UPJOKE
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Destroyed Jokes

My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2.

He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe

My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again.

Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed?

Hela Fast.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table...

Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly

Sherman marched to the sea

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

my neighbor destroyed my driveway and blamed it on me....

He said "it's your own Asphalt!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

Have you heard about the film they're making, where Dallas gets destroyed by space junk?

Debris Does Dallas.

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

You destroyed my garden? Eh, no worries.

I don’t carrot all.

Planet Vegeta should've never been destroyed

I'm just Saiyan

Russia has destroyed at least 21 HIMARS in Ukraine, based on past official reports

Ukraine has only 16 HIMARS in total.

Did you hear about the archeologist who accidentally destroyed his dig site?

His career is in ruins.

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

What will ISIS be called once it is destroyed?

WasWas

Meet Alexei, the hero who has destroyed over a dozen Russian tanks!

Alexei is the worst mechanic in the Russian army

Did you know that Chewbacca's brother Pannubacca died when Princess Leia's home planet was destroyed?

Pannub, as his friends called him, had never had much luck with the ladies and was horribly shy due to his terribly crooked teeth. After years of loneliness Pannub decided to do something about his problem and flew to Leia's planet, which everyone knows was well known for their excellent orthodontis...

A tree fell and destroyed a quarter of my roof yesterday.

oof

My fence has been destroyed

Looking to replace it but the people at r/repost have terrible advice

You may have heard a rumor that Everest's first camp was destroyed in an avalanche.

Don't believe it, though. The claim is baseless.

March hasn't quite destroyed the world.

No, but April May.

Did you hear about that colony that got destroyed by the tornadoes?

It was very unsettling.

So, when Lindsey Graham said “If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed and we will deserve it,”…..

…he was actually stating a goal.

Why is a destroyed entrance cute?

Because it's a-door-rubble.

Recently my rug got destroyed due to multiple explosions.

I guess you could call it a carpet bombing.

My grandfather destroyed almost a hundred aircraft in World War Two!

He must have been the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

A farmer in Nebraska just had his fence destroyed by a tornado, and he's asking for our help

He heard we have a lot of experts in re-posting

Some rioters just destroyed a Vietnamese restaurant.

Must've been anti-pho.

The castle in Tallinn was destroyed yesterday

It was a huge loss

Did you hear that none of the destroyed businesses in Man of Steel were paid out by insurance?

Turns out their policies didn't cover an "act of Zod"

Dave was getting robbed in the desert

he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.

he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"

after the robber shot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some vandals destroyed 60% of my firetrucks.

Fuck.

An English man and an Irish man are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast

for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fe...

The cheese factory was destroyed today...

Debris was everywhere.

My dad’s stroke destroyed half of his face

He’s terrible at golf.

Alright so hear me out, if the big bang was 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created nor destroyed, and all our bodies are made of matter, that mean we're all 13.8 billion years old...

so in conclusion yes officer she was old enough.

Last night rioters destroyed the famous Etampes Cheese Market in Paris

All that was left was de-Brie

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

A friend just grabbed my coke can and destroyed it.

That's soda pressing.

Did you hear the Jim Beam warehouse was destroyed in a fire?

It burned all the way down

My group of friends and I were getting completely destroyed at a game of charades

These deaf people must be cheating or something

Atoms can't actually touch. We're all made of atoms and all mater is atoms which can neither be created or destroyed.

so to answer your question, no officer I did not punch that child

A Rabbi And A Priest Get Into A Huge Car Accident

After both of them crawl out of their cars, the rabbi looks and the priest and says:

"Look at that! Both of our cars are completely demolished, and yet here we are alive and well! This must be a sign from God that we should become good friends!"

The Priest, looking at the total wrecka...

Did you hear about the Chinese restaurant that got destroyed?

Biggest case of Wanton destruction I've ever seen.

Injustices make me very mad: My grandfather destroyed a German Airplane and nobody ever thanked him

Actually they kicked him out of the museum

What did the sailor say to the sea monster before it destroyed his ship?

"What's Kraken?

What happened when the Borg’s central computer was destroyed?

They lost their collective minds

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Part of the alphabet has been destroyed in a terrorist attack.

No letter has been charged, but the cops suspect G-had a hand in it.

An older man is finally able to leave the Soviet Union in the late 1980s for the first time in his life.

His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.

On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ...

I reached into the washing machine to find my favorite shirt destroyed. It looks like it was murdered.

It was a casual T.

The Hotel California was destroyed last night and they’re looking for the suspect.

Evidence is pointing that its San Andreas’ fault

My friend completely destroyed my liquor cabinet yesterday.

edit: RIP my ginbox

I destroyed a bag of leftover Chinese food

It was an act of won ton destruction.

A meteor shower destroyed the Red Cross headquarters.

All Perseids went to charity.

My wife complained that my life revolves around Facebook and it has destroyed the way we communicate.

So I've blocked her.

I accidentally destroyed my home by subtracting (2*5) from 10.

Nothing was left in the aftermath.

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with...

My dog destroyed my chess set. I tried to replace the missing pieces...

but the pawn shop was closed.

What did Genghis Khan's mother tell him after he destroyed Xi Xia?

Just because you Genghis Khan, doesn't mean you Genghis should.

Did you hear about the earthquake that destroyed 4046.856 square metres of land during church?

Some people call it a massacre

Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Alabama was destroyed?

It took half the trailer park with it.

I heard there's a guy that destroyed a group of Higgs Boson particles.

He's a mass murderer.

What is it called when someone gets destroyed at online chess?

Extreme Pawnage

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