UPJOKE
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See? To prove I'm not some boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!

Her: Oh, cool! It's.. uh?

Me: (proudly) It's my thermos! From work!

Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly..

Me: (slaps hand away) Don't touch the thermos tat.

What do you call a boring assassin?

A Drycleaner

Death must be really boring for subway drivers.

A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.

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What’s the difference between a boring bird and an ancient dildo?

One’s a woodpecker and the other’s a wood pecker.

I now identify as boring.

My preferred pronouns are ho/hum.

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An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now ...

Wife: "When I was talking to you, I saw you yawn 5 times. Am I boring you?"

Me: "I wasn't yawning. They were unsuccessful attempts to speak. "

People tell me that I have a boring 9-5 job.

They're wrong. It is 9 - 6 now.

After my retirement from the company I worked at for 45 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

History is such a boring subject..

You never learn something new.

Why are you always watching other people play video games on Twitch son? Sounds boring.

Anyway, gotta catch the football game on TV.

What did the soccer fan say when the beer ran out?

Damn, this game is boring.

I watched a video on how to improve my foreplay

It wasn't too bad once I skipped past the boring part at the beginning.

Whadda ya get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane?

A boring 747.

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Businessman

Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kind...

The movie was so boring, that...

...I had to fight Zs harder than the Ukrainian army.

(Sorry, inappropriate. Also, sorry not a joke, just a saying I just invented. Also, Slava Ukraini)

Why do hurricanes get such boring names, like Sandy?

Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee people will be evacuating like rats.

I once had a job drilling holes for water.

It was well boring.

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a guy finally gets out of prison..

And goes to visit a brothel. He's says the the madame " what do I get for £100?

She says" go into that room over there"

He walks in and sees a lovely looking lady and has a great time with her.

A week later he goes back and says "what can I get for £50?

She says go into ...

You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring

But I am surprised that there are 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in another.

You know that you're a really boring person…,.,,

when someone steals your identity and then tries to give it back.

My first job was mending typewriters in a factory, boring job but...

The other employees where great characters...

I don't mean to be rude, but the SuperBowl was boring.

No offense.

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I ...

What do you call the combination of Tesla, SpaceX, and The Boring Company?

3Musketeers

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In the summer, I was watching a baseball game that was getting a bit boring

The broadcast had a main "play by play" commentator and also a "color" commentator (to talk about stats, player's backgrounds, and random stuff the viewers would find interesting).

At one particularly dead point, the color commentator said "I've got three trivia questions here. First one - f...

Gotta go to a lecture on drilling techniques.

Talk about boring.

I tried reading a book about machines that drill large holes in the ground.

It was boring.

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That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring shit.

Turned it off after just five seasons.

I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...

Board of directors

I always considered fishing to be boring.

But then I got hooked.

If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

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Porn is a lot like pro wrestling...

All of it is exciting at first, and it's great to watch when you're free, but when you know how much of it is fake, it gets boring fast.

I thought digging tunnels would be exciting…

Turns out it’s boring

Two prawns...

..Justin and Kristian were swimming around in the ocean, continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have to worry about being ea...

How many boring people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

Boring women

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've never liked boring women," he confides to the bartender. "Which is why I keep my mouth shut."

My Chia Pet was so boring...

...It was so boring, I'd rather go watch the grass grow

Please can we stop with the ur mom jokes, they are getting really boring and are doing my head in

Just like ur mom

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My wife thinks our sex life is boring and I get distracted easily..........

Well I Better get back to it....

I drill wells for a living.

BORING

A tv show about the earth would be really boring

It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.

Why is No Nut November so goddamn boring?

It is probably the most anticlimactic month

I learnt a boring fact about Kamikaze

Its just plain suicide

My friend just told me a long boring story about an incestuous relationship.

It was such an auntie climax.

Your momma's so boring

I couldn't even come up with a punchline.

I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay techniques....

I had to fast forward through all the boring bits in the beginning though.

Me: This show is boring...

Boss: Again, this is a Zoom conference!

This Halloween is going to be pretty boring...

...with half the country refusing to wear masks.

A musician specializing in bowed string instruments who has a boring play style could be called 'a dull fiddler'.

Which is not so bad until you read it out loud.

I drew my dog while I was on a boring phone call and I'm really proud of it!

It's a golden doodle.

What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin

Blarney

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good lu...

After years of the wife complaining about me wearing the same boring underwear I decided maybe she was right and I needed to up my underwear game.

So I bought a second pair.

Why are moon parties so damn boring?

Cuz there is no atmosphere!

Being a taxi driver is boring, nobody ever talks to me. And when they can be bothered to talk, all they say is

"Hang on a minute, I don't live in the woods".

The hypnotist show I saw yesterday was incredibly boring.

I can't even remember a single thing!

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A Gentleman Is Walking Down The Street With A Duck

On the way he runs into a friend of his. The friend inquires about why he's holding the duck. To which the man replies:

"I know I have to get rid of it, but I love this duck. I'd have to trade it to someone who wants it and I just can't see myself letting it go for nothing. This is absolutely...

Necrophilia is dead boring

Try incest, it's only relatively boring

Would you rather be a spider or the most boring man on earth?

Either way, you're still a web developer.

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My wife told me that she’s getting fed up of my boring facts.

“I find them very interesting,” I said.

“Well, who gives a flying fuck?” She said angrily.

“Dragonflies,” I replied.

People think camping is boring,

But I say it's in tents.

Someone once tried to tell me a really boring joke about chicken seasoning

I just said "Boo! Yawn!"

I find chemistry jokes really boring

Everytime I hear one, Ion

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