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Destroying Jokes

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now.

And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.

He plans to buy it.

A massive earthquake hit California due to the San Andreas line opening up and destroying everything

No foreign aid was granted because according to the UN
"It was their own damn fault"

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

A man got arrested for destroying all of the clocks in his neighborhood.

When he was asked why he did such a thing the man replied:
I just wanted to kill some time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!

Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you guys hear the one about where a donkey got into a hat store destroying all the hats and the cops had to come and kill it?

It was pretty crazy, dead ass no cap.

Sandy, an 18 year old boy, desperately wants a car.

However, his mother forcibly tells him no. Sandy, undeterred, decides to get a job to pay. He applies for many jobs, ranging from a mechanic to delivering newspapers. However, he is not accepted for any of them. Slowly, he gives up on his dream of buying a car.

Weeks later, Sandy tells his mo...

The Empire was finally successful with destroying The Force

All they had to do was vaccinate for midichlorians

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During WW2, three generals were arguing who had the bravest soldiers.

The British general called one of his men over.

“Private! See that nazi tank in the minefield there? Go destroy it.”

“Yes, Sir!” The soldier replied and started running.

He ran across the unmarked minefield until within range of the tank with his anti-tank weapon, took aim and f...

Is it ignorance or apathy that is destroying the world today?

I don’t know, and I don’t really care,

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

My comrades were destroying the brick factory.

I said "Stop, we need the bricks!"

They replied, "That's why we're demolishing it."

I was going to make a joke about destroying energy

but it doesn't matter

A garden gnome is busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appears.

“What are you?” asks the cat. “I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you?” The cat thinks for a moment and says, “I guess i’m a gnome.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there is this scientist right? And the dudes a fuckin genius. I’m talking different dimension destroying genius aight.

But this guy, THIS FUCKIN GUY, decides “eh, fuck it I’m bored” and he turns himself into the most outrageous thing! Smartass dude turns himself into a pickle! A FUCKIN PICKLE. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...

That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.

Did you hear about the guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?

He's on the registered Chex offender list now.

Little known fact #376: In Norway they have problems with herds of wild horses destroying the delicate eco systems around their narrow inlets.

They plan to start exporting Fjord Mustangs.

My friend goes around destroying clocks

He says it’s because we live in dangerous times

I am an ex-demolitionist fired for accidentally destroying five million dollars worth of property. AMA!

Edit: Wow, I wasn't expecting this to blow up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found the secrect to destroying a girls arse on the first date

Take em cycling

I’ve been banned from all McDonald’s for destroying a restaurant and killing 6 people.

It wasn’t my fault, the sign said to drive through.

Rioters are destroying Baltimore.

Don't worry though, all the bookstores are safe.

What do you call a group of people hell-bent on destroying the Earth?

Terrarists

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m practically married to Reddit and it’s destroying my life.

Karma is a bitch.

"sole"-destroying shoe

"I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying."

What does Godzilla do part time when he's not destroying cities?

He flips houses

Hothead Pat, upset by how the Super Bowl is going, starts destroying things.

Police get on the megaphone trying to evacuate the area: "Go, Pat riots!"

Several churches were having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the deacons met an...

If Godzilla was Korean

it'd be Seoul destroying.

A joke my Polish friend loved.

[Full of errors I'm sure. On to the brilliant joke.]

A polish farmeris tilling his field. It's another beautiful spring day when suddenly his plough hits something. Upon inspection he sees that it's some sort of golden lamp. He dusts it off and a genie comes out of it and says to the humble p...

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend."

Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW

My girlfriend said she'd leave me if I didn't stop masturbating.


I'm single handedly destroying my love life.

Donal Trump dies and goes to hell. When he arrives at the door, the devil said “I don’t know what to tell you. You’re on the list, but there’s no room left. However, there’s three people in here who all were better than you, so, here’s what I’ll do:

I’ll show you the three people, and their punishment, and I’ll let you choose which punishment you get. So, the devil opens one door, and Donald looks in. The was Richard Nixon, who dove into a pool of water, then after a few seconds, surfaced with nothing. Donald Trump said “I definitely can’t do t...

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object.

A Ukranian farmer was out plowing his field when his plow hit a shiny object. The farmer stops, picks up the object, and realizes that it's a tarnished lamp. As he's rubbing his hands across it to clear away the dust and dirt, a genie appears. The genie says "Thank you Mr. Farmer for releasing me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Would She Destroy 100 years of Memories?

This morning my wife was destroying her inherited, four-generations old, heirloom dining collection. When asked why, she replied, "Fuck China!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you guys know tomorrow they’ll only be 7 planets left?

Because tonight I’m destroying Uranus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young painter once had an old ladder

The ladder was one he’d found in a dumpster a few years before and, since he was poor and needed a ladder, he snatched it up and considered himself lucky. Over time, as he used the ladder on large murals, it would invariably be off-kilter, would not sit flush to the wall, or a rung would slip and ro...

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