Call me "old-fashioned," but I'm a conservative dresser

I only wear monogamous ester pants.

My local hair dresser just got charged with drug dealing.

I am shocked. I've been a customer of his for years. He never told me he cut hair.

My wife accused me of being a cross dresser.

I was so mad I packed up all her things and left.

What did the cross dresser do at Christmas?

Eat, drink and be Mary

Why can’t cross-dressers and Slavs stay on beat?

They’re always Russian or Dragging

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans.

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash.
The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
"Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."
"When I did fool ar...

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My favorite thing to do after sex is cuddle with my wife

I always leave money on the dresser and make sure to rush home to her after I’m finished

after the invisible man had kids he became a cross dresser. You could say he was a...

trans parent

Yesterday my friend came out as a cross dresser by wearing a mini skirt to his office party.

That showed a lot of balls.

Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him?

On her bedroom dresser he found a bottle of "polish remover."

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My girlfriend dresser up as a policewoman and placed me under arrest for the suspicion of being good in bed.

After a couple minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

Cross dressers are like complex films.

They might take more than one viewing to truly understand.

What do you call a cross dresser who's job is to travel from the UK to the US?

Transatlantic

I replaced the handles on a chest of drawers with crucifixes.

Now it's a cross dresser.

A legless crossdresser?

Drag Queen

How long does it take a cross dresser to get to the ground if they jump out of a plane?

Depends on the drag coefficient

Why do cross dressers fall slowly?

Because of the drag.

How did the cross-dresser rob the bank?

By making a Trans-action

I opened a store that sells waistcoats and spandex for cross-dressers.

I call it “trans vest tights”.

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[NSFW] A boy asked his dad what the C word stood for.

Boy, "Dad, what's a cunt?"

The dad replied, "Grab that marker over there and follow me."

He then went into his bedroom and grabbed a nude picture of his ex-girlfriend out of his dresser. He showed his son the picture and circled the woman's crotch.

The dad said "You see that ...

I've never seen a cross dresser.

But I've seen some very irritated credenzas,

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to have sex, I always whip it
out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can screw
'em forever!"

The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife
in the shower. Seeing a window of oppor...

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A college professor started to notice that one of his students, Dave, started gaining lots of female attention.

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the professor gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome op...

My grandfather died yesterday.

My father and I started cleaning out his apartment.

When we passed by his dresser we noticed some papers that fell between the dresser and the wall. One of the papers was an unclaimed dry cleaning ticket.

Looking at the ticket, we saw it was for a black suit that was b...

What Reaper says when he is going to hair dresser?

DYE DYE DYE!

My dim witted friend thought his new girlfriend might be ‘the one’.

But after looking through her dresser drawer and finding a nurses outfit, a french maids outfit and a police woman uniform, he finally decided.....if she can't hold down a job she's not for him..

What the... that rabbit is wearing a tuxedo.

Yeah, he’s probably coming from a hare dresser.

what did the ram say when his mom found drugs in his dresser drawer?

I learned it from watching ewe!

Dad, what is a cross-dresser?

Ask your mother, he knows.

A blonde walks into a hairdressers

She asks the hairdresser for a trim. The hair dresser asks her to take a seat but tells the blonde she needs to remove her headphones.

Blondie insists she can't remove them and the lady will have to do the best job she can.

After a while the hairdresser gets frustrated and says, "sorry...

Is Mommy Near the Phone?

The phone rings, a little girl picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”

“No daddy, she’s upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Mike.”

After a brief pause, the father says, “But honey, you haven’t got an uncle Mike.”

“Oh yes I do, he’s ups...

What do you call a guy who only wears a loincloth and a crown of thorns?

A cross-dresser

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Three men die and are waiting to enter heaven

St. Peter approaches the group and says, "Well, Heaven is a little backed up right now, and only one of you can get in at the moment. I don't have my sheet with me, so you'll have to tell me how you died. Whichever one of you died the most painful death can get in first." St. Peter approaches the fi...

The Frog

I am usually a good golf player but I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of t...

What’s a cowlick?

Dad: Son, your hair dresser does such a good job even with your cowlick as crazy as it is

Son: What’s a cowlick?

Dad: Whatever it wants.

Son: what?

Dad: ...



My dad made this joke when I was around 10 and I didn’t understand it until I was around 16...and I ...

My brother is afraid that robots will replace him.

If he would look in his wife's bedside dresser he would realize he already has been

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Voodoo dick

A married couple is very happy in their life, but the husband took a new very lucrative job that is going to keep him away from home for weeks and possibly months at a time. He loves his wife and understands that she will have certain... needs while he's away, so he tells her, "Take the credit card,...

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A guy breaks into a house...

As he starts to burglarize the place he hears a voice.
Voice: Jesus is watching
the guy looks around and dosent see anything. So he keeps sacking the place.
As he is picking up jewlery off a dresser he hears the voice again.
Voice: Jesus is watching
This time he was sure it ...

Hotel in Moscow

As a young man, Nickolai joined in the Bolshevik Revolution and was decorated for his role, and was invited to Moscow for the celebration, and put up in a big hotel there.
He had grown up in a remote village where there was no plumbing and knew nothing of toilets, so when he felt the call of natu...

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My fiancee thought I was bringing a condom to work with me this morning [Actually happened]

We have this miniature dresser in our bedroom that rests on an entertainment stand. Top drawer is random junk like buttons that come with clothes, receipts, etc. Middle drawer is jewelry. Bottom drawer is condoms.

This morning, I went into the top drawer to get a microfiber cloth that came wi...

What do you call a cabinet that wears clothes?

A dresser

I love showing up to religious conventions cosplaying as a crucified Jesus.

I'm a cross dresser.

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[NSFW] Do you know of the voodoo dick?

This Forbes made man has this trophy wife. She is horny as fuck... like... all the time. He is aware of this and happy about it.

He needs to go on business for a week. And he fears, knowing all too well that his wife can not resist getting fucked. So like any good husband he sets out to purch...

How to drive your wife wild in the bedroom.

Leave all of the dresser drawers slightly ajar with a little piece of clothing sticking out.

My wife cut herself putting the clothes away.

When she showed me, I said, "Wow, and I thought I was a sharp dresser."

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Voodoo Penis

There was a business man always on the road and was really never home to be with his wife. The wife was getting lonely so he decided on his trip to New Orleans he was going to get her a gift.

He went into a shady corner shop and asked the owner if he had anything that would help his wife fro...

I don't understand why Christians are so bothered by trans people...

After all, the first cross dresser was Jesus.

It's not so funny when it’s your mom is it?

One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parent’s room to check it out.

He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went...

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Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.

So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice.

"Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do."

"Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"

Jon gets hard just...

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A mother is concerned about her sons future

... so she goes to here priest and says "father, I'm concerned for my boy! He doesn't seem to have any ambitions and I'm concerned he won't amount to anything!"
So the father says to her "do not worry, take me to your home and I shall put your mind at ease."
So she takes him to her house and...

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There were three Nuns in a house..

The first Nun says, "I was cleaning the Fathers room this morning, and guess what i found? Pornographic magazines!" The second Nun says, "Well what did you do?" "I threw them all in the trash!" The Nun replied. Then the second Nun says, " Well, i was putting laundry in the Fathers room this morning,...

Three nuns

Three nuns were talking one day in their room. the first nun said "did you see the rubber in Father Oharras dresser drawer?" the second nun said "yeah, i punched holes in it". the third nun fainted.

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A woman is sick of her husband...

(Prepare yourself. You'll be here for a little while)

The guy is a dedicated body builder of 14 years. He's in great shape but he barely pays any attention to his wife. She decides to go and find a better man one night.

She ends up in a nightclub and meets a good looking young Doctor. ...

Panic at the hotel

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly," she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room. ...

My boyfriend said that he wanted to get into my pants.

Turns out he's a cross-dresser.

Time to be creative. I'll give you the punchline, you give me the joke!

A dresser without drawers.

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Finding condoms

Three moms were talking about their daughters over coffee one afternoon. Mom 1 says, "I was putting laundry in my daughters dresser and found a bottle of vodka! And I didn't even know she drinks!"

Mom 2 says, "Well I was cleaning out my daughters closet and found a pack of cigarettes! And I d...

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

I make rabbit tuxedos for a living.

I'm a hare-dresser.

Whenever my husband opens his wardrobe he shouts and curses.

I think he's a cross dresser.

Three are guys sitting around in heaven..

Three guys are in heaven, each sharing the story of their death. The first guy, propped up on his cloud recalls his ultimate demise. "Well, I had been sent home from work early one afternoon, and when I got home my wife was half naked and obviously surprised to see me. I found a pair of men's pants ...

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