Undo Jokes - 70 Hilarious Undo Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man scores a hot date Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.

The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his date are having dinner. The man is in love with her, but is experiencing an increasingly uncomfortable ...

What if all those Z signs we've seen are Russians trying to undo the past month?

but they can't because they have no control

God and Canadians

When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."

So God created Ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."

The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

I really shouldn't have pressed CTRL+Z.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turned out to be my undoing.

Goodnight my fellow Redditors.

I leave you with the words of advice from a great Chinese philosopher.... *A passionate kiss, like the spiders web, leads to the undoing of the fly.*

Joe Biden is not my president. I didn't vote for him!!!

No seriously guys he's not my president. Im from Nepal. I didn't vote for him.

P.S. Congrats US for taking the first step towards undoing the 4 years of chaos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He started slowly undoing his belt from under the table. She bit her lips. Was this really happening? Here? "Fuck it" she thought, and she started undoing her own belt from under the table.

He motioned to the waiter "another round of wings please"

They smiled at each other, knowing they both had room now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes in to a public toilet and sees a man with no arms standing by the urinal. The armless man turns to him and says, ''Could you help me, please? My zip needs undoing."

''Okay.'' says the first man, and he pulls down the man's zip.

The armless man then says, ''Could you take it out for me?''

''Um, well, okay." says the first man. He pulls the armless man's dick out of his pants and sees that it is covered in red bumps, green veins and brown scabs oozi...

Two Council workers, Jim and Dave, are staring up at the flagpole outside the council offices

A young lady walks past and is intrigued by them, just standing there, staring.

she walks over to them and says "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you, staring at the flagpole. Is there anything wrong?"

"The boss told us we got to measure the height of this flagpole," Said Jim. "He...

In high school I was best friends with a pair of Chinese twins, Ving and Ling.

Ving truly hated his name and wanted to change it to Lee, as in Bruce Lee, but Ling kept trying to convince him not to do it since it was a big part of their heritage.
One day he decided it was finally time to go through with it, so me and Ling accompanied him to the courthouse, while Ling kept...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kate Upton & Kate Middleton compete in a popularity contest

Kate Upton goes first, she gets up on stage and undoes her blouse and starts shaking her tits up, down, and in all directions, the audience which consists of mostly men start cheering and going crazy, Kate Middleton then gets up on stage, sets a chair up, takes a seat and starts douching, the audien...

In honor of Valentine's Day...

What does a passionate kiss and a spider have in common?

They both lead to the undoing of the fly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

A Chinese coin joke

Boy meets girl in a club. After the usual preliminaries and some vertical dancing, they go back to her place for the horizontal kind. As they are madly undressing each other, she sees he's wearing a Chinese coin on a leather cord around his neck. "What's this about, tiger?", she asks. He gives h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teenager got pregnant and the mom asked how it happened.

She said: "You told me that when Mike wants to unbutton my shirt and I don't have protection, I should tell him, 'Don't!'. And if he puts his hand in my pants, I should say, 'Stop!' "

The mom said, "Exactly."

Well, he was undoing the buttons, while his hand was in my pants. So I said,...

What if that kim jong un rises from the dead??

Can we name him Kim jong undo?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the days of the old USSR an American and a Russian are arguing over who has the most freedom

The American starts by saying, “If I wanted to I could undo my zipper and take a piss in the middle of the day right on the front of the Statue of Liberty.” The Russian replies, “That’s nothing. In mother Russia I could go to Moscow, drop my pants and take a dump right in the middle of Red Square.”<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says ‘doctor, my wife & I have been married 30 years, and have enjoyed a very active sex life up until now, but I can no longer get it up. I’ve tried every pill going, is there anything you can do?’

The doctor explains that there is an experimental surgery ava...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little/Big Johnny and the Lady

Little Johnny is delivering newspapers.

He knocks on a door, a lady answers, takes a newspaper, and Johnny says: "Collecting... that'll be five dollars please.”
She says "I'm a little short on cash but if you want I'll give you sex instead...?"
Johnny says "All right.”

He...

So there is a rookie cop out on his first day on patrol...

He is partnered with a veteran cop to show him the ropes. They pull over a blond for speeding. The veteran cop says
"I want you to go up to the window and undo your fly."
"Why would I do that?!" exclaims the rookie.
"Just trust me, do it." assures the veteran.
So the rookie cop walks up ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father's favor joke

Bob is standing a bar having a beer when another man walk up and orders one. After a few minutes Bob notices a smell.

"I smell shit!" he says. He turns to the man next to him, "Did you just shit your pants?"

The guy looks offended, "No, are you crazy?"

Bob goes back ...

The Boy who Speaks in Coffee

There was once an Italian boy who was born to a pair of baristas. Unfortunately, he was born with a mental defect which meant that his vocabulary would be formed very early, and would be highly associative. As his parents worked around the clock to support their new son, his vocabulary quickly becam...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nike has come out with a bra that aids virgin boys.

Just Undo It.

When under pressure, just start counting in spanish

It undo stres

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man meets a shaman

Having been down on his luck for quite a number of years, the man figured it wouldn't hurt any more to consult him.

After hearing his numerous misfortunes in life, the shaman tells him: "I have seen countless souls turn cruel and uncaring when their fortunes change drastically for the better,...

Once, there was a sailor. The captain welcomed him aboard as a new crew member...

The Sailor was just settling in when he noticed that there were no female sailors. He was a hardy young man whole needed his fill of beer, bacon, and most of all women...

So the sailor went to the captain and asked him, "Captain, there are no women aboard, and i am a man who needs lots of wom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wedding night revelations

A very religious couple, who have saved themselves until marriage, rush to their hotel room after the wedding ceremonies.

Before they go in, the bride, embarassed, says:

*-My darling, I have a confession to make... I've been wearing padded bras this whole time, my boobs are so very sma...

A Welsh father is hitchhiking with his son when he comes across a sheep with his head stuck in a fence

The father says to the son "Watch this." and proceeds to undo his zipper and then makes love to the sheep. When he is finished, he steps away from the sheep and says to his son "Your turn, son." The son sighs before sticking his head in the fence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful woman is sitting next to a teenage boy on a plane.

There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nose dive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folks, but we might not walk away from this one.”

Everyone begins to panic except for the boy who sheepishly turns to the woman and says, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gesundheit

So a man boards a plane and finds his seat next to a young woman. They both exchange smiles as the flight gets under way. A few minutes into the flight, the man sneezes. He then proceeds to undo his zipper, take out his dick, wipe the tip, and put it away. A short time passes and he sneezes again. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard in court.

An elderly lady was on trial for murder and the judge asked the woman to reitrate what had happend.

“Well, I had been on a date with this man, yes even at my age, and I asked him in for a cup of coffee. As we sat on the couch he put his arm around me.” The lady answered.

“That seems al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two best friends, Bill and Fred want to get pissed

Bill and Fred want to get drunk but they only have 50 pence between them, Bill goes into a shop and buys a single sausage, Fred, confused and annoyed has a go at Bill

"You spent all our money on a bloody sausage, Now we can't even afford a single drink!"

Bill taps his nose and leads F...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Confucius did NOT say

>Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

>Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

>Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

>Woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

>Squirrel who runs up woman’s' ...

Demetrius: "Villain, what hast thou done?"

Aaron: "That which thou canst not undo."

Chiron: "Thou hast undone our mother."

Aaron: "Villain, I have done thy mother."

 

Shakespearean "Yo momma" diss:

Act IV, Scene II of Titus Andronicus, Aaron taunts his lover's sons

a miracle

A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to un...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texan and a West Virginian are on death row…

And both are due to be executed the same night. The Texan is due to be executed first, via electric chair.

"Sir, I'd like to remind you that if three attempts go by and you are still alive, you will be free to go. Any last words?"

"I apologize to the victim's family."

The execut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is told by his doctor that he'll never again have a erection.

"It's a very unique case of erectile dysfunction" the doctor says.

"There is only only way to possibly cure it, but the procedure is very risky and unorthodox. You see, I can graft tissue from an elephant's truck into your penis, which could allow you to achieve an erection."

The man,...

A ship's captain is running accross the deck....

He gets to the back overlooking the sea and starts undoing his pants. One of the crew sees this and asks him: "what in God's name are you doing sir?". The captain turns his head and says "I aft to pee".

So a piece of string walks into a bar after a really hard day at work

He sits down and says, "bartender I've had a really hard day. I need a drink"
And the bartender says, "what? You're a string I can't serve you!"
So the string walks out and then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a knot and undoes and messes up his ends. Then he goes back in and the bartender...

So I just texted my crush...

So I just texted my crush.

Even after all these years, she thought I was really creepy.

Now, I don't know what to do.

Dear god, can I please go back in time and undo my actions.

Never will I do anything like that again.

Usually, she likes to joke about things,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at a party drunk out of his mind

A man goes to a party and starts drinking heavily. After a couple hours he realizes he needs to shit. Badly. He starts stumbling around and asks his friend where the bathroom was, and he says "it's upstairs down the hall on the left, but be careful not to mess the room up it's a little fancy." With ...

Naughty Things You Can Say On Thankgiving

1. That's a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.

3. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in!

4. How long will it take after you stick it in?

5. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

6. I'm in the mood for some dark meat.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy named Eddie walks into the men's room at a bar.

As he's standing at a urinal, another fellow walks up to a nearby urinal. Eddie glances over and notices the other guy has no arms; both of the sleeves of his jacket are empty and folded over. Armless guy says to Eddie, "Hey buddy, do you think you could help me out?"

"What can I do for you?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive young woman was stranded along a road.

It was getting late and she had miles to go before she reaches town. There were few cars passing by and she tried desperately to hitch a ride but nobody would stop for her.

When it was almost sundown, she heard clacking noise approaching her. Sure enough, when she look down the road, it was a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting a joke here. I first heard this one as a teenager and I've been telling it for at least 35 years now. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. It's a long one, so be ready.

There once was a young, newlywed couple who just arrived in their honeymoon suite after a wonderful day spent celebrating their union with family and friends. The newlyweds, having both grown up in very sheltered homes, had no experience in the matters of sex and had pledged to one another to wait u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man with a masturbation addiction marries a Catholic young woman.

Because of his wife’s beliefs, he has to hide his constant masturbation from her. He does it pretty well.

On their anniversary, she puts a blindfold on him and tells him not to peek at his surprise. She guides him to sit at their dinner table and is about to remove the blindfold when suddenl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Armless Man (NSFW-Language)

A man with no arms walks into a restroom. He approaches a urinal and turns to a man using the urinal next to him.
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yeah?"
"As you can see I have no arms, so I was wondering if you could undo my zipper?"
The man is shocked, but takes pity on the armless man, and agrees. ...

A string walks into a bar...

and the bouncer told him,"We don't serve your kind here." So, the string went outside and saw a man. He told the man to tie a knot around his upper portion and undo his lower portion into frays; finished, the String thanks the man and goes back inside. The bouncer said,"haven't I seen you before?" T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I promise just one beer

After a long day at work, a man goes home to his family to tell them he is going out for just one beer.
Wife: Honey, that's fine. But I swear if you come home shitfaced after midnight again its over!
Husband: I promise just one beer.
And out the door he went to his local watering hole. O...

A Soviet era joke about the value of hard work - Drink vodka, play cards

*This joke was told to me by a former colleague who was Russian, and had lived and worked under the Soviet system. He was a nuclear engineer there... and the only member of his team not sent to Chernobyl to help in the clean up. Anyway, like our hero of this story, I was fresh faced and a little hig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not really rich enough to be a sugar daddy

But I got talking to this young girl and I sort of hinted that I could help her through college in exchange for a few favours. She looked me up and down as cool as you like and said, "Listen: the most I'm ever going to do for a sad old creep like you is let you undo my shirt once or twice a week. An...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Native American Man Walks Into a Brothel.

So a young native American man walks into a brothel. He walks up to one of the ladies working there and says

"I want to have sex sex"

The lady then says okay and she invites him into the room in the back. Naturally, she begins to undress and get ready. She waits for him to do something...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is upset because he can't get an erection anymore

He goes to the doctor and the doctor
says that he has something that might help but he
doesn't know if the man wants to try it. The man
asks,"Well, what is it?" The doctor tells him
that it consists of putting the muscles of an
elephants trunk in his penis. The man is all for
i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John is invited to meet the Pope.

John is very anxious about the meeting. He spends hours picking the right suit and making sure his hair looks just right. After what seems like an eternity, John is satisfied with his appearance.

When John arrives to meet the Pope there are about 50 other people in line ahead of him, so John ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in a bar.

He sits down at the bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."

The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is lost in the desert... [nsfw]

...for so long that he is desperate for sex. Suddenly, in the distance he sees a camel, and decides that this is his opportunity to fuck something. The problem is, every time he catches the camel and lets go of it to undo his trousers, it runs off again.

After a few hours of chasing the came...

A Bride and Groom just married are on their honeymoon...

the first night getting ready to consummate the marriage the bride starts to undo her new husbands clothes.

She starts by taking of his shoes and socks. To her surprise, she sees that his toes all mangled and gnarly, and asks 'Good heavens what is wrong with your toes?!'

The Groom exp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So an American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom...

An American businessman and a Jamaican travel guide both walk into a bathroom. They step up to the urinals next to each other and undo their trousers. The Jamaican man happens to glance over to his side while going about his business and catches a glimpse of the American man's member. He notices a f...

Beautiful Buns

From my father.

So there was this man and woman whom had been married for many years and were still very much in love. Their anniversary was coming up and the wife wanted to do something very special for her husband and comes up with a wonderful gesture.

She goes to a tattoo parlor an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Strangers In A Bathroom

Two men walk into a bathroom, one named Bob and the other Bill. Well, Bob walks to a urinal to piss while Bill walks to the one next to Bob and says, "Bro, I need to help to piss. I have no arms you see and cant get my penis out to use the bathroom." Upon saying this, he moves his body around, fla...

A little boy goes for a Sunday picnic with his mom and dad....

....they arrive at the most beautiful spot, at the top of a cliff overlooking a magnificent canyon. They set out a blanket and delicious food and proceed to have a truly memorable family afternoon.

Without a gust of wind or cloud in the sky, they all fall fast asleep after their meal, to the ...

A police officer pulls over a guy for speeding

A police officer pulls over a guy for speeding.

The officer walks up to the car to see a 40 year-old male wind down his window and smirk at the policeman.

"Is there a problem officer?"

The officer looked at the man, "Is there any reason you were speeding down the highway this a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Holy Shit!

The neighbors had been complaining that my dogs had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.

This evening I was getting the c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is sitting on the couch watching TV until he gets a phone call...

The man says, “Hello sir, This is Bill from the IRS, we need you to come in at 9am tomorrow to discuss some large amounts of money coming into your account.”

“Ok, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

The old man thought to himself, “I probably need a lawyer, huh?”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fred loves camping, but his wife absolutely hates it (NSFW)

Every week Fred bugs his wife about it but its the same thing every time, she refuses to go camping. Finally having heard enough his wife says "fine, how about this? I have a list of things that need to be done around the house. If you finish everything on the list by Friday, I'll go camping with y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bet in a bar

A man sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and then said to the bartender: “I bet you 250 euros that I can stand on my bar seat and piss straight in that cup you’ve got back there without missing a single drop.”
The bartender estimates the distance at 2 meter, realizes his bar seats are quite wobb...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men walk into a bar.

The first man looks like he hasn't had any sleep in days. His clothes are ragged and torn, and his face is clammy and unshaven. He sits down on the stool and slumps over in a groggy state.

The second man is in a similar state, but is wearing a suit. His tie is strewn over his shoulders, and h...

A Communist dies...

...at home with his family. He was a good man in life, caring for his family and working hard for the good of Socialism and his fellow man. However, being a Communist and therefore an Atheist, he is not allowed entrance into Heaven, and being such a good man, he cannot be consigned to Hell forever, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fortune 500 company opened a brand new sales territory deep in the heart of China. This area was so remote that few foreigners had ever been there before.

The company decided to send it's
best salespeople there one at a time, for one
month each. The idea being to aquaint them with
the people and customs of the region.
Well, the first salesman spent a month there and
then it was another salesman's turn. The two of
them meet at a rem...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.