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How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.



Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.



On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel...

How many Greeks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Olive them.

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Ancient greeks invented sex

Romans made it more fun by adding women to it.

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Comparing cultures

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”
“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
“But it was t...

Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

A long time ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

One scientist to another...

"Have you ever seen an Archimedes screw?"

"No, but I imagine they do it pretty much the same as other Greeks."

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style.

"Sure" she said.

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

My Greek doctor isn’t a physician

He’s a gyropractor

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The Greeks vs. The Italians

The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours, until final...

Midas was greedy but, there's another Greek figure that's obsessed with collecting coins.

Purseus

My friend said I mock Greek names.

That's preposterousalopalous.

Why is Greek food so fatty?

Greece.

A Greek was trying to figure out how long a day was.

But after 24 hours he called it a day.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Why is it hard for Greek people to wake up early in the morning?

*In an Irish accent*

“Because DAWN is tough on Greece”

What's the difference between an elephant and a Greek grandma?

About 20 pounds and a moustache.

What do you call a wealthy Greek vampire?

Count Drachma.

Why do the Greeks play classical music by volcanoes?

because of all the Bach lava.

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An Englishman, an Irishman,...

a Scotsman,a welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy,a ...

An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.

“Euripides?” Says the tailor.
“Yeah, Eumenides?” Replies the man.

Greek Philosopher Gets A Suit

A Greek Philosopher walks into a tailor's office and asks for 300 suits to be delivered to him.


The tailor offers some proposals: "I can send those in plastic bags, or I could even send those in parcels."


The Greek philosopher replies : "no, no, no I would like them to be deliv...

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

...has always been my Achilles' elbow.

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two old men are arguing about history and the spendors of athens and rome.

the Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge ...

The word "Politics" is derived from two Greek words

"Poly" meaning "many" and "ticks" meaning "blood sucking creatures"

A man is in court

(Long but worth it)

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."
Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."
Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you ...

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An Afghan...

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, ...

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Wich greek hero do asexuals want to fuck the most?

Odysseus.

What do you call the Greek God of Regret?

Apollogies.

I read about this figure from Greek Mythology, Chiron.

He trained many heroes apparently, and was also a doctor. Ergo he was a Centaur for disease control.

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

First post on here

Once, there was a married couple who was about to have a son. When their son finally was born, they named him Cythera, after the Greek island with the same name, where the couple had gone for their honeymoon.

Their son grew up to be a nice and well-mannered young man, and was just about to s...

I came home to find a Greek mathematician kidnapping my grandmother...

He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

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I’m bad at Greek Mythology

It’s my Achilles Penis

How do you get a Greek boat to move?

Just ϱ

I’ve been told that I look like a Greek statue

But only from the waist down.

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My girlfriend sprinkles Greek cheese on her poop.

I really NEED to tell my girlfriend ,I’m not into her fetashits.

As a college girl, I never understood the whole Sorority thing

It's all Greek to me

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A week at the gym

Dear Diary

For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since playing football 24 yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

Called ...

What’s one thing Ancient Greeks and Mexicans have in common?

When they meet (their) God they say, Hey Zues.

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

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In 450 BC a Greek and a Roman are sitting around, discussing who has more reason to be proud of their heritage

Roman: We are clearly the superior society, after all, we invented aqueducts so cities and fields alike could grow

Greek: Perhaps, but we invented the water mill for grinding abundant grain, so that it could be stored and feed the people. Plus, we developed cartography, mapping out the world....

My parents treat me like a Greek god

Hephaestus, to be specific.

There once was a girl from Purdue

Who kept a young cat in a pew

She taught it to speak

Alphabetical Greek

But it never got farther than "Μμ".

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A boat was shipwrecked in the South Pacific, as a result...

A group of people from different nationalities found themselves stranded on a remote and beautiful island. The party consisted of:

-Two Italian men and one Italian woman

-Two French men and one French woman

-Two German men and one German woman

-Two Greek men and one Greek...

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child his father held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his father held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. I...

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

I don't mean to brag, but my girlfriend has a body like a Greek statue..

completely pale, no arms.

Greek Easter is a week later to give them time to prepare all the food.

Most people consider it a crucifixion, to Greeks it’s just another hummus side.

Someone else grabbed my order at the greek restaurant

All I could do is say , "There goes my gyro."

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Homosexuality should not be accepted in a civilized society.

It is an abomination. "sexuality" has a Latin root and "homo" is Greek. Really the word should be ideosexuality!

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A Young Greek Woman Marries

she is a virgin, and her mother is concerned. as they are getting her gown on, her mother warns her that her husband will probably ask her to "turn over" for sex, and to NEVER turn over. Innocently, she agrees.

Thanks to generous gifts from their family in Europe, they honeymoon in Majorca,...

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schön.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

The president of the Greek football club PAOK invaded the pitch with a gun yesterday, what a fool..

Only the goalkeeper is allowed to use his arms..

My mom's french and my dad's greek

Too bad I'm a freek

Have you ever thought about...

...the range of words which have a Grecian root? There are lots of such words in mathematics, like "geometry".

Some of these words have an interesting derivation. A contemporary of Pythagoras was watching a parrot playing with some twigs, once upon a time. Although birds often play with twigs...

What do you call a Greek god who wants to lose weight?

A Diety

What is a Pirate's Favorite Greek Myth?

Jason and the Arrrghonauts

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An Irishman, a Greek, and a Jew die and stand at the gates of heaven

The keeper of the gates tells them "Well, you have all lived pretty decent lives, but you all fall victim to your respective stereotypes. So here's what's going to happen. You all will go back down to earth for 24 hours and you must avoid your weaknesses.
"Irishman, alcohol cannot touch your lips...

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A Greek, A Jew and an Irishman are killed by a bus

An angel descends and tells them "Actually, there's been a mistake. It wasn't your time to die. We will let you come back to life, but you must promise to renounce your vices."

To the Irishman, the angel said, "Your vice is drinking too much. You can come back to life as long as you stop drin...

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals?

Zoos

An ancient Greek playwright walks into a tailor.....

....and approaches the counter holding a robe. He shows the tailor a large hole torn in the side. The tailor looks at him and said "Euripides?"

The playwright responds, "Eumenides."

Where do holy Russian and Greek ships park together?

The Orthodocks

I told a girl I met online I had the body of a Greek God...

I didn't let her know the God in question was Hephaestus...

What do you call a lame Greek pun?

An Artemiss.

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