How many Greeks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Olive them.

The Greeks invented the threesome

But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.

My body is like a Greek Temple

In ruins

A Greek was trying to figure out how long a day was.

But after 24 hours he called it a day.

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Greek mythology summed up in one sentence

Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling horny.

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I had dinner in a Greek restaurant yesterday

Food was shit but the plates were smashing.

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I have an unhealthy sexual attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure?

I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.

How do the Greeks separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

A Greek boyfriend

A chaste, young reverend's daughter marries a strapping young Greek man. Her conservative mother worries, and, considering herself a bit more worldly than her daughter, was worried about their...nightly nuptials.

"So, um," starts the mother, "Have you two been...you know...having intimate rel...

In Ancient Greek mythology, Chiron was a half-horse, half-human doctor.

He was the Centaur for Disease Control.

What’s the best Ancient Greek landmark to photograph?

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

In Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half horse, half human doctor.

One could say he was the Centaur of disease control.

Source: 9GAG post

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

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Since we're doing translated jokes: here's a Greek one my father used to tell

An old man had a donkey that helped him with his daily duties. As the times got harder, the old man realized that he needed to do something about his financial situation. He had the idea to gradually reduce the amount of food he gave to the donkey.

Every day the meals of the donkey got smalle...

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I tried to translate a joke from Greek

One day, while at school, Marika feels something wet in her underwear.


She goes to her teacher, and says:


"Teacher! Teacher! i have blood in my underwear!"
Her teacher explains to her that it's completely normal, it means that she is a woman now!


They send her bac...

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What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

I tried to translate a joke I've heard in Greek

Unfortunately I don't speak Greek, so I couldn't.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

has always been my Achilles' elbow.

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An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing. The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "...

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A Greek and an Indian are having tea together and trying to one up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.”

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."

The Indian, shaking his head, says, "But we invented the number 0.”

And so on and on th...

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The Greeks vs. The Italians

The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours, until final...

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style.

"Sure" she said.

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

My friend said I mock Greek names.

That's preposterousalopalous.

The word "Politics" is derived from two Greek words

"Poly" meaning "many" and "ticks" meaning "blood sucking creatures"

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

What do you call a Greek philosopher who publishes his findings?

Articles

What were the rebels called during the Greek Civil War?

The Confetaracy

I have a Greek friend who is a horrible wingman

so we call him Icarus

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Ancient Greeks invented sex

And Romans made it fun by adding women into it.....

Until the British came...eh...arrived.

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Before the invention of lube, Greeks used olive oil to have anal sex.

I guess you might say the people of ancient Greece loved that ancient grease.

Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

"Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:"

If they say "How much are the mangoes?" You say "$5 a kilo"

If they ask if they're ripe, you say "Some are, some aren't"

If they say they don't want to buy, you shrug and say "If you don't, someone e...

If you want to get good at Greek pottery...

you have to urn it.

Two Greek philosophers get into an argument...

Euclid: You've been a very good pupil this past year, Eubulides, but now it's time for you to pay the 50 drachma you owe me for all the philosophy I've taught you.

Eubulides pauses to think for a moment.

Eubulides: Hm, as much as I would love to pay you back, I'm afraid that's not po...

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What do you call a Greek guy with a large penis ?

Italian

A young girl comes homes and excitedly says to her mother: “mom! I’m in love!”

Her mother replies: “that’s great, sweetheart! What’s his name?”

“Nicos”, the daughter says.

“NICOS?!” the mother cries out. “A Greek? Sweetie, you know the Greek are a special people...”

“I don’t want to hear it!” The daughter responds. “I love him and we are getting married n...

A long time ago, I had a job where I translated pre-classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

A Scotsman was giving a walking tour to a Greek guy through the hills of Scotland. They came across a sheep that had its head stuck in a hole in a fence.

‘Let me show you what we do in a situation like this’ says the Scotsman with a grin as he unzips his trousers and has his way with the sheep. After he finished he turns to the Greek and says
‘Ok, now it’s your turn’
‘I can’t!’ Protests the Greek, ‘My head won’t fit in that hole.’

What's Gordon Ramsay's hated greek letter?

It's ρ

My Greek doctor isn’t a physician

He’s a gyropractor

A Greek, a Spaniard and an Italian go out for dinner. Who pays the bill?

The German.

The Greek god of open wounds!

Herpes!

Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

What do you call a wealthy Greek vampire?

Count Drachma.

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My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

Why is it hard for Greek people to wake up early in the morning?

*In an Irish accent*

“Because DAWN is tough on Greece”

Ministers are like Greek gods.

When a country can't explain something, they create a new one.

An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.

“Euripides?” Says the tailor.
“Yeah, Eumenides?” Replies the man.

Greek Philosopher Gets A Suit

A Greek Philosopher walks into a tailor's office and asks for 300 suits to be delivered to him.


The tailor offers some proposals: "I can send those in plastic bags, or I could even send those in parcels."


The Greek philosopher replies : "no, no, no I would like them to be deliv...

I've been told I have the body of a Greek God.

Too bad it's Dionysus

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

On my way home yesterday, I saw a guy with interesting hair dressed up as a Greek god.

He said his name was “Afro-dite”.

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Wich greek hero do asexuals want to fuck the most?

Odysseus.

Anybody here heard of Molecules?

He’s the smallest of the Greek heroes!

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue...

Completely pale, no arms.

I read about this figure from Greek Mythology, Chiron.

He trained many heroes apparently, and was also a doctor. Ergo he was a Centaur for disease control.

Did you hear about the Greek bricklayer who lied a lot?

He would always con Crete.

Joke from my neighbour, Slade.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

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In 450 BC a Greek and a Roman are sitting around, discussing who has more reason to be proud of their heritage

Roman: We are clearly the superior society, after all, we invented aqueducts so cities and fields alike could grow

Greek: Perhaps, but we invented the water mill for grinding abundant grain, so that it could be stored and feed the people. Plus, we developed cartography, mapping out the world....

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held ...

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A Young Greek Woman Marries

she is a virgin, and her mother is concerned. as they are getting her gown on, her mother warns her that her husband will probably ask her to "turn over" for sex, and to NEVER turn over. Innocently, she agrees.

Thanks to generous gifts from their family in Europe, they honeymoon in Majorca,...

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

An ancient Greek professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.

The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

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My girlfriend sprinkles Greek cheese on her poop.

I really NEED to tell my girlfriend ,I’m not into her fetashits.

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

I came home to find a Greek mathematician kidnapping my grandmother...

He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

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Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?

Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

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An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

Seen some people throwing out random Greek words to sound smart.

You won't see one iota of that from me.

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

What’s one thing Ancient Greeks and Mexicans have in common?

When they meet (their) God they say, Hey Zues.

My life is like a book.

Like a big book. A book in Greek.

I do not understand any Greek.

I will sleep a little bit more....

I tried having a philosophical debate with Aristotle once, but I couldn’t follow the conversation at all.

It was all Greek to me.

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How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

A Greek philosopher’s lecture on knowledge was really confusing and frustrating.

Episteme off.

An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"

Why are a bunch of horses being sold better than the Greeks?

At least they have a stable economy.

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I was told I was just like a Greek statue

I was happy until they clarified that they meant I am pale as fuck and have a small dick.

What do you call a lame Greek pun?

An Artemiss.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

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