Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure?

I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.

My Greek friend translated this joke

A guy walks in a bar and goes and sits at the bar, he nods to the barman who goes to him to serve him.

The guy seems edgy and says to the barman “get me a double scotch before it begins”. The barman doesn’t really make a deal out of his attitude and just gets him the drink. 3-4 minutes later ...

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A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop one afternoon discussing who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to philosophy.

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the G...

My body is like a Greek Temple

In ruins

Not knowing about Greek mythology is my Achiless' Horse.

Uh oh, I've really opened a Pandora's Labyrinth here

I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture.

The British museum is a really cool place.

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It is said that sex was invented by the ancient Greeks, but it was greatly improved by the Romans.

You see, they discovered that you can have it with women too.

Naming the COVID-19 variants, the WHO skipped the greek letter 'xi'.

They did that in order to not insult the leader of West Taiwan.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

...has always been my Achilles' elbow.

What did ancient Greeks call a pair of glasses?

Spectacles.

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I had dinner in a Greek restaurant yesterday

Food was shit but the plates were smashing.

Greek vs. Italian

Two old men are arguing about the history and the splendors of Athens and Rome.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek...

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An angry man walked into a Taverna one evening, and yelled "I hate the Greeks!"

He looked around, at the light blue wall paper, with the white Grecian key pattern going around the top. He stared into the eyes of the bar tender, a strapping young lad with an olive complexion, rich black hair, a glorious unibrow, and piercing green eyes.

"Are you a Greek?" he asked, menaci...

What do you call a Greek basketball player?

A hooplite

The Greek learned you could avoid pregnancies by using sheep intestines.

The English later learned it also works if you remove it from the sheep first.

Who was the hottest woman in Greek mythology?

Medusa...one look from her made guys rock hard.

Marvel is working on a Spiderman reboot for Greek audiences

Featuring the adventures of Pita Parker

Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores

Thanks a lot, Herpules

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

Where do ancient Greek philosophers keep their wooly foot warmers?

Sock-crates.

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I have an unhealthy sexual attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

\
I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

(OC) How do you greet a Greek Muslim?

“As salaam malaka”

What did the Greeks say after Constantinople was taken by the Turks?

What a load of Istanbull

Financial aid



An Australian guy is traveling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come b...

What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose?

They Titan them.

Ancient Greek name translation

I have been doing some research into the meaning of my name.

I was delighted to find that in Ancient Greek my second name translates to ‘Attractive to women’.

Unfortunately my first name translates to ‘Not very’.

Did you hear the joke about the shield from Greek mythology?

I would think so, it's been around for aegis.

A Greek man goes to a tailor to get some pants mended.

The tailor takes one look at the pants and goes "Euripides?" The man nods. "Yeah. Eumenides?"

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An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Have you ever heard of the ancient Greek philosopher Garglades?

Garglades nuts, lol

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

Which Greek character is from alabama

Oedipus

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

How do the Greeks separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar.

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A Greek man goes to a Chinese restaurant, and orders fried rice.

A Greek man goes to a Chinese restaurant, and orders fried rice.
The waiter, who is smiling, nods and says “Ah, yes, flied lice.”

The Greek man thought this was hilarious and he ordered fried rice whenever he came in just to hear the waiter say, “flied lice”. He would always laugh loudly ...

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Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

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A Greek and an Italian are arguing which nation is the more intelligent

So the Greek says "we invented sex!"


To which the Italian responds "and we decided to do it with women"

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A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

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Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional

Beretta took Walthers's designs and made them sexy

They discovered noodles from china, removed the dog, and created pasta

They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colosseums and aqueducts

They took the gladius from celt-iberians and conquered the world with it<...

An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop with a pair of torn pants.

"Euripides?" says the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it's a lost cos.

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Orion’s Belt doesn’t sound like it’s named after an almighty Greek God More like it’s named after an Irish father’s punishment weapon of choice.

“You’d better behave young lad, or your arse is gonna meet O’Ryan’s belt!”

A newly discovered Greek Philosopher once said..."Meh,good enough" .Which is my opinion on most of these jokes.

---Mediocrates

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I got a wonderful comment today! Someone told me I had the face of a Greek god.

Not too familiar with Greek gods, but apparently I look like Testicles.

An old joke

The man was trying to learn swimming and one day was about to get drowned in the pool during practice; he was saved by one of those helping him at the last moment. As they got him out of the water, he looked at the others and said: “I will never get in water again until i learn swimming!”

Ps:...

What do you call a Greek philosopher who's skilled on the pitch?

Soccerates.

Once again, I'm checking out this book "Greek Philosophers: From Aristotle to Zeno"

I've never finished it for some reason.

What do Greek people use to cut their pizzas?

Caesars

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

What is the favourite dessert of Greek chickens?

BAWK-lava

/sorry

I really wish people would start taking Covid more seriously...

I don't wanna have to learn the entire Greek alphabet.

Did you hear about the Greek man who ate his mom’s cat?

He Oedipus.

How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night?

They used a baby minotaur.

What do you call a Greek who loves candy?

Popsicles

How do you describe an ambidextrous Greek string musician experiencing legular combustion?

Lyre, lyre, pants on fire

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What is the name of the Greek god of sexually transmitted diseases?

Herpes (badumm tss)

Isn’t it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth?

It’s just named after that stuff on the ground.




(Norm MacDonald)

We really need to get Omicron under control before it mutates

Because the next Greek letter is Pi and you know how long that goes on

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I asked my Greek girlfriend if she's into anal, she replied "Nai"

it breaks my heart when I hear no for an answer.

One of the Greek tragedians walks into a tailor's shop.

He's holding a bundle of tattered clothing in his hands. Upon entering, he thinks he recognizes the tailor and, surprised, asks, "Eumenides?" The tailor responds, "Yeah, Euripides?"

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

Who is the Greek goddess of rainbows?

Diffractodite.

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My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

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Since we're doing translated jokes: here's a Greek one my father used to tell

An old man had a donkey that helped him with his daily duties. As the times got harder, the old man realized that he needed to do something about his financial situation. He had the idea to gradually reduce the amount of food he gave to the donkey.

Every day the meals of the donkey got smalle...

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The Greeks vs. The Italians

The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours, until final...

My Greek mythology class is killing my GPA.

I guess you could say it's my Achilles' elbow.

Im not very good with greek mythology

Thats my Hercules Heel

I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

Which of the Greek gods always complained of feeling distant?

Demeter

If at first you don't succeed...

Mutate into the next letter of the Greek alphabet and try again.

An abderite sees an eunuch alogside a woman

He asks him: "is this your wife?". The eunuch answers: "eunuchs can't have wives".

"So is it your daughter?".

I browsed through Philogelos ("Love of Laughter") which is the oldest joke collection that has survived. It is written in ancient Greek. Also, it was pretty funny when I dicov...

Long ago, there used to be a city named Sugond.

One day a young woman in Persia asked her husband to bring food from the local market. He went and bought some food and returned.

While her wife was rummaging through the stuff her husband bought, she found a basket full of delicious fruits and nuts. 'Where are these from?', asked the wife. ...

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. "Sure" she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

An Englishman, a Russian and a Greek guy are on the same flight, sitting next to eachother

When they are flying over England, the Englishman says, "England is the best country, check out how well they handle this." he drops a sword out of the window.

When they are flying over Russia, the Russian says, "Mother Russia is the best country, look how efficiently we deal with this." he ...

Why did the Greek immigrant squat on the side of the road?

He was ex-Cretan

Greek tacos sound good for lunch.

Gyros in a half shell.

I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides.

Euclipides nuts.

The most admirable quality of Greek and Roman culture:

their ability to give terms to scientific phenomenon centuries before they were discovered.

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

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What do you call a man who uses Greek flatbread to achieve sexual gratification?

In general he's a pitaphile but if there is hummus involved, he's also hummus-sexual.

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France.

Sacre' T's

On a tiny island between Italy and Greece,

Maria and Nico were young, in love, and engaged to be married. On the night before they were to be wed, Maria’s mother sat her down to have “The Talk”. Knowing Nico’s Greek heritage, she counseled her daughter:

“Maria, mia bella figlia, if Nico ever asks you to turn over, you must say NO! Nic...

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

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What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

What do you call a british person who worships the greek gods?

A Teathen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to translate a joke from Greek

One day, while at school, Marika feels something wet in her underwear.


She goes to her teacher, and says:


"Teacher! Teacher! i have blood in my underwear!"
Her teacher explains to her that it's completely normal, it means that she is a woman now!


They send her bac...

New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

"Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:"

If they say "How much are the mangoes?" You say "$5 a kilo"

If they ask if they're ripe, you say "Some are, some aren't"

If they say they don't want to buy, you shrug and say "If you don't, someone e...

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

What’s the best Ancient Greek landmark to photograph?

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

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What do you call a Greek guy with a large penis ?

Italian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held ...

I tried to translate a joke I've heard in Greek

Unfortunately I don't speak Greek, so I couldn't.

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