UPJOKE
norwegiangermanicvikingnorwayeuropeanswedishdanishicelandicetruscanslavicnordicscandinaviansaxoncelticgreek

What do you call a Norse god who doesn't draw much attention to themselves?

Low Key.......!

How do viking ships communicate with each other?

Norse code

I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up

4 Norse god, 1 Roman god, and 2 astronomical bodies walk into a bar

The bartender says " Oh, this is a gonna be a week joke"

I hate when my friends always talk about Norse gods

Like bro it's Loki annoying

What did they call Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?

Author

Why did Loki, Norse God of Trickery and Mischief, turn into a train?

I asked around and, well, no one really understands his Loki-motives.

What do you get when you play "Just the Tip" with a Norse God?

Thorskin

You heard what the Norse God of Thunder said to the girl after the orgy?

He said, “Hi, I’m Thor.”

She replied, “You’re thor? I’m tho thor I could hardly pith.”

Mike Tyson gets really upset if you talk to him about Norse mythology.

It’s a Thor subject.

What math do Norse gods use?

Frigganometry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs:

The Bikings.

NORSE GOD OF THUNDER: "I'm Thor!"

NORSE HORSE WITH A LISP: "That'th becauthe you forgot your thaddle, thilly."

NORSE GOD OF THUNDER: "Oh you."

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch all die and go to the afterlife.

A Christian, a Muslim, and a Witch of the Norse gods all die and go to the afterlife.

They find that, waiting for them at the entrance to the afterlife is Anubis, waiting with a set of scales, with a feather on one side.

Above Anubis is a sign, "You wait with your heart, if less than f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Norse Joke

King Halfdan of Vestfold visits his subjects in Romerike and participates in their local assembly, the þing. When it is over, he pulls his sword and kills about half of the assemblymens.

King Halfdan then visits his subjects in Soleyar, participates in the þing, and again kills about half of...

What do you call the coming of age tale for a Norse God?

A Thor-igin story.

Also what I think Taika would've named the first movie if he had done it.

I never expected the Norse god of mischief be such a extravagant dresser.

I had always heard he was real Loki.

I’ve secretly converted to Norse paganism

shhhhhhh! I’m trying to keep it Loki.

An archaeologist was preparing to take a flight to some ancient Norse ruins.

Right as he left his house, he was mugged.

His cab was stolen.

His girlfriend called and said that they should see other people.

On his way to the airport, there was a terrible accident that caused him to miss his flight.

When he made it to the airport, he was selected fo...

What do you call a Norse god that’s really reserved?

Loki

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't Norse goddesses like anal sex?

Because they're Asgardians.

I'll just Loki walk away now.

Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject...

It's a Thor subject.

And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it.

A Viking is out shopping when he comes across an old woman in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the Viking.

"Well," the woman says, wiping her tears, "I have been living on my own for many months now, and my daughter and son-in-law have at last come to visit me. My daughter has brought me along on this shopping trip, but it's the first time I've really been out and ...

What if Erik the Red had been Erik the Green?

Well... that would be a Norse of another colour.

How does the Norse God of mischief like to celebrate his birthday?

He likes to keep it low-key

Wednesday and Thursday were named after the Norse Gods Odin and Thor...

And if you really enjoy facts about Norse Gods then today is your Loki-day!

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

The Norse gods are sleeping off an orgy...

The God of Thunder turns to the young woman next to him and says, “I am Thor!”

The gal looks up through sleepy eyes and replies, “You think you’re Thor! I’m tho Thor I can barely pith!

(Kinda an aural joke. If you could say it out loud it might work better.)

I saw a Norse god discreetly playing 49Hz notes on a piano in space...

I thought to myself: "What a low G low G low key low key Loki."

Olaf the Viking is shopping at a supermarket.

He comes across an elderly woman in a wheelchair, crying.
Alarmed, Olaf asks the woman what the matter is.

“I want to look at the puddings, but they are three steps down into the chiller cabinet”, she sobs. Her husband has wandered off down the aisle and isn’t any help.

“That’s no p...

A Viking sailed across Europe challenging people to staring contests.

He was so confident in his abilities that he promised to hand over all of the gold he had pillaged to anyone who could defeat him. The news spread throughout Europe, catching the attention of a couple in Ireland whose daughter was born without eyelids.

Believing that their daughter was guaran...

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet?

DownlOdin.

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet illegally?

Thorrenting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bartender

A traveler walks into a bar, asks for the local brew, and the bartender's name.
Bartender says "you must be new here..." And takes out a perfectly pristine glass, sounds it around his hand, and pours a perfect pint. He says "that... Is the perfect pint of beer. I've been pouring the perfect pint ...

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

What goes bjork-bjork-bjork fjergen-fjergen-fjergen bjork-bjork-bjork?

Norse code

My Norwegian friend sent me a program he created...

...call that Norse code.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever have sex with a girl only to realize they're completely insane?

For example, last week I hooked up with this cute red-head . She was smart, sexy, bit of a lisp. Everything seemed normal, but the second we got finished she started going on about how she was the Norse god of thunder.

What do you call a serious of dots and dashes that Vikings used to communicate with?

Norse Code

Why were the Vikings such good sailors?

You can lead a Norse to water but you can’t make him sink.

My friend Steve was looking to rent a house.

Steve's wealthy, so he had two realtors competing to lease him their latest properties. The first realtor opened his pitch bragging about the laundry list of folks who had rented property from him.
"I've rented out properties to Buddha himself, to four Norse gods, even Christ and a few of his dis...

What do you call a vain person from Norway?

A norse-cissist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s been a rash of laryngitis sweeping through the Scandinavian equine circuit

Quick! Call the Hoarse Norse Horse Nurse!

What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?

A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.

In olden days,

when the gods were wont to take on human form and tarry with mortals, the Norse god of thunder, he of the hammer Mjölnir, espied a comely young Norsewoman and betook him to her bed. Being a god, he was able to "bring her to Valhalla" seven times over the course of the evening.

In the morning,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Graham and Donna met on Tinder.

Donna was a pretty woman with a lisp. Graham was actually the famous porn star Thor the Thunderbolt, so named because his mighty weapon was as long and as thick as the Norse god’s hammer.

Nature took its course, and the pair had a wonderful night of bliss. In the morning, Graham felt remors...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.