UPJOKE
jokejestchokefunnymuzzlequiplaughparodysuffocateheavefretsilencehumorflatulencespoof

Gag Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has the worst gag reflex.

She gags at the thought of giving me a blow job.

My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.

Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Kanye find out that Kim was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint?

She released the video on pornhub.


(Too soon?)

I gave my Marine buddy a gag gift.

I thought it would be funny to give him a 30 piece wooden jigsaw puzzle, intended for toddlers, as a birthday gift, but it backfired on me. Now, every time I see him, I have to listen to him brag about his puzzle skills.

"The box says 2-4 years, but I finished it in only a week and a half!"

Last night at dinner I thought I saw my father starting to gag.

Turns out it was just another dad choke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sailor who likes to get tied up and gagged during sex?

A submarine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The girl in the bar didn't believe me when i bragged that my cock can really test her gag reflex..

Back in my place, She immediately puked when she smelled it...

To the people without a gag reflex

Hope you don't choke on it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa's favorite joke/ gag

I was out in the woods with him one day when he bent over and picked up this funky looking rock. He studied it carefully and told me this rock was a "old Indian sex stone" and handed it to me. After studying it myself I asked him what made it a sex stone and he told me "it's a fucking rock"

What did Cinderella do when she reached the ball? :P

She gagged. >\_<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenage girl goes to her dad and asks if she can borrow

his Porsche for the night. Her dad says:"no", but she begs and begs and he comes up with a solution. He says: "Tell you what, you give me a blow job and the car is yours for the night". She is taken aback but finally decides that she will look so cool and her friends will be so envious and agrees. S...

Tommy Cooper gag

A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged and took it like a champ

The most important thing in life is to be able to control your gag reflex

So that you can swallow pills and take the proper medication you need, perverts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to think that clowns doing the 1930’s cream pie gag was hilarious

Until I realized that I too have also been creampied by clowns

My girlfriend told me she had no gag reflex

So I broke up with her, it's a shame to see a talent like that go to waste.

Three friends walk into a hotel room in Soviet Russia

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

Another jewish gag

An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into ...

Mythology gags, anyone?

What can kill you with a glance and goes "Hittthhh"?

The Basilisp.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a good title for necrophilia porn?

Good mourning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head ...

When I was younger everyone called me weird because I didn't have a gag reflex.

Now they just call me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Bought My Wife A Ball Gag For Her Birthday

Wife: Wow! You’re so kinky, I can’t believe you gave me a sex toy.


Me: Sex toy?

My dentist said that my gag reflex was much more sensitive than my wife's.

I didn't think anything of it at the time. Later, I realized it was super weird, because we go to different dentists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hell no.

A man dies and is sent to hell. He meets the devil who offers him three choices of punishment for the sins that he had committed. The devil tells the man, "There are three torture rooms, of which you will pick one and go in to replace the person who is being punished in that room. The choice is your...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's missing at the end of every porn DVDs?

Gag Reels

Does anyone know any good gags?

Said Kim's robber.

Truth hurts, but you know something hurts more and makes me want to gag?

Deep truth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend keeps trying to give me a blowjob on the treadmill

It’s a running gag

Santa gave me a whip, a pair of handcuffs and a gag for Christmas last year.

I'm not sure what to expect after being naughty this year.

Why don't oxen laugh at funny gags?

*Because the yokes on them!*

What do you call a running gag on crutches?

A lame joke.

My grandma likes to prank us by pretending to choke on her food

It’s an old gag

At a gag gift exchange, I gave a woman a hotdog and a condom

She said "Frankly, I never sausage a small weiner."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Let's hear your best "In days of old when knights were bold..." gag!

In days of old
when knights were bold
and rubbers weren't invented
they'd just put socks
upon their cocks
and pregnancy was prevented.

Disclaimer: This method does not actually work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On our first date, she said she always thought the dick in a box gag was funny. I figured I'd try it out a couple of dates later, but before I could even open the box, she screamed...

..."Why the fuck are you proposing so soon?!" and ran away.

The time traveler made a poor taste gag about the atrocities of World War 3.....

Everyone agreed, it was too soon.

A trucker is driving down the road late one night.

When he notices something wriggling on the side of the road. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls over to investigate. Once he gets up close, he sees it is a naked man, bound, gagged, and left for dead. The trucker removes the gag, and the man immediately said "Oh thank God you stopped. I've...

I have a condition where I spontaneously tell jokes at random times

I think it's a gag reflex.

This is more of a sight gag that works really well in front of easily embarrassed or nonplussed mixed company. Hopefully I've told it well enough for it to be useful for others to use if they so desire.

Two childhood male friends recognized each other at their 40th high school reunion. While they were reminiscing one asked the other..
"Hey, have you seen Alice Fortney yet?

"No, what's up with her?"

Holding his cupped hands chest high, about a foot in front of him he tells his frien...

What's the difference between new reddit and 9gag?

10 years and a url.

My girlfriend said that if I tell her a good joke she'll try deepthroat

A gag for a gag

This is dedicated to the late Les Dawson and his Mother-in-Law gags. I just bought my mother-in-law an electric chair. Now, you might say that was cruel of me...

...but you should have seen the way her eyes lit up.

So I started dating a ventriloquist who is into BDSM...

Turns out gags are completely ineffective.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, an Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. Each one orders a pint. Three flies land, one on each glass.

The American gags and pushes his drink away. The Englishman shrugs, flicks the fly away, and drinks the beer. The Irishman picks up the fly, shakes it up and down, and shouts, "Spit it out, fucker!"

Best wife ever

My wife told me to strip her naked, hand cuff her arms and legs to the bed posts and put a ball gag in her mouth then, do whatever I wanted, so I went fishing.

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.


One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Lady Gaga call her sextape?

Bed romance

What happened when Cinderella reached the ball

She gagged

(Wasn’t my joke, just heard online)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day in a busy restaurant, a man began to choke on something he had eaten.

Without hesitation, another man jumped up, ran over, pulled the choking man's pants down, and started eating his ass. The choking man was so shocked and disgusted that he started to gag, miraculously expelling the blockage. His life saved, he thanked the other man profusely and asked how he had know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another guy comes home from work to find his wife very upset....

"Honey, what's the matter?" he asks.

"This!" she says, pulling out a stack of heavy duty S&M porn magazines, you know, the really hardcore German stuff with whips, chains, leather suits & ball gags. "I found these in our son's room when I was changing the sheets. What are we going to ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.