Jokes about death aren't funny

Unless they are executed properly

It's funny how the colors Red, White, and Blue represent freedom.

Until they're flashing behind your car

A joke about communism isn't funny

Unless everyone gets it.

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It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

Anything's funny when you put an old man in it

Except for the ground

Funny Joke about Vegetables

I was 19 years old and eating veggies for dinner. For some reason I decided to play with my food and got arrested for disturbing the peas.

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

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Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the n...

Wanna hear something funny?

China is a member of UN human right council

Why aren’t base-8 math jokes funny?

Because Seven Ten Eleven.

Military puns are funny...

Generally speaking.

My wife does think my joke is all that funny so let’s see what you guys think

What did the child habanero say to his father? “Dad could we turn up the heat? I’m a little chili”

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I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Assuming this is funny.....

A physicist , chemist and an economist are shipwrecked. They have retrieved a box full of canned food but they don't have a can opener. The physicist
says "let's determine an angle at which if the can is thrown we can get it opened up"
The chemist chips in "let me think what metal is used to ...

All jokes can be funny if they have the right delivery..

Accept abortion jokes, there is no delivery

Why is the elbow called the funny bone?

Becuase it's connected to the humerus

What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?

A sentence.

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An old holocaust survivor dies and gets into heaven

He seeks out God and asks him: "Hey God, I've heard this really funny joke on earth. Do you want to hear it?"

God smiles serenly and answers: "Yes, my son, please tell it to me."

The jew grins and says: "How do you get the number of a girl in Auschwitz? You look on her arm!"

God...

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Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.

But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.

Funny how things are still tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s

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Wives are funny creatures.

They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

I read this joke when i was a kid, its funny every time. It goes like: A Kid ran to his mother shouting...

"Mother, Mother.. there is a Dog outside our house and its the size of an Elephant!!"

The Mother replies " Son, i told you 5000,000 times, don't over exaggerate things too much."

I recently broke my funny bone.

I fail to see what's so humerus about it.

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I have some funny jokes to tell about your Grandma’s saggy tits

They’re real knee slappers

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Gay people jokes aren’t funny.

Cum on guys

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.

So I just snickered…

What's the difference between r/Jokes and r/funny?

One has jokes, and the other is funny.

What do you get if you boil a funny bone?

Laughing stock.

The skeleton memes used to be funny...

But I’ve come to realize they’re dead memes

The mountains aren't just funny, they're

Hill areas

Husband & wife funny divorce

Husband & Wife went for divorce at court

Judge: you have 3 kids...How will you divide them?

They had long discussion with his wife and said,"Ok, Sir we will come next year with one more"



Joke doesn't end here

9 months later....They got twins!!

Everyone always jumps aboard with a joke of their own in the comments because they think they are more funny.

Guess we could call it the one upman ship.

So i was in the queue at the airport and the lady at check-in said "There is a four hour delay" I asked "Why's that?" "The pilot heard a funny noise from the engine..

And it will take us four hours to find a pilot who can't hear it" she said...

Just had an operation on my funny bone....

Doctor said I'll be in stitches for 2 weeks.

Another funny joke from my daughter!

Why did the phone need glasses?

Because it lost all of its contacts!

A simple but funny joke that came from my 100 year old great grandmother last night

She leans in to my mom and says
“When is Mother’s Day?”

My mom thought she was genuinely asking because she forgot, but she then says
“Nine months after fathers night”

A girl looked at me funny last night as I struggled to take her bra off...

She was probably wondering why I had it on in the first place.

Why do I find my drug dealer so funny?

I don’t know man, he just cracks me up!

Hoping for something funny to post, I asked my dad what his favorite joke was:

It was me



Jokes on him because I’m finally his favorite at something.

It funny the things that seem normal when you're a kid.

There was always this kid at the park, covered in dry leaves. We used to call him Russell.

these 9/11 jokes aren’t funny

they’re just plane wrong

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, ‟*dose this taste funny to you?*”

The other responds, ‟*no.*”

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When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's funny as a motherfucker.

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, “Do you have any last words?”

The murderer said, “Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

“So, I hadn’t showered for a week by the day I killed my wif...

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This joke is popular with lebanese people, idk if everyone will find it funny but here we go

Mr. Abed and Mrs. Abed recently moved to a new building on the first floor. They were very happy they moved to a better area, but little did they know there was a man living in the second floor who plays the violin. At night when they went to sleep, the man started playing the violin and it was beau...

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A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10’000$, will you let me bite your boob?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
The man then asks if he can bite her breast for 100’000$. The woman still says no. The man asks for 1’000’000$, 10’000’000$ and 100’000’000$ but the woman still re...

Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?

They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I’m not one of them.

Writing a funny joke is like playing a game of darts.

Sometimes you hit. Sometimes you miss, and sometimes you get sent to jail for manslaughter.

From my 5 year old last night. I thought it was funny....but i'm easy. Why didn't the Teddybear finish his dinner?

Because he was stuffed!

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Isaac is a Jewish man, however he recently found out his son converted to Christianity. This is no good, for Isaac is a proud, devout Jew. This shouldn’t happen to a proud Jew like he.

So Isaac visits his friend Abel and says ‘Abel, Abel, my son has become a Christian, what am I going to do?’
‘Funny you should say that’ says Abel, ‘My son has also become a Christian, this should not happen to a proud, devout Jew like I. So they talk with each other and say ‘we’ll talk to the Ra...

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Two guys at the airport each with black eyes

Notice each other.
First Guy: Hey, how did you get that black eye?

Second Guy: Funny story, I meant to ask the woman at the counter for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh, but a slip of the tongue and I said 2 pickets to tittsburgh and she socked me one! How about you?

First Guy: Same thing, ...

It's funny how trump has issues with the USPS

isn't his wife a mail-order bride?

Its funny Dr. Seuss ended up writing kid's stories because his older sister learned massage.

Ms. Seuss

My new dryer was making this funny sound...

Then I put a sock in it.

A Holocaust survivor dies of old age

They get to heaven and ask god if he wants to hear a holocaust joke.
God says, "sure."
God listens to the joke and replied, "I don't think that's funny."
The holocaust survivor says, "yeah, I guess you had to be there."

Its funny that we named fishnet leggings after fishnets

Especially considering the fact that the people in them are never a catch

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Do I Know You?

An older couple from Detroit are driving through Florida one afternoon when they are pulled over by a state police vehicle for speeding.

The patrolman approaches the car, and asks to see the man's license and registration. His wife, who is hard of hearing, yells out "WHAT DID HE SAY??!" The ...

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm... that's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

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I want to see if this old Finnish joke is still funny when translated.

A press reporter, a young and beautiful woman was making an article about living alone in the middle of nowhere for the majority for one's life.


The reporter stayed at the old man's house for a long time, just discussing about everyday stuff.

Well, how do you get food then?

...

My 12 year old daughter just asked why people find the number 69 so funny.

It’s quite the position to be in.

Holocaust jokes are not funny

Anne frankly, im getting quite sick of them

Funny, that you can detect colorectal cancer and fascism with the same procedure

a "pro state exam"

How do you think the unthinkable ?

With an itheberg.



Btw.. every single person i’ve ever told this joke to said they didn’t get it or that it wasn’t funny.. why am I the weirdo that finds it funny? And why am I picturing Mike Tyson?

Obv not my joke I heard it on Come Dine With Me

Did you hear about that funny Covid-19 joke?

Really? It went viral.

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A man was eating at a restaurant ...

When he noticed all the servers had spoons in their pocket.

Curious, he asked his server “why do all of you carry spoons?”

“Oh that’s interesting,” replied the server. “Our manager attended a seminar and found out the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil. This way we are alway...

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A joke my dad, who is Polish, tells me all the time so I'm convinced it must be real funny

It is the cold war and there is a global military convention where each military boasts how their army is the best. After a long day of watching each country's army marching with their strongest and most masculine men, the generals sit down in the banquet hall. An American, German, and Soviet genera...

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