Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I’m not one of them.

Funny how things are still tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s

From my 5 year old last night. I thought it was funny....but i'm easy. Why didn't the Teddybear finish his dinner?

Because he was stuffed!

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NAOMI: Did you know that my name backwards is ‘I MOAN’? That’s just so funny because I love moaning.

LANA: You can just fuck off with your silly games.

True story but funny.

While filling my car up i noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity.

I see 2 cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it... tax dollars in ac...

Communist jokes aren't funny...

... unless everyone gets them.

My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.

The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.

Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"

Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"

Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.

Love this kid!

Which kind of jokes don't amputees find funny?

Knee slappers.

Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?

They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..

9/11 jokes aren't funny

The other 2/11 are quite good though!

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What's so funny about sex?

I don't get it.

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Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.

But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.

It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you

him: Knock knock

me: Who's there?

him: A snail

me: a snail who?

him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why

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Unknown author so can't give credit, still pretty damn funny

**Scientist: Dick Bug**

Other Scientist: no

**Scientist: Penis Beetle**

Other Scientist: no

**Scientist: Cock Roach**

Other Scientist: fine whatever

What do you call a funny mountain?


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Jokingly punching someone in the balls isn't funny.

Its a dick move

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Gay jokes aren't funny.

Cum on guys.

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I wasn't sure if I should post this here, because it's only funny under certain circumstances

certain circumstances


Any joke can be funny with the right delivery

Except abortion jokes

The funny

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

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Deep throating porn is funny.

There are so many gags.

My wife said my jokes aren't funny.

I guess I have a dad sense of humor.

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This is stupid and funny at the same time

How do you get an 80-year-old woman to yell, "CRAP!"?

You get another 80-year-old woman right next to her to yell, "Bingo!

My grandpa told me this joke and thought it was pretty funny.

What do you call a cow with a burka?
A mooslim

Statistically speaking, the data I have collected indicates my dad jokes are quite funny...

I guess you can call it dada science...

If you think Chinese names are funny,

the joke is on Yu.

It's my cake day people say i have to post something funny

Something funny

Some rascist jokes are funny...

Especially the dark ones.

With all that's going on, I don't feel very funny lately.

Fortunately my looks make up for that. UNfortunately you can't see me.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

I don't think holocaust jokes are funny. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He was so drunk, he fell off the watchtower.


A couple is eating dinner at a restaurant.
The woman farted. And said

-I hope it will stay between us.

- Oh no I hope it'll move away

You know what joke isn't funny anymore?

\*cough* this one \*cough*

I went to the corner shop earlier and now my bank card smells funny!

I think they might have cologned it.

Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...

I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.

What do you call a funny person who is a socialist?

A commie-dian

A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so he pays for him to go visit Israel...

When his son comes back, however, he says he's now a Christian.

Exasperated, the man goes to his friend for advice, but his friend says, "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year and when he came back, he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide to speak to their rabbi ab...

Why is it funny to put a Sheep, a stupid man and a snake next to each other?

Baa Dum Tss

what did the reindeer say when santa told him a funny joke

You sleigh me

Funny how our death...

Was was also made in China.

Funny joke in here!

Hi, we have been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.

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The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

Son, want to hear a funny one?

Son: sure
Dad: Quarantine.
Son: why’s that funny?
Dad: it’s an inside joke.

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Funny times

Who would have ever thought that one day a roll of toilet paper would be worth more than a barrel of oil? Countries have gone to war over oil. Now we can wipe our arses and not give a shit!! Haha

[WARNING CONTENT NOT FUNNY] Do not click into this

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

What do you get when you boil a funny bone?

A laughing stock.

I got really mad when a friend made a joke about hitting his funny bone...

Somehow, he just really struck a nerve.

My chiropractor is so funny!

He cracks me up every time I see him!

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Sorry but thought this joke was funny in away

Went to the library this morning and asked the assistant if she had a copy of the book for men with small penises.
She said "its not in yet"
I said "thats the one"

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was...

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Here’s a short, funny story:

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese,...

Did you hear about the man who broke his funny bone?

They soaked it in water and now it's a laughing stock.

Im as funny as a rock

Normally boring and sedimentary. But hilarious when thrown at someone

A doctor heard a funny noise coming from his water heater and called the plumber.

The plumber listened for a few moments, pulled out a hammer and gave it 2 light taps.

“It’s fixed,” he says and hand the doctor an invoice.

“$150 the doctor screams? You were here 10 minutes – that’s $900 an hour. I’m a doctor and I only make a 3rd of that.”

The plumber said,” Y...

Probably not funny but here goes

A Chinese boy comes home with test results, the test is out of 100 and he got 25. He showed his Dad and he said to him,

You Dim Son

My wife has a funny habit.

She sucks at vacuuming.

LPT: If you hear a funny corona virus joke, please

laugh into your elbow.

What's so funny about a stupid bull?

It's an oxymoron.

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My wife offered me a blowjob today.

‘Really’ I said

‘No, April fooaarrrrglegargle’

That’ll teach her to be funny

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