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Jokes about erectile dysfunction aren’t funny.

They can never be used in stand-up comedy.

I made a joke in my dream last night and I still think it's funny.

I was staying at my grandmother's house, and there were wasps in my guest room. Went to the kitchen and informed her. "Are there a lot of them?" She asked.

"There's so many wasps that they're starting a country club!"

How many Texas cops does it take to save children from an active shooter?

Still under investigation.







Edit: For those who assume I think any part of this situation is funny... [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black\_comedy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_comedy). Also who gave me a Wholesome award? That's seriously messed up.

Edit ...

A short, but funny one

A 103 year old man lay dying in his hospital bed and asks his wife “Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?

His wife crying uncontrollably answers “Yes”

He asks “Whose is it?”

His wife replies “Yours”

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Little long, but it's funny.

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He needs a new milk cow, and hears about one for sale over in Nordakota. (That would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out der.)
He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the tit and...

The only funny communist jokes are...

... the ones that everyone gets.

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Joke I heard in middle school [1990] and is still funny

A man gets sick of the rat race and decides to retire to farming. Goes to farmer's market to buy livestock. Goes to buy a hen. Seller says, 'Here ya go but here in the country, we call that a poullette (pullit). Man says, 'Okay.'

Man Goes to buy a rooster. Seller says, 'Here in the country...

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i have a funny joke but idk if it even works

i started to masturbate using other things, guess it got *out of hand*

Two cannibals were eating Amy Schumer.

One says, 'Does this taste funny to you?'

The other one goes, 'No'.

Titanic jokes aren't funny anymore. They're so old and outdated.

That ship has sailed a long time ago.

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A man is driving down a road when he breaks down next to a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door and says "my car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and go...

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An old one yet still so funny!

Senior Sex -- This is the funniest thing I have ever read .......
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says...

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remember when jokes like this were funny... before smartphones?

A chap walks into a pub carrying two suitcases. He puts them down and orders a drink. As he pays the barman notices that he is wearing a large watch.

'That's a large watch' says the barman (see I told you!)

'This watch,' says the man, 'is the very latest in high tech gadgetry. It'll te...

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It isn’t “funny porn”

It’s called ***Coomedy***

Posting this for a friend who thinks this a funny joke.. what do think? (NSFW)

Nobody: What do you call a girl who doesn’t give head?

Me: Idk

Nobody: an Uber

A child funny story

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." ...

Not only is my wife really funny, but she's a world class clinical oncologist too.

She has a great sense of tumour.

Why are mountains so funny?

They're hill areas.

Don't read this, it's too long and not at all funny.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out. So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to...

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Three nurses doing the funny

Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a Dead Man with a hard on, the 1st Nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him. The 2nd Nurse does the same. The 3rd Nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway. Then the Man sits up & the Nurses apologize sayi...

Funny husband in court

A divorce court judge said to the husband, “I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife $800 a week.”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” he replied. “And every now and then, I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

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“It’s funny because it’s true!

A man walks into a boat dealership and begins to browse. After a few minutes, a salesman approaches the man. "Good morning Sir, are you thinking about buying a boat today?" The man pauses. "Well, I'm going to buy a boat today. But I was thinking about pussy."

A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to Heaven.

Upon meeting God, he decides to tell a Holocaust joke.

After hearing it, God said "Hey, that's not funny."

To which the Holocaust survivor replied, "Well, I guess you had to be there."

Why are jokes about anti-vaxxers kids so funny?

Because they never get old

I met a woman last week who said she wanted a guy who's funny and spontaneous

Yet when I tapped on the window late at night wearing a clown suit it was all panic and screaming.

What do you call a funny person in a wheelchair?

A sit-down comedian.

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny…

But occasionally, a one-liner makes me snort

(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.

Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.

I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...

What do you call a group of guys who lie about telling funny dad jokes but aren't fathers themselves?

faux pas

Funny you should come to me…

A Jewish son comes home from university and tells his father, “Dad, after graduating from university, I have decided I can longer stay in the Hebrew faith, I’m a Christian now.”

Distraught the father goes to the rabbi of his synagogue and tells the rabbi, “I brought him up in the temple, we s...

Trying this sub as not going down well on sub Funny. Is it too dark?

So my friend punched me today after catching me sniffing his sisters knickers. She was still in them at the time so i cant complain really.


Apparently it made the rest of her funeral awkward though.

Why shouldn’t you tell a funny joke to a group of 5 blonde girls?

Because you’ll have to explain it 5 times

Horrible and funny, Funeral Home AS - Poland, authentic joke from their webpage

We are sorry that we did not speak, we are helping in Kiev to prepare 150,000 beds for Russian soldiers. Funeral Home AS, Bytom - Poland

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The aspiring comedian (not that funny but I made it myself)

So this aspiring comedian went to his local comedy club, like he did most weekends, and to his surprise his all time favorite comedian was doing a out of the blue performance at his local comedy club.

So he bought him self a ticket and proceeded to have one of the best nights of his life, ...

My friend finds shock humor very funny

At least I think so. Because he laughs every time I taze him

Funny

Someone once told me I'd never make it a deaf comedian, haven't heard from him since

What is 1 advantage of having poor memory?

You find all jokes on r/jokes funny.

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I know a comedian who married a girl named Funny

He's fucking funny.

Wanna know something that’s funny?

I logged into Reddit and realized I only had 10 minutes left of my cake day and this is my first post of the day…

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