Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

Teach a man a joke, and he will laugh for a day

Teach a redditor a joke, and they will repost it for a lifetime.

I used to tell dad jokes.

He's dead now though.

I told a joke about Coronavirus and nobody laughed

Except that Chinese kid in the back. He got it.

Why aren’t school shooting jokes funny?

They’re too easy a target, and aimed at a very young audience..

I have like 50 jokes about the unemployed

Trouble is, none of them work.

At ten feet I told the the joke and everyone laughed. At twenty feet, same result. At fifty feet no one heard me...

Guess I went a little too far with that joke.

Slightly NSFW joke

Conversation between maid and owner:. (owner is a female)

Maid: I need a raise

Owner: you already have got a raise

Maid: that was 18 months ago

Owner: why do you then deserve this raise?

Maid: I am better than you in many things

Owner: ok tell me

Maid...

A blind man enters a bar and asks the Barkeeper "Wanna hear a joke about blondes?"

Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers

"Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe... he's just released from prison after he...

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes...

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last ni...

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Why does Greta Thunberg like r/jokes so much?

We recycle our material every fucking day.

Sorry, my 4y old brother wanted me to tell this joke here

Him: Knock, knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Idiot

Me: Idiot who?

Him: IDIOT YOU!!

He probably doesn't understand downvotes so I will have no Karma left after this

EDIT: Wow! So many people upvoted this and I even got Silver! I'll tell my brother the Internet lov...

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.

Please don't make any more jokes about the Coronavirus...

My friend has it and it's serious. He got it from a tick bite...

It's the first reported case of Corona with Lyme.

Wanna hear a sick joke?

American healthcare

I wanted to post a joke about Sodium but I was like Na, people won’t Understand.

Want to hear a joke about Sodium hypobromite?


NaBrO.

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Gay jokes aren't funny.

Cum on guys.

Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get an award.

Like no bell prize.

Did you hear that new joke about EA?

[Please Buy the Punchline DLC to unlock this bonus Content]

This is a Mean joke.

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The e...

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The worst joke I can remember [nsfw] Warning: this joke is long and terrible

A woman was driving through a remote section of desert at night, thoroughly lost. Suddenly, a coyote ran into the road ahead of her! Slamming on the brakes, the woman was astounded to see a man come running from out of the darkness toward the coyote. In one smooth motion, the strange man took his...

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

How do you know a joke isn’t a repost?

When it doesn’t reach the front page.

I was going to make a good chemistry joke..

but all ARGON

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In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

Corona virus is kinda like my jokes

Funny at first but people are starting to get concerned now

I really enjoy telling Dad Jokes

Sometimes he laughs.

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Old Jew Joke - "The Jewish Elbow"

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push-button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is...

My teacher always starts her class by reading one of the posts from r/jokes, but today she’s absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

An old joke told in the Soviet Union...

Every other Friday a factory guard saw a worker coming out of the factory pushing a wheelbarrow packed with hay.

The guard searched inside the hay, found nothing and let the guy go. This ritual repeated over several years until a time when the guard was about to retire.

When the guy ...

Wanna hear two short jokes and a long one?

Joke. Joke.



OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

My 7 year old told me this joke. I hadn't heard it before - What does a camel use to hide itself?

Camelflage

Wanna hear a construction joke?

I’m still working on it.

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Poop jokes are not my favorite kind of joke.

But they’re a solid number 2.

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Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.

But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.

My friend recently told me a joke about Helium

He He He

Jokes on you!

>! We're no strangers to love!<
>!You know the rules and so do I!<
>!A full commitment's what I'm thinking of!<
>!You wouldn't get this from any other guy!<

>!I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling!<
>!Gotta make you understand!<

>!Neve...

I know a lot of Eminem jokes,

but the chances that you'll get them is slim.

I want to share a science joke on here...

But, now i realise all the good jokes
Argon.

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Why cant you make sex jokes on Reddit?

Because nobody here gets it.

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters

Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Oedipus joke

Oedipus: Oracle, what’s going to happen to me?

Oracle: You’re going to kill your father and marry Joe.

Oedipus: Who’s Joe?

Credit: Nik Linenberger - Twitter

I don't make fat jokes

But looks like your mom did

Funny joke in here!

Hi, we have been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.

What do you say to Mario when he doesn't get a joke on the Internet?

It's a meme Mario.

Ultimate Dad Joke

Son: Dad, what noise does an owl make at night?
Dad: Who?

Finally got to pull this one off after 6 years of patiently waiting!!

Funkiest joke in the world according to my 8 yr old son.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Europe

Europe who?

No. YOU’RE A POO!

I got a joke but it requires that you know who D.B. Cooper is

I don't want to sound condescending while telling a joke about a con descending

Jokes about the coronavirus are everywhere right now

Looks like it’s gone viral

You missed a great joke

Carl: how many apples can you eat on an empty stomach?

Steve: well I can eat 6.

Carl: no you can eat only 1 because after after eating one you are no longer on an empty stomach.

Steve: Great joke! I will tell my friend.

Steve: dude how many apples can you eat on an empty ...

Randomly came up with this joke laying in bed one night - What do you call a bald eagle with the flu that migrates from Mexico to the US?

An ill eagle immigrant...

They: "Don't you think you'll feel embarrassed by all your suicide jokes when you get older?"

Me: "When I what?"

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An old, gross joke about deer hunting



*This ancient joke pre-dates the Internet. It is from the South and is best told with a southern accent.*

I was deer hunting in the mountains of North Carolina. After about four hours I shot a nice 400lb buck. While I was hauling the dear back to my truck, I was stopped by the game wa...

Stalin tells a joke

Stalin decided to tell a joke one day. He gathered his faithful people to the red square and proclaimed that He would now tell a glorious joke. HIS people were curious and said:”well comrade Stalin what is it?”. Stalin, with a straight face said: “Food”. The people were puzzled and said: “Comrade St...

My favourite jokes are ones about anti vax kids

They just never get old

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's fully groan.

Can we please ban yo mama jokes on this sub? All of the yo mama jokes have been done thousands of times by thousands of people.

Kinda like yo mama!

Why do people hate reposts in r/jokes?

Because they’ve already reddit.

Dad jokes are like Corona

Evererybody gets It but not everyone can laugh about It.

I dont mean to brag about my drum jokes but um...

tsss

Want to hear a joke about Covid 19?

You probably won't get it.

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My girlfriend warned me she would break up if I didn't stop making jokes about oral sex.

I said "That's hard to swallow."

I wanna make a joke about PP’s

but it was to hard

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Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgaria...

some people get offended by the coronavirus jokes

but, i don’t worry...they’ll all get it soon.

Why are there no good jokes about Jim Jones?

All the punch lines are too long.

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

What does an unvaccinated child and my joke have in common?

They both don’t make it past new.

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.




-



"No it doesn't." I said.

(Apparently, I said this joke in my sleep, and don't recall ever hearing it before, so I may have come up with it in my sleep as well.) Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?

He wanted an off-ice job.

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My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt



He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

All my friends jokingly said that this girl I have a date with is imaginary.

Well, the joke is on them. Because so are they

I don’t tell jokes about fungi for a reason...

Too *mushroom* for error.

[Dad joke] How does Bigfoot tell time?

He's got a Sasqwatch.

My 5 year olds painful twist on a knock knock joke

I was telling my son the "knock knock who's there banana joke", and he laughed and told me to tell it to him again. As I said knock knock he then backhanded my face and said "you shouldn't stand so close to the door"

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I know a joke about prostitutes...

But they've all been done before.

I thought of this joke the other day and I think it should be shared.

What do your mom and the Kraken have in common?



They both like to swallow seamen.

I fractured my kneecap please send me jokes

Right now my humor is as broken as my ability to stand

If you make a Dad joke and you don't have kids...

Does that make you a faux pas?

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I was going to tell you a joke about anal sex with an alien

Butt fuck ET

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

Reading the posts here in r/Jokes I realised two things:

\- the 75% of you has problem grammar in English

\- the remaining 45% struggle with Maths

Whats the worst joke to hear during a cremation?

Knock knock

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it’s always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

Stupid Overcomplicated euphemism jokes

1.

I’m a transaction manager for a multibillion dollar corporation

I work as a McDonald’s cashier

2.

“Mom there is a burglar in here”

“No kid I’m just an asset reallocation specialist”

3.

“So what do you do for a living?”

“I travel and driv...

All my jokes are definitely golden

They never cause any reaction.

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Professor told dirty jokes in class

Professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it.

So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kinds of jokes,they all will leave the class as a protest.
Somehow the professor heard about the protest.

In the next lecture,in th...

A very old joke called, "Why Worry?"

Why Worry?

In life, there are really only two things to worry about. Either you are well, or you are sick.

If you are well, there's nothing to worry about.

If you are sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you get better, or you die.

If you get better, there's ...

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

I never got school shooter jokes...

Maybe they were aimed at a younger audience.

Please stop with all the corona jokes.

I‘m sick of it.

Communists jokes on internet aren't memes

They're ourours

You wanna hear a joke about sound?

Nah, you've probably heard it before.

A joke my religion professor told me...

A Dutch Calvinist gets stranded on a deserted island...

He saved his Bible in the shipwreck, so he maintained a prayerful life despite being stranded. The island was full of fruit and wildlife that he could hunt, so he survived well. Every day he swims out to a channel to see if any ships w...

Stupid joke in description, too short to split into title and desc

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

What price did the inventor of the knock-knock joke win?

The No-bell price

A book of dad jokes saved my marriage.

Was finally able to make my wife moan.

Wanna hear a dead baby joke I just made up?

Sorry, there are problems with the delivery.

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1st Joke here

Police Officer:\*pulls me over\*

Me:Sir,Is there a problem

Police:Do i smell cocaine in your car?

Me:The one who smelt it dealt it

Police:Holy shit

Me:You are under arrest

I had a scary math joke...

But I'm 2^2 to say it

You'll never hear a Hindu tell a Yo Mamma joke...

They consider cows to be sacred.

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Stop posting jokes making fun of Homosexuality!

Cum on guys!

Nice joke for y'all.

Guys, do you think the ocean is salty because the land never waves back?

The only thing i dont joke about is molestation

It's a touchy subject

The punchline is always before the joke.

I hate time travelling jokes.

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery,

Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

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A true nazi joke

You can only be considered a true aryan when you are as thin as Göring, as handsome as Goebbels and as blonde as Hitler.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?”

Me: “John”

Homeless man: “So Johnny, there is black rooster alright?

How many legs does that chicken have.”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right, n...

LPT: If you hear a funny corona virus joke, please

laugh into your elbow.

I'd like to dedicate this joke to my father, who was a roofer...

...so...dad, if you're up there...

My duaghter made up a joke when she was 5. How do you count to tree?

Bush, Shrub, Tree!

The great thing about leap year jokes on /r/jokes...

...is that you only hear them repeated every 4 years.

Arguably the most common pirate joke around:

What be a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?

Arrrrr! (R)

Ah, ye think be Arrrr, but it be the Sea! (C)

I would post a joke about sword fighting

But it's a riposte.

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How many redditors does it take to make a good joke?

A million: 1 to make the joke, and 999,999 to repost it every fucking day for the next century.

Bear joke my co-worker told me

So a man and his three friends are sitting in a bar, one of them says to the others

“im the greatest bear hunter there ever was”

2 of the 3 friends disagree and say

“no way i am”

an argument breaks out until the 4th man who said nothing pipes up and says

“i ha...

I don't make jokes about AOC very often.

I only make them Ocasio-nally.

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.



*Wow this blew up!! I didn't expect it to get so many upvotes! THANK YOU! I heard this joke from my friend today and I decided to share it with Reddit.*

*Thank you for the silver! First time receivi...

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

I would tell you guys a joke about Jonestown...

But the punchline falls dead.

You can make joke about anything except Mexicans...

That would be crossing the border

Vagina Jokes Aren’t Funny

Period.

What do you call a half baked joke?

A pun in the oven.

I love jokes about unvaccinated children

They just never grow old

A knock knock joke my 7yr old came up with...

My daughter: "Knock Knock.."

Me: 'Who's There?"

My daughter: "A person who desperately needs a poo"

Me: "A person who..."

** (At this point she interupts me)**

My Daughter: blows a raspberry

My grandfather who used to tell me knock knock jokes from since I was very little told me his last joke before he past away. This is it...

Him: Knock Knock

Me: Who’s there?

Him: Howard

Me: Howard who?

Him: Howard you like to be knocking for a change?

This joke really made me laugh and I thought I’d share it with all you.

King of dad jokes

*dad, to waiter* I can’t decide what to have. I’m pretty hungry but don’t want to spend a lot.

*waiter* Well, the chicken strips for $6...

*dad* I’m sure it does, but that doesn’t help me decide what to have for lunch.

Since We're Doing Pirate Jokes. What Does Every Pirate Hate?

A small chest with no booty.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A boy fell in the mud.

Wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles was the neighbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of Terry Jones and his passing, he is my favorite Monty Python joke

Drinking American beer is like having sex in a canoe. Its fucking close to water

I could tell you a UDP joke.

But I'm not sure you'll get it.

Stop with the Cripple Jokes!

I can’t stand them.

I have a secret joke about jams but I'm not gonna tell you.

You might spread it.

Have you every heard a joke with the punchline “Guacamole”?

Guacamole.

Joke

Q: What's a dogs favourite snack?

A: Pupcicles!

I know this is a risk of being a political joke... But here is the joke:

Our Political system.

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