Can we ban the “yo momma” jokes from this sub? They’re old, stupid and have been used by everyone hundreds of times.

Just like yo momma.

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I saw a homeless man with a sign that read “$1 for a dirty joke”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Look there, you can see a Rooster right? How many legs does it have?"

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Correct, now how many wings does this Rooster have?”

Me: “Two?”

Homeless man: “Right...

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

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A strip club joke

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a w...

What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn't a dad?

***A faux pa.***

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

An innocent joke to cheer you up...

Lulu, a little girl asks her mum, "Mum, can I take Daisy (a dog) for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies "No, because she is in heat."

"What does that mean?" asked Lulu.

"Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

Lulu goes out to the garage and says,
"Dad,...

An old joke I can't find on Reddit. Here we go...

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. Th...

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I have a vagina joke

but most of you won't get it.

I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

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Duck joke. Yes another one.

Duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman is amazed by a speaking duck and discovers the duck is in town for a few weeks working on a local building site. Over a week they become good friends.

One day a travelling circus get into town and the owner also comes into the bar for a dri...

You have to be born in the 1940's and been a teenager in 1957 in order to get this joke

Its 1957 and Bob goes to pick up his date.
Peggy Sue's Father invites him in.

He asks Bob what they plan on doing.

Bob politely responds that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in.

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I h...

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Old Soviet joke about two missiles

So USSR and the US finally go to nuclear war. They each fire a missile at each other to while the other out. The two missiles meet each other over half way to their destination.

"Comrade US missile", the USSR one says, "We are about to kill millions of people, let's stop and have a drink."...

Want to hear my latest joke about the Fibonacci sequence?

It's as good as my previous two Fibonacci sequence jokes put together!

I have a vaccine joke

… but a lot of people won’t get it!

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

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My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke

A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".

Why should you always post jokes in American English?

They can reach a wider audience.

I tried to make a corona virus joke last year.

Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.

My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!"

I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"

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Anal sex and this joke: what do they have in common?

A misused colon

This is the only dirty joke my mother ever told me (translated from arabic, hope it makes sense)

A husband that didn't like his wife's cooking put a note on the fridge after he had enough "god loves people that do something they like in a good way".

She then preceeds to take the note and put it above their bed.

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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

The punchline comes before the joke

You know what the worst thing about a time travel joke is?

TIL The founder of r/jokes is dead

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

A Joke for a Sunday

Jesus was relaxing in Heaven when he noticed a familiar looking old man. Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"

"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, by the intervention of a m...

A joke I was told by an old man I golfed with.

A man was at the bar with a couple of his neighbors. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I heard he's had his way with all the women in the neighborhood except one."

Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. "Honey I heard the new pool bo...

Legs up joke

Jane come from school and goes home. Jane asks her mom “mom, why do people who have their legs up go to heaven?”. Mom answers “that isn’t true, Jane?”. Jane says “but I saw the neighbour with her legs up and she screamed “Oh god, I’m cummin’, I’m cummin’. Mom looks shocked, but Jane says in the mean...

I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes.

I mean, I still do, but I used to, too.

I cracked a joke about dementia to my friend at the bus. The old man sitting next to me politely asked. "Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?"

I replied "yes I cancer." Then I cracked tumor

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad

I’m a faux pa.

Old Soviet Joke

Picked this up from a collection of Soviet-era jokes

\*\*\*

Q: "Why do the secret police patrol in groups of three?"

A: "That way there's always one who can read, and one who can write."

Q: "What about the third?"

A: "Someone's got to keep an eye on the two dangero...

Covid is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards, he wrongly believed he'd won an election he actually lost by millions of votes.

My favorite Irish joke about The Olympics

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman wanted to see the Olympics, but they didn't have tickets. They went round back to see if they could sneak in, but there was a guard at the rear entrance which is also where the competing athletes entered. The Englishman looks around and sees a long pole on the g...

A pun joke walks in and kills 10 persons...

Pun in, ten dead.

PMS jokes aren't funny.

Period.

Question: If it's not funny, is it still a joke?

Answer: In the case of Amy Schumer, yes.

(Navy Joke) why do chiefs hate kidney stones ?

It clogs the P ways

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My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

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Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now.

That ship has sailed.

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The dirtiest joke my Grandma ever told me.

A mother puts her two sons to bed, before they fall asleep.

The older brother tells his little brother, "I think it's time we started cussing."

The younger brother asks, "Well what are you going to say?"

The older brother responds, "I'll say, Hell."

The younger brother sa...

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

I've got this awful disease where I can't stop making airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

Good news! I am about to publish a Reddit Jokes Book with all the different jokes ever posted on this page!

I'm just waiting for the first publisher to agree on publishing a book with only 4 pages.

Ok I have a Scottish joke: Sam Wanamaker, Immanuel Kant. Sammy Cahn…

… but Walt Disney.

I tried to tell my friend a Nirvana joke…

I told them them the same joke four times and they still didn’t get it.

Whatever, never mind.

Communist jokes aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them.

My favorite joke for my cake day

A joke my dad told me today

Two old fishermen are fishing under a bridge. A funeral procession passes over the bridge. One of the old fishermen stands up, takes his hat off and bows his head.

The second old fisherman says “Wow, that was really respectful of you to do.”

The first old fisherman says “Thanks, it’s t...

(A joke my physics teacher told) There was a Bulgarian man who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

The only joke I know.

How does a cow introduce his wife...?

He says, "meat patty".

I am very sorry.

Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I've never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane.

Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow vs b...

Why do vaccinated people don't appreciate a Covid joke

They usually just don't get it

A short joke to cheer you up

Jeff told his friend: "I was named after my father."

His friend said: "But his name is John."
"Yes", Jeff said. "He was named that years before I was even born".

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Dirty Whale joke

A male and female whale were swimming in an ocean. They noticed a whaling ship sailing nearby. The male whale told the female whale: "This is the same ship that was used to kill my dad."

Then he proceeded to say: "I have a plan. Let's swim right below the ship, and use our blowholes at once. ...

I have a joke about Islamic financing

But there’s no interest .

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I’m about to make a joke about cake

You butter believe it…

I don’t like making 9/11 jokes

Because they usually crash and burn

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery.

Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.



Which, incidentally, is also why most Afghanistan jokes are falling flat.

But also because everyone knows the Dems are pro-choice, they didn't have to abort a whole country just to prove it.



I think I'm startin...

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Medical joke...

I work in medicine and I've been getting a lot of emails and messages about counterfeit drugs coming into America. Apparently some medications are being sold in America that were made in backwoods factories and third world countries. The latest message I got from the FDA was to be on the lookout f...

I have a joke and I don't know if it translates well in all cultures, so let me break it down into bits.

01100001 00100000 01101010 01101111 01101011 01100101

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A joke

Jeff and Tim were sitting at a bar drinking, and Jeff turned to Tim and said, “y’know i never got me a proper education. I think I’ll go down to the community college and sign up for some classes”.
So Jeff later that day went to the community college and spoke to a man and the man told him “I’ll ...

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I would make a dick joke

But I’m not sure it would fit in.

"A man with alzheimers tries to recall a joke-"

Wait, that's not how it starts

"A forgetful man tries to retell a story-"

No, no, that not it either

"A man-"

Aww, forget it

What do you call jokes about eyes?

Vitreous humor

wanna hear a big brain joke?

Argon Chloride

A lot of people don't laugh at my dead baby jokes.

And that's fine. I guess you had to be there.

A traditional tunisian joke I was told by my grandmother and she heard from hers

The bey(King) was missing his mistress who was living far away. He decided to pay her a visit wearing his more expensive clothes, but out of precaution, he decided to first ask his wazir(minister) of weather whether there would be rain on that day.
The wazir paused for 5 minutes, assessing the cl...

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I was at a party where everyone was lined up to get punch. I thought about making a joke, but I just sucked their dicks instead.

I always blow the punchline.

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I like to tell dick jokes, but not foreskin jokes...

They always go over people's heads.

r/jokes has a discord and you need to join!

Over 20k members! Come see reposts in real time!

https://discord.gg/jokes

Genie joke

A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it, only to have a genie appear.

The genie says: "I will grant you three wishes, but there are also 3 rules. Rule number 1: no wishing for death. Rule number 2: no wishing for love. Rule number 3: no wishing to revive the dead".

The man thinks for a se...

A joke I read somewhere.

A man walks into a bar and lays down a dead giraffe.

Bartender asks "What's that lyin' there?"

Man responds "That's not a lion. That's a giraffe."

Please stop making jokes about little people

How would you feel if a bunch of giants made jokes about you?

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A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar (do all jokes need to be in bars?)

They all sit down at the bar and each order a pint of brew. The Frenchman notices a fly swimming in his drink, so he pushes the glass aside and says, “Bartender, there is a fly in my drink. Please bring me another.” Strangely enough, the Englishman also finds a fly in his drink, but unlike the Frenc...

A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?

Moo York.

I had a joke I was going to put here

But I refreshed by accident and can’t find it anymore.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

Do you know any maths jokes?

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

I Spent All Week Trying to Come Up With a Joke About The French Army...

...but I decided to just give up.

A joke from my 8 year old......Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10=twenty
11+11=twenty too

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Bosnian joke for ya'

Judgment day comes and big hole in ground opens. And angels tell people to jump in it and they will be judged for their sins. First comes English guy, jumps in a hole, and in darkness he feels Jesus taking his hand "My son, tell me your sins" Jesus says. "I'm sorry Jesus, I was a sinner, I cursed yo...

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Awful puns are jokes too.

I was telling my mate Edward that I couldn't stop referring to myself as male genetalia. He told me I could stop any time I wanted.

I said, "No, I'm a dick, Ted."

Guys, stop making jokes about Eminem and the candy M and M's

He's just a wrapper

What state in India is most famous for Covid injection dumb jokes?

Punjab, of course.

what joke can a homeless person not understand?

Inside jokes

Want to hear a roof joke?

The first ones on the house

How many blonde jokes are there?

One. The rest are true stories!

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Maybe repost, but it is a fabulous joke so I'll risk it. (Long, and works better when spoken)

A man is waking up in the morning, when he reads in the newspaper that the circus is coming to town. So he decides to go and see. He gets into his seat and the show starts. He watches the lions, the elephants, the tight rope walkers, and at the end there's a clown insulting people in the audience. T...

My wife and I had two miscarriages last year, and I believe there should be more jokes about miscarriages so we talk about it more...

The only problem is most of the jokes die before you finish delivering them.

—————————————————————

*The title of the post is true and humor is how I deal with my pain*

I hate it when jokes are condescending

“Condescending” is a word that means to talk down to someone.

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My conjoined twin told me a great joke earlier.

It was so funny, I almost pissed himself.

Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy?

Yeah, neither did he

my six year old told me this joke he made

Why doesn’t the pig want to go to the fresh juice shop?

Cause he doesn’t want to get squeezed!

I thought 2020 would have a lot of jokes about vision

in hindsight with everything going on that was the last of their priorities

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

I used an AI to generate jokes. Here's what it made:

why did the chicken cross the road?

I had a stroke, so I went to the doctor, and the doctor told me to get my legs



The lobster goes to the doctor...

F\*\*\* me.



What's the best thing about being a plant?

They're all in a hurry to get it done
...

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Have you ever read a story that is 100% true but sounds like a joke?

You're about to.

This happened when i was 19, in 2008.

I'm italian, and at the time i was dating this girl that was one year older than me. She was studying oriental languages and cultures at the uni and was also learning chinese (mostly cantonese).

One day we went on a date to ...

Joke written by an AI

Disclaimer: The joke below was not created by me, or any human, but rather by an AI. I was curious to see if an AI could have a sense of humor.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. After an hour of conversation, the woman says to the man, "Thank you for buyin...

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Jumper cable joke

A guy from the country has some work to do in the city. It's all paperwork and he hates that shit. When he finally gets everything finished he decides to stop and have a beer before driving back home.

Unfortunately, the first place he stops is a posh fern bar. The bartender goes, "Dude, I ...

I'll see your dad joke an raise you one

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

Too many chee-tahs

My favorite Dad joke, because it’s my cake day.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?



Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

The r/jokes mods must be in the housing business

They keep re-moving

An ice fishing joke never before posted here.

Billy Bob and his family decided to go ice fishing. So they loaded up all their tackle and headed up north and found a lake where they could go ice fishing with a tackle shop nearby in case they needed anything. When they got there the man behind the counter said they'd need ice picks for breaking t...

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A joke in Arabic

Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a piss in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, ass in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the ass .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's asshole, the drunk screams.
...

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

My friend told me a joke about Sisyphus.

It had me rolling.

This isnt even a joke....

My recruiter at this job 5 years ago told me.

"being a trucker driving trucks over the road is like the only place i can think of where fapping is acceptable in the work place."

Until they installed driver facing cameras lol

3 Un Jokes of the day

What did one Frenchmen say to the other? I don't speak French and would like to know.

A Bear walks into a bar and the patrons leave slowly noticing the situation could be potentially dangerous.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor in the tall corn; Where is my Tractor....

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

A white horse fell in the mud. Wanna hear a clean joke?

The Horse took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles is the girl next door.

Old soviet joke

The new soviet leader has just taken power.

The former leaders says to him ‘I have left you two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter”.

About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He t...

Good ol’ Russian joke

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says: “I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue.”

Putin asks, “Why blue?”

Stalin: "I knew you would not object to the first one."

I would tell a joke about the periodic table.

But sadly all the good ones argon.

Favorite “i just flew back from jokes”

Example:

I just flew back from Chicago and boy are my arms tired

I just flew back from a transformers convention and buy are my arms tires

Jaguar Joke

Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

Making jokes about some subjects is tough, but with erectile dysfunction..

It isn't very hard.

Why is it easy to tell jokes in a prison?

You have a captive audience.

Repost of my favorite joke here: Everyone knows Dave

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave ...

A joke my late grandad used to tell me

2 men, Mr. Kent and Mr. Olsen are on the roof of a 20 story building. Mr. Kent turns to Mr. Olsen and says "The great thing about this building is that they've rigged it to prevent suicides". Mr. Olsen asks how and Mr. Kent says "If anyone jumps off the roof, something in the building pulls you in t...

For my sixth cake day I was going to just repost someone elses cake day joke.

But then I thought to myself...

Nah, I'm batter than that!

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This is a traditional Scottish joke. I heard it from my dad, he heard it from his dad, and he had it shouted at him by a guy called Johnny Glue-bag

There was once a Russian wrestler with the stage name Ivan the Terrible. His name was well earned for every man who stepped into the ring with him would be killed. He had two infamous moves: the half pretzel which would cripple you for life and the full pretzel which would break your neck and kill y...

Morecambe and Wise non-joke (they never got to the punchline)

There were two old men sat in deck chairs. One says: "It's nice out". The other says "Yes, I think I'll get mine out too."

I was going to tell a Time Travel joke.

But you guys didn't like it.

Do you remember the joke about hot coffee and ice cream?

Because affogato.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

First joke in the world?

Adam to Eve

"You'd better stand back - I don't know how big this is going to get"

Wanna know where I keep all my dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base

Redditor r/jokes repost convention

So you may not have heard, but there was a convention for r/jokes reposters recently. In advance of the convention, to save time, the attendees developed a numbered list of oft-repeated jokes, from 1-500. Although I am a relative noob, a friend invited me as a guest. Everyone seemed to be enjoyin...

Click here for a good old fashioned vampire joke.

Ha ha ha. You sucker.

Why is it no fun to tell a hypochondriac a joke?

Because they think they got it, but they don’t got it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it's funny as a motherfucker

My favorite “And that’s when the fight started” joke!

A drunk man comes home to his wife and stands swayingly before her. She sees that his pants are ripped, his legs are bloody and he has bruises on his knuckles. Odd though, everything above his waist seems perfectly fine.

Wife: Oh no… What’s happened to you this time?

Husband: It was no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny joke

One day little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigarette and he went up to his grandpa and asked him hey Grandpa can I have a cigarette and his grandpa said well can your dick reach to your asshole and little Johnny replied with no of course not and little Johnny's Grandpa replied with then you're ...

I'm not a baker. (Couples Joke)

A housewife approached her husband with an issue with the door;
"Darling can you check the shower?"
He replies, "I'm not a plumber."
She asks him about the cupboard door which has been broken and needs replacement, "Darling can you check the cupboard door? It may need to be replaced."
"...

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted.



Happy cake day to me :)

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I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas.

It was motherfucking gold.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My great grandfather told me a joke from his time in WW2

“A German man, a Japanese man and an Italian man walk into a BAR.”

Why are there no Reverend Jim Jones jokes?

The punchlines are too long.

COVID jokes aren't funny.

They're just downright tasteless.

Need barber jokes for a friend

My friend is having a rough time in barber school so i've been sending funny hairdressing jokes and memes in an attemot to keep his spirits up but i've run out. Please send more to help make a stressed student happy

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

Card Gamblers Joke

Why are toilets always so good at poker?




They always get a flush

I heard this joke sometime ago...

A man walks into a bar with a crocodile in a leash...

The bartender says: “Woah, you can’t bring that in here!”

And the man says: “It’s OK, my crocodile is tame... look!”

*and he unzips his pants and proceeds to put his d!ck in the crocodiles mouth.
The crocodile doesn’t reac...

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