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The girl in the bar didn't believe me when i bragged that my cock can really test her gag reflex..

Back in my place, She immediately puked when she smelled it...

I gave my Marine buddy a gag gift.

I thought it would be funny to give him a 30 piece wooden jigsaw puzzle, intended for toddlers, as a birthday gift, but it backfired on me. Now, every time I see him, I have to listen to him brag about his puzzle skills.

"The box says 2-4 years, but I finished it in only a week and a half!"

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.


One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

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A man walks into a bar and sees a 5 gallon jug filled with $20 bills...

He sits at the bar and asks the bartender about it. The bartender replies,

"It's the $20 challenge. You put a $20 into the jar, complete a set of three challenges, and if you win you take home the entire jar!"

The man looked at it and asked what the challenges were, because that much m...

Best wife ever

My wife told me to strip her naked, hand cuff her arms and legs to the bed posts and put a ball gag in her mouth then, do whatever I wanted, so I went fishing.

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What's missing at the end of every porn DVDs?

Gag Reels

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On our first date, she said she always thought the dick in a box gag was funny. I figured I'd try it out a couple of dates later, but before I could even open the box, she screamed...

..."Why the fuck are you proposing so soon?!" and ran away.

What happened when Cinderella reached the ball

She gagged

(Wasn’t my joke, just heard online)

When my dentist reminded me about my husband’s sensitive gag reflex, we laughed and laughed and laughed about it for a while, but then it hit me....

We have different dentists...

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Charlotte wants a dress.

Charlotte asked Uncle Bob to borrow some money because she wanted to buy a new dress.

Uncle Bob told her that he would loan her the money if she gave him a blowie.

Charlotte agreed and began sucking. She immediately gagged and said, “This tastes like shit!” ...

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Whats the difference between a porn flick and a Hollywood movie?

They only show the gag reel at the end of the Hollywood movie

Last night at dinner I thought I saw my father starting to gag.

Turns out it was just another dad choke.

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How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

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What do you call a sailor who likes to get tied up and gagged during sex?

A submarine

This is more of a sight gag that works really well in front of easily embarrassed or nonplussed mixed company. Hopefully I've told it well enough for it to be useful for others to use if they so desire.

Two childhood male friends recognized each other at their 40th high school reunion. While they were reminiscing one asked the other..
"Hey, have you seen Alice Fortney yet?

"No, what's up with her?"

Holding his cupped hands chest high, about a foot in front of him he tells his frien...

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What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

To the people without a gag reflex

Hope you don't choke on it

The most important thing in life is to be able to control your gag reflex

So that you can swallow pills and take the proper medication you need, perverts.

I was alone in a room with a middle aged man when he gave me gag reflexes

God I hate dentists

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An retired elderly couple visit London..

They get picked up from the airport in a london black cab and head off into the city for some adventure.

The cab driver say "where you from guvnor?"

Husband. "we're from South Africa"..

The wife is a little hard of hearing asks her husband.

"What did he say?"

The ...

What’s a 69?

A young lad doesn’t know what a 69 is, and approaches a hooker and asks what a 69 is.

“C’mon kid, I’ll show you”.
They proceed to her place, where they get undressed.

“Lie on the bed, and I’ll sit on your face “.
As she jumps on, she lets out a great big dirty stinking fart, that...

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I used to think that clowns doing the 1930’s cream pie gag was hilarious

Until I realized that I too have also been creampied by clowns

In a hotel is Putin's Russia

3 Friends are in a Hotel room in Russia

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks down...

When I was younger everyone called me weird because I didn't have a gag reflex.

Now they just call me

An old lady goes to the doctor, super irritated.

She UNLOADS on the doctor. "Doctor, my friends are all being awful people! They're all telling me I fart all the time, and it's just plain rude of them!

"Oh really?" The doctor says.

"YEAH! They're ALL silent so I have no idea why they'd point them out. On top of all that, for them t...

My dentist said that my gag reflex was much more sensitive than my wife's.

I didn't think anything of it at the time. Later, I realized it was super weird, because we go to different dentists.

My girlfriend told me she had no gag reflex

So I broke up with her, it's a shame to see a talent like that go to waste.

Santa gave me a whip, a pair of handcuffs and a gag for Christmas last year.

I'm not sure what to expect after being naughty this year.

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Work has had me on my knees lately, leaving me sore and speechless. Even though I would come home after gagging I still found it fulfilling. That's when I knew...

I wanted to turn this blowjob into a blow career.

This is dedicated to the late Les Dawson and his Mother-in-Law gags. I just bought my mother-in-law an electric chair. Now, you might say that was cruel of me...

...but you should have seen the way her eyes lit up.

3 people are interviewing for a job at the CIA

All 3 have interviewed and performed extremely well and it's time for their final test. They arrive and see a door leading into a sound proof room.

"Enter the room, read the note card, and carry out your orders" the interviewing agent says.

The first applicant enters the room, closes t...

Truth hurts, but you know something hurts more and makes me want to gag?

Deep truth.

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New camp cook joins a cattle drive..

Cowboys are all out herding the cattle. Cook sees an old sheep tied to the back of a wagon. Figures he can use it for dinner. Butchers and cooks up the sheep. Cowboys come back to camp hungry. As they are enjoying their meal, one of the cowboys looks around and can’t see the sheep. New camp coo...

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My grandpa's favorite joke/ gag

I was out in the woods with him one day when he bent over and picked up this funky looking rock. He studied it carefully and told me this rock was a "old Indian sex stone" and handed it to me. After studying it myself I asked him what made it a sex stone and he told me "it's a fucking rock"

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I've got my girlfriend working on her gag reflex...

...I haven't got a big dick or anything, she just throws up when she sees me naked

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I Bought My Wife A Ball Gag For Her Birthday

Wife: Wow! You’re so kinky, I can’t believe you gave me a sex toy.


Me: Sex toy?

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Pay Attention:

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities ...

What did Nancy Reagan say when she got to the ball?

(Gags)

A classic Tommy Cooper gag

* I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?'
* He said: 'How flexible are you?'
* I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'"

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A couple go out to a posh restaurant for dinner

The place is very exclusive and features also a live band playing gentle music, and fancy expensive food and wine. They settle in and order and initially the evening is fine and enjoyable.
Lady is eating duck, which can often have small bones. She doesn't notice and swallows a bite, chased with a...

The time traveler made a poor taste gag about the atrocities of World War 3.....

Everyone agreed, it was too soon.

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What are some of your best “and then I said” jokes

When my friends and I are talking I like to every now and then go “and then I said ping pong balls not king kong’s balls” for a laugh.

I wondered if anyone else has any gags like this?

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Let's hear your best "In days of old when knights were bold..." gag!

In days of old
when knights were bold
and rubbers weren't invented
they'd just put socks
upon their cocks
and pregnancy was prevented.

Disclaimer: This method does not actually work.

What do you call a running gag on crutches?

A lame joke.

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Amazing Apples

A man and his wife are walking through the state fair, when he notices something that clearly has to be a mistake. Taped to a table full of big beautiful apples is a sign that reads, 'Amazing Apples $10 each'. So the man tells the proprietor, "Excuse me sir but I think you made a mistake" pointing ...

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My therapist told me I'm a psycho sexual maniac.

How did she get the ball gag off?

Mythology gags, anyone?

What can kill you with a glance and goes "Hittthhh"?

The Basilisp.

Does anyone know any good gags?

Said Kim's robber.

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A stockbroker walks past a kid selling lemonade

“Hey mister, ya want some lemonade?”

The stockbroker is just getting out of his brand new BMW in a nice tailored suit. He was about to walk past when he a double take at the sign that says “Lemonade $50”.


“Your sign is wrong kid. I think you mean fifty cents.”

The little gi...

A captive trying to escape...

That's such a running gag.

Another jewish gag

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into ...

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A couple at a bar

In a nightclub, a girl invites her boyfriend for a drink. She orders a whiskey-soda for herself and a Bailey with lemon juice aside for him. - What did you order from me? the guy is surprised. - A Bailey with a lemon juice on the side! You will see, you will be amazed! - I don't know ... The bartend...

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

Gag


My wife told me this one to me. Not my joke

What do you call a joke that gets stuck at the back of your throat?

A gag

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A teenage girl goes to her dad and asks if she can borrow

his Porsche for the night. Her dad says:"no", but she begs and begs and he comes up with a solution. He says: "Tell you what, you give me a blow job and the car is yours for the night". She is taken aback but finally decides that she will look so cool and her friends will be so envious and agrees. S...

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Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head ...

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ...

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A banker down on his luck has decided to end it all

A young banker is standing on a tree limb with a rope around his neck, ready to end it all. He sees movement to his side and an ugly old woman comes from the brush, calling for him to stop.

“Stop! Why would a young man like yourself be doing such a thing?”

“My life is ruined!” He resp...

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I'm gonna lose my mind if someone says they cant breathe or talk wearing a face mask

I had a girl in my basement for seven months wearing a ball gag and she's fine

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My girlfriend keeps trying to give me a blowjob on the treadmill

It’s a running gag

I've met a track and field athlete that commonly chokes whenever he runs too fast,

It became a running gag for him.

I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise.

It's a bit of a running gag.

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A traveling salesman employs a man with a stutter to sell toothbrushes...

His expectations are low for this guy, so he gives him a couple dozen toothbrushes to sell, expecting him to flop out.

To his surprise, the man returns in an hour with all the money. "S-s-sold then a-all!", he says.

The salesman chalks it up to beginners luck, and hands the stutterin...

A break in the routine

A famous clown was performing his routine on stage. After a particularly funny gag, an audience member in the front row clutched his chest and crumbled out of his seat to the floor.

The clown immediately broke off his routine. He leapt off the stage to attend to the man. “I think I’m having ...

If every time I need to throw up I sprint to the toilet...

...at what point does it become a running gag?

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A boy asks his girlfriend over for dinner to meet his parents.

He tells her he will pick her up at 6 and his parents are seeing a show afterwards, so they will have the house all to themselves. She’s nervous, but also excited, so goes shopping to pick out some lingerie for their big night.

She and the chatty assistant just click and get to talking about...

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[NSFW]: A woman walks into a bar ...

A woman walks into a bar and appears to be depressed. Alone, she begins drinking heavily. A man walks into the bar soon after with the same expression on his face and sits a few stools down from her while also beginning to drink heavily. Eventually, the woman slides down and asks him what's wrong....

Every morning when I jog I reflect on my life and I want to throw up.

It's a running gag.

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