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Greek Jokes

Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure?

I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.

The Greeks invented the threesome

But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.

My body is like a Greek Temple

In ruins

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Who is the Greek god of fertility?

Testicles

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So Hitler dies and meets God...

God: You know a lot of people died because of you, I have to send you to hell

Hitler: Can I have one last wish first?

God: Sure, why not

Hitler: I want you to kill ten thousand Jews and two Greeks

God: Why two Greeks?

Hitler: See? Even you don't give a fuck about t...

Two students of architecture, one Italian and one Greek are at a bar to celebrate their graduation

The Italian student proposes an idea his Greek classmate, “Let's meet up again in 10 years, to see how successful we have become”. The Greek student, interested in this proposition, accepts.

10 years later

The Greek man is invited to the home of the Italian man, when he arrives, he is ...

What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings?

A dishtroyer.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire. The barista asks each of them why they think the empire is falling.

Aristotle gives a powerful speech about how the empire has failed to live up to its telos and deconstructs the very nature of what an em...

My lack of Greek mythology knowledge has always been my

Achilles elbow

An ancient Greek playwright...

An ancient Greek playwright walks into an Athens tailor shop carrying jeans that have been obviously torn.

The tailor said, "Euripides?"

The playwright said, "Yes. Eumenides?"

Why does Bonnie Tyler only eat Greek Food?

She’s holding out for a gyro.

A lecturer of aincent greek took his fancy trousers to be mended. Euripedes? asked the tailor

Yes, replied the lecturer. Eumenides?

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I can sum up Greek Mythology in three words.

Zeus got horny!

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I got kicked out of a restaurant for having improper dress. Reminds me of a funny story.

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

What currency do the Greeks use?

Gyros

Who was the hottest woman in Greek mythology?

Medusa...one look from her made guys rock hard.

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Greeks vs Italians

Sure, it was the Greeks who invented sex.
But Italians were the first ones to introduce it to women

What do you call a Greek cat?

Psiamese

What's a Dominatrix's favorite creature in Greek mythology?

PegAsses

TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides.

His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."

I look like a Greek God

painted by Picasso.

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. "Sure" she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

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I have an unhealthy sexual attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

\
I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

My Greek friend translated this joke

A guy walks in a bar and goes and sits at the bar, he nods to the barman who goes to him to serve him.

The guy seems edgy and says to the barman “get me a double scotch before it begins”. The barman doesn’t really make a deal out of his attitude and just gets him the drink. 3-4 minutes later ...

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I had dinner in a Greek restaurant yesterday

Food was shit but the plates were smashing.

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The Greeks vs. the Italians A Greek and Italian were debating who has the superior culture.

The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”


The Italian says, “We have the Coliseum.”


The Greeks says, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”


The Italian says, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”


And so on and so on for hours...

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My Greek Mythology class is fucking up my GPA.

I guess you could say it's my Achilles femur.

A serbian politician goes to visit a greek politician

Serbian politician looks around greek politician's home amazed. He has a large 5 story house, many pools, a bar with several pool tables, very expensive drinks that date far back, more than 6 sport cars, there's beautiful women all around the house. Serbian is stunned, he asks "Hey friend, let me as...

A Greek woman’s parents were opposed to her getting married.

“You just don’t like him because he’s German, not Greek!” she cried.

“No, that’s not it at all,” he mother replied. “We just want you to consider whether you really want to go the rest of your life with the name Philomina Krotch.”

What did the yogurt say when it found out that the Greek yogurt has more protein?

"No whey!"

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

Greek vs. Italian

Two old men are arguing about the history and the splendors of Athens and Rome.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek...

I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture.

The British museum is a really cool place.

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

TIL About the ancient Greek hero Boephades

Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.

You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about

Boephades nuts?

In Greek Mythology, the Gorgon sisters Stheno, Euryale, and Medusa had the power to turn anyone who looked at them into stone.

But few people know that there was a fourth Gorgon sister named Zola.

She had the power to turn her enemies into cheese.

Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"

"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"

"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?”

"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."

"So you let your three de...

Naming the COVID-19 variants, the WHO skipped the greek letter 'xi'.

They did that in order to not insult the leader of West Taiwan.

What do you call a Greek basketball player?

A hooplite

The Greek learned you could avoid pregnancies by using sheep intestines.

The English later learned it also works if you remove it from the sheep first.

What did ancient Greeks call a pair of glasses?

Spectacles.

What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose?

They Titan them.

Two Greek philosophers get into an argument...

Euclid: You've been a very good pupil this past year, Eubulides, but now it's time for you to pay the 50 drachma you owe me for all the philosophy I've taught you.

Eubulides pauses to think for a moment.

Eubulides: Hm, as much as I would love to pay you back, I'm afraid that's not po...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Greek are captured by cannibals in Africa.

The chief of the tribe offers to free anyone who succeeds in three tests: drink a ton of wine, pull a thorn from the sacred lion's foot, and have sex with his hundred-year-old grandmother.
They lead the Englishman to the wine hut, he starts drinking but doesn't even get halfway through. The nat...

Not knowing about Greek mythology is my Achiless' Horse.

Uh oh, I've really opened a Pandora's Labyrinth here

A woman marries a Greek man

On her wedding night her father pulls her aside and says, "Darling, you should know that many Greek men have certain . . . proclivities. There will likely come a time when you'll be making love and he'll ask you to . . . um, roll over. Please, sweetheart, for my sake, DON'T DO IT."

Lo and beh...

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A Little Greek Humor

Nobody:


Polyphemus: Okay, first off that was a real dick move.

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NSFW joke I heard from an officer while in the army (translated from Greek)

Three friends are sitting in a bar.

One of them starts bragging, "Guys, my stamina in bed is fucking amazing. I can fuck 3 women in one go". The other two respond "Yeah right mate.. how about you prove it?". So they bring in 3 women and stand them naked up against the wall.

He starts...

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Ancient greeks invented sex.

Romans made it more interesting by adding females.

Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores

Thanks a lot, Herpules

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It is said that sex was invented by the ancient Greeks, but it was greatly improved by the Romans.

You see, they discovered that you can have it with women too.

Did you hear about the prolific Greek breakdancer?

George Popnlockadopolous

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An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

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An angry man walked into a Taverna one evening, and yelled "I hate the Greeks!"

He looked around, at the light blue wall paper, with the white Grecian key pattern going around the top. He stared into the eyes of the bar tender, a strapping young lad with an olive complexion, rich black hair, a glorious unibrow, and piercing green eyes.

"Are you a Greek?" he asked, menaci...

Did you hear the joke about the shield from Greek mythology?

I would think so, it's been around for aegis.

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My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

Ancient Greek name translation

I have been doing some research into the meaning of my name.

I was delighted to find that in Ancient Greek my second name translates to ‘Attractive to women’.

Unfortunately my first name translates to ‘Not very’.

I used to tell everyone I have the body of a Greek God.

But then I learn Buddah wasn't greek

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

A Greek man goes to a tailor to get some pants mended.

The tailor takes one look at the pants and goes "Euripides?" The man nods. "Yeah. Eumenides?"

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A Greek and an Italian are arguing which nation is the more intelligent

So the Greek says "we invented sex!"


To which the Italian responds "and we decided to do it with women"

What would you call Spider-man if he was a Greek who was into free running, had a debilitating disease and was backing up two cars?

Pita Parkour Parker with Parkinson’s parallel parking a Pontiac pulling a pick up truck.

What would you call Spider-man if he was a Greek who was into free running, had a debilitating disease and was backing up two cars, while making rice?

Uncle Ben

Marvel is working on a Spiderman reboot for Greek audiences

Featuring the adventures of Pita Parker

What did the Greeks say after Constantinople was taken by the Turks?

What a load of Istanbull

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A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

Joke from AC Origins

You know what they say:

Greeks invented the threesome

And the Romans added women.

What do you call a Greek who loves candy?

Popsicles

It's amazing that the ancient Greek sculptors made statues without arms.

I mean, how did they hold the tools?

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Where do ancient Greek philosophers keep their wooly foot warmers?

Sock-crates.

Ancient cultures had interesting and unique philosophies

For example, if you asked the question: “What separates man from animals?” You would get vastly different answers.

The Greeks would say “Philosophy and Law”

The Chinese would say “Morals and Art”

The Romans would say “The Mediterranean and the Danube”

Have you ever heard of the ancient Greek philosopher Garglades?

Garglades nuts, lol

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

One of the Greek tragedians walks into a tailor's shop.

He's holding a bundle of tattered clothing in his hands. Upon entering, he thinks he recognizes the tailor and, surprised, asks, "Eumenides?" The tailor responds, "Yeah, Euripides?"

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

What do you call a Greek philosopher who's skilled on the pitch?

Soccerates.

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

I've been told I have the body of a Greek God.

Too bad it's Dionysus

How do you describe an ambidextrous Greek string musician experiencing legular combustion?

Lyre, lyre, pants on fire

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

What is the favourite dessert of Greek chickens?

BAWK-lava

/sorry

Isn’t it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth?

It’s just named after that stuff on the ground.




(Norm MacDonald)

A few thousand years ago an Arab guy made the very first condom out of a goat’s intestines.

A little after the Greeks perfected it by taking the organs out of the goat first.

Did you hear about the Greek man who ate his mom’s cat?

He Oedipus.

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I asked my Greek girlfriend if she's into anal, she replied "Nai"

it breaks my heart when I hear no for an answer.

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Orion’s Belt doesn’t sound like it’s named after an almighty Greek God More like it’s named after an Irish father’s punishment weapon of choice.

“You’d better behave young lad, or your arse is gonna meet O’Ryan’s belt!”

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I got a wonderful comment today! Someone told me I had the face of a Greek god.

Not too familiar with Greek gods, but apparently I look like Testicles.

Once again, I'm checking out this book "Greek Philosophers: From Aristotle to Zeno"

I've never finished it for some reason.

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

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What is the name of the Greek god of sexually transmitted diseases?

Herpes (badumm tss)

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A Greek and an Indian are having tea together and trying to one up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.”

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Indian, shaking his head, says, "But we invented the number 0.”

And so on and on th...

I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it's a lost cos.

How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night?

They used a baby minotaur.

New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

"Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:"

If they say "How much are the mangoes?" You say "$5 a kilo"

If they ask if they're ripe, you say "Some are, some aren't"

If they say they don't want to buy, you shrug and say "If you don't, someone e...

Im not very good with greek mythology

Thats my Hercules Heel

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

A newly discovered Greek Philosopher once said..."Meh,good enough" .Which is my opinion on most of these jokes.

---Mediocrates

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How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

Who is the Greek goddess of rainbows?

Diffractodite.

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What do you call a man who uses Greek flatbread to achieve sexual gratification?

In general he's a pitaphile but if there is hummus involved, he's also hummus-sexual.

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Did you hear about Greek porn?

They can't do money shots anymore

Which of the Greek gods always complained of feeling distant?

Demeter

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Sal the boxing promoter gets a call Saturday morning of fight night

“Hey boss, it’s Joe at the gym. Big Frank’s had an accident and broke his thumb. He can’t fight for a month”
Sal goes into a melt down. Big Frank was his heavyweight prospect and the headline of that nights card in the Big Apple. Faced with refunding the tickets he gets on the phone to all the ot...

What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France.

Sacre' T's

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held ...

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

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