Greek Jokes - 60 Hilarious Greek Jokes

The Greeks invented the threesome

But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire. The barista asks each of them why they think the empire is falling.

Aristotle gives a powerful speech about how the empire has failed to live up to its telos and deconstructs the very nature of what an em...

My wife said I look like a Greek god.

Her actual words were "Put your clothes on, we're in a museum" but I know what she meant.

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

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An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

A high-society debutant is engaged to a low-born Greek guy...

Before the wedding, her mother takes her aside and says, "I've tried to talk you out of marrying this man, but you seem determined to go through with it, so just promise me one thing"

"Greeks have unnatural desires in the bedroom that are perverse, nasty, and disgusting. Just promise me now, ...

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

...has always been my Achilles' elbow.

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. "Sure" she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

My date seemed ecstatic at first when I told her I had the body of an Ancient Greek statue

She didn’t seem as enthused when she found out I was only referring from the waist down!

A serbian politician goes to visit a greek politician

Serbian politician looks around greek politician's home amazed. He has a large 5 story house, many pools, a bar with several pool tables, very expensive drinks that date far back, more than 6 sport cars, there's beautiful women all around the house. Serbian is stunned, he asks "Hey friend, let me as...

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An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper...

An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper are perched in a tower overlooking the city of Nancy in France during World War 2. They have been lying down, silently staring down the scopes of their rifles for what surely felt like weeks at that point, and after a few hours of inactivity, the Greek sniper sud...

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

An ancient Greek playwright...

An ancient Greek playwright walks into an Athens tailor shop carrying jeans that have been obviously torn.

The tailor said, "Euripides?"

The playwright said, "Yes. Eumenides?"

TIL: The vasectomy procedure was pioneered by the Greek physician, Euclipides.

His original instructions were as follows: "Euclipides nuts."

A student taking Greek as a second language went to the gymnasium

A few minutes later they were arrested on misdemeanor charges.

Two students of architecture, one Italian and one Greek are at a bar to celebrate their graduation

The Italian student proposes an idea his Greek classmate, “Let's meet up again in 10 years, to see how successful we have become”. The Greek student, interested in this proposition, accepts.

10 years later

The Greek man is invited to the home of the Italian man, when he arrives, he is ...

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Greek mythology in 3 words

Zeus got horny

Not knowing about Greek mythology is my Achiless' Horse.

Uh oh, I've really opened a Pandora's Labyrinth here

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An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing.

The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge ...

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3500 years ago, the Greeks discovered that you couldn't get pregnant through anal sex.

700 years later, the Romans discovered that it also worked with women.

What do you call a Greek cat?

Psiamese

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The Greeks vs. the Italians A Greek and Italian were debating who has the superior culture.

The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italian says, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks says, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italian says, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours...

Why did the retired greek warrior go to the doctor?

For post-spartan depression

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

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Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth?

Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

What do you call a warship that hosts greek weddings?

A dishtroyer.

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An Irishman, a Greek, and a Jew die and stand at the gates of heaven

The keeper of the gates tells them "Well, you have all lived pretty decent lives, but you all fall victim to your respective stereotypes. So here's what's going to happen. You all will go back down to earth for 24 hours and you must avoid your weaknesses.
"Irishman, alcohol cannot touch your lips...

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

Which Greek philosopher had the most hair?

Follikles

Why does Bonnie Tyler only eat Greek Food?

She’s holding out for a gyro.

I look like a Greek God

painted by Picasso.

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A Greek and a Italian are having a beer.

The Greek Says
"You know, we invented sex."
Then the Italian turn's and looks at him.
"Well we brought women into it."

What's a Dominatrix's favorite creature in Greek mythology?

PegAsses

My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess;

Imaginary

A lecturer of aincent greek took his fancy trousers to be mended. Euripedes? asked the tailor

Yes, replied the lecturer. Eumenides?

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

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My Greek Mythology class is fucking up my GPA.

I guess you could say it's my Achilles femur.

Freddie Mercury had just finished his meal in a Greek restaurant when the waiter came over with a couple of plates for him to smash.

"Can you go and get me another one please?" Asked Freddie.

"Why?" Asked the waiter.

"I want to break three."

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Greek vs Italian Culture

One day , two men, a Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop discussing who had the superior culture.

Over triple lattes the Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks ...

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How do you say 'motherfucker' in ancient greek?

Oedipus.

Naming the COVID-19 variants, the WHO skipped the greek letter 'xi'.

They did that in order to not insult the leader of West Taiwan.

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My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Greek are captured by cannibals in Africa.

The chief of the tribe offers to free anyone who succeeds in three tests: drink a ton of wine, pull a thorn from the sacred lion's foot, and have sex with his hundred-year-old grandmother.
They lead the Englishman to the wine hut, he starts drinking but doesn't even get halfway through. The nat...

TIL About the ancient Greek hero Boephades

Like Achilles, he was invulnerable except for one part of his body. Except instead of his ankle, it was his groin.

You've heard of Achilles heel, but did you know about

Boephades nuts?

In Greek Mythology, the Gorgon sisters Stheno, Euryale, and Medusa had the power to turn anyone who looked at them into stone.

But few people know that there was a fourth Gorgon sister named Zola.

She had the power to turn her enemies into cheese.

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NSFW joke I heard from an officer while in the army (translated from Greek)

Three friends are sitting in a bar.

One of them starts bragging, "Guys, my stamina in bed is fucking amazing. I can fuck 3 women in one go". The other two respond "Yeah right mate.. how about you prove it?". So they bring in 3 women and stand them naked up against the wall.

He starts...

What do you call a Greek basketball player?

A hooplite

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held ...

I used to tell everyone I have the body of a Greek God.

But then I learn Buddah wasn't greek

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A Little Greek Humor

Nobody:

Polyphemus: Okay, first off that was a real dick move.

A woman marries a Greek man

On her wedding night her father pulls her aside and says, "Darling, you should know that many Greek men have certain . . . proclivities. There will likely come a time when you'll be making love and he'll ask you to . . . um, roll over. Please, sweetheart, for my sake, DON'T DO IT."

Lo and beh...

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schön.

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

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An Italian and a Greek are hanging out

An Italian and a Greek are having an argument. Each is trying to one up the other.

Greek: Greeks do everything better than Italians. Did you know that Hawaiian pizza was invented by a Greek.

Italian: Sex too was invented by Greeks, but it was Italians that introduced women to it!

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

A Greek man goes to a tailor to get some pants mended.

The tailor takes one look at the pants and goes "Euripides?" The man nods. "Yeah. Eumenides?"

Dated a Greek god, now I have cold sores

Thanks a lot, Herpules

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to Greek cheese?

A Feta-shist

Did you hear about the prolific Greek breakdancer?

George Popnlockadopolous

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