62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital “Loo-uh-vul”, while 38% say “Loo-ee-ville.

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

What do you tell someone who gets lucky in the loo?

_Urine_ luck

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I needed the loo, and only a wishing well was in sight.

Well. Shit.

Never pour cereal down the loo.

It Kellogg's up your toilet.

Indians and Napoleon both hate this

Waterloo

Why are all boats issued with rubber toilet seats?

Because loo slips sink ships.

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An American & Ukrainian at a public loo.

The American pulls out his massive cock and declares:Buffalo Bill.

The Ukrainian pulls out three enormous cocks and says:Chernobyl.

(Old but gold.)

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Two mathematicians and two physicists take a train to a science symposium

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

I went to a Abba themed bar last night

The toilet was like a maze

What a loo couldn't escape if I wanted to

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.

What a loo.

What is an ig?

A snow house without a loo.

What rank are you in the bathroom?

A loo-tenant

What do you call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?

A loo-tenant.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason...

and are sentenced to beheading by guillotine.

On the day of the triple execution, they are brought to be beheaded. The priest blesses the execution, saying all is done in God's name, and the King orders the three executed.

The mathematician is to be killed first, and the executioner gi...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

[Long] Since you guys liked the last one, here's another joke from my country

In a far away kingdom, the king got married to a beautiful wife. After being married to her for a year, the king started to worry that his beautiful wife might be sleeping around.

So he got a blacksmith to build a device to fit in her ladyparts which will dice anything that goes in. He manag...

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Guy looking for a job

A guy who stutter was looking for a job, he went in to a bookstore and asked for the bookshop owner. 

"Hi! I'm loo, looking for a j, j, job, he said" 

The bookshop owner answered by telling him his not looking for some one to hire at this moment.

The guy said "Please I'm a goo, ...

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Scottish Flirting

A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.

A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"

The ...

Where does Vin go after eating a really hot curry?

Da loo.

Master list of dad jokes

Why shouldn’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll “Let It Go”!

What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it

What do you get when a witch goes to the beach? A sand-witch!

Where do cows go on Friday ni...

The police are looking for a stole toilet from the police station.

At the moment they have nothing to go on.

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A Girl's Prayer

Lord, before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, won't wait weeks.
I pray that he be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his ...

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A man was in hospital for a series of tests.

The last of which left his digestive system slightly worse for wear. upon making several false alarm trips to the loo, he figured that he might as well stay put. Suddenly, however, he shat in his bed and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped...

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A gent, badly in need of the toilet was on an international flight to Japan..

All of the bathrooms were engaged, bar for the ladies' loo in first class.

The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but warned him that this was a Japanese toilet and cautioned him against using any of the buttons on it.

Having ta...

The CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub...

Michael O'Leary, the CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub.
The he says to the bartender "Can I have a pint of beer?"
The bartender says "Certainly, that'll be €0.50"
He responds with "50 cents? That's wonderfully cheap!"
But then the bartender tells him "And it'll be €1 for the glass, €3 if ...

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An Irishman goes into a bar...

After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss.

At the urinal next to him, there's a really short guy, wearing all green, with a top hat and a pipe. He takes a quick peek and sees the short guy has a huge dick.

Irish guy is drunk and decides to say, "I'd do anyth...

What do they call Redditting on the toilet?

Snoo on the loo

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The outspoken child

A woman and her son were in the doctors surgery one day when her son leapt out of his chair and shouted: "MOM! I want to go for a piss!". Embarrassed she quickly took her son to the toilet and helped relieve him.
The next day at the supermarket the same thing happened. The boy screamed to go for...

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A man driving the highway desperately needs to dump...

He pulls over at what appears to be an abandoned old gas station.
He wedges through a boarded up door and finds a dusty and forgotten loo in which he promptly sits on the toilet and lets loose a mighty nugget.
Much to his dismay, no paper or like material is in sight to wipe with, but there ...

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