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Violate Jokes

A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics

His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.

I stayed up all night trying to think of something that w...

My friend told me I make him feel uncomfortable because I violate his personal space...

It was a very hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

What happens if you violate the ban on wordplay?

Pun-ishment.

[I apologize if this violates rules][NSFW/NSFL] how many babies does it take to paint a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw

A blonde was watching the news when she suddenly hears “American rights are being violated”

She sighs and thinks to herself “thank god I’m a leftie!”

The government will send a martial artist after you if you violate copyright law

IP Man

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

I was forced to swallow purple food color.

I feel violated.

What happened to the chord who violated school rules?

It was suspended!

I can't believe girls at school can't wear tank tops, it's totally violates the second amendment.

Don't they have a right to bare arms?

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he's not worried.

I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

Why do Adam and Eve use Android?

Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A burglar breaks into a home

While he's putting things in his bag the door opens. A very old lady stands there with a shotgun.

"Are you here to... violate me?"

The burglar sees the shotgun and timidly responds: "oh no... Of course not... I..."

The old lady cocks the gun: "Oh yes, you are!"

Ellen Pao walks into [this content violates our ban on anti-reddit propoganda policy and his thus been banned ]

*Admin Note:*

*The next user to make a joke about our glorious leader Ellen Pao shall be banned along with the offending subreddit.*

*Signed:*

*Grand Vizier Hippo Hamburger*

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German log on to a zoom call...

The host wants to make sure their video is working so asks: "can you see me?"

The Englishman says "Yes"

The Frenchman says "Oui"

The Spaniard says "Sí"

And the German says "Ja"



I hope this doesn't violate the 6th rule on this subreddit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was a dark and rainy night…..

Our hero’s car had broken down right in front of an old looking mansion.

After knocking, an old Chinese man came to the door. “ I was wondering if it’s at all possible you might have a room for me for the night. I will be out of your hair the next morning and on my way to the service stati...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WW2. An Italian bishop is visiting a cloisters shortly after the liberation of the country...

He meets with the mother superior and asks her how she and the nuns did during the nazi occupation.

"Oh it was terrible, father. First came the fascists and violated all, but sister Rosa. Then it was the Germans, and they too violated all, but sister Rosa. Then came the partisans ...

2 farmers are checking their fences for intruders

1st farmer finds a cow stuck in a post...proceeds to unbuckle his pants and violates the cow....then turns to the 2nd farmer and asks " u want some??" ..2nd farmer answers and says"yeah sure".....



Then sticks his head in the same post....

I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow.

They said I violated it.

[Nerd joke] What do trespassers have in common with logical fallacies?

They both violate the rules of the premises.

Reddit, what is your favorite Limerick?

One of my favorites seems a perfect starter. ^_^

There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space]

Three explorers are captured by natives

All 3 are tied up and displayed in the middle of the village. The leader of the natives approaches them.

"You are trespassers and must be punished. You must choose between death and ooga-booga." The explorers learn that "ooga-booga" is forced sodomy.

"I am too young to die!" the fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

On the subject of American independence, did you know that the Revolution was initially viewed as a breach of contract?

They heard that the Americans violated the teas and seas.

..so in a technical sense, they're only relatively bad.

My jokes are so bad, they sometimes appear to violate causality..

Your momma is soooo fat.....

she violates the social distance recommendations all by herself!

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a rooster for his hens but with a warning from the seller...

A farmer needs to buy a rooster for his hens but the seller warns him that the rooster is unusually amorous and will attempt to copulate with any living creature.

Since the farmer is in dire need after a few foxes have made off with his previous roosters, he takes the risk as part of the bar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Americans visit saudi Arabia

They're having a good time and decide to travel through the desert, on the third day they come across a tent in the middle of nowhere with a DO NOT ENTER sign in many languages, of course they ignore it.
In the tent are over 100 naked beautiful women, they have a good time, is much sexiness. ...

Two Clever Nuns

There were two nuns.

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder...

Jacob and the Lottery

Jacob is a well to do Jewish man with a beautiful wife and 3 children. He owns a start-up business that has been doing quite well recently.
However, his business suddenly goes bankrupt and Jacob goes to God for help.

Jacob kneels at the altar and says: "Lord I have always been faithful and...

Donald Trump like his women like he likes his Geneva Conventions

Mostly ignored, but regularly violated.

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