A joke from my 8 year old......Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10=twenty
11+11=twenty too

I tried to lighten the mood at a party with a coronavirus joke.

Nobody laughed at first, but eventually everyone got it.

COVID-19 is not a joke and should be taken seriously

A former patient was so brain damaged afterwards that he wrongly believed he'd won an election that he actually lost by 7 million votes.

What do you call men who make "Women belong in the kitchen" jokes?

Single.

I got banned from /r/Jokes for posting, "Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms! Frosted Flakes! Cheerios! Lucky Charms!"

Mods said I'm a cereal reposter...

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted.



Happy cake day to me :)

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I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas.

It was motherfucking gold.

How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old)

You order it from the Cat-alogue

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

I'll tell you a Coronavirus joke now

But you'll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.

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For my cake day, I want to share a joke my friend told me

When I was born, god gave me the option between choosing the ability to finish stories, or having a big dick.

Obviously, I chose

A Russian joke my grandmother once told me. I hope it works in English.

A man sits at the deathbed of his mother-in-law.
She suffers very much and cries in agony:
"Oh I'm dying!" "It hurts" "I'm gonna die soon"
She stops for a seconds and says:
"Well at least the weather is nice today"

The man says: "hey dear, don't get distracted!"

I have a joke about trickle down economics.

But 99% of you wouldn't get it...

For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?

Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.

Since this is the first year that I’ve remembered my cake day, here’s my four year old’s favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

A dad joke my science teacher told me a long time ago:

Why are bacteria so bad at math?

Because they multiply by dividing.

RIP Miss Henn. Miss her lots.

So, This is a very famous joke from my country ,I hope to see the response

A conference for who the best actor in the world was held, Actors from all around the world came to take part in the competition.There were many qualifier rounds but then only 5 actors remained in the finals.

The final contest was decided to be a manual cow milking competition. The rules were...

I once told a joke about Orpheus and Eurydice.

Looking back...

It was a bad idea.

Jokes about cocaine do not make me laugh

But a good one liner will make me snort

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

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What's the dirtiest or sexiest joke you have ever heard?

Not the dirtiest but I laughed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there are not enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the n...

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Ok so this is not a joke for everyone

Once upon a time there was a country that whenever a men grew up ‘til a certain age their dick would be cut, but how would they do it depends on what their job is.

One day the day to cut people’s dick off comes and there is a line of hundreds of men crying.
“What is your job?” “I’m a butc...

Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/Jokes, but today she is absent.

So a subreddit

An original joke walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Welcome to /r/Jokes! I don't think I've seen you here before." Original joke replies...

"Don't worry. Within a week or two, I'll be a regular here!"

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The wealthy George (the original joke is in Swedish and the translation might be a bit off)

On the beach in large luxury house lives the wealthy George. One day Carl comes from the tax authority and asks how George can live so richly when he has no income.

“I bet”, says George.

“But you can not survive on betting, can you?” asks Carl from the tax authority.

“Do you ...

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For those of you that never heard an ending to Bender's joke from the movie The Breakfast Club.

A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She sets the poodle down on the bar and the bartender says "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The blonde says "as a matter of fact, make it a double scotch on the rocks! I was just drying off af...

The punchline comes before the joke

You know what the worst thing about time travel jokes is?

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**NSFW** A 20 year old joke

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

My uncle's joke he just came up with: What are chocolate's preferred pronouns?

Her, She

Tell a man a joke, he will laugh for a day

Tell a Redditor a joke, he will repost for a lifetime

r/Jokes Has 20 Million subscribers!

It's amazing what 7 jokes can do

It's my special day today but I can't think of any good jokes...

It's a shame, I thought it would be a piece of cake.

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This is the dirty joke my 85yo grandad told to our whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the sam...

I’m gonna tell you a joke about corona virus...

You have to wait 2 weeks to see if you get it!

My version of the nudist colony joke

Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?

The one who can carry 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts at the same time.

Who is the most popular woman at a nudist colony?

The one who shows up.

I've got this problem where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal. I really hope this joke takes off and that it doesn't fly over anyone's head. Otherwise, it would be plane awful.

The year is 2028 and /r/Jokes is still going strong.

A new user gets on to /r/jokes and sees the most upvoted joke just says "28"

The second most upvoted joke says "3915"

The third most upvoted joke says "756"

He can't see why they're getting so many upvotes, so he comments "These aren't jokes, they're numbers"

The mod repl...

Tiger Woods issues statement to Reddit regarding tasteless comments about his emergency knee surgery in r/Jokes.

"I won't stand for this"

I’ve been a follower of r/jokes for a long time so here are some of my favorite ones:

One, uno, eins, un.

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For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you’ve heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I’ll get better material)

I hate steak jokes.

Good ones are rare.

Found an Funny Indian Joke and tried to translate it.

An Indian politician was visiting a foreigner politician. He saw foreigner politicians had a big house and 2 luxury cars. He askes him how is it possible as the salary of a politician is not that much. Foreigner politician took Indian politician on drive and said

"do you see this 10 lanes hig...

A Sesame Street treat...[this joke sucks]

"Ernie, do you want some ice cream?"

"Sherbert."

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back.

Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor.

I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.

My wife didn’t like my joke about a prisoner with dwarfism falling out of a window...

...she said it was a little condescending.

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My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

I have a lot of unemployment jokes

None of them work.

r/jokes is the most environment-friendly sub on Reddit

It is made of 97% recycled material.

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A fucking Chuck Norris joke I made when I was 7

What happens when Chuck Norris kicks the bucket?

He breaks a couple floors

What do you get when you mix a motorcycle with a joke?

A Yamahaha.

I have a joke about the exceptional healthcare and medicine Trump took to recover from COVID.

But, no one else would get it.

y=mx+b jokes are great...

but at some point we'll have to draw the line.

I took my family to a fancy dress party, I asked my wife to be a panda, my kid to be a koala and I went as a grizzly. My wife didn't get the joke, so I said I will tell you when we get to the party... At the party I still refused to tell her and told her to be patient, so when we left...

...I simply turned to her and said, thanks for bearing with me!

Joke of the day

Teacher: "Billy if  there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?"

Billy: "none the others flew away"

Teacher: "the awanser is 4 but I like the way you think"

Billy: "i have a question for you miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream.  1 licki...

Teacher & Student Joke

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you d...

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One of my favourite jokes from one of my favourite movies, Desperado. Originally delivered by my favourite director, Quentin Tarantino

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says...

My Greek friend translated this joke

A guy walks in a bar and goes and sits at the bar, he nods to the barman who goes to him to serve him.

The guy seems edgy and says to the barman “get me a double scotch before it begins”. The barman doesn’t really make a deal out of his attitude and just gets him the drink. 3-4 minutes later ...

I created an AI that analyzed everything submitted to /r/Jokes over the past year, then I had it write its own joke. Here is that joke.

EXC_BAD_ACCESS (code=1, address=0x0)

I was going to tell a joke about Kobe Bryant...

But I wasn't sure it would land well.

Do you want to hear what’s in the middle of every joke?

Ok

No one likes me telling jokes about the Civil War...

I always end up getting Stonewalled.

I usually tell dad jokes...

He doesn’t always laugh though

Schizophrenia is nothing to joke about

That's what my pet rock told me

So my wife is fed up with my dad jokes and asked me to stop telling them.

Me: how do you want me to stop?
Wife: whatever means necessary.
Me: ...? No it doesn't.

How do all Russian jokes start?

By looking over your shoulder.

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What's the difference between a joke and 5 dicks?

Your mother can't take a joke.

Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor?

It was about a weak back.

I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it's terminal

The one who invented the 'Knock Knock' jokes........

Definitely deserves a 'No Bell' prize!!

People never like my cake jokes

I feel desserted

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Life is a fart joke

It'll pass.

How difficult is it to get undeserved upvotes on reddit jokes?

Piece of cake

Solid Old-Time Joke

Priest is walking through his parish, one of the hard-bitten sections of town. Pretty woman on the corner calls out to him, "Head, 10 bucks." He smiles politely, walks on, ruminates.

When he gets back to the cathedral he's still thinking it over. Walking through the garden, he comes upon one ...

I know potato jokes have been made

I’m just here to rehash them

My favourite joke about cake!

A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says “do you have fish cakes?” The chap behind the counter replies, “No”.
“That’s a pity, it’s his birthday”.

My Valentine’s Day joke

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I’ve never paid $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face

An old Lithuanian joke (roughly translated)

Two men of which one had a really bad stutter decided to climb mount everest. They set up at the bottom, waved to everyone who came to wish them luck and started climbing... Around 8 hours of exhausting climbing later the one with the stutter goes "I-I-I f-f-f-f" the other one cuts him off and goes ...

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Pornstars and r/jokes are very similar

Everything on here has been used a lot

A funny joke

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

Nobody will upvote a cake joke in my birthday

I feel desserted

Edit: oh wow, this was my first time karma whoring on my cake day and I honestly wasn’t expecting this much attention. Thank you for all the awards and sorry if I didn’t respond to all the messages.

Shoutout to u/sse2k for “letting” me repost his joke.

What shoes do ninjas wear (dad joke N°1)

Sneakers

This is a really dumb joke but here it is. What do you call a person with no body and no nose

Nobody knows


Yeah this a really dumb joke plus I'm not that funny IK

A JOKE MY DAD CAME UP WITH

Since the united states has a nationwide coin shortage, does that mean we lack common cents?

I wanna tell you a joke about a girl who only eats plants.

You’ve probably never heard of herbivore.

I was going to make a cake day joke...

But I feel like it would have too many layers.

Intelectual joke

Person 1: “What did the 10 say to the 3?”
Person 2: “What?”
Person 1: “What did the 10 say to the 3?”

I was going to make a joke about lifting the mask mandate in Texas

but it's too soon.

I was going to make a Chemistry joke

But all the good ones Argon.

Don't tell me that old joke about artificial gravity...

I'm not going to fall for it

[META] r/Jokes keeps me going

I'm sorry if this is not allowed here but I had to share. I have a bunch of health issues, severe anxiety, and depression. I've on multiple occasions felt like giving up. Sometimes, no matter how much support you have it is difficult to keep going. That's where you guys come in. I read your jokes al...

Children Jokes are so good!

They never get old.

On my cake day a joke about cake...

A father is dying. All of his children stand around his bed. The smell of cake comes from the kitchen. The father says to Jan: "Please get me a piece of cake before I die..."

Jan goes and comes back straight away: "Mom said it was for after the funeral!"

I was gonna make an antimasker joke.

But my parents taught me to not make fun of the mentally disabled.

I don’t like holocaust jokes

Anne Frankley I won’t stand for them

Joke by my little cousin : Which Dino was the best in English?

The Saurus

Amnesia is no joke

Based on the content in this sub alone, at least 19 million people have it.

The shortest Dad Joke in the world.

Driving down a country road with your kids in the back seat, point at a stack of hay bales on some random farm and exclaim:

>#“Hey!”

My jokes are filled with helium.

They never land.

Here's a joke you've never heard before

Because it's in writing.

A fullmetal alchemist joke

Do you know how much a human cost's to make?

It cost me an arm and a leg

I don't like these jokes

I upvote them

Jokes without punchlines are pointless,

and incomplete sentences are annoying,
but together

I wanted to make a joke about time travel...

...but you guys didn't like it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day.

Feeling desserted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever heard a joke with a moral?

A mosquito is flying above the surface of a lake. Beneath it, in the water, there is a salmon swimming. It sees the mosquito and thinks to itself: "If only it would fly a little lower, i could jump out of the water and catch it." On the shore, there is a bear standing quietly and thinks to itself: "...

Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor(this is a joke in my native language idk how good it can be translated)

Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor.

At the 25th floor:
1st guy: T..th...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive

At the 50th floor:
1st guy:T..thi...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive we dont have time

At the 100th floor:
2nd guy: So what did u want to tell me?
1...

I will never date a girl who doesn’t understand algebra jokes

That’s why my x is no longer in the equation

It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass murder/suicide of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.

And anyway, the punchline's too long.

Two cannibals are eating an r/jokes user.

One cannibal turns and asks the other,

"Does this taste funny to you?"

I just heard a joke about icarus and oedipus.

It’s about a guy that flew to close too your mom. Edit. Sp

Christmas cracker joke: Why do birds fly south in the winter?

Because they can't afford the train!

Sorry, but I'm eating alone this Christmas and have no one here to tell it to.

I think I thought of a great joke about yoga

But you might need to help me with the punchline, it's a bit of a stretch.

I don’t find fat jokes funny anymore...

... I have outgrown them

I made a miscarriage joke at a party last night but noone laughed.

I probably didn't deliver it correctly

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, “Too soon.”

It was September 10th.

An old joke from Germany, when Trump jad just became President...

Trump is on Europe tour. He stops by in Germany and visits Mrs. Merkel in the german pariament; the 'Bundestag'.

He sees that everything there is working out just fine, so he asks her: "How do you do that?"
"What?", she asks.
"That everything works out so well?"

"Oh, that's easy....

Tell me a fruit joke...

Mangoes in to a bar

A joke for Australians

The Garbo's doing his rounds and he gets his mate,the bogan's place and the bin ain't out the front. So the Garbo knocks on the door. "G'Day, Bogan. Long time no see. Where's ya bin?" Asks the Garbo. "I bin on holidays." Says the Bogan. "Nah mate, where's ya bin?" Repeats the Garbo. "I just s...

Do egg jokes crack you up? Or do they make you scramble away...

omelette you think about it...

What's Vlad the Impaler's favorite joke?

So this bar goes into a guy...

Dark jokes are like food

Not everyone gets it

Did you hear the joke about the coronavirus?

I probably shouldn’t spread it.

Why don't I know any dad jokes?

Because I know too many period jokes.

As a practical joke I arranged a bucket of liquid nitrogen so that it fell on our chemistry teacher when he opened the door.

He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!

My grandfather lived and died for this joke.

My grandfather used say to the whole world celebrated 11/11, not because of armistice day, but because he was born.


When died I went to my mom and told her "I think I know what he would say if he was here today."
'The whole country is in mourning, not because it is 9/11, but beca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

There's never any good jokes about pieces of paper.

They're all tearable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes since 15+ years ago.

There is a factory that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. Th...

I love the Dave joke so much I decided to write a sequel

At first Dave’s boss in in complete disbelief at Dave’s popularity. But he slowly comes to his senses. He reasons that Dave couldn’t possibly know *every* person. Nevertheless, if he wants to catch Dave, naming people out of the blue isn’t working. He has to come up with a new strategy. He sits down...

Irish Cow Joke

There is an old dirt farm family who have nothing of value in this world but their milk cow. Now this was z good milk cow, which gave good high quality milk which they were able to sell and get along, so the family was actually very content. Well one day the father gets up early to milk the cow, as ...

Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA?

Doctor.

I know alot of jokes in sign language.

To bad no one has ever heard them.

Joke advice

Hello everyone, at my job we are having a employee appreciation thing where we're giving out debby cakes and littles cup of ice cream to them. I am having to make little cute pun-ny notes on the cakes, but I need more ideas! If you can, drop some funny clever cake puns <3

Here's what I hav...

I made a joke about procrastination.

I guess I'll just post it later.

As the Pope of Dad Jokes, I'm here to preach the glory of dad jokes

I'm puntificating.

Say you're a r/Jokes member without saying you're a r/Jokes member

Ctrl + C

Ctrl + V

(This is a popular joke where I'm from). A boy boards a bus with a sandwich in his hand.

The bus driver says: " hey, this ain't a restaurant, kid!"

The boy replies: "I know. That's why I brought my own food."

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