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Boring Jokes

I don't mean to be rude, but the SuperBowl was boring.

No offense.

You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring

But I am surprised that there are 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in another.

What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace?

Melancolleague(s)

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My wife thinks our sex life is boring and I get distracted easily..........

Well I Better get back to it....

A tv show about the earth would be really boring

It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.

Wife: "When I was talking to you, I saw you yawn 5 times. Am I boring you?"

Me: "I wasn't yawning. They were unsuccessful attempts to speak. "

You know that you're a really boring person…,.,,

when someone steals your identity and then tries to give it back.

i think the story of Noah's life was a bit boring

But it did have a nice arc

What do you call the combination of Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company?

3Musketeers

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What’s the difference between a boring bird and an ancient dildo?

One’s a woodpecker and the other’s a wood pecker.

What's the most boring instrument?

A dulcimer

Death must be really boring for subway drivers.

A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.

Climate change is getting boring

It's just not cool anymore

I now identify as boring.

My preferred pronouns are ho/hum.

I went to a boring haunted house last night.

Nothing really jumped out at me.

I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...

Board of directors

I always considered fishing to be boring.

But then I got hooked.

See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

History is such a boring subject..

You never learn something new.

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My wife told me that she’s getting fed up of my boring facts.

“I find them very interesting,” I said.

“Well, who gives a flying fuck?” She said angrily.

“Dragonflies,” I replied.

People tell me that I have a boring 9-5 job.

They're wrong. It is 9 - 6 now.

Why are you always watching other people play video games on Twitch son? Sounds boring.

Anyway, gotta catch the football game on TV.

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits..

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide...

Girls on dating apps get bombarded with too many lame and boring messages

For them, finding the good ones is like finding a needle in a hey-stack.

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That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring shit.

Turned it off after just five seasons.

My first job was mending typewriters in a factory, boring job but...

The other employees where great characters...

This Halloween is going to be pretty boring...

...with half the country refusing to wear masks.

A girl in work was a bit rude earlier, she said I look like I'd be boring in bed.

So I told her she should ask her sister ;).

"Haha, I haven't got a sister" she proclaims.

"I know" I said, "you will in 9 months".

Why do hurricanes get such boring names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee people will be evacuating like rats.

What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin

Did you hear about the really boring demonstration on unmanned aerial vehicles?

The guy droned for at least an hour.

Necrophilia is dead boring

Incest is better, it's only relatively boring

My friend just told me a long boring story about an incestuous relationship.

It was such an auntie climax.

Me: This show is boring...

Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference!

Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and

Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically.

The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love.

A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear.

"Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi...

The movie was so boring, that...

...I had to fight Zs harder than the Ukrainian army.

(Sorry, inappropriate. Also, sorry not a joke, just a saying I just invented. Also, Slava Ukraini)

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In the summer, I was watching a baseball game that was getting a bit boring

The broadcast had a main "play by play" commentator and also a "color" commentator (to talk about stats, player's backgrounds, and random stuff the viewers would find interesting).

At one particularly dead point, the color commentator said "I've got three trivia questions here. First one - f...

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

My Chia Pet was so boring...

...It was so boring, I'd rather go watch the grass grow

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

Please can we stop with the ur mom jokes, they are getting really boring and are doing my head in

Just like ur mom

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An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now ...

How many boring people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

After years of the wife complaining about me wearing the same boring underwear I decided maybe she was right and I needed to up my underwear game.

So I bought a second pair.

Why are moon parties so damn boring?

Cuz there is no atmosphere!

Why is No Nut November so goddamn boring?

It is probably the most anticlimactic month

I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

It's a golden doodle.

The hypnotist show I saw yesterday was incredibly boring.

I can't even remember a single thing!

Why were the Artist Formerly Known as Prince's anecdotes so boring?

Because of the name dropping

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a 3 bedroom suite on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but all the elevators are broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sa...

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Reading a book about assisted suicide but it's fucking boring.

I need someone to help me finish it.

A guy was on a boring date with a girl, so he said “You’re the most average girl here”. She said “You’re mean”

He said “No you are”

With the quarantine, California highway patrol's job suddenly got a lot more boring.

There was a trooper on the side of the 101 fighting to keep his eyes open, as there was empty road as far as he could see. Suddenly, he heard the roar of a charger zip past him. He flicked on his lights and siren and went after it. He clocked them going at 100MPH!

The car quickly pulled ov...

All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together.

At first it's boring, then it's riveting.

Boring women

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've never liked boring women," he confides to the bartender. "Which is why I keep my mouth shut."

I learnt a boring fact about Kamikaze

Its just plain suicide

A musician specializing in bowed string instruments who has a boring play style could be called 'a dull fiddler'.

Which is not so bad until you read it out loud.

Being a taxi driver is boring, nobody ever talks to me. And when they can be bothered to talk, all they say is

"Hang on a minute, I don't live in the woods".

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

People think camping is boring,

But I say it's in tents.

A boring joke

I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either.

What do you call a teacher who is so boring that it's killer?

Hannibal Lecture

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

This funeral I went to today was so boring

One person was sleeping literally the entire time

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I thought the campsite orgy was going to be kind of boring...

But it turned out to be fucking in tents.

you'd think a discussion about water would be boring

but it's never a dry subject

I have the most boring job of all...

I run an oil drill rig.

The police called me "boring" and released me after only 20 minutes,

I guess I wasn't a person of interest.

What do you call something that's just been eaten by a boring man?

In-dull-gent

Regular back: boring, stupid, will hurt eventually

Backstreet's back: alright

Why do animals make boring storytellers?

They only have one tail.

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If you think heaven is gonna be boring remember that all your love ones and heroes are gonna be there

Like the guy who killed hitler a personal favourite of mine

The most boring man on Earth walks into a bar.

He orders a beer.

My friends think my pet owl is boring.

I think he’s a hoot!

What do you call a boring violinist whose fascist regime lost WWII?

A dull fiddler

Some people say that baseball is a boring sport, I just tell them that with a good pitcher...

Things can get out of hand pretty quickly.

Did you guys hear how boring the annual gathering of reddit mascots turned out?

It really turned into a huge Snoo's fest.

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I've been feeling like I'm pretty boring, so I asked my girlfriend about having anal sex

Now I feel like a real stick in the mud

Some people find whiteboards boring...

Personally, I find them remarkable.

What's the first day of another boring week?

Mondane

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Sex with my wife was getting boring so I hired a sexy young assistant.

He takes care of her while I play video games.

Elon Musk's new tunnel boring machine is....

quite a ground breaking invention.

Someone once tried to tell me a really boring joke about chicken seasoning

I just said "Boo! Yawn!"

Anesthesiology jokes are boring.

They always put me to sleep.

Working the overnight shift is so tedious and boring

Every time I go in it's the same shift, different day.

Mayweather was boring tonight...

If only they'd have thrown a woman in the ring, we could have seen him fight.

I think my work is boring and not challenging enough...

I think it's time to apply for a United Airlines Spokesperson position!

By launching a Tesla to Mars Space X has accomplished the primary goal of the Boring Company.

Avoiding LA traffic!

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Why is sex with a hipster so boring?

Because they don't like things that are in.

Looking through my Tinder inbox for something interesting and not boring...

It's like trying to find a needle in a hey-stack.

I think frogs are pretty boring

Unless, of course, they're ribbiting.

Why are calculators grey and boring?

Cause it's what's on the inside that counts!

I wanted a painting that wouldn't get boring

so I painted a mirror.

Math puns are boring

Algebra puns are too linear, arithmetic puns are too basic, trigonometry puns are too graphic, calculus puns are all derivatives. Only the statistic puns are the occasional outlier.

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

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I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol:

ignore depleting supplies until well in the red.

My Asian friend said boring is boring.

So I knew he didn't want to go bowling.

What do you call someone who tortures you to death with boring wordplay and double entendres?

PUNisher

I hear the moon is a pretty boring place...

There's absolutely no atmosphere

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What kind of sex do boring people have?

Banal.

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