UPJOKE
egyptafricanturkishiranianrussianarabiccopticcambodiankoreancairomubarakchinesehosnigreekportuguese

What chocolate did the Egyptians eat?

Pharoh-rochere

I just got a job as an Egyptian god.

Now I’m Set for life.

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

They just discovered an Egyptian tomb filled with chocolate and hazelnut

They believe it is the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher

What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?

Looks like we've got a Tutankhamen.

How Egyptians solve problems.

In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Everyday several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.

By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital it is often too late to sa...

What do you call an Egyptian who rarely farts?

Toot-Uncommon.

Why are Egyptians so good at farting?

They have good Sphinxters

Famous Egyptian 19th Dynasty chef

Gordon Ramses II

Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?

They keep getting stuck in de Nile

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

Because his Daddy was a Mummy.

An Egyptian mummy walks into a bar

Barman says, 'Long time, no see'.

The mummy replies, 'I was all tied up.'

What was the most common reason ancient Egyptians would cry?

They missed their mummies.

Got terrible back ache so I'm seeing my Egyptian specialist later.

He's a cairopractor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Egyptian Joke about a rat, a lion, and a lioness

One day, a rat came across a lion and his lioness, then said "Fuck you, Lion!". The lion stayed calm and the lioness asked him "Won't you kick his ass up ?!".
"He's a just a stupid rat and doesn't worth the effort" The lion replied.

The very next day, the rat came across the lion and the ...

Two Egyptians walk into a bar

"Where's your third friend?" Asks the bartender.

"He's gone to drink his sorrows down in the river." They replied.

"Oh no, is he depressed?"

"No, he's in De Nile."

Why shouldn't you work for an Egyptian company?

They're all pyramid schemes

What did the Egyptians use to travel to the Underworld?

A new bus.

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

Got an email asking me to invest in Egyptian architecture.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Why did the Egyptians build the pyramids?

To get to the other side.

I got my back adjusted a practitioner of ancient egyptian medicine

A Cairo-practor

What do you call an Egyptian rapper with bad gas?

>!Tootin' Common!<

How is an Egyptian mummy similar to a fart?

They have a toot in common.

Did you hear about the out-of-tune Egyptian band?

They didn't have a Tutankhamun.

Walk like an Egyptian

I have to admit. I'm pretty disappointed. I met a guy from Egypt today He walked just like us.

Local Egyptian joke that I hope will translate well enough here (Long)

A police office at the station is taking the statements of two people involved in a car accident. He asks the driver first to relay what happened. The driver angrily says “I was driving along down this narrow one-way street when this guy suddenly appears in front of me. I turn on the high beams to w...

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb

Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”

Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"

Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

What is Lady Gaga’s favorite Egyptian god?

RA RA OOH LA LA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Gordon Ramsay say when he caught a clown in bed with the Egyptian Sun God?

IT's fucking Ra

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was gonna fuck this Egyptian chick,..

But she was on her pyramid, so I fucked her mummy instead.

Why did egyptians never believe in science

Because they were in da Nile

what did the two Egyptian dude say when they had the same fart sound?

Hey bro we have a Tutankhamen!

Where were the Egyptians during the flood?

In de-nile

The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country

I think they are in de Nile

How did the ancient Egyptian monarchs attract people?

With "Pharoahmones"

What do you call a sick Egyptian?

Sir Cough-a-gus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Egyptian joke my uncle told me.

At a border between two cities, a police officer sits in his hut, managing the border.

One day, a man comes riding on a bicycle with two bags. The police officer looks through the bag to find only sand. He gives the man on the bicycle a weird look, but tells him to pass. After all, it's only ...

Egyptian mythology has become popular in Syria

Isis has been blowing up over there

I saw an Egyptian not accepting his responsibilities

He was in de-Nile to say the least

Did you know the ancient Egyptians watched monster movies?

Moth-Ra was their favorite. (Yes, I am a dad)

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians...

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians you could fit in a pyramid...

It's probably a pharaoh mount!

Found an old joke from a 1953 newspaper: What do naughty Egyptian girls become?

Mummies, I guess.

How do you enter an ancient Egyptian burial chamber?

You just give a Tutankhamen.

Two Egyptians sailed far out, into the sea

"We've sailed too far from the port! I can't see anything familiar" Says one

"We can't have sailed too far" Says the other

They were in de-Nile

During a history-themed comedy roast night, we couldn't decide whether to roast each other as ancient Roman gods or ancient Egyptian gods.

In the end, we agreed to diss a Greek.

You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.

They have a mummy-back guarantee!

I recently went to an Egyptian business seminar....

I'm telling you though, I swear it was some kind of pyramid scheme man.

What do you call an ancient Egyptian cook?

Gordon Rameses.

Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?

In a narcophagus

If two Egyptian pharaohs farted at the same time...

...did they toot in common?

Whats a Egyptian gods’ favorite food?

Raman

Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?

Because their Great Igloos melted.

What did the Ancient Egyptians call the pharaoh who farted oddly?

Toot Uncommon

Why were the Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching a show about Ancient Egypt, and they mentioned that there were Seven Sacred Oils that they used to anoint the dead with.

I thought that sounded interesting, so I decided to Google "Seven Sacred Oils of Egypt" and the entire front page of results is about where I can buy the essential oils the Egyptians used, you know mlm shit.

I cannot stress enough how this is not what I was looking for, but in hindsight I p...

What do flatulent Egyptian twins share?

They have a Toot-in-common.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a big breasted Egyptian woman?

Nefertitty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man

at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds.
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 20?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 10?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth ...

Why did the ancient egyptians all love Nissan?

Because Nissan Sentra.


My wife says I'm going to Duat for this one....

Which Egyptian Pharoah was the most judgemental?

King Tut Tut

What is the deal with Egyptian pharaohs and people that eat beans?

I hear they have a Tutankhamon

What does the Egyptian Santa Clause say when he enters a child's house?

I come bearing glyphs

What did the Egyptian say when he fell out of his boat?

I'm in denial

People looked at me stupid when I said I saw my first Irish-Egyptian hieroglyph today...

It read "Made in Eejit"

What is one thing that Egyptian kids do not realise?

That their Daddies will eventually become Mummies...

Did you hear about the Egyptian Man who drowned?

He was in denile

What do Egyptians and The Kardashians have in common?

The both had no clue that one day their daddy would become a mummy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The World's Best Ethnic Joke.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Turk, a German, an Indian, an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, am Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Columbian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Pole, a L...

Egyptian joke

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.

What operating system did the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs use?

Ubuntutankhamun

The Egyptian Boatmaker

Have you heard about the Egyptian boatmaker? For as long as he can remember, he has been wanting to make boats for a living.
But despite practicing his craft his entire life, he was always ridiculed for his work. Because no matter how hard he tried, his boats were not able to float for more than ...

Old Egyptian joke

In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine wether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decides to vote no.


Later that night,...

An Egyptian man told me this joke

A man is riding in a cab in Egypt, when the car comes to a red light. Instead of slowing down, the driver accelerates and blows right through the red light.

"What the hell are you doing?!", yells the man.

"Don't worry", answers the driver, pointing to his chest. "Egyptian driver here, ...

There was once an Egyptian Pharaoh rumored to have never passed gas...

His name was Toot-Uncommon.

One of my favorite old Egyptian Jokes

There was some men gathered together, one of them said "if you're scared of your wife, move to the left a couple steps"
Everyone moved except one. So he asked the one guy "why didn't you move?"
He said "my wife told me stay put in this spot."

I graduated in Egyptian art

But when I tried to get a job things went sideways

Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?

He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.

When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told?

When they're in the Nile.

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an arab man with an Egyptian man?

Nothing, in both those countries homosexuality is illegal and it is banned.

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

How did the Egyptian Queen seduce the sun god?

She showed him her Nefertitis.

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

Did you hear about the Egyptian who refused to accept that he was drowning?

He was in denial

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey is teaching his kids Egyptian history.

Gordon Ramsey : (Holding a picture) Who is this?

Kids : It's Anubis.

Gordon Ramsey : It's fucking Ra !!!!

Why did the Egyptian go swimming as soon as his mom passed away?

De Nile is the first stage of grief

My trip to the Egyptian Pyramids was great!

I saw mummies of cats, dogs, and even donkeys! But I will not talk about the elephant in the tomb.

An Egyptian prince bathes in a nearby river to avoid the reality of his father's recent death...

He's a Pharoah in deNile.

Egyptians always fart before entering a room

They Tutankhamun

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are Egyptians, trains, and butts similar?

They've got toot in common.

The Egyptian man became a bone doctor...

They called him a Cairopractor

An explorer claimed the Ancient Egyptians had Bitcoin technology before anyone else!

He stumbled upon a tomb filled with ancient gold money, and shouted “Look at this crypt! Ohh currency!!”

Understanding the wealth of ancient Egyptians means...

...realizing that not only did they stuff the tombs with gold, but also wrapped the corpses in toilet paper.

What do you call an inexperienced Egyptian God?

Anoobis

Heard about the Egyptian tomb stuffed full of wafer, nuts & chocolate?

Archaeologists think it was Pharaoh Rocher.

What do you call an Egyptian god who sucks at CS:GO?

A-noob-is.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

What did the Ancient Egyptians call a good lookin mummy?

a MILF

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend offered me a pair of egyptian coffins in return for a blowjob...

But I don't want two sarcophagi.

This Egyptian bird was giving me trouble...

...talking about life and death and the afterlife, threatening me and demanding sacrifices.

When I'd had enough I yelled: "Begone, Thoth!"

What do you call an Egyptian that believes life is meaningless?

A nileist

The ancient Egyptians almost never passed gas

Until the king made tootin' common.

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

The Egyptian police arrived to arrest a tourist for trespassing.

The police said, "Sir, you're in the Nile river. Come out now."

The man shouted, "I'm not in the Nile, you are!"

Why do Egyptians shave their heads?

To make them more pharaoh-dynamic

What do you call it when a pair of Egyptians fart simultaneously?

A Tutankhamen

Which ancient Egyptian chancellor spoke his mind most frankly when in court?

IMHOtep

Two Egyptians are having an argument

The first Egyptian farts and the second one laughs so hard he farts.

"Well, at least we have a Tutankhamun!"

Why did Egyptian royalty have an easy time getting married?

They had great Pharaoh-mones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

I was taught to always follow my dreams no matter what.

So now I just need to rescue my boss’s wooden horse from the pool that’s filled with spaghetti before the Egyptian soccer team gets back from practice.
“Rachel from middle school? What are you doing here?”

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an Egyptian matriarch with small breasts?

Nevertiti

What sound does an Egyptian goose make?

Ankh ankh!

What was the name of that thing that really attracted ancient Egyptian women?

Pharaoh moans.

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.

And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, ...

My Egyptian friend just couldn't believe he was drowning...

turns out he was in de-Nile

2 Egyptians noticed their farts smelled the same.

They had a Tutankhamen.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.