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What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs?

Bikings

The Norse gods are sleeping off an orgy...

The God of Thunder turns to the young woman next to him and says, “I am Thor!”

The gal looks up through sleepy eyes and replies, “You think you’re Thor! I’m tho Thor I can barely pith!

(Kinda an aural joke. If you could say it out loud it might work better.)

Who is the most laid back Norse God?

Loki

An archaeologist was preparing to take a flight to some ancient Norse ruins.

Right as he left his house, he was mugged.

His cab was stolen.

His girlfriend called and said that they should see other people.

On his way to the airport, there was a terrible accident that caused him to miss his flight.

When he made it to the airport, he was selected fo...

How does the Norse God of mischief like to celebrate his birthday?

He likes to keep it low-key

Puns about Norse gods...

are Loki the best.

What if Erik the Red had been Erik the Green?

Well... that would be a Norse of another colour.

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

If you like posts featuring Norse gods,

then this could be your Loki day.

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Why don't Norse goddesses like anal sex?

Because they're Asgardians.

I'll just Loki walk away now.

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

I saw a Norse god discreetly playing 49Hz notes on a piano in space...

I thought to myself: "What a low G low G low key low key Loki."

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There’s been a rash of laryngitis sweeping through the Scandinavian equine circuit

Quick! Call the Hoarse Norse Horse Nurse!

Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject...

It's a Thor subject.

And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it.

What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?

A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet?

DownlOdin.

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet illegally?

Thorrenting.

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Ever have sex with a girl only to realize they're completely insane?

For example, last week I hooked up with this cute red-head . She was smart, sexy, bit of a lisp. Everything seemed normal, but the second we got finished she started going on about how she was the Norse god of thunder.

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Graham and Donna met on Tinder.

Donna was a pretty woman with a lisp. Graham was actually the famous porn star Thor the Thunderbolt, so named because his mighty weapon was as long and as thick as the Norse god’s hammer.

Nature took its course, and the pair had a wonderful night of bliss. In the morning, Graham felt remors...

Why were the Vikings such good sailors?

You can lead a Norse to water but you can’t make him sink.

How did vikings send secret messages

By using Norse code

My friend Steve was looking to rent a house.

Steve's wealthy, so he had two realtors competing to lease him their latest properties. The first realtor opened his pitch bragging about the laundry list of folks who had rented property from him.
"I've rented out properties to Buddha himself, to four Norse gods, even Christ and a few of his dis...

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Bartender

A traveler walks into a bar, asks for the local brew, and the bartender's name.
Bartender says "you must be new here..." And takes out a perfectly pristine glass, sounds it around his hand, and pours a perfect pint. He says "that... Is the perfect pint of beer. I've been pouring the perfect pint ...

What language did the Viking secret service use to communicate in secret?

Norse code.

In olden days,

when the gods were wont to take on human form and tarry with mortals, the Norse god of thunder, he of the hammer Mjölnir, espied a comely young Norsewoman and betook him to her bed. Being a god, he was able to "bring her to Valhalla" seven times over the course of the evening.

In the morning,...

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