What did the janitor say when he opened the closet?

Supplies!

What do you call a blond skeleton in a closet

Last year's hide-and-go-seek winner

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Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense

Like homie what were you doing in the closet that whole time

An idiot has a mirror in his closet.

He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops

“Police! There’s a burglar in my closet, come quickly!”
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror.

He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as h...

What do you call an 8 year old stuck in a closet?

I don't remember, but the amber alert called her Mary.

I asked the lion in my closet what it was doing there.

He told me it was Narnia business.

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A nine-year-old boy was in his mother’s bedroom while his father was away at work.

Suddenly, he heard his mother coming in with a man and hid in the closet. The two kissed, then began to make out, before suddenly the front door opened and the boy could hear his father calling from downstairs. His mother quickly took her lover and shoved him into the closet, unaware that her son wa...

I’m coming out of the closet

Because there’s a big scary spider in here.

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I was cleaning out my closet and found an old pair of jeans on the top shelf. Inside of them was a huge rubber penis. I showed my wife what I found and asked for an explanation.

She said, “Honey, you know I never lie. This way, when I tell you that you have a huge cock in your pants, I’m not lying.”

Why did the alien came out of the closet?

Because the truth is out there.

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf.

When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?”
The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

What’s blonde and dead in the closet?

Hide and seek champion of 1846

There are no skeletons in my closet.

The bodies haven't decomposed yet.

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If gays come out of the closet, where do straights come out of?

Compton

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The woman was in bed with 3 men when her husband came home.

One of them hid in the closet, the second one went under the bed, and the third one went to the balcony.

After a while, the one under the bed came out and said: "OK, madam, your bed is fixed now." She told her husband that she called this guy to repair one of the legs of the bed. The husband...

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

I thought my new girlfriend might be "the one" until I looked in her closet

There was a nurse's uniform, a French maid's uniform and a policewoman's uniform. That killed it.

If she can't commit to one job, she's too flighty for me.

There's this kid who decides to scare his mother by hidings in the closet, and popping out when she grabs a shirt, when he sees her and this stranger start to make love.

But then his father drives into the driveway right before he could scare her.

"Oh no, my husband. Quick, hide in the closet."

The stranger runs into the closet without question, and the boy tries to start a conversation.

"Sure is dark in here."

"Oh my God, who are you?"...

A wife is clearing out her closet

And she finds loads of clothes to put to the charity shop. The husband walks in and says “just throw them away, there’s no need to put them to the charity shop”

The wife replies “aye there is, there’s starving children in Africa who could need these clothes”

And the husband says “darli...

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I finally came out of the closet...

after my mom locked me in it after I told her I was gay.

Guess what I found in the creepy old professors closet

Narnia business

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My wife was so excited that she pulled something out of her closet from 10 years ago that still fits..

"Can you believe it? After 10 years and it still fits!"

"Babe, it's a fucking scarf!"

My dad would lock us on the closet for hours at a time.

He told us it was elevator training. Today, I was in an elevator, I nailed it!!

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the clo...

A Chinese fella bursts out of the janitorial closet and exclaims

Supplies!

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Why did the homosexual come out of the closet?

He found his shirt.

It only takes about 5 seconds to find a shirt...

What do you call walk-in closet in Spanish?

Armario de Joaquín

I’m finally coming out of the closet

It’s been 25 minutes. My little brother sucks at hide and seek

I swear if he’s playing Fortnite right now I will throw him out of the goddamned window.

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What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual?

Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.

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Three Men are in a plane

But unfortunately the engine stalled and they crashed on an uncharted island. They survive, but immediately are captured by natives. As they sit in their bamboo cage, the chief walks up to them and gives them a deal: join them or die.

The first guy feels he has something to live for, so the c...

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Cure for snoring

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife
goes to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he
will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!' she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog ...

A woman buys a closet from Ikea

A woman who lives just above an underground station buys a closet from Ikea and tries to build it in her apartment. She gets it built but, before she could get any clothes inside, the underground arrives at the station and the closet collapses.

She doesn't understand how could this happen sin...

"I may never trust my sister Linda again," a brunette woman told her blonde friend.

"What happened?" asked the blonde.

"Yesterday," said the brunette, "I came home from work and heard a strange noise coming from the bedroom. I went upstairs and saw my husband lying in bed. He looked exhausted. I asked him what was up, and he said he was having a heart attack. Just as I was l...

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I keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia.

Which is the one about being in a closet?

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I finally came out of the closet today

It took me forever to find the doorknob

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3 boys are lost in a forest and find a cabin

They knock on the cabin’s door and an old man answers. The kids ask the old man if they can stay there for the night and the old man says “Why of course you can. There’s one rule though. Do not open this closet” the old man points to a door. “If you do there will be consequences!”

The kids, ...

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Trump is a closet communist, and I have proof.

When he says he likes to grab them by the pussy, he's really saying he wants to seize the means of reproduction.

the seven statues.

a wife was cheating on her husband. one day he says he was going out to a business trip. she invites her secret boyfriend. the boyfriend goes in and the sit there with the wife for a while and unexpectedly the husband came back because he forgot his passport. she said "QUICK, stand next to the seven...

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3 Quick Ones

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorr...

I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet

I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...

Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

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A man was having premature ejaculation problems...

so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position...

An english schoolteacher was in Switzerland...

An English schoolteacher, was in Switzerland and looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following fall. She asked the schoolmaster if he would recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make final preparati...

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All the scarers in monsters inc are gay

They're always coming out of closets

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When can you tell if a boogeyman is gay?

When he comes out of the closet.

Billy's birthday gift

Little Billy just turned 8. His parents went all out for the party. They rented a bounce house. The cake was three layers. They even hired the best clown in the state. All of Billy's friends from school were there, even some of the older cool kids made it. At the end of the party, when everyone left...

A blonde married man went to Home Depot to buy a new closet...

"Please give me a closet that doesn't come with a naked man living in it" he asked the salesman.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

My wife has been secretly storing plenty of graph paper inside her closet.

I bet she is plotting something against me.

After entering what appeared to be a whole new world I witnessed incredible things - a man-beast union composed of a human top and goat bottom, a queen who wore a gown made of icicles, a huge furry lion who ruled over it all.

Eventually though I decided to go home. I came out of the closet and told my parents of the adventures I'd had. They're very closed minded though - they said it was perverted and sent me to conversion therapy.

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says...

"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. ...

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I used to live with a closet-gay roommate.

Then one day I unlocked his chains and he ran away.

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An elderly couple are about to have sex in a nursing home supply closet.

The woman decided to warn the man about her heart condition. “ You need to know this, I have acute angina.”

“That’s good news.” The man replied, “because you have the ugliest pair of tits I have ever seen.”

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A man returns home early from work one afternoon to find his wife spread out on the bed naked, puffing and panting.

“What are you doing?” the man inquires.
“Err,” she stammers back. “I… um… I think I’m having a heart attack!”
“Oh,” cries the gullible husband, “quick, I’ll call an ambulance!”

He runs downstairs, picks up the phone and begins dialing 911, when his son Johnny appears, sobbing his little...

There is a box in the office closet with a ton of envelopes. It's blocking the door from opening all the way. I asked the manager to get it out of the way and he scoffed "yeah right - you try it"....

I couldn't budge it. For such a small box it was unbelievably heavy.

Then it dawned on me - it was stationary.

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A man suspected his wife of cheating on him. (A long one, but a good one)

He suspected his wife was having an affair and cheating on him during her lunch hour at work. One day, he decided to leave work at lunchtime to try and catch her in the act. When he arrives at his apartment he yells out “honey! Are you here? I thought we could have lunch together!” Sure enough, the...

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

BANG@#$%^&a...

My kids got me a stud finder for Christmas

When I held it up to myself, nothing happened. But it did find the naked man in my wife's closet.

I wasn’t sure if my wife or my dog loved me more...

So I locked both of them in a closet for 2 hours in the dark.

When I opened it, only my dog was happy to see me.

How big is a paedophile's closet?

It's pretty spacey

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hidin...

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My brother recently came out of the closet.

I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the gays...

I came out of the closet after 10 years of hiding!

It was a very long game of hide and seek. :(

After a long struggle, my uncle finally came out of the closet.

He has Alzheimer’s, and thought it was his truck.

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A cockroach in my home just came out of the closet.

I was shocked at first but I made sure that it felt supported and loved no matter what or whome it loved.

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Little Johnny cussed all the time....

And his parents told him, "If you keep on cussing, all you'll get for Christmas is shit."

He didn't seem to care and kept cussing.

On Christmas morning he looked under the tree - a pile of shit.

He peeked behind the sofa - another pile of shit.

He checked every closet - n...

What was the excuse the closeted necrophiliac gave his girlfriend for missing dinner?

"Was out having a cold one with the boys"

Where's the best place to find a Communist?

In the Lenin closet.

I went for a walk through Memory Lane today.

I found some boxes in my closet. In it were old family relics. My great-great grandfather's World War One helmet was the first thing I saw. There was also my grandmother's surgical gear when she was a nurse in the local hospital, and countless heirlooms I can't possibly list all of which.

The...

I used to smoke weed with a nun

One day we were blazing and she confessed to me that she always wore the same robe whenever she smoked weed. She said as soon as she finished smoking she'd go straight home, wash it, and hide it in the back of her closet.

I guess you could say she was ashamed of her drug habit.

I saw a beautiful girl and I thought I should go say something. But then I eealized it was a bad idea.

She was probably going to freak out when I walked out of her closet.

The detective picks up a scent of Cuban tobacco on the victim’s body.

From this, he deduces that the killer was a smoker. He also discovers a crumpled up sheet of paper that has an address scribbled out on it. This leads him to the doorsteps of an old apartment. The detective readies his gun and barges in, eager to find a clue that ties the house to the suspect. But o...

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I know they are supposed to keep my closet fresh, but moth balls smell terrible.

It's not worth spreading their tiny, insect legs apart to smell them either.

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I asked my Spanish friend how her sex life’s been since she came out of the closet.

She says it’s less bien.

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did you know all skeletons are gay?

of course not they're always in the closet

Is that a frying pan in the pantry?

No. It’s a wok in closet.

The president is a closet communist

He likes to seize the means of reproduction.

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