This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit and a bear dig up an old lamp

A rabbit and a bear are digging for some tasty roots when they come across an old lamp. The bear immediately claims it and yanks it out of the rabbits grasp. Wiping off the dirt from the lamp with them in the process.
Immediately a genie bursts from the lamp shouting: *"Thank you for freeing me ...

Why do shovels hate digging up metal?

Because of the irony

Sorry I guess you couldn’t handle the joke

I’m gonna dig up some more

I’ll spade you of any more puns

If you couldn’t sit through that you’re a tool

(Please don’t steel this joke it took me a long time to come up with it (credit to u/ImToastedB...

Today, I'm gonna dig up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid.

I can't wait to see how big my puppy's gotten.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,


I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.


Love Dad.
\~\~\...

An old farmer writes his son...

An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cat parents are basically failed gold miners…

All they do is dig up shit….

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You go hiking with your best friend Terry. Both of you get lost, and Terry is mauled to death by a bear.

You bury Terry in a shallow grave and try to find your way back to civilization. However you end up walking in circles and days later, you find yourself at the exact same spot.

By this time, you've exhausted your supply of water and are severely dehydrated. Then you realize that Terry was ...

Why are most archaeologists women?

Because of their inherent ability to dig up the past

A women would be great archeologists

They always love to dig up the past

What do an Archaeologist and Cancel Culture have in common?

They both love to dig up the past

A father calls his son in prison and tells him he’s getting to old to dig his garden

A few days later 20 policemen turn up at his fathers house and proceed to dig up the whole garden.
The father calls his son in prison and tells him what happened.
His son says “that’s ok dad I told one of the wardens I hid the stolen jewels in your garden “

2 guys on the road. One was digging a hole , the other one waited a minute and filled the hole back.

Then they moved on and after about 10 feet they did the same - digging up , waiting a minute , and filling it back up.

They went on doing this the whole morning, covering almost 3 miles of land.

One guy who was watching them eagerly just couldn’t resist any more, and asked - are yo...

Saw a guy getting laid in a cemetary last weekend.

Figured i had nothing to lose so i yelled out "hey, mind if i have a turn?"
" go dig up your own!" He replied.

A criminal is arrested and sent to jail [LONG]

The criminal had robbed a bank, but refused to tell the police where he stashed the money! Eventually, they give up trying to find it and just throw him in jail.

He gets letters from his wife and writes back, one day she writes; "It's a shame you're locked away. My back has been killing me, b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking down a beach when they find a lamp buried in the sand.

They dig up the lamp, brush it off, and poof! a genie appears.

"I shall grant each of you three wishes," the genie intones.

The first guy wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof! Wish granted.

The second guy also wishes for unlimited wealth. Poof!

The third guy starts flailing ...

Two necrophiles are sitting on a bus and look at pictures of their girlfriends.

One turns to the other and says "Where did you dig up that one?"

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years...

...He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would ...

I had a pet goose once.

But it died recently.

It was weird because my friends and I never remembered if it was a boy or a girl.

We got into a big argument about it and eventually one of my friends decided to go dig up its corpse.

And all I had to say to that was, "Did you just exhume my gander?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alvin was in prison (long)

He knew that all incoming and outgoing mail is screened. Alvin got a letter from his wife that said "Is it the right time to plant potatoes?"
Alvin sent a letter back: "Do not, under any circumstances, dig up the old garden, that is where I hid the bank money"
Two weeks later his wife wrote...

A farmer gets a call from his son in prison...

They talk for a bit. The farmer mentions that times have been hard with his son not around, and that he's getting too old to dig up the field. The son responds back, "DAD! NO! That's where all of the bodies are hidden!" The FBI swarms the farm, digging up every inch of the field and the son calls ba...

Friends on a fishing trip

Jack and Jim went wishing, they only had corn as bait, so Jack told Jim to go behind a big tree to dig up some earthworms because they didn't catch any fish. So Jim goes over to the tree and starts diging for the earthworms, and Jack got something on his hook, he reels the fish in and to his surpris...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Death Jokes for a homework assignment?

I'm taking a psychology of death and dying class, and one of the assignments is to dig up some jokes about death, dead people, dying, etc. Whatever you post here will probably make it into my paper. Anything you can think of will help and I'll probably end up laughing my ass off reading through here...

Deal!

A man from Poland and a man from Russia together dig up a treasure.

The guy from Poland says:

\-- Let us divide this like brothers!

The Russian:

\-- Let’s better 50-50.

Two guys survive a plane crash in the middle of the desert...

Two guys, John and James, survive a plane crash in the middle of the desert. With nothing better to do, and no food or water, they set out in search of civilisation.

A long while goes by, over which time they develop a fierce hunger. Suddenly, off in the distance, they spot a building. Excit...

Graverobbers

These two men liked to dig up graves and collect the items deceased were burried with. They mostly dug up famous people, and took items like jewelry and other valuable items.

One day they decided to go to a graveyard in london. Their they found Mozarts grave. They spent hours digging up the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was it bad?

To yell at my gf if I should dig up hitler to show her how to use an oven

Mothers Day Prank Suggestion

I played this simple and harmless joke on my mum a few years back and the family still laughs about it. Here you go:

Go to the local greenhouse or place that sells plants. Buy a really nice flower pot (empty) and a bag of potting soil. This is the key, while you are there snag one of the tags...

Killing God

In the not too distant future, a very arrogant scientist meets with God. And the scientist tells God, “You aren’t so great. I figured out how to create life too.” God replies, “Oh, really? You can take soil and make a human?” “Yes.” says the scientist, “I can extract all the necessary component...

Abuse of the FBI (i forgot the original so i remade it and BSed through half of it)

an old man living in a rural part of the US used to make a tomato garden with his son every year in his large yard. until eventually, he grew old and his son ended up in jail under false accusations. the man was too old dig up the yard, so he sent a letter to his son:
"son, i cant make the tomato...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.