UPJOKE
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Cut Up Jokes

I cried when dad cut up onions

Onions was a good dog

Some people say they cry when they cut up onions.

I find the secret to not crying is, don't form an emotional bond with them.

What’s the difference btw an Onion and an Englishman?

No one cries when you cut up an Englishman

Note: don’t know if the context helps, but a friend heard this from a Scottish tour guide on a trip to Britain.

Kevin had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive

when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Kevin to pull over.

When Kevin did, the driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Kevin, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE...

What did the little Mexican call his little tool that he uses to cut up his little pizza?

Little caesars.

Did you hear about the deaf person who was cut up but was surprisingly happy about the whole thing?

The headline was: Mutilated mute elated

Whats the difference between an onion and a hooker?

I dont cry when I cut up a hooker

Me and my buddy Milton Spilk used to work in a kitchen, chopping up vegetables.

You have to be careful or you can cut yourself. Old Milt had an accident and got cut up pretty bad.

I felt bad about it, but eventually I decided...

Why cry over Milt Spilk?

Whats the diff. between an onion and a bagpipe.

Nobody cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

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