I just removed a Wig, some Lipstick and two Chicken Fillets off my racecar...

You could say I significantly reduced the drag.

Went to a BBQ restaurant and ordered a 500g fillet from a female bovine.

It was a big miss steak.

McDonalds will soon be offering your choice of fillet steaks...

Big McStake

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Bob, an accountant





was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing.


His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor.


He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a...

What was Ed Gein's favorite restaurant?

Chick Fillet.

A lady walks into a restaurant

When she sits down she ask the waiter,

“Excuse me, what is the food of the day?”

“Well ma’am we are serving a 250 gram Angus eye fillet steak.”

“Well I’ll get that medium rare.”

The waiter walks away and comes back 10 minutes later with the steak. He places it down and sh...

Did you hear about the new welding position that opened up at work?

Management is desperate to fillet.

A pastors wife goes to the fish market

She’s looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.

“I’d recommend this right here, ma’am. It’s new to the market.”

“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.

“It’s dam fish, ma’am.”

The pastors wife abruptly says. “How dare you use th...

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

Theres a live fish in a restaurant

Upon accepting his fate ge says to the chef in defeat "Fillet me to rest."


(i think i made it up myself could use some work probably)

A Math Professor, an engineer and a butcher goes to their 10 year school reunion

A math professor, an engineer and a butcher goes to their 10 year school reunion. The prof arrives in a small yellow Volkswagen, the engineer arrives in a BMW and the butcher arrives in a Ferrari.

After a bit of small talk the prof and the engineer asks the butcher how he got to buy such a gr...

What do you get when you cook a special type of meat south of the border, but then put off eating it until the next day?

Fillet mañana

A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC...

While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...

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A priest is fishing at a local watering hole...

A priest is fishing a local watering hole one afternoon and catches an odd looking fish. The guy down the shore explains it’s called a Sonofabitch fish. The priest is not amused but the fisherman swears it is correct. When he gets back to the church rectory the priest gives the fish to the ground...

Only a bad chef blames his tools, Jeremy..

Yeah, but trying to fillet a fish with a spoon just doesn't quite cut it.

Restaurant contest

Last weekend I went to one of those restaurants where you can see into the kitchen, it was at that weird time between lunch and dinner and the place was quite empty. I could see there was some kind of contest going on between some of the staff.

First I saw one of the waitresses hold up an inc...

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As the limousine stops, twenty beautiful models step out

followed by this very well dressed man carrying a rooster. They enter the restaurant, and sit at the large reserved table. When the waiter arrives, the man orders: "I would like to start with some Beluga caviar for me and the ladies, and triple portion for the rooster. Then we will proceed to have l...

So I got a ticket last night

I was coming back from my friend's gig at a restaurant, where I enjoyed a good Italian dinner an hour prior.

Here's how the initial conversation went:

Cop: "Where have you been tonight?"

Me: "Fratello's Restaurant. My pal was playing guitar for the crowd from 6-9 pm."

Cop...

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A fine taster once entered a restaurant and challenged the restaurant owner.

He told the restaurant owner to serve him anything, and he'd be able to identify it. The restaurant owner accepted the challenge, and the starter meal was served. The guest tasted it, thought about it for a few seconds and then said: "This is a paté from a wild boar, duck and common quail. The wine ...

What do you call a fish that likes to cook?

Bobby Fillet

My CAD guy was having a rough day at work...

So I told him to just fillet the whole model. It really takes the edge off.

I think Google Translate did a poor job on these German jokes, but they make me laugh anyway.

Teacher to student: "'For this insolence you write one hundred times,' I am a lazy guy 'and it can then be signed by your father!'

What day is the most labor intensive of an official? The Monday, as he must be equal to demolish two calendar pages.

The German teacher asks Bini: "What ...

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