Dresser Jokes - 86 Hilarious Dresser Jokes

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A woman was at her hair dressers....

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

"We're ta...

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my wife accused me of being a cross-dresser

so i packed up her shit and left

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The boss started to notice that one of his employees, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention..

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret.

Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the boss gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome...

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.”

Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.

After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom.

She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note.

After a few minutes, he wrote something on it befo...

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

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My girlfriend dresser up as a policewoman and placed me under arrest for the suspicion of being good in bed.

After a couple minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

What did the mirror say to the dresser?

I can see your drawers.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.”

The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and ...

I never expected the Norse god of mischief be such a extravagant dresser.

I had always heard he was real Loki.

What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?

I come in pieces.

What did the cross dresser do at Christmas?

Eat, drink and be Mary

I met a cross dresser from the Greater Manchester area today.

He had a Wigan address.

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A mother found out condoms in her daughter's dresser. She is obviously concerned, so she asks her, "Are you sexually active?" The daughter replies...

Not really, mom. I just sort of lie there.

A man’s wife is missing…

Man: Officer, my wife is missing. She went out yesterday and she hasn’t come home.

Officer: Okay, what’s her height?

Man: Not sure…. Maybe around 5’6?

Officer: Okay, weight?

Man: I dunno… not slim not big.

Officer: Okay… colour of her eyes?

Man: Sort of blue...

Cross dressers are like complex films.

They might take more than one viewing to truly understand.

Why do cross dressers fall slowly?

Because of the drag.

My local hair dresser just got charged with drug dealing.

I am shocked. I've been a customer of his for years. He never told me he cut hair.

I've never seen a cross dresser.

But I've seen some very irritated credenzas,

Why did all the hair dressers line up outside a restaurant?

Barberqueue nation

A man was away on a business trip, and decided to call his wife and to let her know he had arrived safely

A little girl picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Honey. This is Daddy, is mommy near the phone?" Daddy asks

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says "But, honey, you haven't got an uncle Paul."

"Oh, yes I do, and he's upst...

How did the cross-dresser rob the bank?

By making a Trans-action

This guy told me he is the fastest cross dresser in the world.

I said "Really?"

She said, "Yes."

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans.

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash.
The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
"Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."
"When I did fool ar...

Why can’t cross-dressers and Slavs stay on beat?

They’re always Russian or Dragging

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At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience.

The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"

"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she ...

What Reaper says when he is going to hair dresser?

DYE DYE DYE!

Dad, what is a cross-dresser?

Ask your mother, he knows.

I opened a store that sells waistcoats and spandex for cross-dressers.

I call it “trans vest tights”.

Yesterday my friend came out as a cross dresser by wearing a mini skirt to his office party.

That showed a lot of balls.

what did the ram say when his mom found drugs in his dresser drawer?

I learned it from watching ewe!

What do you call a cross dresser who's job is to travel from the UK to the US?

Transatlantic

A woman just bought an IKEA wardrobe.

She just finishes building it when a bus drives past the window and the dresser collapses to the ground.
She assembles it again, but then another bus drives by and the whole thing collapses again.
Her husband being at work, she calls her neighbour to help her fix this. The neighbour come...

What do a hooker and a furniture salesman have in common?

They’ll both take $200 off your dresser.

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I was snooping around in my wife's dresser drawers while she was gone over the weekend on a 'business trip' and you won't believe what I found. A whip, a mask and handcuffs! Do you know what this means???" he exclaims to the bartender. "My wife is a super h...

The story of the soybeans

A woman was cleaning out the dresser in her bedroom. When she moved aside some of her husbands' clothing she spotted a small box containing three soybeans and an envelope with fifty dollars in cash.

When her husband walked into the bedroom she asked "What is this box for?"

The husban...

I hung a t-shirt on a crucifix

I guess that makes me a cross-dresser

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Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.

So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice.

"Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do."

"Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"

Jon gets hard just...

My spinster aunt thinks that statues of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing.

...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.

Johnny

Johnny walks into his parents bedroom and sees dad with mom bent over the dresser, doing what parents do. Johnny is shocked. Dad notices and says “Johnny...go back to your room!”

Mom and Dad finish up and Dad heads down the hall to see how Johnny is doing.

When he opens the door, there...

The Frog

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and ...

I sat next to a girl

On the bus wearing a mini skirt. I asked her out and she turned me down. I guess she isn’t into cross dressers.

Did you hear the one about Jerry Lewis launching a line of clothes for frat boys?

He became a nutty 'bro dresser'

My dim witted friend thought his new girlfriend might be ‘the one’.

But after looking through her dresser drawer and finding a nurses outfit, a french maids outfit and a police woman uniform, he finally decided.....if she can't hold down a job she's not for him..

What do you call someone who cosplays as Jesus?

A cross-dresser

NSFW A man comes home to hear his wife cheating on him

He runs upstairs to find her in bed naked, but can't find the other guy. So in rage he picks up their dresser, throws it out the window, then has a heart attack and dies.

God is sitting at the gates to heaven when he sees three men walk up.

He says "What are you guys doing here? I di...

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An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"That's fine" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything! What's the line?"

"Hark, I hear the cannons roar!," says the agent.

"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday," says the agent...

When I was bar tending I would tell people this was the worst joke they’ll ever hear that will still make them laugh. I always just called it. “Grandma”

A boy comes home from school one day skipping football practice cuz he isn’t feeling well.
When he gets home he grabs a snack and sits down to watch some TV.
During the show he hears some noises coming from his parents room.
His parents not being home at that time normally he walks down ...

Strange panties..

A wife goes on a trip for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her.

Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, “I have no idea where they came from I don’t do the laundry!”

So, the wife goes to the maid and ques...

Where does a rabbit go for a trim?

To the hare dresser.

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There were three Nuns in a house..

The first Nun says, "I was cleaning the Fathers room this morning, and guess what i found? Pornographic magazines!" The second Nun says, "Well what did you do?" "I threw them all in the trash!" The Nun replied. Then the second Nun says, " Well, i was putting laundry in the Fathers room this morning,...

Robin Hood's last words

As Robin Hood lie dying, his loved ones and merry men, not so merry now, gathered round. With faltering, hesitant breathes, he calls for his bow and an arrow.

"This bow," he says, "has saved my life, kept me fed, brought peace to our land. I will fire it one last time and beg only that I be b...

What the... that rabbit is wearing a tuxedo.

Yeah, he’s probably coming from a hare dresser.

I replaced the handles on a chest of drawers with crucifixes.

Now it's a cross dresser.

It's not so funny when it’s your mom is it?

One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parent’s room to check it out.

He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went...

A guy sits down at a bar alone having a drink, munching on the bar's bowl of pretzels.

All of a sudden he hears a little voice, "Looking good there, buddy."

Looking around he sees no one within earshot. So he just shrugs it off & goes back to his drink & snack.

A little while latter again he hears a little voice, "And you're a snappy dresser too."

Again lo...

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A nun walks up to two other nuns

"Sisters, I have something terrible to tell you. Last month, when I was putting away Father Jacob's shirts, I found a box of condoms in his dresser."

"Oh my," says the second nun. "What did you do?"

"I took a pin from my pincushion and poked holes in all of them," she answers.
...

What do you call a guy who only wears a loincloth and a crown of thorns?

A cross-dresser

What’s a cowlick?

Dad: Son, your hair dresser does such a good job even with your cowlick as crazy as it is

Son: What’s a cowlick?

Dad: Whatever it wants.

Son: what?

Dad: ...

My dad made this joke when I was around 10 and I didn’t understand it until I was around 16...and I ...

My grandfather died yesterday.

My father and I started cleaning out his apartment.

When we passed by his dresser we noticed some papers that fell between the dresser and the wall. One of the papers was an unclaimed dry cleaning ticket.

Looking at the ticket, we saw it was for a black suit that was b...

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[NSFW] A boy asked his dad what the C word stood for.

Boy, "Dad, what's a cunt?"

The dad replied, "Grab that marker over there and follow me."

He then went into his bedroom and grabbed a nude picture of his ex-girlfriend out of his dresser. He showed his son the picture and circled the woman's crotch.

The dad said "You see that ...

A man walked into a bar

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The bartender says "what a strange pet, what's his name?"
"Tiny" the man replies
"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"
"Because he's my newt"

Thank you you can put my award on the dresser by the skirt.......

My brother is afraid that robots will replace him.

If he would look in his wife's bedside dresser he would realize he already has been

What do you call a cabinet that wears clothes?

A dresser

I love showing up to religious conventions cosplaying as a crucified Jesus.

I'm a cross dresser.

How to drive your wife wild in the bedroom.

Leave all of the dresser drawers slightly ajar with a little piece of clothing sticking out.

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A mother is concerned about her sons future

... so she goes to here priest and says "father, I'm concerned for my boy! He doesn't seem to have any ambitions and I'm concerned he won't amount to anything!"
So the father says to her "do not worry, take me to your home and I shall put your mind at ease."
So she takes him to her house and...

An elderly lady called the front desk to complain.

“I am most offended! There is a man bathing in the room across the courtyard. His windows are open and you can see everything. Please do something about it at once.”

The manager arrived at her room. “Please show me what you mean and we will fix it right away.” The lady led him to her win...

Panic at the hotel

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly," she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room. ...

My wife cut herself putting the clothes away.

When she showed me, I said, "Wow, and I thought I was a sharp dresser."

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

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The Royal Newspaper

The King and Queen decided to get pets, so the King issued a decree: "Handsome reward for finest Royal pets."

The Queen immediately falls in love with a white, long haired kitten, bred in a faraway land. After payment, the kitten disappears and the distraught Queen sends the entire staff to l...

Time to be creative. I'll give you the punchline, you give me the joke!

A dresser without drawers.

Why did the Polish man think his wife was plotting to murder him?

He found a bottle of polish remover on her dresser

My mother once said to me,

"Son, I'm not always going to be around to watch you. So if you decide to take drugs, just leave the money on my dresser."

Three nuns

Three nuns were talking one day in their room. the first nun said "did you see the rubber in Father Oharras dresser drawer?" the second nun said "yeah, i punched holes in it". the third nun fainted.

I make rabbit tuxedos for a living.

I'm a hare-dresser.

A blonde walks into a hairdressers

She asks the hairdresser for a trim. The hair dresser asks her to take a seat but tells the blonde she needs to remove her headphones.

Blondie insists she can't remove them and the lady will have to do the best job she can.

After a while the hairdresser gets frustrated and says, "sorry...

Whenever my husband opens his wardrobe he shouts and curses.

I think he's a cross dresser.

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Finding condoms

Three moms were talking about their daughters over coffee one afternoon. Mom 1 says, "I was putting laundry in my daughters dresser and found a bottle of vodka! And I didn't even know she drinks!"

Mom 2 says, "Well I was cleaning out my daughters closet and found a pack of cigarettes! And I d...

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[OC] I knew a guy who had a really weird ritual with his socks.

Once a month or so, he'd set aside a few hours to do this crazy thing with his socks. He'd take a pair he'd been wearing for a while, and lay them out on the bed next to each other. Then he'd take one of them, and put it on. Then he'd walk over to his dresser, open his sock door, and pull a single s...

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A guy breaks into a house...

As he starts to burglarize the place he hears a voice.
Voice: Jesus is watching
the guy looks around and dosent see anything. So he keeps sacking the place.
As he is picking up jewlery off a dresser he hears the voice again.
Voice: Jesus is watching
This time he was sure it ...

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Three men die and are waiting to enter heaven

St. Peter approaches the group and says, "Well, Heaven is a little backed up right now, and only one of you can get in at the moment. I don't have my sheet with me, so you'll have to tell me how you died. Whichever one of you died the most painful death can get in first." St. Peter approaches the fi...

Three are guys sitting around in heaven..

Three guys are in heaven, each sharing the story of their death. The first guy, propped up on his cloud recalls his ultimate demise. "Well, I had been sent home from work early one afternoon, and when I got home my wife was half naked and obviously surprised to see me. I found a pair of men's pants ...

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A celebate man was about to get married...

He had been "saving himself" for marriage, and had never watched pornography or had any remotely sexual encounters. He was incredibly nervous about being able to perform on his wedding night, and went to his best man to talk about it.

His best man tried to give him a pep talk, but ultimately...

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Voodoo dick

A married couple is very happy in their life, but the husband took a new very lucrative job that is going to keep him away from home for weeks and possibly months at a time. He loves his wife and understands that she will have certain... needs while he's away, so he tells her, "Take the credit card,...

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