My wife asked me, “Do you think our kids are spoiled?”

I said, “No, I think they usually smell that way.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying. Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.

And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.



(Obligatory thank-you edit for the silver!)

(Narwhal! Narwhals are cool!)

What do you call someone who spoils tv shows?

A serial killer

I let my goats get whatever they want, they are spoiled rotten

I guess you could say I have a bleeting heart

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fourth generation prostitute goes home to her great grandmother's house for a family dinner

A fourth generation prostitute goes home to her great grandmother's house for a family dinner. She begins complaining to her family about work. "Jesus! Men these days complain about paying £50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I earn that money!"

Mum, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs, "Fifty...

I don't understand why people spoil movies...

What's their endgame?

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk

As a cat, I'm overfed, over pampered, and spoiled rotten...

And I deserve much better than this!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time my girlfriend climaxes during sex she blurts out the ending of a movie or a show and ends up spoiling it for me.

I really wish I could get her to stop cumming to conclusions.

Don't Spoil Endgame

Friend: Now I know how Endgame goes down... some idiot kid loudly spoiled it to everyone today.

Me: So... who died?

Friend: For starters, the kid.

I sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers, the wife leans in and says:

“You spoil those dogs”....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No one needs to spoil DC movies

Them bitches come out spoiled.

What do you get when you eat spoiled Italian food?

Pizzeria!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Wife took a DNA test for her kid

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.

Husband: What's up?

Wife: According to DNA t...

What does a spoiled brat need to break a laptop in 1 minute?

1. Laptop
2. One minute


Real life story.

I'm not talking to my sister's spoiled daughters.

It's beniece me.

Don’t you just hate it when you go somewhere and some idiot decides to spoil a book you are reading.

Like seriously Carol I didn’t need to know jesus died for my sins. I haven’t gotten to that part yet.

Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?

Because the sauce ages

I love spoiling the plot of 'Dorian Gray'.

Never gets old.

Because I always spoil the punchline.

Someone asked me the other day why I don't tell many jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What else could he say??

A young couple decided to take their 5 year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.

"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.

"That...

My child is so spoiled, I got him a trampoline for Christmas.

Instead of using it he just cried in his wheelchair.

I saw the new Madeline McCann documentary last night, don’t want to spoil the ending but...

They got away with it.

I won't spoil Endgame...

I'm afraid if I tell what happens, it won't happen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elephant is standing on a street corner with an erection.

His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.

At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"

Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle always used to say, “Spare the rod, spoil the child!”

And then he’d fuck me in the ass.

You know who really hates spoiled children?

Cannibals.

Romie couldn’t take his eyes off of Julie

and so one day he plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date. He told her to meet him at the new fancy Italian restaurant at 7pm.

Romie got their early and Julie arrived at bang on 7pm as agreed. They both walk in to the restaurant and the waiter takes them to a romantic table alone in ...

Not to spoil the Eclipse for anyone tomorrow but...

Bella chooses Edward.

My vet told me I'm spoiling my dog.

Not only am I over-feeding him, but apparently he can lick his own balls

My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.

Her kids don't help either.

Here I made some bubble wrap

>!Iron!< >!Man !< >!dies!< >!in!< >!Infinity!< >!War!<

>!Jesus!< >!dies!< >!in!< >!the!< >!Bible!<

>!2021!< >!will!< >!be!< >!even!< >!worse!<

>!What did you expect they were marke...

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

&nbsp;

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

There's usually workers at supermarkets who temperature probe incoming deliveries

It's to make sure the temperature is below the required level and the produce hasn't spoiled.

They don't get paid for doing this, they just do it probe ono

A family is at the zoo with their young son

They’re walking into the elephant exhibit and the dad steps away to go get some popcorn. As the son is looking at the elephants, he turns to his mother and asks

“Mom, what’s that hanging down between the elephants legs?”

“Oh that’s his trunk sweetie, it’s kind of like their nose”
...

Dr. Frankenstein finally became popular enough in his own right to gain unlimited access to cemeteries and morgues for his creations.

I guess to the Victor goes the spoils.

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Jimmy’s wife is tired of him never buying her presents for anything

So she creates a plan to get some nice jewelry and some action for herself. She approaches her husband with a piece of paper, written on it is a list of gifts and rewards. She says, If you start spoiling me I’ll give you something extra each night, a nice dinner gets you a sexy outfit, a necklace ge...

I like to spoil the plot of Peter Pan for people.

Never gets old.

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The Beatles were trying to decide where to take the photo for the Abbey Road album cover...

Nobody could agree.

George mentioned it was his birthday and suggested a day trip to visit their friend dear Prudence.

"We can drive my car," he offered.

"Don't bother me," Ringo agreed.

"But how would we get back after that hard day's night?" John pointed out. "Afte...

What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat?

The Walking Dead's facebook page.

I heard about this spoiled girl who freaked out...

Because her parents bought her a black Ferrari instead of a blue one.

Really makes me appreciate my parents

Because they bought me a blue one

What do you call a group of spoiled children?

The government

I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.

Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.

My morning was really bitter sweet today.

This is the last time I’m drinking spoiled milk with sugar

what's the most hilarious thing a spoiled brat might say?

No I'm not

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks “mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's n...

My Kid left some uncooked sausage out of the freezer overnight...

When I discovered it, I realized I was dealing with a spoiled brat.

Why was Kanye's Christmas gift to Kim spoiled?

Because he's a bad wrapper

Did you hear about the guy who made pudding with spoiled milk?

It was quite off-pudding.

A city boy comes to visit his grandparents on their farm and spend the night.

It's been years since they last saw him, and over dinner they reminisce the times that he came to visit over the summer as a kid. Most of the stories Grandpa brought up were about his grandson's dumb attempts to help out.

"Why, I remember when you said you could feed the chickens and gave the...

Every time someone called me spoiled I felt bad..

that their parents didn't love them.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

Dude is getting ready for prom night

He thinks to himself; "I'm gonna need to make this night perfect so I can get laid!".

He thinks about what he'll need. "I'll need a perfectly fitted tuxedo so I look good so I can get laid!" So he goes to the tailor and sees an incredibly long line. It's prom day so he's not the only one thin...

I think my children are spoiled

I must have left them unrefrigerated for too long before eating them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny goes to the circus with his parents...

As soon as they get to their seats, Johnny’s Dad gets up and says, “I’m going to grab a beer, I’ll be right back.”

Right in front of Johnny is the biggest elephant he had ever seen. “Hey Mom, you see that big elephant right there?” She looks over, “Why yes Johnny, I sure do!” And Johnny says,...

I don't want to spoil my autobiography for you.

But at the end, you find out that you've just wasted £4.99.

Hiker got lost in mountains

This is tranaslation of old joke from my country :

Hiker got lost in mountains. At evening, after whole day of walking, exhausted and hungry, he finds old sheep shepherd sitting in front of his hut. With his last strength, hiker ask"s old shepherd:

"Good man, I got lost in mountains a...

The Middle Aged Magician

There's this middle aged magician in Vegas who has this really big show he's nervous for. He hits it off with one of the showgirls and she says she come by before the show to help ease his nerves. So he prepares by taking his magic blue pill. Unfortunately, she never shows up and it's time for him t...

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Little Johnny went to his first rodeo with his mom and dad...

Dad went off to buy a beer, and little Johnny happened to spy the bull's cock flopping around beneath his belly.

"Mommy, mommy! What's that long thing beneath the bull's belly!?" Johnny asks, pointing.

Embarrassed, his mom looks away and mutters, "Oh, don't worry about that, Johnny. T...

I thought burying my wurst for a few days would improve its attitude, but it just became a spoiled brat.

I'm sorry. That was completely terrible. I shouldn't have wasted your time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers

Will make your car look fucking stupid

I’ve suffered from so much racist abuse today, with people yelling at me to “go home” and “go back where you came from.”

It really spoiled my giant get-together with all my friends in the park.

I know people say you should eat the rich, but I disagree.

They're probably spoiled anyway.

What's the difference between The Grinch and Robbie Williams?

Robbie Williams managed to spoil Christmas for everyone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into a bar...

they all sit down at the and order a beer. Just before their first sips, a fly lands in each of their respective beers.

The Frenchman pushes his beer back with his nose in the air and exclaims, "barkeep! This beer is spoiled, bring me a fresh one".

The Englishman plucks the fly...

Common sense

An uneducated father with his educated son went on a camping trip. They set-up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the father woke up his son.
Father- Look up to the sky and tell me what you see.
Son- I see millions of stars.
Father- And what does that tell you?
Son- Astrono...

Two cannibals were eating an entitled kid

One says to the other," Does this taste a bit spoiled?"

Click here for spoilers

Microorganisms
Humidity
Light
Heat

Why Ironman and why not Fe-male?

Do not spoil the answer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A boy goes to the zoo with his parents

They're standing at the elephant exhibit when the boy asks his mom: What's that thing hanging down from the elephant?

Mom: That's it's trunk.

Boy: No, further back.

Mom: That's its tail.

Boy: No, in between.

Mom: Oh, that's nothing. Now run along.

The boy i...

The son of the great El-Ali

The son of the absurdly rich oil magnate had lived his entire life in extreme prosperity. His father did not want him to be too spoiled. So when the son went to the US for university, he decided that he would be driven by their chauffeur in a Tesla.

After the son had been in the USA for a mon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom and dad take their 5 year-old son to the zoo...

They stop by the elephants and the son notices the bull elephant, who's clearly excited. The son whispers to mom, "Mom, what's that thing hanging from the elephant?"

The mom, not really paying attention replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, sweetie."

The son replies, "No, mom. I know ...

Keeping The Romance Alive

I still love to spoil the love of my life! If she works late at night, she calls me and tells me she's on her way! I immediately start running the taps and pouring in some nice hot water with foam so that when she walks in, she can start washing the dishes right away.

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

The worst part about being an antivaxer is

I never got to spoil my grandkids.

How do you get an elephant in a Safeway carrier bag?

You take the "F" out of "way"


(It took me a while, so don't feel bad, try not to spoil it!)

A guy was meeting his friend in the bar

As he walked in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his frie...

The two best racehorses in the country.

There were these two racehorses, Galem and Gollum. They were raised together and had been racing side by side their entire lives. Everyone loved to watch them. They were always faster than the other horses; as a matter of fact, they were the best racehorses in the country.



As good as ...

My brother got a Tesla

My brother picked up a Tesla a few months back and it spoiled him for other cars. So last night, I pick him up from the airport in my old Yaris.

After a few minutes of driving, he says, “We need to get you into something all-electric.”

Looking back, I reply, “Best I can afford is a bat...

Why do people give rotten food to Victor?

Because to the victor go the spoils.

A company CEO always wants to put his employees in a good mood, so every morning he tells a funny story.

He is very shy though so he speaks over the intercom placed on his desk.

Every morning he tells the joke and a leaves the intercom on to hear the reaction.

No one says a word but after a good minute, everyone starts laughing. This happens every morning.

He is kind of confused b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family goes to the zoo...

and when they get there, they decide to split up so they can see more animals. The little boy goes with his mother, and after they walk for a bit he points and says, "Mommy, what's that?!" She tells him that it's a monkey. Soon after he points again, asking "Mommy, what's that?" She tells him that i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy is at the zoo with his parents looking at an elephant NSFW

He looks at the elephant quizzically, turns to his mother and says "Mummy, I know that the long dangly thing at the front is his trunk, and the long dangly thing at the back is his tail, but what is that long dangly thing in between his legs?" Flustered the mother brushes off the question saying "Oh...

Did you hear about the stoner who had a stash that never went stale or moldy? He used to spend hours stoned just staring at it...

I guess it's true what they say, a watched pot never spoils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

It was their wedding night. . .

And the inexperienced couple had never undressed in front of each other. As the new groom slipped off his shoes and socks, his bride couldn't help but notice how terribly deformed his feet were.

"My goodness, Dear, whatever happened to your feet"

"Well, my love, I never mentioned this...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Halloween Party

A couple was invited to a swanky Halloween party by a family friend, in which all attendees were required to wear a mask. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone, and to make sure to say hello to her family. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argue...

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