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Couple On Jokes

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

A couple on a blind date…

A couple on a blind date visited a carnival. They went for a ride on a few of the attractions. The man, noticing the bored look on his date’s face asked “what would you like to do next?”

“Get weighed” she replied.

So he took her to the weight guesser attraction. “115” was the guess, an...

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Bill and Steve are a gray couple on an airplane.

Bill turns to Steve, "you know what would be wild? We should have sex on the plane, like right here in our seats."

Steve surprised "whoah man, there are people everywhere, they would watch, it'd be weird."

"Nobody pays attention on a plane." Says Bill. With that he gets up and shoots t...

A young inexperience couple on their wedding night NSFW

They have never been intimate and they begin to undress and see each other naked for the first time. The husband takes off his socks and his toes are contorted and bizarre looking. "Whoa!" she says, "what's up with your toes???"

 

"I had a childhood disease that left them lik...

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Deaf Couple on Honeymoon

A deaf couple gets married and is on their honeymoon. The lights go out and they begin having sex. The next morning the wife says, "Last night we seemed to be fumbling around quite a bit. Probably because the lights were out and we are unable to sign one another. Let's work out some simple signa...

A married couple has been stranded on a deserted island for many years.....

...One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there.

"Now we will be able to have three people doing ei...

I saw a loved up couple on the train.

The woman was caressing the man's genital warts, and it made me feel uneasy.

I hate public displays of infection.

A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and places it in their shopping cart...

The wife complained, "Put that back, we only have enough funds for essential items - not luxuries such as beer costing $20."

A little later while walking through the cosmetics aisle, the wife picks up a beauty cream and places it in the cart.

The husband says, "I thought we were on a t...

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A young couple on their honeymoon...

...the bride comes out of the bathroom in her lingerie and finds her new husband cowering under the sheets. She says, "What's wrong? Don't you want to do this?"
He says, "Momma told me girls have teeth down there!"
She lifts her leg up and leans in close so he can get a good look. "Do you see ...

A couple on the first date.

She: What are your hobbies?

He (gets a stuffed hamster out of his pocket): Taxidermy.

Hamster: And ventriloquism!

A couple on their 60th anniversary

Jake and Jane wake up on the day of their 60th anniversary. Jane turns to Jake and says:
Jane: Jake, is there anything you have been keeping a secret in all these years from me? Today is our 60th anniversary and you can come clean! I want be mad.
Jake: Well Jane, now that you asked, it was me ...

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside when they approached the gates of a monastery. A sign on the gates announced “Public lunch served daily. Fish and chips our speciality.” The couple were quite hungry and, seeing that the noon hour had just passed, they decided to ...

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An elderly couple on a cruise . . .

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.

They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captain sent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that...

A young couple on their wedding night. . .

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing.

When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird....

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A Chinese couple on their wedding night...

...were getting ready to consummate the marriage. As virgins, the man and the woman start talking about what they want to do.

"Honey, what would you like to try... I'll do anything that you might enjoy", says the husband.

"I'm not really sure", says the wife shyly, "but my friends...

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A young couple on their way to their wedding

A young couple on their way to their wedding get into a car crash and die. They both arrive before the pearly gates where they are met by St. Peter. They ask him.

"Is it possible to get married in Heaven?"

"Wait here while I find out" says St. Peter and leaves. The young couple is star...

An older couple on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary

An older couple is sitting down to breakfast on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says "Honey, we were wild and crazy when we were newlyweds. What do you suppose we were doing on the morning after we were married 50 years ago?"
The husband says "We were probably sitting arou...

German couple on the Autobahn. He drives, she wakes up after a nap, looks over and asks him:"Why are you going 180kph??"

"Because the road looks slippery."

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