What does a janitor say when he jumps out of a closet?


How warm is a janitor's closet?

Broom Temperature.

A woman buys a closet from Ikea

A woman who lives just above an underground station buys a closet from Ikea and tries to build it in her apartment. She gets it built but, before she could get any clothes inside, the underground arrives at the station and the closet collapses.

She doesn't understand how could this happen sin...

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A little girl looks into her closet and talks to the monster that lives in there.....

She asks him "Closet Monster, when are you ever going to come out of the closet?"
The monster replies "How many times must I tell you? I'm not gay!"

Why did the lion get into the closet?


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I finally came out of the closet today

It took me forever to find the doorknob

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What does a chemist say when he comes out of the closet for being bisexual?

Iodine, Americium, Bismuth.

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A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes home early...

"Quick, hide!" she says, so the man grabs his clothes and jumps into the closet. The man hears the hushed voice of a young boy.

"Sure is dark in here."

"Indeed it is," the man responds.

"I have a baseball," says the boy.

"That's nice," he says.

"I'll sell it to you...

I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet

I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.

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Trump is a closet communist, and I have proof.

When he says he likes to grab them by the pussy, he's really saying he wants to seize the means of reproduction.

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A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Y...

Dave went to the store for a box of mothballs. His closet was infested with moths and he needed a solution.

The next day, Dave returned to buy five more boxes.


“Weren’t you just here yesterday to buy a box of mothballs?” the store clerk asked.


“Yes, but I used up that box already. Those suckers are hard to hit when they start moving!”

Someone broke into my house so I hid in the closet with my phone, but I forgot to set it to silent...

Luckily when I got a text I managed to fake cough over it so he wouldn't hear

My wife has been secretly storing plenty of graph paper inside her closet.

I bet she is plotting something against me.

What do you call a skeleton in a closet?

A hide and seek winner

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

The 1997 Hide n Seek champion.

R. Kelly went from being trapped in a closet to being trapped in a courtroom.

Can’t wait for the sequel, trapped in a jail cell.

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I used to live with a closet-gay roommate.

Then one day I unlocked his chains and he ran away.

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An elderly couple are about to have sex in a nursing home supply closet.

The woman decided to warn the man about her heart condition. “ You need to know this, I have acute angina.”

“That’s good news.” The man replied, “because you have the ugliest pair of tits I have ever seen.”

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The little girl’s favorite activity was to play with her white teddy bear in her parents’ closet.

But her mother was really annoyed with this situation because she was having an affair with another man after her husband left.

One day, she let her boyfriend in to the bedroom without checking if the girl was there again. Unexpectedly, the husband arrived form work and she hid her boyfriend...

There is a box in the office closet with a ton of envelopes. It's blocking the door from opening all the way. I asked the manager to get it out of the way and he scoffed "yeah right - you try it"....

I couldn't budge it. For such a small box it was unbelievably heavy.

Then it dawned on me - it was stationary.

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My brother recently came out of the closet.

I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the gays...

An idiot has a mirror in his closet

He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops

"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"

A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idio...

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So normal gays come out of the closet,

But does a gay dwarf come out the cabinet?

I came out of the closet after 10 years of hiding!

It was a very long game of hide and seek. :(

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One of my favorite childhood memories is my father coming out of the closet...

It was a huge surprise to me that not just *one*, but *both* my fathers were gay.

After a long struggle, my uncle finally came out of the closet.

He has Alzheimer’s, and thought it was his truck.

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Somebody told me my clothes were gay.

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

A married couple had a deadbeat son.

An married couple had a son in his late 20s still living at home. The parents were concerned that they're son showed a disinterest with pursuing settling down getting on with his life.

The son was working at his part-time job at a pizza place. The dad, at home, said, "I have an idea." He laid...

How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet.

How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!

I opened my closet this morning, and there was a lion inside. I asked him what he was doing?

He said "Narnia business."

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted,

"Oh, pun the door"

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A cockroach in my home just came out of the closet.

I was shocked at first but I made sure that it felt supported and loved no matter what or whome it loved.

How big is a paedophile's closet?

It's pretty spacey

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them

Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes

Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.


My parents kicked me out of the house because I came out of the closet.

They thought I moved out three years ago, but I've been hiding in there waiting for the right time to come out.

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I asked my Spanish friend how her sex life’s been since she came out of the closet.

She says it’s less bien.

What do you call a pirate who's trapped in a closet?

Arrr Kelly

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A boy is curious about the male visits his mother gets...

...so he hides in the closet of her bedroom to find out what is going on. He sees his mother having sex with a man. Suddenly they hear his father coming home, and the man hides in the closet in which the son is already in.

The son says "Pretty dark in here". The man asks him "What are you doi...

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Walk-in Closet

I went into my walk-in closet this morning and turned on the light. To my surprise, I saw my wife licking moth balls.

I was actually impressed she was able to get the little fucker's legs apart.

A father finds a new item in his closet

So he asks his son, "Son, what is this thing? It's long and misshapen and pure white and I can't for the life of me think of how I'm supposed to wear it!"
The son replies "you're supposed to wrap it around your neck. It's a tie, dad."

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Raunchiest joke I told when I was younger (NSFW)

A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and offers him a proposition "For $200 I bet I can suck your dick and sing the national anthem at the same time." The man figures he can get some head and actually get paid for it, so he obliges. The woman takes him into the closet, starts sucking, and sur...

The president is a closet communist

He likes to seize the means of reproduction.

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Little Johnny and Little Sally are hiding in the bedroom closet watching Little Johnny's sister have sex with her boyfriend...

"Golly," Little Sally whispers. "She sure looks like she's having a good time. You wanna try that, Little Johhny?"

"Not really," he says. "His dick would probably hurt me."

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I know they are supposed to keep my closet fresh, but moth balls smell terrible.

It's not worth spreading their tiny, insect legs apart to smell them either.

i've got a Liszt of great composer puns that's Haydn in my closet somewhere...

i could look Bach there and read it to you, but i don't think you could Handel it.

My son just came out of the closet...

I wish he would just do it into a sock like a normal person.

What's another name for skeletons in the closet?

Hide and seek champions.

My mom came out of the closet a few minutes ago

Apparently, she was in Narnia.

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I'm a closet racist.

Ever since these walk-ins were built, the neighborhood has gone to shit.

My 3-Year old son just found out how to open the closet door...

Looks like I'll have to lock him up somewhere else.

A Blonde Stewardess

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing th...

Why Has no one seen the movie "In The Closet?"

It hasn't come out yet

Hillary Clinton comes home one day and finds Bill putting a large box back into the closet...

...she asks him what it's for and he responds, "Don't worry honey. Just forget about it." She does until a few weeks later when her curiosity peaks. She looks in the box and finds $80,000 and 2 soda cans.

When bill gets home she asks him about the box and why there's $80,000 and soda cans i...

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A woman was having a passionate affair with an exterminator...

One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the...

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I ran into a closet homosexual the other day

and walked out still gay

A handy man in the closet

My grandma just sent me this joke in the form of a video and I wanted to share it with you guys.

A couple lives nearby some train tracks and it makes a thundering noise when it passes. The lady and her husband learned to sleep with ear covers and all that and made the best of the situation s...

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Have you ever been caught masterbating in a closet?

Them: No.

You: It's a really good hiding spot isn't it.....

A woman finds 7000 dollars and 4 eggs hidden in the closet..

.. and she instantly goes after her husband to ask him what the hell is that doing there. The husband explains it:

"Well, honey, everytime you annoy me, I put an egg there."

"And what about the 7000 dollars?"

"That's because everytime I complete a dozen eggs, I sell them."

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One day a mom was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found some BDSM porn DVDs

Needless to say she was very upset. She took it all and waited until his father came home and showed it all to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. 

She finally asked him, " What should we do about this?" 

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you sh...

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hidin...

When's the best time to come out of the closet?

When the coast is queer.

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A man and a woman who had never met find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and
she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be wi...

Two brooms were hanging in the closet . . .

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome a...

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A boy is hiding in his moms closet....

...as she cheats on his father. The boy's father comes home from work early and the man goes to hide in the closet.

The boy says to the man, "Boy, sure is dark in here." To which the man replies, "Yeah, sure is, now be quiet" trying to keep the boy from drawing attention to the closet. "Do y...

I thought nothing could be more embarrassing than finding my dad's playboys in the closet.

Until one of them tried to shake my hand.

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I keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia.

Which is the one about being in a closet?

I came out of the closet today...

And I'm currently enjoying the wonderful world of Narnia!

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My friend came out of closet to me recently

"I am gay", he said to me.

I didn't believe my friend. I thought he was kidding. I said...

"How can you say that with such a straight face?"