

Husband: You are negative

Wife: and you are stubborn, arrogant, a low life, care about no one but yourself and your friends, all you are interested in is your own self, all your life not fulfilled even one of your promises. It is only I who is putting up with such a miser and insensitive man....

Yo Momma so ugly...

Scorpion from Mortal Kombat be like "Stay over there."

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"

Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

A homeless man called me ugly yesterday

I told him to get better jokes or go home

Yo momma is so ugly

That your father no longer finds her attractive and I am seriously concerned about the health of their marriage.

Camouflage clothing is so ugly...

It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.

A bus full of UGLY people crashes into a truck, they die, and go to Heaven.

When they arrive god is there and says: “I will grant each of you one wish”

The first man in line, gets up and asks to be handsome, God then grants this wish and the man becomes handsome.

The next person then asks for the same thing, and God grants their wish and makes them attractive....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an ant that's so fucking ugly every other ant wont go near it?







A repellant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly couple gets married late in life.

After the wedding and the reception, they are in the ‘Honeymoon Suite’ getting ready for bed.

As they are taking their clothes off, the old woman says to her new husband, “Before we get started here, I just want you to know that I have acute angina.”

The old man says, “Well that’s go...

A man walks in to a bar

And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.

“How to spot a millionaire, am I right? ” he winks and smiles at the bartender

“No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire”

“Okay - so he must be extremely charming?”

“Larry is actually a ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bunch of ugly people in a flying car having an orgy because they feel sorry for each other?

A shitty pity gang bang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today is Jacob's birthday,

So his wife decided to surprise him, she took him to a Strip-Club House.

At the club -

DOORMAN: Hey Jacob! How are you?

WIFE: How does he know you?

Jacob: We play Golf together!

BARTENDER: The usual beer Jacob?

WIFE: And how does he know you?

Jacob: ...

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven...

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a wedding I whispered to a guy next to me,

"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"

"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...

"I'm not . . . I'm her fucking mother.

I bought my wife a pug recently

Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife

Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says,

"John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." With a cry of dismay, John is a whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier more hideous woman comes forward.

"Paul! You have sinned! In reparation f...

The Ugly Girl

Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl.

**Akpos:** Hello!

**Ugly girl:** Hi!!

**Akpos:** Wanna dance?

**Ugly Girl:** Yes (excited)

**Akpos:** OK, Go and dance, I wanna talk to...

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that, I definetly want a second opinion!

Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yo mama so ugly that when she posted nudes to 4chan

The website’s name changed to mis4chan

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.