I tied two Disney DVDs with strings and placed it inside the freezer.

It's Tangled and Frozen.

What do you get when you leave a pair of dentures in the freezer overnight?

Frost bite

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

Ted Bundy asks Jeffrey Dahmer you got any ice cream in the freezer?

Nah, just Ben and Jerry Jeffrey replies.

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My dad is pissed at me for kicking ice cubes under the freezer

But to me it’s just water under the fridge.

I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful busty blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...

I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...

What did the water filled ice tray say to the the freezer?

Hey buddy!
Do me a solid.

What did the Eggo waffle say while being picked from the freezer?

Leggo’a me!

What’s the difference between my girlfriend and a freezer?

My freezer can’t complain when I put my meat in.

Cold War Era Joke: This Russian dude had a talking parrot. A very special parrot who loved cursing the regime, and the Communist party leaders. One day, hard knocks on the door, "KGB, open up!". The guy hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB searches the apartment and cannot find the parrot.

The KGB agents give the guy a warning. Once they leave, he runs to the freezer takes out the shivering bird and hugs it and tells the parrot to curse the revolution. The parrot is mum. "Com'on curse Brezhniev , curse the KGB. The parrot looks at the guy and says "I've just been to Siberia! I'm not t...

I put a new freezer next to the refrigerator

now they're just chilling.

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Just caught an Alien in the freezer masturbating into a packet of frozen veg!

"What the fuck are you doing?" I shouted.

"Please don't hurt me." He replied. "I cum in peas."

I took a girl on a date into a freezer and prodded her with a mesh of wire...

She screamed, "What the hell is this?"

I replied "Net flicks and chill."

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

What's worse than a baby in a freezer?

A baby in 2 freezers.

How long can you keep a chicken in the freezer?

I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

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Today I found an alien in my freezer.

When I asked him what he was doing in there, he said "I cum in peas".

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A parrot swallowed a viagra pill. The owners put him in a freezer to "cool off."

When the owner opened the freezer he noticed the parrot was sweating profusely.

Owner: Why are you sweating so much?

Parrot: You know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?!

My girlfriend laughed when I said I still had a body of an 18 year old

Until she checked the other freezer.

What’s the difference between a deep freezer and your old lady?

THE DEEP FREEZE DOESN’T FART WHEN YOU PULL YOUR MEAT OUT IF IT.

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot...

This parrot was fully grown -- with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude.

Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft musi...

Once upon a time there was a person with a parrot

Once upon a time there was a person with a parrot, the parrot was rude and often sweared to get what it wanted. One day, the owner couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to put the parrot in the freezer. The parrot started squawking profanities, until it finally stopped. The owner, in fear, opened th...

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Check the freezer . . .

Two men, waiting at the Pearly Gates, strike up a conversation. “How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.

“I froze to death,” says the second man.

“That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first.

“It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, an...

A penguin is going on vacation, as he is driving down the road his engine start to make a funny noise....

So he pulls into a station and asks the mechanic to take a look at his car. The mechanic tells the penguin there two other cars before him but there is an ice cream shop across the street. He could go have an ice cream and when he is done come back and maybe he will know what's wrong. The penguin lo...

Why did the edgy teenager lock himself in the freezer ?

He thought it was cool.

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When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”


But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”

Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer?

The steaks would be too high.

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A young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot

The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real smart-ass, with a vulgar vocabulary and a rude temperament.

The woman says that's OK I know how to handle assholes like that, I want the parrot anyway.

So the woman gets the bird home, puts it in her room, and st...

I was taking care of my friend's snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died...

I asked my wife, "What should I tell him?"

She said, "Just give it to him straight."

A man buys a parrot and take it home

The parrot starts cussing up a storm, so the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After about 5 minutes, the man takes the parrot out and it says...

"Look, I've learned my lesson and will never cuss again, but you've got to tell me something!"

"What's that?" Asked the man

"What...

My girlfriend freaked out when she found out I have only one kidney.

Who told her to go poking around in my freezer anyway?

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This guy inherits a parrot when his friend dies...

But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb fuck, a cunt, and several other names.

The guy tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing.

Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer.

Even from in there, he hears him cussing him ou...

Two men are standing at the Pearly Gates

One man, Jim, turns to the man next to him, Tom. “So, what’s the reason you’re here?”
Tom: “I died of hypothermia. What about you?”
Jim: “well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I came home from work one day unannounced to catch her in the act. Turns out she wasn’t, so I got so stressed...

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My mom told me I could keep the chicken in the freezer.

She was wrong. That little fucker was dead the next morning.

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Why don’t chicken breasts have nipples?

They would tear the packaging while in the freezer.

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

A couple of cannibals are rooting through the freezer looking for something for supper

One says to the other, "how about the rest of that Jewish guy from last week?"

The other cannibal replies, "I can't, my doctor told me cut down on Hasidic food."

I just put a bottle antifreeze in the freezer.

Place your bets now.

My girlfriend is too cold and she's not budging...

how can I get her out the freezer?

I bought my mother a new fridge freezer for her birthday..

I know it's not much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

A blind man walks into a freezer...

"I was blind, but now icy."

Keeping fruit juice in the freezer

It's impopsicle!

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Why did Kim Jong Un take a shit in the freezer?

To develop an icy BM.

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Two ladies in heaven

1st woman: Hi Wanda!

2nd woman: Ohmigod, Sylvia! How did you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
...

Bird is the word.

I had a parrot. He swore up and down, all the time. I tried to get him to stop but he wouldn’t listen. F this and that, b word, c word, you name it. One day I finally had enough and I said that I’m going to stick him in the freezer to cool off if he doesn’t “cool it” with the foul language.

...

Why did the chicken lock itself in the freezer?

to get to the other side.

A statistician had his head in the freezer and his feet in the oven...

And said, "On the average, I feel comfortable".

Father and his special daughter are driving back to her mom's.

Father drives past a sign "7/11"
Daughter yells with excitement "Hotdog! Ice-creams"
Father says " ok we can get a hotdog"
He stops at the 7/11 walks in with the daughter and she yells to the clerk " Toilet ! Hotdog ice cream!" They clerk quickly hands her the bathroom key as the father che...

My wife was struggling to open the freezer

In the end she gave up, and froze to death.

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

So you always have access to cold hard cash...

Did you read about the skeleton trapped in the freezer?

It was a bone-chilling story.

A man buys a talking parrot from the local pet shop.

He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot to say a few things. Instead of repeating him, the parrot just swears at the man. After a few aggravating hours of the same responses from the parrot, the man threatens the bird with a severe punishment.



“If you don’t stop swearin...

What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue? [OC]

Icy dead people!

A group of adventurers on Mount Everest have banded together to clean up the stuff left behind by past expeditions. It will likely take them at least 3 years.

More if there are any vegetarians. Less if they develop a taste for freezer burned meat.

So, John received a parrot, as a gift.

Now this parrot was the rudest, noisiest, most foul mouthed parrot you can imagine. Every other word out of this parrot's beak was profanity, and strings of filthy insults - absolutely appalling behaviour!

Well, over the course of the next week, John tried speaking to it softy and calmly, pl...

Why did batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is standing in line at the pearly gates...

When he strikes up a conversation with the man next to him. ''So how did you die,'' he asks him. The man responds ''Oh I froze to death. It wasn't too bad, pretty peaceful. What about you?''

The man says ''well I was a rich man with a huge house and a nice car and I began to think my wife was...

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The Talking Parrot

A guy buys a talking parrot that knows how to day swear words and thought it would be cool. After a couple of days, the guy starts to get annoyed being cussed at constantly by the thing. "I'm gonna give you three chances to stop swearing at me or else I'll throw you in the freezer!" The parrot didn'...

A man doesn't know how to turn on his freezer

He goes to his friend for help. Happy to help, his friend explains what to do.
His friend asks "do you need me to explain it anymore?"
The man says "No thanks, icy now".

A woman walks past a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot on display.

She looks at the price. $20. She asks the store clerk as to why the parrot was so cheap.

"Well, you see, the parrot used to belong to a grizzled old sailor who swore a lot. He has quite a vocabulary but a rather foul mouth."

She stares at the bird. Realizing just how good a dea...

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A ramdom girl is giving me a blowjob and i'm melting

Seriously i'm melting.Someone please bring me back to the freezer with other popsicles or i'm gonna die

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So this guy applied to leave the USSR. Part of the process was random police searches for anti soviet material. Unfortunately for him, he had a parrot that would curse Stalin in language that would make a sailor’s ears bleed.

One day he hears a knock on the door. The loud rapping of the KGB. Thinking quickly, he grabs the parrot and stuffs him in the freezer where he was hoarding a frozen chicken. The KGB do their inspection and leave with a grunt of approval. Once they leave he gets the half frozen parrot out and thaws ...

My wife and I will have been married 40 years today and every time I see her it still makes me feel so happy :)

She has been in the freezer for the last 20 though.

I like my men like I like my coffee.

Ground up and in the freezer.

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A guy's parrot takes Viagra, he gets really horny. The guy stuffs the parrot in the freezer to cool him down and he forgets the little guy inside.

The next day he opens the freezer's door, the parrot all sweaty:- oh, man , it's very hard to spread the legs of this frozen chicken

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My family was coming over for dinner.

So I went to get a chicken out of the freezer when my husband walked up and scared me i turned and knocked him out with a chicken to the forehead.
.
.
.
I guess you could say he got cold-cocked

Two women are talking in Heaven

One woman asked the other, "how did you die?" The woman replied, "I froze to death." She asked the same question to the other woman, she replied, "I suspected that my husband was cheating on me and looked everywhere in my house for evidence. I couldn't find anything and I dropped dead from exhaustio...

There was this homeless man named Arty

There was this homeless man named Arty, always down on his luck, would do anything for a dollar.



One day a rich man came up to Arty and said he needed his business partner killed and would pay Arty a dollar for the trouble. He informed Arty that this business partner always shopped at...

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The Promotion (long)

“Spend $100 or more and get a free 20 pound or less frozen turkey, while supplies last.

That was the promotion our store ran every Thanksgiving for the last 17 years. Well, for as long as I’ve been here, that is.

But not this year

This year, we’re not running a promotion. I real...

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