The 85+ Best Spoil Jokes

I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?

Because the punchline gets spoiled early.

Why is this time travel joke not funny?

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The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying. Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.

And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.

(Obligatory thank-you edit for the silver!)

(Narwhal! Narwhals are cool!)

My wife asked me if I thought our kids are spoiled

I told her, "no, I think all kids smell like that."

Don't Spoil Endgame

Friend: Now I know how Endgame goes down... some idiot kid loudly spoiled it to everyone today.

Me: So... who died?

Friend: For starters, the kid.

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A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks “mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's n...

I was pulling my boxers off in bed last night

When the wife said to me,

“You spoil those dogs.”

What do you call a spoiled hot dog?

A Brat.

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My son turned 18 recently. I immediately threw out his spoiled, rotten ass.

I'm donating the rest of his corpse to science.

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A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.

They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.

The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.

T...

What do Germans call spoiled children?

Bratwurst.

I think my dessert was starting to spoil

The flavor was really off pudding.

My father once told me that the Bible said "spare the rod, spoil the child" as a justification for hitting me

The Bible also had a problem with Wrath, but I valued my life too much to point that out.

Because I always spoil the punchline.

Someone asked me the other day why I don't tell many jokes

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A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

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No one needs to spoil DC movies

Them bitches come out spoiled.

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Little Johnny went to his first rodeo with his mom and dad...

Dad went off to buy a beer, and little Johnny happened to spy the bull's cock flopping around beneath his belly.

"Mommy, mommy! What's that long thing beneath the bull's belly!?" Johnny asks, pointing.

Embarrassed, his mom looks away and mutters, "Oh, don't worry about that, Johnny. T...

When your a spoiled brat and your dad is a trusts lawyer

Kid starts throwing a tantrum in a department store:

Kid: If you don’t buy this for me for Christmas I’ll kill myself!”

Dad: “Well then it’s a good thing I took out that life insurance policy on you”

Kid: “Ughhh! I hate you!”

Dad: “I love you too”

Kid: “Didn’t you ...

I won't spoil Endgame...

I'm afraid if I tell what happens, it won't happen.

My vet told me I'm spoiling my dog.

Not only am I over-feeding him, but apparently he can lick his own balls

What do you call someone who spoils tv shows?

A serial killer

I love spoiling the plot of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Never gets old

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Spoiled

A family is at the zoo and they get to the elephants when the daughter notices something odd so she looks at her mom and says "Mom what's that thing hang down from the elephant?" She answers "That's his trunk" "no in the back"
" thats his tail"
"No underneath"
The mother blushes and says "...

A dwarf with a lisp goes to visit a stud farm.

"I'd like to buy a horth"

He says to the owner of the farm.

"What sort of horse?"

Said the owner.

"A female horth"

The dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a lovely mare.

"Nithe horth."

Says the dwarf,

"Can I thee her eyeth?"

So ...

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What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?

Because the sauce ages

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A 6 year old boy visits the zoo with his parents…

…where they stop to see the elephant. While the father’s in the restroom, the son notices one elephant has a rather large erection. Curious, he gets his mom’s attention.

“Mommy, what’s that hanging from the elephant?” “Oh, that’s its trunk honey.” “No, further back!” “Ah, you mean its tail!” ...

As a cat, I'm overfed, over pampered, and spoiled rotten...

And I deserve much better than this!

I let my goats get whatever they want, they are spoiled rotten

I guess you could say I have a bleeting heart

What do you get when you eat spoiled Italian food?

Pizzeria!

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My uncle always used to say, “Spare the rod, spoil the child!”

And then he’d fuck me in the ass.

What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat?

The Walking Dead's facebook page.

I like to spoil the plot of Peter Pan for people.

Never gets old.

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A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner...

She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I *earn* that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs. "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"...

Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled?

Because he's a bad wrapper

I think my children are spoiled

I must have left them unrefrigerated for too long before eating them.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

My child is so spoiled, I got him a trampoline for Christmas.

Instead of using it he just cried in his wheelchair.

What does a spoiled brat need to break a laptop in 1 minute?

1. Laptop
2. One minute

Real life story.

I heard about this spoiled girl who freaked out...

Because her parents bought her a black Ferrari instead of a blue one.

Really makes me appreciate my parents

Because they bought me a blue one

I saw the new Madeline McCann documentary last night, don’t want to spoil the ending but...

They got away with it.

Not to spoil the Eclipse for anyone tomorrow but...

Bella chooses Edward.

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

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There is a new teacher in a school, and she is sent to the worst class with the laziest and the most spoiled kids.

The new teacher starts introducing herself to the first-graders, asking some questions to them, hoping to get them to like her.

She decided to start the lesson in a fun way to get the children's attention. So she starts drawing some pictures on the whiteboard and asks the children what has s...

Every time someone called me spoiled I felt bad..

that their parents didn't love them.

what's the most hilarious thing a spoiled brat might say?

No I'm not

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

Don’t you just hate it when you go somewhere and some idiot decides to spoil a book you are reading.

Like seriously Carol I didn’t need to know jesus died for my sins. I haven’t gotten to that part yet.

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Every time my girlfriend climaxes during sex she blurts out the ending of a movie or a show and ends up spoiling it for me.

I really wish I could get her to stop cumming to conclusions.

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A mother, father, and thier young son go to a zoo.....

The child looks at one of the pens and says, "hey mom, what's that?", the mother replies, "oh that's an elephant". Noticing the gargantuan member beneath the elephant, the child asks "what's that under the elephant?", embarrassed the mother replies, "oh that's nothing". The child then walks over to ...

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk!

My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.

Her kids don't help either.

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

I like my girls how I like my milk

White, spoiled, and chunky

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A five year-old kid goes on a trip to the zoo with his Mom

They're passing the elephant house and the female elephants are in season. The bull is aroused. He's walking around trumpeting, displaying his tusks and generally being aggressive. He also has a full-on erection.

The kid spots the weird grey thing swinging around between the bull's rear legs ...

I thought burying my wurst for a few days would improve its attitude, but it just became a spoiled brat.

I'm sorry. That was completely terrible. I shouldn't have wasted your time.

[NSFW] My wife is like a bottle of wine

I have to keep the cork wet or else she’ll spoil.

Last night I watched a movie called "Fresh Meat".

I don't want to spoil it for you.

Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid

One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"

I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.

Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.

Whoever coined the term “Expiration Date” made a huge mistake.

It should have been called Spoiler Alert.

A guy was meeting his friend in the bar

As he walked in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his frie...

How do you get an elephant in a Safeway carrier bag?

You take the "F" out of "way"

(It took me a while, so don't feel bad, try not to spoil it!)

Click here for spoilers

Microorganisms
Humidity
Light
Heat

My husband is best

3 wives are conversing….first says my husband is best: he cooks food and takes care of kids.
Second says my husband is best: he does all the household chores and spoils me with presents every day.
Third one says shut up! I have the best husband-he goes to therapy 6days in a week and all he tal...

Why Ironman and why not Fe-male?

Do not spoil the answer

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A fierce jungle tribe always built their houses in the trees

The wood made the floors and the supports, but the houses themselves were made out of thatched grass. The tribe honored those who built the best grass houses.

One day the tribe went to war with a nearby tribe. The warriors fought well and they sacked the tribe's village, taking the rival tr...

The worst part about being an antivaxer is

I never got to spoil my grandkids.

My Kid left some uncooked sausage out of the freezer overnight...

When I discovered it, I realized I was dealing with a spoiled brat.

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"...

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A family goes to visit the zoo...

Among the exhibits, they come upon the elephant enclosure where a giant bull elephant stands before them. The young son, seeing the bull’s massive penis points directly at it and exclaims- “Holy cow! What’s that, Mom?”
The mother, embarrassed, seeks to draw his attention away from the spectacle:...

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A little boy goes to the circus for the first time with his mom and dad...

His dad gets up and goes for a piss. While he's gone, one of the elephants rises up and rests his feet on a giant red ball. The little boy sees the elephant's genitals flop down and is shocked.

"Mommy! What's that thing under the elephant, that long hanging thing?"

Embarrassed, the mot...

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A joke in Arabic

Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a piss in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, ass in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the ass .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's asshole, the drunk screams.
...

Dr. Frankenstein finally became popular enough in his own right to gain unlimited access to cemeteries and morgues for his creations.

I guess to the Victor goes the spoils.

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A little boy, his mother and his father are at a circus watching the elephants...

When the little boy notices something hanging between the elephants legs. He asks 'mommy, what's that hanging between the elephants legs?'

His mother says 'oh, it's nothing'

The little boy turns to his father and says 'daddy, what's that hanging between the elephants legs?'

'tha...

Common sense

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astrono...

How is a mini skirt like a fence?

They both protect the property but they don’t spoil the view

Keeping The Romance Alive

I still love to spoil the love of my life! If she works late at night, she calls me and tells me she's on her way! I immediately start running the taps and pouring in some nice hot water with foam so that when she walks in, she can start washing the dishes right away.

My morning was really bitter sweet today.

This is the last time I’m drinking spoiled milk with sugar

I’ve suffered from so much racist abuse today, with people yelling at me to “go home” and “go back where you came from.”

It really spoiled my giant get-together with all my friends in the park.

I know people say you should eat the rich, but I disagree.

They're probably spoiled anyway.

There's usually workers at supermarkets who temperature probe incoming deliveries

It's to make sure the temperature is below the required level and the produce hasn't spoiled.

They don't get paid for doing this, they just do it probe ono

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Mom and dad take their 5 year-old son to the zoo...

They stop by the elephants and the son notices the bull elephant, who's clearly excited. The son whispers to mom, "Mom, what's that thing hanging from the elephant?"

The mom, not really paying attention replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, sweetie."

The son replies, "No, mom. I know ...

Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19

Award-winning composer, lyricist, actor, rapper, and playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda has contracted Covid-19 after receiving a spoiled dose of the vaccine. The nurse initially refused to administer the vaccine, when she discovered that it had accidentally been left out of the refrigeration unit too lo...

Warning: contains spoilers

>!spoilers!<

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