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Fiction Jokes

When I want to read fiction, I go to the library.

When I want to read nonfiction, I go to the truthbrary.

What do you call a non-fiction vampire?

A real pain in the neck.

The difference between fiction and reality?

Fiction has to make sense.

It’s surprising that Jules and Vince spend so much time talking about the metric system at the beginning of Pulp Fiction

Quentin Tarantino usually only does feet

I read a science fiction book where people drill for mercury as a power source.

It was by Hg Wells.

Any more oxymorons?

* Only choice
* Civil war
* Definite possibility
* Grow smaller
* Random order
* Old news
* True fiction
* Virtual reality
* Working vacation
* Exact estimate
* Original copies
* Pretty ugly
* Fully empty

What would you get if the director of Pulp Fiction were to contract Ebola?

A quarantinable Quentin Tarantino.

I’m writing a Goonies fan fiction…

I’m calling it [AU] Guys

The Earth people in the background of a science fiction movie

are Terrestrial Extras

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call erotic fan fiction about sheep?

Smutton

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The popularity of Lightning McQueen racecar beds probably means that Lightning McQueen has been peed on more then any other fictional character.

He really does deserve the "Pissed In" cup.

My friends asked me what’s my favorite fictional character

I said ‘my girlfriend’.

My favorite fictional character is

My dad

I just cannot get into reading chinese fiction

There are just too many characters...

Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them?

In the bookstore, under "fiction".

My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits...

They Pulp Fiction.

Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb

One...

But it takes them 10 god damn episodes.

I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character

And not the President of the United States.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.

I get to the end and I think, 'Well, *that's* not going to happen.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That scene in Pulp Fiction

where Vincent revives Mia by stabbing her in the chest with an adrenaline shot, except it’s me on a Saturday morning when my kid shoves his finger in my nostril to wake me up.

“Isn’t all contemporary fiction just a retelling of older stories, arranged in such a way as to appeal to the broadest population, given their familiarity with technological advancements that would seem magical to authors of earlier ages….

…” I asked the chicken as we both stood on the sidewalk. It suddenly and without comment walked across the road.

“Hey,” I called after the chicken, “why’d you do that?!”

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

Edit: I'm so sorry. I had to exorcise this shitty joke out of my head before it drove me insane.

I wanna be a fiction writer later in life.

So I'm studying journalism.

Never argue with a fictional character

Their minds are completely made up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a fictional story about sex?

A fucking legend!

Harry Potter is a fiction

No ginger kid can have 2 real friend !

What do you do with a country that has a lot of fiction?

Call it Greece.

And the Oscar Award for best special effects (Which is related to stuff that simulates things that are fictional/do not exist) goes to...

An honest politician.

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

The fictional scenarios in your head will die with you, like a tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear

Unless you post on TIFU

In recent weeks, interest in reading long works of fiction has gone way down

Due to the novel coronavirus

I was watching Pulp Fiction again and...

...my flatmate pops in and says, " Why are you watching this again?, you have seen it a thousand times already."

"Just for the gags"

Two postmodernist academics stumble across an antique oil lamp.

(OC)

One of them sees a little grime and rubs it off. Suddenly, a glorious genie springs forth from the lamp.

“I am the great genie of the lamp! Since I see you are insufferable postmodernist academics, I will grant you each one META-wish.”

The first academic ponders for a mome...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

Marcellus Wallace

Is it weird that everytime I watch the pawn shop scene in pulp fiction all I can think is "We have the meat!?"

What’s an Indian person’s favorite type of book?

Naan-fiction.

I'm writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction.

I hope to release it later as "50 blocks of pain"

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content.

But Stranger Things have happened.

Sven and Ole are two fictional swedish immigrants who live in Minnesota. They are characters used in jokes. I heard this one from my dad.

Sven is vacationing at his cabin in northern Minnesota and happens to get in line at a Dairy Queen.

An indian (native american) man approaches him and makes a proposition.

Indian Man: Hey I have a deal for you. I will ask you a riddle. If you can answer it I will buy you an ice cream, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

What do you call it when lemons and limes tell lies?

Pulp fiction!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching Pulp Fiction for the first time, thought this was the best.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street. A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. Now the baby tomato starts lagging behind, the papa tomato gets pissed and squishes him saying "Ketchup"

What is the difference between a horror fiction writer and a disabled physicist?

Haw

Have you heard about the new fiction novel coming this year?

Its the memoirs of Trumps presidency

I took a class recently on the history of food preservation.

In the early days, metal containers were the cheapest and easiest to make, so almost all food was stored in cans. Tin was a particularly soft and easy to mold/shape, and didn’t rust like other options, so most preserved food cans were made of tin.

Things went great for a while, with some food...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Religion] If you're religious this is not for you. The setup is completely fictional. Please don't get offended.

The catholic church would have you believe that Jesus Christ was one single person while, actually they were a set of twins - Jesus and Christ. It was through this that Jesus came back to life, Christ was crucified and Jesus made a religion by apparently coming back to life.
Christ was a...

Since we have to stay home, I’m setting up my pavilion and projector outside tonight. Watching Pulp Fiction, followed by the Kill Bill movies.

It’s a Tent & Quarantino marathon.

I went to library for a cook book.

I asked the librarian,

"In which section can I find a cook book, please?"

She said,

"For you? Fiction."

What does Harry Potter and your Soulmate have in common?

They're both fictional Characters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife recently asked me: "Hypothetically speaking, if you could have sex with any person in the world, whether real or fictional, who would you choose?"

Apparently, 'Karen' was not the right answer.

My mom told me Jesus died on a Royal Caribbean ship, but my priest said he died on a cross.

Was that cruise a fiction?

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

At a party, Bob was flirting with a girl

The girl's boyfriend walked over to Bob and pushed him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Bob said, "I didn't know she was taken. I'm sorry." The boyfriend raised his fist and threatened, "If you touch my girl again, you're fiction."

Bob was confused, and asked, "Uh, don't yo...

A flat earther is shown a map of the world

"Not only is this world flat as the map truly shows it to be but all the places and physical features are also fictional!" He says

"Why do you think that?" Someone asks

"Because in the key on the side it says everything is a legend."

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

How do you call a Lada on top of a hill?

A miracle.

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And how do you call _two_ Ladas on top of a hill?

-

Science fiction

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But how do you call _three_ Ladas on top of a hill?

-

An interesting place for a Lada factory.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse responds "I've just realized I'm a metaphysical concept residing within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

What do you get when you cross an orange with Quentin Tarantino?

Pulp Fiction

Credit to the movie The Starving Games

Did you hear that the director to Pulp Fiction is making a movie based off of a Belgian comic book where the main character gets deathly ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world?

It's "Quentin Tarantino's *Tintin's Quarantino*".

What's the difference between a Cardassian and a Kardashian?

One is a vicious, opportunistic race, bent on subjugation and domination through whatever insidious and ethically-questionable means they have at hand.

The other is a fictional race from Star Trek.

What is the one thing common between my girlfriend and my favorite book?

Both are works of fiction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like the show Magic Schoolbus

I take chances, make mistakes, and get messy.


Also, it's completely fictional.

I wrote a fantasy story about my glass of freshly squeezed orange juice

I titled it pulp fiction

I got kicked out of the library today

I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

What's a dog's favorite movie?

Pup fiction.

Smart blonde, honest politican and grandma are walking into a bar

Who orders beer?



Grandma because other characters are fictional!

Blue

Did you hear about the group of people that don't believe in the color blue? They think it's cyan's fiction

What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.

What's the biggest dilemma of libraries

Deciding where to put the bible, fiction or non-fiction

I'm writing a book about Indian food...

It's gonna be a naan-fiction.

I've been pretty busy in quarantine

My erotic Animal Crossing fan fiction is going to blow some minds

I got in trouble my bookstore today...

...they didn't appreciate me moving The Handmaid's Tale to non-fiction.


(My heart goes out to the US. I'm so sorry.)

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