There are no skeletons in my closet.

The bodies haven't decomposed yet.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!

What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?

Last year's hide and go seek winner.

Guess what I found in the creepy old professors closet

Narnia business

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I finally came out of the closet...

after my mom locked me in it after I told her I was gay.

A wife is clearing out her closet

And she finds loads of clothes to put to the charity shop. The husband walks in and says “just throw them away, there’s no need to put them to the charity shop”

The wife replies “aye there is, there’s starving children in Africa who could need these clothes”

And the husband says “darli...

Two nuns are in a dark closet, the first nun says "Where's the candle?"

The second replies "Sure does".

There's this kid who decides to scare his mother by hidings in the closet, and popping out when she grabs a shirt, when he sees her and this stranger start to make love.

But then his father drives into the driveway right before he could scare her.

"Oh no, my husband. Quick, hide in the closet."

The stranger runs into the closet without question, and the boy tries to start a conversation.

"Sure is dark in here."

"Oh my God, who are you?"...

I thought my new girlfriend might be "the one" until I looked in her closet

There was a nurse's uniform, a French maid's uniform and a policewoman's uniform. That killed it.

If she can't commit to one job, she's too flighty for me.

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did you know all skeletons are gay?

of course not they're always in the closet

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Why did the homosexual come out of the closet?

He found his shirt.

It only takes about 5 seconds to find a shirt...

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A girl wants to come out of the closet as gay, but is afraid of what her parents will think. She decides to tell them, so she says, “Mom, Dad,”

“I’m allergic to nuts”

My dad would lock us on the closet for hours at a time.

He told us it was elevator training. Today, I was in an elevator, I nailed it!!

How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom temperature.

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My wife was so excited that she pulled something out of her closet from 10 years ago that still fits..

"Can you believe it? After 10 years and it still fits!"

"Babe, it's a fucking scarf!"

What do you call walk-in closet in Spanish?

Armario de Joaquín

A Chinese fella bursts out of the janitorial closet and exclaims

Supplies!

I’m finally coming out of the closet

It’s been 25 minutes. My little brother sucks at hide and seek

I swear if he’s playing Fortnite right now I will throw him out of the goddamned window.

A woman buys a closet from Ikea

A woman who lives just above an underground station buys a closet from Ikea and tries to build it in her apartment. She gets it built but, before she could get any clothes inside, the underground arrives at the station and the closet collapses.

She doesn't understand how could this happen sin...

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I finally came out of the closet today

It took me forever to find the doorknob

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What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual?

Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work...

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, ...

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Trump is a closet communist, and I have proof.

When he says he likes to grab them by the pussy, he's really saying he wants to seize the means of reproduction.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet

I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.

Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...

Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

Dave went to the store for a box of mothballs. His closet was infested with moths and he needed a solution.

The next day, Dave returned to buy five more boxes.



“Weren’t you just here yesterday to buy a box of mothballs?” the store clerk asked.



“Yes, but I used up that box already. Those suckers are hard to hit when they start moving!”

My wife has been secretly storing plenty of graph paper inside her closet.

I bet she is plotting something against me.

An idiot has a mirror in his closet

He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops


"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"


A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idio...

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Somebody told me my clothes were gay.

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

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I used to live with a closet-gay roommate.

Then one day I unlocked his chains and he ran away.

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An elderly couple are about to have sex in a nursing home supply closet.

The woman decided to warn the man about her heart condition. “ You need to know this, I have acute angina.”

“That’s good news.” The man replied, “because you have the ugliest pair of tits I have ever seen.”

There is a box in the office closet with a ton of envelopes. It's blocking the door from opening all the way. I asked the manager to get it out of the way and he scoffed "yeah right - you try it"....

I couldn't budge it. For such a small box it was unbelievably heavy.

Then it dawned on me - it was stationary.

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One of my favorite childhood memories is my father coming out of the closet...

It was a huge surprise to me that not just *one*, but *both* my fathers were gay.

A married couple had a deadbeat son.

An married couple had a son in his late 20s still living at home. The parents were concerned that they're son showed a disinterest with pursuing settling down getting on with his life.

The son was working at his part-time job at a pizza place. The dad, at home, said, "I have an idea." He laid...

I came out of the closet after 10 years of hiding!

It was a very long game of hide and seek. :(

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My brother recently came out of the closet.

I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the gays...

After a long struggle, my uncle finally came out of the closet.

He has Alzheimer’s, and thought it was his truck.

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

How big is a paedophile's closet?

It's pretty spacey

I opened my closet this morning, and there was a lion inside. I asked him what he was doing?

He said "Narnia business."

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A cockroach in my home just came out of the closet.

I was shocked at first but I made sure that it felt supported and loved no matter what or whome it loved.

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Raunchiest joke I told when I was younger (NSFW)

A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and offers him a proposition "For $200 I bet I can suck your dick and sing the national anthem at the same time." The man figures he can get some head and actually get paid for it, so he obliges. The woman takes him into the closet, starts sucking, and sur...

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

BANG@#$%^&a...

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I asked my Spanish friend how her sex life’s been since she came out of the closet.

She says it’s less bien.

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I know they are supposed to keep my closet fresh, but moth balls smell terrible.

It's not worth spreading their tiny, insect legs apart to smell them either.

What do you call a pirate who's trapped in a closet?

Arrr Kelly

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Walk-in Closet

I went into my walk-in closet this morning and turned on the light. To my surprise, I saw my wife licking moth balls.

I was actually impressed she was able to get the little fucker's legs apart.

The president is a closet communist

He likes to seize the means of reproduction.

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Little Johnny and Little Sally are hiding in the bedroom closet watching Little Johnny's sister have sex with her boyfriend...

"Golly," Little Sally whispers. "She sure looks like she's having a good time. You wanna try that, Little Johhny?"

"Not really," he says. "His dick would probably hurt me."

A Blonde Stewardess

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing th...

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

My mom came out of the closet a few minutes ago

Apparently, she was in Narnia.

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A woman was having a passionate affair with an exterminator...

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the...

Hillary Clinton comes home one day and finds Bill putting a large box back into the closet...

...she asks him what it's for and he responds, "Don't worry honey. Just forget about it." She does until a few weeks later when her curiosity peaks. She looks in the box and finds $80,000 and 2 soda cans.

When bill gets home she asks him about the box and why there's $80,000 and soda cans i...

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I'm a closet racist.

Ever since these walk-ins were built, the neighborhood has gone to shit.

Why Has no one seen the movie "In The Closet?"

It hasn't come out yet

My 3-Year old son just found out how to open the closet door...

Looks like I'll have to lock him up somewhere else.

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