Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb

One...

But it takes them 10 god damn episodes.

I wanna be a fiction writer later in life.

So I'm studying journalism.

When I want to read fiction, I go to the library.

When I want to read nonfiction, I go to the truthbrary.

Sven and Ole are two fictional swedish immigrants who live in Minnesota. They are characters used in jokes. I heard this one from my dad.

Sven is vacationing at his cabin in northern Minnesota and happens to get in line at a Dairy Queen.

An indian (native american) man approaches him and makes a proposition.

Indian Man: Hey I have a deal for you. I will ask you a riddle. If you can answer it I will buy you an ice cream, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dating life is like pulp fiction

One minute I feel like John Travolta. I got class, style, a nice car and I’m on my way to pick up my date.

The next minute I’m getting fucked in the ass.

How do you call a Lada on top of a hill?

A miracle.

-

 

-

And how do you call _two_ Ladas on top of a hill?

-

Science fiction

-

 

-

But how do you call _three_ Ladas on top of a hill?

-

An interesting place for a Lada factory.

The difference between fiction and reality?

Fiction has to make sense.

I just cannot get into reading chinese fiction

There are just too many characters...

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

Never argue with a fictional character

Their minds are completely made up

Have you heard about the new fiction novel coming this year?

Its the memoirs of Trumps presidency

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.

I get to the end and I think, 'Well, *that's* not going to happen.'

Which Science-Fiction author is the best source of liquid mercury?

HG Wells.

In recent weeks, interest in reading long works of fiction has gone way down

Due to the novel coronavirus

Once upon a time on a dig in Egypt...

A few years ago I was in Egypt, on a dig site, not far from the banks of the Nile but out of the way of the Pyramids and Statues you'd associate with the usual "big finds" of the late 19th/early 20th century.

We were looking for a tomb, a new paper had raised interesting questions about a po...

Since we have to stay home, I’m setting up my pavilion and projector outside tonight. Watching Pulp Fiction, followed by the Kill Bill movies.

It’s a Tent & Quarantino marathon.

Which fictional character i would totally bang?

My Girlfriend!

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

School pride

A woman goes to her doctor complaining of an odd rash on her chest in the shape of a "Y". Upon some further inquiry, the doctor discovers that the woman's husband went to Yale and likes to leave his school sweater on during sex and concludes that the fiction of the sweater is causing the reaction. T...

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently saw one of those animated pornos that basically makes fictional characters have sex.

This one was about a certain famous, big superhero guy in red with an 'i' on his shirt, I can't remember his name. Anyway, the film was surprisingly good and left me thinking, 'that's just fucking incredible'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That scene in Pulp Fiction

where Vincent revives Mia by stabbing her in the chest with an adrenaline shot, except it’s me on a Saturday morning when my kid shoves his finger in my nostril to wake me up.

Did you hear that the director to Pulp Fiction is making a movie based off of a Belgian comic book where the main character gets deathly ill with an incredibly infectious disease and therefore has to cut off all contact with the outside world?

It's "Quentin Tarantino's *Tintin's Quarantino*".

What do you call a non-fiction vampire?

A real pain in the neck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Religion] If you're religious this is not for you. The setup is completely fictional. Please don't get offended.

The catholic church would have you believe that Jesus Christ was one single person while, actually they were a set of twins - Jesus and Christ. It was through this that Jesus came back to life, Christ was crucified and Jesus made a religion by apparently coming back to life.
Christ was a...

I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character

And not the President of the United States.

What do you do with a country that has a lot of fiction?

Call it Greece.

What would you get if the director of Pulp Fiction were to contract Ebola?

A quarantinable Quentin Tarantino.

Just a regular day in the Pope's life

This beautiful morning, the Pope woke early, excited for today's ceremony. It was a special day, and the Vatican will probably be even more crowded than usual. Standing there on the balcony and speaking to such a great audience is the purest joy of the Pope, second only to his closeness to God.
<...

What is the one thing common between my girlfriend and my favorite book?

Both are works of fiction.

Harry Potter is a fiction

No ginger kid can have 2 real friend !

What's the best college degree to become a successful fiction writer?

Journalism!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sea Captain's hilarious fictional book about bellybuttons?

*A novel naval navel novel.*

Edit: I'm so sorry. I had to exorcise this shitty joke out of my head before it drove me insane.

Congratulations to the #1 best selling fiction novel!

Barely in front of the Bible, the Holy Quran makes it to the top this year!

A Science Fiction Story for Telepaths

Aw, You Know What I mean.

A man found out the Bee Gees, were writing a fictional novel.

"Do you guys need any help?" he asked.

"We know how to do it!" they responded.

"Not even with the character development?"

"We know how to show it!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife recently asked me: "Hypothetically speaking, if you could have sex with any person in the world, whether real or fictional, who would you choose?"

Apparently, 'Karen' was not the right answer.

My mom told me that Jesus died when his Royal Caribbean ship sank, but my priest said he actually died on the cross.

So...was that cruise a fiction?

Temel owes a lot of money to the local shops

Edit: Temel is a fictional character in Turkish jokes. Hope you like.

Temel owes a lot of money to the local shops. One day he wins the lottery and the locals wait for him to pay back what he owes – and maybe more. However three months down the line, Temel still hasn’t paid anything so the sh...

I like to visit the houses of fictional characters.

When I went to Prince Edward Island, I visited the house of Anne Of Green Gables.

When I went to Germany, I visited the house of Hansel and Gretel.

When I was in Rome, I visited The Vatican.

What is Donald Trump's favorite fictional character?

Wall-E

TIL That in 2014 Netflix announced they wouldn't be pursuing science-fiction themed original content.

But Stranger Things have happened.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three old ladies

Three old ladies had just passed away and stood outside the gates to heaven speaking to the Almighty One. He looked at the three of them sternly and said: "If you're gonna be here, you should know that we only have one single rule here in heaven, but that one rule is extremely strict! You may NEVER,...

I was watching Pulp Fiction again and...

...my flatmate pops in and says, " Why are you watching this again?, you have seen it a thousand times already."

"Just for the gags"

Smart blonde, honest politican and grandma are walking into a bar

Who orders beer?



Grandma because other characters are fictional!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching Pulp Fiction for the first time, thought this was the best.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street. A papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. Now the baby tomato starts lagging behind, the papa tomato gets pissed and squishes him saying "Ketchup"

I'm writing some BSDM-themed LEGO fan-fiction.

I hope to release it later as "50 blocks of pain"

I got fired from my job at the library...

Apparently the book on women’s rights doesn’t belong in the fiction section.

What is the difference between a horror fiction writer and a disabled physicist?

Haw

How Moral Are You?

This takes less than one minute and is incredibly accurate…well worth the little bit of effort I promise.

This test has only one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely and completely f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fastest Ever

On a typical COVID free for the boys day, Tom, Bob, and Joe are at the bar having a nice civil discussion on what the single fastest speed on the universe is. Bob outright says "the speed of lightning! Ain't nothing faster than the god of thunders toy". Tom being the scientist that he is doesn't hes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

What's a dog's favorite movie?

Pup fiction.

What do you call fake oranges?

Pulp Fiction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Religion is like a movie

The Torah is the first one, the New Testament is the sequel. The Qur'an is a reboot of the second - there's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore.

* Jews like the first movie, but ignore the sequels.
* Christians like the first two, but the third doesn't count.
* Muslims...

I've been pretty busy in quarantine

My erotic Animal Crossing fan fiction is going to blow some minds

Blue

Did you hear about the group of people that don't believe in the color blue? They think it's cyan's fiction

A treasure chest falls down from an airplane: Mickey Mouse, Santa Claus, a corrupt politician and an honest politician all run to the place where it lands. Who gets the treasure?

The corrupt politician, because all the others are fictional characters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like the show Magic Schoolbus

I take chances, make mistakes, and get messy.


Also, it's completely fictional.

What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?

Pulp fiction.

Being genetically engineered, evaluated, selected, and trained from birth to be a super-soldier...

before being deployed to a fight a technologically inferior foe in a far-off country to secure economic gains for your overseers, then being either left to die or executed for convenience, is either the plot of a dark and kickass dystopian fiction novel, or a technically accurate description of the ...

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse says, "I just realized that I'm a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence."

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

I got kicked out of the library

They booted me out because I moved all of the books on trickle-down economics to the fiction section

What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

Something that I would get arrested for is

Putting the woman's rights book in the fiction section of the library

Roses are red, violets are blue...

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know what he's doing. He knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Barack Obama is undertaking a systematic effort to change this country, to make America more like the rest of the world.

That's why he passed Obamacare and th...

Coin flip

One day, Bob came home from school and proudly told his father, “My teacher taught us about the probability of a coin flip today! A coin will land on heads 50% of the time all the time!”

Bob’s father: That’s... not quite how it works.

Bob: Nuh-uh! My teacher said so!

Bob’s fat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sir Arthur and the case of brief case identity

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes, purportedly told of a time when he climbed into a taxi cab in Paris..!
.
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked,
.
"Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

Doyle was flabbergasted.....

What's the biggest dilemma of libraries

Deciding where to put the bible, fiction or non-fiction

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.