What chocolate did the Egyptians eat?

Pharoh-rochere

Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?

The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.

What did the baby Egyptian say when he got lost?

.

.

.

..

.

.

I want my mummy.

An old Egyptian mathematician was trying to figure out how long a day was

But after 24 hours he called it a day

What do you call an Egyptian chef?

Gordon Ramses.

Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"

Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."

An old school friend messaged me on Facebook saying I could get rich by selling Egyptian artefacts

Turned out it was just a pyramid scheme

Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?

They keep getting stuck in de Nile

I just got a job as an Egyptian god.

Now I’m Set for life.

Local Egyptian joke that I hope will translate well enough here (Long)

A police office at the station is taking the statements of two people involved in a car accident. He asks the driver first to relay what happened. The driver angrily says “I was driving along down this narrow one-way street when this guy suddenly appears in front of me. I turn on the high beams to w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians...

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians you could fit in a pyramid...

It's probably a pharaoh mount!

How do Egyptians get to work?

They use a new bus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you say boobs in ancient egyptian?

Nefertitty

How Egyptians solve problems.

In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Everyday several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.

By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital it is often too late to sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A stranger walks up to an Egyptian man

at the Cairo bazaar and offers to sell him contraband Viagra for 100 Egyptian pounds.
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 20?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it."
The stranger says, "How about 10?"
The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth ...

What operating system did the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs use?

Ubuntutankhamun

What is one thing that Egyptian kids do not realise?

That their Daddies will eventually become Mummies...

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb

Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”

Why shouldn't you work for an Egyptian company?

They're all pyramid schemes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a big breasted Egyptian woman?

Nefertitty

Why were the Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

What did they call the Egyptian Pharoah who very rarely farted?...

...Toot-Uncommon.

Where do Egyptians go when people keep doubting them?

Into de-Nile

What do the kardashians and the egyptians have in common?

They didnt know their daddies would becomes mummies

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Jews are camped in front of the Red Sea. They see the Egyptian chariots approaching. Moses turns to his PR man.

Moses - "Nu, where are those boats you got us?"

PR Guy - "Boats? You didn't say nothing 'bout no boats."

Moses - "So what do you want I should do? Part the waters and we can all just walk across?"

PR Guy - "If you can swing that, I'll get you your own chapter in the Bible!"

Egyptian babies didn't know that one day their daddy would become a mummy

Neither did the kardashians

Which Egyptian Pharoah was the most judgemental?

King Tut Tut

When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told?

When they're in the Nile.

What do flatulent Egyptian twins share?

They have a Toot-in-common.

Two Egyptians walk into a bar

"Where's your third friend?" Asks the bartender.

"He's gone to drink his sorrows down in the river." They replied.

"Oh no, is he depressed?"

"No, he's in De Nile."

Heard about the Egyptian tomb stuffed full of wafer, nuts & chocolate?

Archaeologists think it was Pharaoh Rocher.

Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?

In a narcophagus

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?

Because their Great Igloos melted.

What do you call an Egyptian god who's bad at videogames?

Anoobis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was gonna fuck this Egyptian chick,..

But she was on her pyramid, so I fucked her mummy instead.

A team of Swiss archaeologists discovered a new tomb in the middle of the Egyptian desert

They uncovered the tomb, and entered its dark cobweb-filled caverns. After digging and digging, they reached the center of the tomb, a burial chamber filled with treasures.

And at the center of the chamber, a sarcophagus made of pure gold. And once they opened it, they found an unnamed body, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an arab man with an Egyptian man?

Nothing, in both those countries homosexuality is illegal and it is banned.

Who is the Egyptian god of surprise?

RA!

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Gordon Ramsay say when he caught a clown in bed with the Egyptian Sun God?

IT's fucking Ra

What did the ancient egyptians call their milfs?

Mummies

Did you hear about the Egyptian Man who drowned?

He was in denile

Why are Egyptians so good at farting?

They have good Sphinxters

If two Egyptian pharaohs farted at the same time...

...did they toot in common?

My trip to the Egyptian Pyramids was great!

I saw mummies of cats, dogs, and even donkeys! But I will not talk about the elephant in the tomb.

I recently went to an Egyptian business seminar....

I'm telling you though, I swear it was some kind of pyramid scheme man.

Egyptians always fart before entering a room

They Tutankhamun

Old Egyptian joke

In Egypt, the election system used to be that people would vote yes or no to the current president to determine wether elections were going to happen or not. The day before the polls everyone would hang signs saying yes to the president. But one man decides to vote no.


Later that night,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an Egyptian matriarch with small breasts?

Nevertiti

One of my favorite old Egyptian Jokes

There was some men gathered together, one of them said "if you're scared of your wife, move to the left a couple steps"
Everyone moved except one. So he asked the one guy "why didn't you move?"
He said "my wife told me stay put in this spot."

The Egyptian police arrived to arrest a tourist for trespassing.

The police said, "Sir, you're in the Nile river. Come out now."

The man shouted, "I'm not in the Nile, you are!"

Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?

He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are Egyptians, trains, and butts similar?

They've got toot in common.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone is angry at the White House because they had time to prepare for Corona, but what about the Egyptians?

Egyptian mummies predicted Covid-19 in the prophecies by social distancing in big houses and hoarding toilet papers.

What name did they give the Egyptian pharaoh who rarely passed gas?

Toot-uncommon

Why did Egyptian royalty have an easy time getting married?

They had great Pharaoh-mones

What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?

Looks like we've got a Tutankhamen.

Whats a Egyptian gods’ favorite food?

Raman

Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.

How do shady Egyptians make money?

Pyramid schemes.

An Egyptian man told me this joke

A man is riding in a cab in Egypt, when the car comes to a red light. Instead of slowing down, the driver accelerates and blows right through the red light.

"What the hell are you doing?!", yells the man.

"Don't worry", answers the driver, pointing to his chest. "Egyptian driver here, ...

What do you call an Egyptian that believes life is meaningless?

A nileist

What does an Egyptian mathematician use to denote the possible combinations of game moves?

Set theory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i was never scared from then on

A man went to the therapist and told him

Oh I can’t sleep at night cause i am afraid of the monster under my bed The therapist told him: i will help you, you will take with me three sessions a week each one costing 200$ and in month you will be able to sleep The man left and didn’t came ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An half-japanese teenager, an Englishman with a huge sense of humour, an Egyptian who works as a fortune teller and a French guy walk into a bar and elder four ice teas.

It was very bizzare.

Understanding the wealth of ancient Egyptians means...

...realizing that not only did they stuff the tombs with gold, but also wrapped the corpses in toilet paper.

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

Which ancient Egyptian chancellor spoke his mind most frankly when in court?

IMHOtep

What do you call it when a pair of Egyptians fart simultaneously?

A Tutankhamen

How did the Egyptian Queen seduce the sun god?

She showed him her Nefertitis.

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

This Egyptian bird was giving me trouble...

...talking about life and death and the afterlife, threatening me and demanding sacrifices.

When I'd had enough I yelled: "Begone, Thoth!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Overhead in a Arabic cafe- very nasty) A Tunisian, Algerian and Egyptian are arguing...

About whose the manliest out of all three. They decide to have a competition. They go to the zoo and rob three monkeys. They decide whoever gets the monkey pregnant must be the manliest man there is.

So the Tunisian shags his monkey and gets her pregnant and she gives birth to four little hum...

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

I want to open a restaurant that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine

I call it "Wok like an Egyptian".

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

Did you hear about the Egyptian who refused to accept he was drowning?

He was in denial.

I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians

Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme

A friend of mine told me about his plan to sell burial plots to rich Egyptians.

Sounded like a pyramid scheme to me.

Where do Egyptians go when they don't want to face reality

De-nile River

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pilot, co-pilot and navigator were practicing training exercises over the Egyptian desert during the beginning of World War I when suddenly the engine died.

Unable to get the engine started again they all decide to parachute out before the plane crashed. Alone in the desert, they start walking back towards their base.

After a couple of hours walking they see a camel in the distance so they pick up their pace and sure enough eventually catch up w...

I graduated in Egyptian art

But when I tried to get a job things went sideways

Why should you never answer an Egyptian telemarketer?

They will try and get you in on their pyramid schemes

The ancient Egyptians almost never passed gas

Until the king made tootin' common.

What was the name of that thing that really attracted ancient Egyptian women?

Pharaoh moans.

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.

A woman has twins and gives up both for adoption.


The first twin is adopted by an Egyptian family and is then named "Amal."


The second twin is adopted by a Spanish family and is then named "Juan."


After 25 years, Juan sends a picture of himself to his biological moth...

Tesla is considering releasing a line of electric buses named after Egyptian gods.

It'll be A-new-bus.

What did the Ancient Egyptians call a good lookin mummy?

a MILF

What is the first stage of grief for an Egyptian?

Denile.

What do you call an Egyptian god who sucks at CS:GO?

A-noob-is.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend offered me a pair of egyptian coffins in return for a blowjob...

But I don't want two sarcophagi.

What sound does an Egyptian goose make?

“Ankh ankh”

Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?

Darn Tutankhamun!

I didn't realize the ancient Egyptians were so concerned with information security.

Everybody who was important got encrypted.

A group of Egyptian soldier were beaten by Stone Age tribesmen after abandoning their steel tipped spears

Oh the iron-y

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsey is teaching his kids Egyptian history.

Gordon Ramsey : (Holding a picture) Who is this?

Kids : It's Anubis.

Gordon Ramsey : It's fucking Ra !!!!

Two Egyptians are having an argument

The first Egyptian farts and the second one laughs so hard he farts.

"Well, at least we have a Tutankhamun!"

Did you know back in the New Kingdom era, high ranking Egyptians were known for farting?

They all had a toot-in-common

I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...

Rameses kitchen nightmares.

How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Egyptian joke my uncle told me.

At a border between two cities, a police officer sits in his hut, managing the border.

One day, a man comes riding on a bicycle with two bags. The police officer looks through the bag to find only sand. He gives the man on the bicycle a weird look, but tells him to pass. After all, it's only ...

What did the Ancient Egyptians call the Pharaoh who farted oddly?

Toot uncommon

Cleaning up the heavens

God finally gets around to clean up the heavens and finds the commandments. What to do with the old junk? He looks down onto the earth, maybe someone could have a use for them.

He asks the Egyptians. The Pharaoh looks up and says "Dude, sorry, we're busy with our pyramids, no can do."

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Avengers were on a mission to save the Egyptian god of the sun.

Thanos, with the help of the Reality Stone, turned the god into a baby and usurped his powers. As he was about to kill him, in the nick of time, the Avengers showed up.

Diving forward, Captain America managed to snatch away the baby while Thanos was busy with his monologue. Realizing this, T...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.