UPJOKE
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Nuzzle Jokes

What is the best or funniest insult you have ever heard or said to someone?

A buddy told a horse-faced girl at the bar after she wouldn't stop trying to pick him up: "you look like you want to nuzzle a sugarcube out of my hand"

Deep in the Australian bush…

A lizard and a koala are sitting in a large gum smoking a joint. They’re having a blast.
Eventually the lizard says, “Dude, my mouth is so dry. I’m going to get a drink at the river.” So he climbs down the tree, makes his way through the bush and when he arrives at the river he leans in to drin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Sheila and Barry...

Sheila and her husband Barry went for counselling after 37 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Sheila went into a passionate, painful tirade, listing every problem they had ever had in the 37 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by

He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.

So of course they stop fighting immediately.

“Right,” says the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”

The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man buys a very talkative parrot....

At the pet store the parrot was sweet. He said "I love you!" and "pretty bird." So he bought the delightful little Polly.

As soon as he got Polly home, everything changed. "HEY COCKSUCKER!" the parrot squawked. "FUCK YOU FUCKER!"

But it didn't end with a few insults. The bird ra...

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