My Kid left some uncooked sausage out of the freezer overnight...

When I discovered it, I realized I was dealing with a spoiled brat.

I asked my wife what size freezer we should buy.

She responded, "How tall are you?"

Ted Bundy: Hey Jeff, got any ice cream in the freezer?

Jeffrey Dahmer: Nah man, only Ben and Jerry

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What did Edward say after taking Bella's tampon out of the freezer?

"Yay, I love popsicles!"

What's the difference between my brother and my freezer

My freezer doesn't cry when I put my meat in it

A Canadian buys a walk-in freezer

His neighbor asks him: "Why do you need a freezer when it's so cold outside?"

He replies: "To have a warm place inside the house. It's -30 outside and -10 in the freezer."

One time I accidentally walked into a freezer that was at absolute zero...

Don't worry, it was 0K

What do you get if you put blondes in a freezer?

Frosted flakes

What do you get when you leave a pair of dentures in the freezer overnight?

Frost bite

I went to the butcher to find him trying to unhook some meat in the freezer

He said "if you can reach those for me you can have them."

But the steaks were too high.

I had some lasagne in the freezer that I planned on eating but I realized it was locked

And I had gnocchi

I was at the supermarket, looked three freezers down and saw the most beautiful busty blonde picking out Asian dinners. I took a quick glance at her hand and saw no wedding ring! Well, as you can imagine, I promptly did what any virile, red-blooded man would do with this opportunity...

I got really nervous, said absolutely nothing, and strictly avoided eye-contact at all costs...

A polar bear carries a large freezer into an ice factory....

On his way inside, he's stopped by a penguin wearing a tie and a nametag and carrying a clipboard.
"Why are you bringing a freezer into an ice factory??" The penguin asked.
"I'm a new hire," the polar bear replied, "I brought it with me because back home it freezes EVERYTHING. I thought it'...

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Two ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Lynne. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What a...

Cold War Era Joke: This Russian dude had a talking parrot. A very special parrot who loved cursing the regime, and the Communist party leaders. One day, hard knocks on the door, "KGB, open up!". The guy hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB searches the apartment and cannot find the parrot.

The KGB agents give the guy a warning. Once they leave, he runs to the freezer takes out the shivering bird and hugs it and tells the parrot to curse the revolution. The parrot is mum. "Com'on curse Brezhniev , curse the KGB. The parrot looks at the guy and says "I've just been to Siberia! I'm not t...

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A guy walks into a pet shop, looking to replace his lost wife. Immediately, a parrot befriends him....

Parrot says, "I love you, you're the greatest!"
Having just had lost people close to him, he is enamored.
"Come home with me," he says,
Parrot says, "Please!"
After bringing the parrot home and securing it in a safe space, Parrot says:
"I hate it here. You're an asshole."
This bant...

I put a new freezer next to the refrigerator

now they're just chilling.

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Just caught an Alien in the freezer masturbating into a packet of frozen veg!

"What the fuck are you doing?" I shouted.

"Please don't hurt me." He replied. "I cum in peas."

I was filling my water bottle from the freezer door, and an ice cube fell out and slid out of reach

I was about to get angry but then I realized, no, now it’s just water under the fridge

What did the Eggo waffle say while being picked from the freezer?

Leggo’a me!

I tied two Disney DVDs with strings and placed it inside the freezer.

It's Tangled and Frozen.

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I found an alien masturbating in my freezer last night.

I asked him what on earth he was doing in there. All he said was, "I cum in peas."

What did the water filled ice tray say to the the freezer?

Hey buddy!
Do me a solid.

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So it was regular day at the sperm bank...

... when this guy wearing a ski mask barges in with a gun and screams:

"EVERYBODY ON THE GROUND NOW!"

The people do as he says and then the guy turns to the receptionist and points the gun at her. She tries to negotiate with him.

"Please just take the money and leave! You don't ...

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A man bought a parrot that would not stop cursing.

After some time the man grew tired of the parrot's potty mouth.

He tells the parrot, "if you don't stop using such profanity I'm going to stick you in the freezer!"

The parrot replies by telling the man to fuck off, so the man puts the parrot in the freezer.

After sometime the...

What has 4 legs, 1 arm, and 2 heads?

My freezer.

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Check the freezer . . .

Two men, waiting at the Pearly Gates, strike up a conversation. “How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.

“I froze to death,” says the second man.

“That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first.

“It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, an...

I have the body of a twenty year old.

I keep it in the freezer.

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A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet

His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

Did you ever hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a very well thawed out plan

How long can you keep a chicken in the freezer?

I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

I took a girl on a date into a freezer and prodded her with a mesh of wire...

She screamed, "What the hell is this?"

I replied "Net flicks and chill."

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

My wife laughed when I said I had the body of a 20 year old

Then she looked in the freezer

Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer?

The steaks would be too high.

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A guy walks into a bar.

A guy walks into a bar.


Then he heads towards the freezer angrily and picks a pack of ice to put on his forehead because a bar in the face fucking hurts.

What’s the difference between a deep freezer and your old lady?

THE DEEP FREEZE DOESN’T FART WHEN YOU PULL YOUR MEAT OUT IF IT.

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My friend inherited a parrot when his brother went abroad.

So, My friend inherited a parrot when his brother had to go abroad. But the parrot wont stop swearing at him, calling him a dumb f*ck, a c*nt, and a bunch of other names. My friend tries everything to get this bird to stop swearing. Nothing works. He finally gets fed up and sticks him in the freezer...

Why did the edgy teenager lock himself in the freezer ?

He thought it was cool.

I was taking care of my friend's snake while he was on vacation, but somehow it crawled into our freezer and died...

I asked my wife, "What should I tell him?"

She said, "Just give it to him straight."

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

A girl buys a Parrot at a pet store

...unfortunately for her, the parrot is rude and foul mouthed. She tries everything to get the parrot to be more polite, but to no avail. One day, the girl has had enough and slams the parrot in the freezer, locking the door. Later, she hears frantic knocking and, feeling bad, decides to open the do...

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My mom told me I could keep the chicken in the freezer.

She was wrong. That little fucker was dead the next morning.

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A man walks into a diner and orders a hamburger

The waitress pulls out a hamburger patty from the freezer and puts it under her armpit.

The man asks "what the hell are you doing?". She responds, "I am defrosting it"

The guy sitting next to him says "I'LL TAKE THE HOT DOG!"

Why did the chicken lock itself in the freezer?

to get to the other side.

I Recently I received a parrot as a gift.

The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could think of to "clea...

Keeping fruit juice in the freezer

It's impopsicle!

A statistician had his head in the freezer and his feet in the oven...

And said, "On the average, I feel comfortable".

I just put a bottle antifreeze in the freezer.

Place your bets now.

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When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”


But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”

A woman goes to the pet store to buy a parrot

(Long)

She walks in and the merchant shows her the only parrot they have available. "I must warn you" the merchant said, "this parrot was owned previously buy a sailor and has very foul language". Well the woman, like most of us, thought she could change the parrot so she takes the parrot hom...

A blind man walks into a freezer...

"I was blind, but now icy."

Two guys meet in the afterlife

Two guys meet in the afterlife, the first one asked the second.

- Hey buddy what did you die from?

- I was frozen to death and you?

- I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I got home early to catch them in the act but when I got there, she was alone, I looked all over the ...

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Why did Kim Jong Un take a shit in the freezer?

To develop an icy BM.

I bought my mother a new fridge freezer for her birthday..

I know it's not much, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

A couple of cannibals are rooting through the freezer looking for something for supper

One says to the other, "how about the rest of that Jewish guy from last week?"

The other cannibal replies, "I can't, my doctor told me cut down on Hasidic food."

Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

So you always have access to cold hard cash...

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

My wife was struggling to open the freezer

In the end she gave up, and froze to death.

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot...

This parrot was fully grown -- with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude.

Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft musi...

Did you read about the skeleton trapped in the freezer?

It was a bone-chilling story.

This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and fowl (pun intended) vocabulary

He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The par...

What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue? [OC]

Icy dead people!

Once upon a time there was a person with a parrot

Once upon a time there was a person with a parrot, the parrot was rude and often sweared to get what it wanted. One day, the owner couldn’t take it anymore, and decided to put the parrot in the freezer. The parrot started squawking profanities, until it finally stopped. The owner, in fear, opened th...

Why did batman fill his freezer with water bottles?

Because he wanted just ice.

My girlfriend freaked out when she found out I have only one kidney.

Who told her to go poking around in my freezer anyway?

A man buys a parrot and take it home

The parrot starts cussing up a storm, so the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After about 5 minutes, the man takes the parrot out and it says...

"Look, I've learned my lesson and will never cuss again, but you've got to tell me something!"

"What's that?" Asked the man

"What...

A man doesn't know how to turn on his freezer

He goes to his friend for help. Happy to help, his friend explains what to do.
His friend asks "do you need me to explain it anymore?"
The man says "No thanks, icy now".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot

The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real smart-ass, with a vulgar vocabulary and a rude temperament.

The woman says that's OK I know how to handle assholes like that, I want the parrot anyway.

So the woman gets the bird home, puts it in her room, and st...

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My girlfriend wants a chest freezer for Christmas...

I said "Why? It's cold as tits outside already!"

A penguin is going on vacation, as he is driving down the road his engine start to make a funny noise....

So he pulls into a station and asks the mechanic to take a look at his car. The mechanic tells the penguin there two other cars before him but there is an ice cream shop across the street. He could go have an ice cream and when he is done come back and maybe he will know what's wrong. The penguin lo...

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