Loo Jokes - 46 Hilarious Loo Jokes

Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville?

Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

Shakespeare in the loo

Hamlet felt he needed to use the bathroom, but he didn’t feel like it.

To pee or not to pee, that was the question.

What did the peons at the jam factory say when asked if they needed to use the loo?

"No time for loos, sir,

'Cause we are the jam peons!"

If you're in the UK, you go poo in the loo. So what do you do in the bathroom in Miami?

Cocaine

Little Johnny took a leak with his classmate in the school loo.

His classmate noticed that after peeing, Johnny didn't wash his hands. He then proceeded to ask:

"Johnny, why do you not wash your hands after peeing?"

"Is there a need to do so?"

"Yes! My mum taught me to wash after peeing, to wash off pee in my hands."

"Well, I ...

What do you call a Pterodactyl after if it visits the loo?

A terodactyl.

Never pour cereal down the loo.

It Kellogg's up your toilet.

I hate it when my finger goes through the loo roll when I’m wiping

It’s by far the worst part of my job at the care home!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I needed the loo, and only a wishing well was in sight.

Well. .

What did the American say to the guy next to him at the public loo in Paris?

European

What do you tell someone who gets lucky in the loo?

_Urine_ luck

Did you hear about the poorly-secured portapotties that fell off the flatbed?

It was a lose-loose-loos situation.

What do to call an army man living on a toilet

A loo tenant

Why do poets go to the zoo to use the restroom?

So they can poo in the loo at the zoo.

A young boy went to church with his mother

Midway through the service, the boy loudly said "Mama, I have to pee!"

After taking him to the bathroom, his mother said "It's rude to say 'pee' in public like this. Next time in church, just say you have to 'whisper.'"

The next week, the boy went to church with his father instead. A...

Good British Humour....

During World War II, many exclusive British Clubs opened their doors to American Servicemen.

One evening at a 300-year-old Club, an American NCO stopped a steward in a hallway and asked, “Hey Mac, where’s the damn Loo?”

The Steward, who looked like Jeeves replied, “Glad to be of se...

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Rural Irish Pub

Patrick and Sean go to the same pub for 15 years. Every day, Sean nods his head to Patrick and says, “Patrick.” Patrick nods his head to Sean and says, “Sean.” and then they drink their Guinnesses. After 15 years, Sean says to Patrick, “, I have to hit the loo” and goes to the bathroom. Patrick...

If two people plan to go to the toilet together you could say that they

Co-looed.

Ticket please

Three engineers and three accountants are in the queue to buy a train ticket.

The three accountants buy a ticket each; three in all. The engineers, however, buy one ticket between them.

“How are you…?” ask the accountants.
“We know what to do,” reply the engineers.

And all si...

A friend of mine is an aviation technician

He's Welsh, called Dai and repairs planes.
One day, he had to do a repair on a broken toilet seat.
It will forever be known as, "Loo seat in the sky which Dai mends"

The police are looking for a stole toilet from the police station.

At the moment they have nothing to go on.

My girlfriend came up with this one and wanted me to share with you guys. What do you call heavens toilet?

Halle-LOO-yah

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

A friend asked me if I felt especially blessed to have the privilege of cleaning out Catwoman's toilet...

"Halle loo, yeah!"

Train ride to the conference [long]

So there's a big mathematical physics conference in London, and all the grad students from the University of Leeds maths (UKism for math) and physics departments all travel down to attend.

The physicists all queue up and get their tickets. The maths students buy one ticket between them. T...

Why are all boats issued with rubber toilet seats?

Because loo slips sink ships.

What do you call an army official who rents toilets?

A Loo-Tenant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bathroom

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and dancing, but every once in a while, the lights would turn off.

Each time after the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the reveler...

What is an ig?

A snow house without a loo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can the flap of a butterfly's wings cause a hurricane across the ocean?

I don't know, but some bloke eating a pangolin in wuhan has caused loo roll to run out at Aldi...

What kind of Bathrooms do Eskimos use?

IgLoos

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.

What a loo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at a bar in London around 1985, having a drink with a girl.

He really wants to impress her. He looks over to another table and sees none other than Freddie Mercury!

“Oh my god!” Says his date, “I love him! Let’s get an autograph!”

“Nah”, the man replied, “he’s a bit of a knob”

“You know him?” his date asked incredulously

“Oh, yea...

What do you call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?

A loo-tenant.

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

“Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously” The oilman from Alberta says

“No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee!” The guy from Quebec retorts.

Th...

Where does Vin go after eating a really hot curry?

Da loo.

I went to a Abba themed bar last night

The toilet was like a maze

What a loo couldn't escape if I wanted to

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two mathematicians and two physicists take a train to a science symposium

On the ride there just before their tickets are checked the mathmaticians go to the loo and hide together in one cubicle. When asked to present their tickets they slide one under the booth door.

The physicists are stumped, but smart as they are they use the same trick on the return journey. W...

The CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub...

Michael O'Leary, the CEO of Ryanair, walks into a pub.
The he says to the bartender "Can I have a pint of beer?"
The bartender says "Certainly, that'll be €0.50"
He responds with "50 cents? That's wonderfully cheap!"
But then the bartender tells him "And it'll be €1 for the glass, €3 if ...

I found a satanic puzzle in the toilet today.

It was a loo cipher

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A man walks into a bar

and seats himself at the bar and spots a big jug full of money behind the bar on the shelf with a note on it " Ask the bartender"

So the guy ask the bartender " What's with the jug full of money?"

Bartender says" well it's a series of challenges. First you have to do 10 shots of this...

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A man was in hospital for a series of tests.

The last of which left his digestive system slightly worse for wear. upon making several false alarm trips to the loo, he figured that he might as well stay put. Suddenly, however, he shat in his bed and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped...

Engineers take a bow!

During the development of a new jet fighter aircraft the wings on the prototypes kept snapping off where they joined the fuselage. The test-pilots who only barely survived by ejecting in time were terrified. No amount of re-design seem to solve the problem, so the aircraft company in desperation off...

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Guy looking for a job

A guy who stutter was looking for a job, he went in to a bookstore and asked for the bookshop owner.

"Hi! I'm loo, looking for a j, j, job, he said"

The bookshop owner answered by telling him his not looking for some one to hire at this moment.

The guy said "Please I'm a goo, ...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

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