How many Greeks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Olive them.

My body is like a Greek Temple

In ruins

The Greeks invented the threesome

But it was the Romans who thought of adding women.

What do Greek Gods do when screws get loose?

They Titan them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have an unhealthy sexual attraction towards figures in Greek mythology ever since

I laid my eyes on Medusa. Been rock hard ever since.

Who is the most attractive Greek mythological figure?

I don't know about you, but Medusa always gets me rock hard.

An expert in Greek mythology walks into a bar...

Then he suddenly sees stars spinning around to form shapes, and he feels as if he’s been struck by Zeus’s lightning. Then, while collapsed on the ground, he sees Zeus himself staring down at him. A day later, he wakes up in a hospital bed to see a doctor looking at him.

“Why did that happen...

How do the Greeks separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar.

A newly discovered Greek Philosopher once said..."Meh,good enough" .Which is my opinion on most of these jokes.

---Mediocrates

Who was the hottest woman in Greek mythology?

Medusa...one look from her made guys rock hard.

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I had dinner in a Greek restaurant yesterday

Food was shit but the plates were smashing.

greeks

So, a Greek guy walks into a tailor’s shop with a pair of trousers that were torn.

The tailor looks at them and asks, “Euripides?”

The man nods and asks, “Eumenides?”

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A Greek and an Indian are having tea together trying to one-up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek says "We have the Parthenon!"

The Indian replies "Well we have the Taj Mahal."

The Greek says "We gave birth to advanced mathematics!"

The Indian replies "But we invented the number zero."

The Indian says "We invented the caste system".

The Greek replies ...

I failed my Greek Mythology exam.

It has always been my Achilles' elbow

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Orion’s Belt doesn’t sound like it’s named after an almighty Greek God More like it’s named after an Irish father’s punishment weapon of choice.

“You’d better behave young lad, or your arse is gonna meet O’Ryan’s belt!”

How did ancient Greeks keep tabs on their infants while they slept at night?

They used a baby minotaur.

Did you hear about the Greek man who ate his mom’s cat?

He Oedipus.

My Greek friend translated this joke

A guy walks in a bar and goes and sits at the bar, he nods to the barman who goes to him to serve him.

The guy seems edgy and says to the barman “get me a double scotch before it begins”. The barman doesn’t really make a deal out of his attitude and just gets him the drink. 3-4 minutes later ...

Why do the Greek hate getting up early?

Because dawn is tuff on Greece :D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my Greek girlfriend if she's into anal, she replied "Nai"

it breaks my heart when I hear no for an answer.

Did you hear the joke about the shield from Greek mythology?

I would think so, it's been around for aegis.

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A Greek and an Italian were sitting in a coffee shop one afternoon discussing who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to philosophy.

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."

And so on and so on until the G...

How do you describe an ambidextrous Greek string musician experiencing legular combustion?

Lyre, lyre, pants on fire

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What is the similarity between Ancient Greeks and Hitler?

They were both fucking assholes.

The word "Politics" is derived from two Greek words

"Poly" meaning "many" and "ticks" meaning "blood sucking creatures"

My friend said I mock Greek names.

That's preposterousalopalous.

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What do you call a man who uses Greek flatbread to achieve sexual gratification?

In general he's a pitaphile but if there is hummus involved, he's also hummus-sexual.

My Greek mythology class is killing my GPA.

I guess you could say it's my Achilles' elbow.

Which of the Greek gods always complained of feeling distant?

Demeter

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I got a wonderful comment today! Someone told me I had the face of a Greek god.

Not too familiar with Greek gods, but apparently I look like Testicles.

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.

This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

Who is the Greek goddess of rainbows?

Diffractodite.

What do you call a Greek who loves candy?

Popsicles

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule"  as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator....

What do Greek people use to cut their pizzas?

Caesars

The most admirable quality of Greek and Roman culture:

their ability to give terms to scientific phenomenon centuries before they were discovered.

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Since we're doing translated jokes: here's a Greek one my father used to tell

An old man had a donkey that helped him with his daily duties. As the times got harder, the old man realized that he needed to do something about his financial situation. He had the idea to gradually reduce the amount of food he gave to the donkey.

Every day the meals of the donkey got smalle...

One of the Greek tragedians walks into a tailor's shop.

He's holding a bundle of tattered clothing in his hands. Upon entering, he thinks he recognizes the tailor and, surprised, asks, "Eumenides?" The tailor responds, "Yeah, Euripides?"

Isn’t it crazy every planet is named after a Greek God except for earth?

It’s just named after that stuff on the ground.




(Norm MacDonald)

Im not very good with greek mythology

Thats my Hercules Heel

Once again, I'm checking out this book "Greek Philosophers: From Aristotle to Zeno"

I've never finished it for some reason.

What do you call a Greek philosopher who's skilled on the pitch?

Soccerates.

What did the Greek philosopher name his religious themed screen printing shop in France.

Sacre' T's

An Englishman, a Russian and a Greek guy are on the same flight, sitting next to eachother

When they are flying over England, the Englishman says, "England is the best country, check out how well they handle this." he drops a sword out of the window.

When they are flying over Russia, the Russian says, "Mother Russia is the best country, look how efficiently we deal with this." he ...

I learned that the vasectomy was invented by the Ancient Greek physician Euclipides.

Euclipides nuts.

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Two Greek philosophers get into an argument...

Euclid: You've been a very good pupil this past year, Eubulides, but now it's time for you to pay the 50 drachma you owe me for all the philosophy I've taught you.

Eubulides pauses to think for a moment.

Eubulides: Hm, as much as I would love to pay you back, I'm afraid that's not po...

I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

Did you know that ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster?

Modern historians call it balderdash.

Why did the Greek immigrant squat on the side of the road?

He was ex-Cretan

What do you call a british person who worships the greek gods?

A Teathen.

Greek tacos sound good for lunch.

Gyros in a half shell.

Three friends married women from different parts of the world…

The first man married a Greek woman. He told her that she was to do the dishes and clean the house. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and the dishes washed and put away…

The second man married a Thai woman. He gave his wife orders that she was to...

New to the country, and not knowing a word of English, Con the Greek got a job at a fruit stand.

The manager told him:

"Look, there are only 3 phrases you need to know:"

If they say "How much are the mangoes?" You say "$5 a kilo"

If they ask if they're ripe, you say "Some are, some aren't"

If they say they don't want to buy, you shrug and say "If you don't, someone e...

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My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

TIL: Where does the word "politics" come from.

From poly, Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites.

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

What’s the best Ancient Greek landmark to photograph?

Delphi, because it’s always in Phocis.

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An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing. The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "...

Why was Oedipus the most emo Greek king?

He panicked at the disc-throw.

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What do you call a Greek guy with a large penis ?

Italian

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The Greeks vs. The Italians

The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours, until final...

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

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After visiting The Getty my wife said the Greek statues reminded her of me.

“Really?”

“Yes. They all have little dicks too.”

I've been told I have the body of a Greek God.

Too bad it's Dionysus

The Greek god of open wounds!

Herpes!

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I tried to translate a joke from Greek

One day, while at school, Marika feels something wet in her underwear.


She goes to her teacher, and says:


"Teacher! Teacher! i have blood in my underwear!"
Her teacher explains to her that it's completely normal, it means that she is a woman now!


They send her bac...

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A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Busine...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ancient Greeks invented sex

And Romans made it fun by adding women into it.....

Until the British came...eh...arrived.

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue...

Completely pale, no arms.

Why is it hard for Greek people to wake up early in the morning?

*In an Irish accent*

“Because DAWN is tough on Greece”

On my way home yesterday, I saw a guy with interesting hair dressed up as a Greek god.

He said his name was “Afro-dite”.

I'm currently studying the Ancient Greeks.

I'm sitting in an elderly home at Athens.

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?”

“Therefore, I’m your mother.”

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Before the invention of lube, Greeks used olive oil to have anal sex.

I guess you might say the people of ancient Greece loved that ancient grease.

My Greek doctor isn’t a physician

He’s a gyropractor

If you want to get good at Greek pottery...

you have to urn it.

Greek Philosopher Gets A Suit

A Greek Philosopher walks into a tailor's office and asks for 300 suits to be delivered to him.


The tailor offers some proposals: "I can send those in plastic bags, or I could even send those in parcels."


The Greek philosopher replies : "no, no, no I would like them to be deliv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wich greek hero do asexuals want to fuck the most?

Odysseus.

Why was the greek god arrested?

cuz it committed a misDEMETER

What do you call a wealthy Greek vampire?

Count Drachma.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology.

It always was my achilles elbow.

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

What were the rebels called during the Greek Civil War?

The Confetaracy

I have a Greek friend who is a horrible wingman

so we call him Icarus

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I went to a prostitute and asked her if I could do her Greek style. "Sure" she said

So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.

Someone told me I look like a Greek god:

Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

A long time ago, I had a job where I translated pre-classical Greek literature into Braille.

It feels like ancient history.

A Scotsman was giving a walking tour to a Greek guy through the hills of Scotland. They came across a sheep that had its head stuck in a hole in a fence.

‘Let me show you what we do in a situation like this’ says the Scotsman with a grin as he unzips his trousers and has his way with the sheep. After he finished he turns to the Greek and says
‘Ok, now it’s your turn’
‘I can’t!’ Protests the Greek, ‘My head won’t fit in that hole.’

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity.

The river sticks

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God...

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

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My girlfriend sprinkles Greek cheese on her poop.

I really NEED to tell my girlfriend ,I’m not into her fetashits.

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An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

I tried to translate a joke I've heard in Greek

Unfortunately I don't speak Greek, so I couldn't.

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades?

He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

[Historical] What do the Persians, young boys and spiced lamb meat have in common?

Getting speared by the Ancient Greeks

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In 450 BC a Greek and a Roman are sitting around, discussing who has more reason to be proud of their heritage

Roman: We are clearly the superior society, after all, we invented aqueducts so cities and fields alike could grow

Greek: Perhaps, but we invented the water mill for grinding abundant grain, so that it could be stored and feed the people. Plus, we developed cartography, mapping out the world....

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?

He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held ...

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy?

Oedipus Rex

Everyone knows of Cassandra, the Greek woman cursed to see the future but to never be believed. I would like to propose a new figure as her opposite: a man who pretends to know to future and have everyone believe him.

Or as I call him, Trump.

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