How do Egyptians get to work?

They use a new bus!

What chocolate did the Egyptians eat?

Pharoh-rochere

What do you call a group of Egyptian Stoners?

The Nile High Club

Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb

Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”

An old Egyptian mathematician was trying to figure out how long a day was

But after 24 hours he called it a day

If two Egyptian pharaohs farted at the same time...

...did they toot in common?

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians...

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians you could fit in a pyramid...

It's probably a pharaoh mount!

Did you hear about the Egyptian Man who drowned?

He was in denile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are Egyptians, trains, and butts similar?

They've got toot in common.

I just got a job as an Egyptian god.

Now I’m Set for life.

They just discovered an Egyptian tomb filled with chocolate and hazelnut

They believe it is the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher

Which ancient Egyptian chancellor spoke his mind most frankly when in court?

IMHOtep

Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?

He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.

I recently went to an Egyptian business seminar....

I'm telling you though, I swear it was some kind of pyramid scheme man.

What do you call an Egyptian god who's bad at videogames?

Anoobis.

Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?

Because their Great Igloos melted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An half-japanese teenager, an Englishman with a huge sense of humour, an Egyptian who works as a fortune teller and a French guy walk into a bar and elder four ice teas.

It was very bizzare.

A man lives on the banks of an Egyptian river

A man lives along the banks of an Egyptian river. Every year the river floods, yet the man remains certain that the river will not destroy his house. One year, the people in his settlement try to persuade him to evacuate, as the floods of that year were vicious. The man did not listen, thinking he w...

Egyptians always fart before entering a room

They Tutankhamun

Why did Egyptian royalty have an easy time getting married?

They had great Pharaoh-mones

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

My Egyptian friend just died

I guess it's a wrap...

Why are Egyptians so good at farting?

They have good Sphinxters

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Gordon Ramsay say when he caught a clown in bed with the Egyptian Sun God?

IT's fucking Ra

There's been talks saying the Egyptians invented cement...

Historians have looked in the ruins for evidence but there's nothing concrete

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone is angry at the White House because they had time to prepare for Corona, but what about the Egyptians?

Egyptian mummies predicted Covid-19 in the prophecies by social distancing in big houses and hoarding toilet papers.

Why do so many Egyptian crocodiles believe that the moon landings were faked?

I think a lot of them are just in denial.

What is Lady Gaga’s favorite Egyptian god?

RA RA OOH LA LA

What name did they give the Egyptian pharaoh who rarely passed gas?

Toot-uncommon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pilot, co-pilot and navigator were practicing training exercises over the Egyptian desert during the beginning of World War I when suddenly the engine died.

Unable to get the engine started again they all decide to parachute out before the plane crashed. Alone in the desert, they start walking back towards their base.

After a couple of hours walking they see a camel in the distance so they pick up their pace and sure enough eventually catch up w...

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

The ancient Egyptians almost never passed gas

Until the king made tootin' common.

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passage way, one that is made a...

Did you hear about the Egyptian who refused to accept he was drowning?

He was in denial.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Overhead in a Arabic cafe- very nasty) A Tunisian, Algerian and Egyptian are arguing...

About whose the manliest out of all three. They decide to have a competition. They go to the zoo and rob three monkeys. They decide whoever gets the monkey pregnant must be the manliest man there is.

So the Tunisian shags his monkey and gets her pregnant and she gives birth to four little hum...

Where do Egyptians go when they don't want to face reality

De-nile River

Whats a Egyptian gods’ favorite food?

Raman

What do you call an Egyptian chef?

Gordon Ramses.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

How do shady Egyptians make money?

Pyramid schemes.

I graduated in Egyptian art

But when I tried to get a job things went sideways

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

How did the Egyptian Queen seduce the sun god?

She showed him her Nefertitis.

What do you call it when a pair of Egyptians fart simultaneously?

A Tutankhamen

I was asked to fit new flooring in an Egyptian pharaohs tomb, they asked me to start at the bottom and work my way up to the top.

It wasn’t quite a pyramid scheme but it was multi level carpeting.

What did the baby Egyptian say when he got lost?

.

.

.

..

.

.

I want my mummy.

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

What sound does an Egyptian goose make?

“Ankh ankh”

Why did the man refuse to eat Egyptian cuisine?

It made his stomach falafel.

A politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and ...

Just been told I can get rich quick by buying an old Egyptian building.

I think it's a pyramid scheme.

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

What do you call a Frenchman who can't pronounce Egyptian names?

Anubis

Where did the Egyptian go for back pain?

The Cairopractor

What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?

Looks like we've got a Tutankhamen.

Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?

Darn Tutankhamun!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American,

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.

Everybody who was important got encrypted.

What is the first stage of grief for an Egyptian?

Denile.

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend offered me a pair of egyptian coffins in return for a blowjob...

But I don't want two sarcophagi.

Told my wife she was in an Egyptian river.

But she was in Da Nile

Why did the Ancient Egyptians always make it to school on time?

Because they had Anubis

What was the name of that thing that really attracted ancient Egyptian women?

Pharaoh moans.

Why was the Egyptian kid confused?

Because his daddy was a mummy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey is teaching his kids Egyptian history.

Gordon Ramsey : (Holding a picture) Who is this?

Kids : It's Anubis.

Gordon Ramsey : It's fucking Ra !!!!

A group of Egyptian soldier were beaten by Stone Age tribesmen after abandoning their steel tipped spears

Oh the iron-y

Two Egyptians are having an argument

The first Egyptian farts and the second one laughs so hard he farts.

"Well, at least we have a Tutankhamun!"

I received a call from a man trying to sell shares in Egyptian property.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme.

How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?

What do you call an Egyptian god who sucks at CS:GO?

A-noob-is.

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgaria...

You hear about the Egyptian who insisted that he could breath underwater?

He was forever in De-Nile

Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."

It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."

The Egyptian Boatmaker

Have you heard about the Egyptian boatmaker? For as long as he can remember, he has been wanting to make boats for a living.
But despite practicing his craft his entire life, he was always ridiculed for his work. Because no matter how hard he tried, his boats were not able to float for more than ...

What is Lady Gaga's favourite Egyptian God?

RA - RA - RA RA RA!

Kinda works better if someone says it to you.

Did you know back in the New Kingdom era, high ranking Egyptians were known for farting?

They all had a toot-in-common

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman,...

a Scotsman,a welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy,a ...

What do you call an Egyptian who doesn't want things to change?

Aziz.

Why did the Ancient Egyptians really like iron?

Because iron is pharaohmagnetic

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Egyptian men do when they get a divorce?

They find Anubitch

TIL Ancient Egyptian pyramids didn't have doorbells, they had horns instead.

You just used to toot and come in.

I think I ate some bad Egyptian food today.

I falafel.

Two Egyptians are on a first date together.

They decide to go to a nice restaurant and begin finding out about each other. As the evening progresses, it seems that they don't like or do a lot of the same things. Bummed that it doesn't look like this first date is a success, they decide to walk to get some ice cream in the hopes to finish off ...

What did the Ancient Egyptians call the Pharaoh who farted oddly?

Toot uncommon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Egyptian joke my uncle told me.

At a border between two cities, a police officer sits in his hut, managing the border.

One day, a man comes riding on a bicycle with two bags. The police officer looks through the bag to find only sand. He gives the man on the bicycle a weird look, but tells him to pass. After all, it's only ...

Why do Egyptians never believe they’re drowning?

They’re in de Nile

Why do Egyptians shave their heads?

To make them more pharaoh-dynamic

Where did the Egyptians park when they visited King Arthur?

Camelot.

About 3.000 years ago, lived the Egyptians. In their time, they build the pyramids.

As it should be...
I think, if you're going to build pyramids.
You should do it in your own time.





(Sorry if my English isn't that great, I translated it from my language.)

An Egyptian man won't accept that he is a bad swimmer, so he jumped into the river...

He's still in the Nile.

What do you call an Egyptian test administrator who heals back pain?

A Cairo-Proctor!

(OC) What did the sick Egyptian cook say?

"I falafel."

My Egyptian friend just couldn't believe he was drowning...

turns out he was in de-Nile

Ancient Egyptian king smells like

Pharohmones

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

Why is an Egyptian tomb like a train whistle?

They have a toot in common.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

2 Egyptians noticed their farts smelled the same.

They had a Tutankhamen.

What happens to Egyptians who don’t believe?

They end up in deNILE

Did You Hear About The Egyptian Crocodile That Heard About His Wife Cheating?

He's in De-Nile

An old Egyptian pharaoh drowned himself when he learned the new, younger pharaoh was taking over...

He was in denial.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Egyptian prostitute say to the Pharoah?

No asp play.

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