Funny when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud...

But when a girl sleeps with a tons of guys, somehow I am not one of them

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Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.

But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.

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It took me a while to get this...funny when I did though

Cats probably wonder why soda cans/bottles yell "FUCK OFF" when they are opened...

If you boil a funny bone...

It becomes a laughing stock.

You better upvote this because...

It’s Humerus.

9/11 Jokes aren't funny.

But the other 2 are.

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A joke I made up that's funny only when you look back at it.

This guy shows up to his optometrist and says "I have a weird problem",



The Optometrists replies, "What seems to be the trouble?"



The guys says, "Everything's blurry. My vision is horrible!"



"That's pretty common", the Optometrist replies. "We can certai...

The word asparagus is funny.



It sounds like an Italian guy begging you not to kill someone named Gus.

Communism jokes aren’t funny

Unless everyone gets them

A Jewish man decides his son isn't religious enough, so pays for him to go visit Israel.

When the son comes back, however, he says he's a Christian now.

The father goes to his friend exasperated to explain the situation, and his friend says "that's funny, I sent my son to Israel last year, and when he came back he also said he was Christian."

The two men decide they should...

My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it smells funny...

So I took her to New Jersey.

[WARNING CONTENT NOT FUNNY] Do not click into this

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

I know a funny math joke

But I’m 2^2 to say it

How many birthdays does it take for someone to realize they aren’t funny?

I know I’m not funny just laugh so I feel good... it’s my birthday

Why are dead baby jokes so funny?

Because they never get old.

I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn't that funny

So I just snickered.

Believe it or not, there are comedians who are simply not funny.

No joke.

Funny Laundering

My wife saw me seperating my clothes into "whites" and "blacks" for the wash.

She accused me of Laundry Segregation but I much prefer to think of it as Ethnic Cleansing.

You scream in a Library and everyone looks at you funny.

But you scream in an airplane and everyone joins in.

My aunt's sign was cancer, which is funny considering how she died...

...attacked by a giant crab....

It’s hard to find a funny chemistry joke any more.

All the best Argon.

It’s funny how 100 years ago everybody had a horse and only the rich had a car, but now everyone has a car and only the rich have horses

Oh how the stables have turned

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Boy: It seems to me you are really cute and funny

Girl: It seems to me you just wanna have sex with me

Boy:... And smart, as well.

Girl: *Blushes*

Boy: But not smart enough as to check your drink

Girl: *Passes out*

Boy: *Passes out*

Waiter: Neither do you...

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Jokes about homosexuals are not funny.

I mean come on guys.

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I went to the doctor...

I went to see the doctor the other day. Turns out my new doctor is a drop dead gorgeous brunette.

I was embarrassed but she said “don’t worry, I’m a professional - I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.”

I said “my wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”

I thought I came up with a funny mean joke

But in reality, it’s just kind of average

Jokes about a women's menstrual cycle just aren't funny

Period.

original and funny

Today my friend complained that this sub is filled with obnoxious titles and it all jokes.

He’s so wrong, just look at my title: It’s original and funny.

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When you get that funny feeling your wife is going to refuse to have sex with you . . .

It’s a pre dick shun.

Funny Trump joke

The President is walking out of the white house and heading towards his limo, when a possible attacker steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be attacjer and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's superv...

A penguin is going on vacation, as he is driving down the road his engine start to make a funny noise....

So he pulls into a station and asks the mechanic to take a look at his car. The mechanic tells the penguin there two other cars before him but there is an ice cream shop across the street. He could go have an ice cream and when he is done come back and maybe he will know what's wrong. The penguin lo...

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted and funny.

The fifth was dead Sirius.

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When I was a kid I remember a joke that went something like this: if your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help your uncle Jack off?, I know not too funny! Well years later my then 8 year old son comes home from school and said he heard a joke, I said let’s hear it. And he said,..,

“If your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help him down?” And then said he didn’t get it! I thought it was hilarious!

Why are mosquitos jokes so funny?

They tend to be milarious.

Mountain ranges aren't just funny

They're hill areas

My little sister just learned how to crack knock knock jokes and she just used this on me

Her: knock knock

Me: who's there?

Her: eye lo

Me: eye lo who?

Her: eye lo you

This is isn't funny but I had to share my lil 2 year old's first knock knock joke

I think it's funny when dogs hide under the bed when they're scared.

I'm like "You idiot, that's the first place monsters go!"

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Funny you should say that... [long]

A middle-aged Jewish man goes to his rabbi and says, "Rabbi, you gotta help me. It's my son. For 30 years he's a Jew, and now bam! He says he's a Christian!"

"Funny you should say that," the Rabbi replies. "I'm having the same problem with my kid. Let's go see Rabbi Rabinowitz, the Elder....

"Remember that funny knock-knock joke?"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes

because there is no delivery.

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Little johnny wakes up one night hearing noises from his parents bedroom

He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She imme...

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One says to the other “does this taste funny to you?”

The other replies “nope”

my son was so funny today!

so i was walking in the park and my son said “what are those white things in the sky dad?” so i said that those are clouds. next he asked “what is the earths defense system?” and then i remembered i don’t have a son and he looked at me with obsidian black eyes and said “w̶̱̮̓̈̏h̷̺̮̙̊͘̕ȧ̶̹͓̪͑̃t̴̳̪͚̀...

Why do mechanics hate funny cars?

Because they only tell knock-knock jokes.

What would be a funny store to open next to forever 21?

Finally 22

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