The 120+ Best Room Jokes

An octopus slinks into a dark room with a gun in each arm.

He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. “You’re one short, my friend,” says the cat as he steps into view.

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One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please." "Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key

The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. He can't believe what's happening. Next morning, still surprised by la...

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Three men were talking about their teenage daughters: The first says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't even know she smoked". The second says "That's nothing.

I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a full bottle of Vodka.
I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank".
Then the third speaks up.
"Both of you have got nothing to worry about.
I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet o...

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A man walks into a hotel lobby with his family and whispers to the front desk clerk, "make sure the porn in my room is disabled". To which the clerk replies:

We only have regular porn you sick fuck!

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike. His buddy said “sweet bike, where’d ya get it?”

“You’ll never believe this,” he said, “I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_”

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said “smart. Her clothes would have never fit yo...

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

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A man and woman, both married separately, had to share a room one night on a business trip.

They feel weird at first, but they both fall asleep in their separate beds.

After a few hours of sleeping, the man wakes the woman up and asks her, "Could you grab me another blanket from the closet? I'm really cold."

The woman responds, "Or we could just pretend to be married for the ...

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

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Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband either."

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

"Wait a minute," she says....

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop.

Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me a...

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Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you wan...

4 men are in the hospital waiting room waiting for their babies The nurse walks in and tells the first man: "Congratulations you're having twins." The man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence, i work for the Minnesota twins."

The nurse tells the second man: "Congratulations you're having triplets."

The man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence, i work for the 3M company."

The nurse tells the third man: "Congratulations You're having quadruplets."

The third man responds: "That's a crazy coincidence i ...

A pun walks into a room and kills 10 people…

Pun in. Ten dead.

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(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day. The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 h...

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If you put Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry together in a room, who's the first to realize they're full of shit?

The room.

An older woman, well past child-bearing years went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.
After hearing her out, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to where the first doctor was and demanded, “what is the matter with you? That lady is over 60 years old, has four grown...

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Two Nuns are tasked with painting a room.

Two nuns are tasked with painting a bedroom. They are concerned about getting paint all over their outfits, so they lock themselves inside and strip out of them and begin painting in their underwear. All is going well until there is a knock at the door. “Who is it?” They ask. “Blind man,” is the rep...

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they gi...

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and ...

An old lady is complaining to her motel receptionist that a man in the room across from hers is taking a shower with the blinds up.

An old lady is complaining to her motel receptionist that a man in the room across from hers is taking a shower with the blinds up.

‘It’s obscene!’, she yells. The receptionist goes up to her room and says, ‘Well ma’am, you can’t see anything from your window except the man’s head.’

No...

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Two guys invited a prostitute to a hotel room

They decided to do it separately so the first guy goes in the room while the other is waiting at the lobby.

Then the first guy comes out, the second guy asks: ''How was she?''

First guy answers: ''She was okay, but she was nothing compared to my wife.''

Then the second guy goes...

“Son, I found a condom in your room.”

“Gee thanks, Grandpa!”

“Why are you calling me Grandpa?”

“Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”

My coworker keeps complaining about his lunch being stolen from the break room fridge.

Monday morning he brought in a turkey and provolone on wheat bread. Put it in the fridge. By lunch time it was gone.

Tuesday he brought in ham and cheddar on white bread. Put it in the fridge, again gone by lunch.

Today he brought a chicken ceaser wrap. Gone by noon.

I hope he...

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

A man in an interrogation room says "I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present."

Cop: You are the lawyer.

Lawyer: Exactly, so where's my present?

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room

The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seeming a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Strip down to your waist," the Doctor said.

She did.

He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and r...

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Two Nuns are ordered to paint a room

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In...

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

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A father and son are hanging out in their living room watching TV

Suddenly the dad’s feet are cold and he asks the son to get him his slippers from upstairs.

While upstairs the son sees two of his sister’s friends so he goes up to both of them and says, "My Dad told me to come up here and fuck both of you".

“you're lying", They say

The son ...

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A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded doctors waiting room and approached the desk.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded doctors waiting room and approached the desk.

The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into...

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Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room

-and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.

So...

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A man and a woman who had never met find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and
she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be wi...

What do rich people ride to the emergency room?

An ambulance

My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast.

I said, “Who is this guy?”

Grandpa: This is my hip replacement.

Secretary walks into the President's room

Secretary: Mr.President, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble.
Trump: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels.

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I walked into a room full of men masturbating

They all looked shocked when I didn't stop

I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said thank you. I said don't mention it.

I put a black hole in my living room.

It's great. Really pulls the room together.

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

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Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad masturbating in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"...

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Why did the condom fly across the room?

'cause it was pissed off.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to...

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

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A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."

The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin is revealed until finally,...

When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room and I used to clean his.

We were maid for each other.

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An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall and they were especially amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again with a room inside.

The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?”

The mother, never having seen an elevator before, responded, “I have no idea."

While the girl and her mother watched with amazement, an old man in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

After he got in, the wall...

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A man calls his girlfriend into his room for the first time

He says, "I have a problem with my penis, but you have to promise not to laugh"

She promises not to.

He shows her his penis. Its so small, she loses her calm and starts laughing so hard she falls down.

The man is now angry at her because she said that she wouldn't laugh at it. S...

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and...

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A woman is sitting in the exam room of her gynecologist

The doctor says, “You have the largest vagina I’ve ever seen”

“You have the largest vagina I’ve ever seen”

Taken aback, the woman says, “Well, you didn’t have to say it twice”

The doctor says, “I didn’t”

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Nigerian are in a maternity ward waiting room

A nurse comes in and says, "Gentlemen, I'm sorry, but there's been a mixup with the babies. Could you please help sort it out?"

She takes them to the nursery and shows two white babies and one black baby. The Englishman picks up the black baby and starts walking off. The Nigerian says, "What ...

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My girlfriend walked into the room and said “Do these jeans make me look fat?”

“do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?” I asked

“Yes” she replied

“I fucked your sister”

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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” he says.

“I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed...

I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...

Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...

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You’re in a room with a hundred dicks. How many do you choke on?

“None.”

“Wow, you’re that good?”

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In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room…

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just a...

How do you make a room full of epileptics go nuts?

Ask someone with parkingsons disease to turn off the lights

It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting “it’s a boy” “it’s a boy” with tears streaming down his face.

We never went back to Thailand.

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Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani man were sat in the waiting room of the maternity ward at the local hospital...

An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani man were sat in the waiting room of the maternity ward at the local hospital.

A nurse comes out and says to the men "I'm sorry, but there's a been a mix-up and we don't know which baby belongs to which mother. Any chance one of you could come in and s...

An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...

Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"

Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"

From my 7-year-old: What room are zombies not allowed in?

The living room.

"If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room"

I don't want to brag, but I'm never in the wrong room.

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little boy walks by his mom's room and sees her fingering herself

She's in front of the mirror saying "I need a man, I need a man"
Weird the boy thinks and goes on about his business.
The next day, the same thing, "I need a man, I need a man"
Bitch is crazy, thinks the boy. Oh well, he goes on about his business.
The third day he walks by and a guy is ...

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These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first dru...

My son asked me why he doesn't get his own room when we use the extra one for storage.

I told him there's no room for mistakes.

A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, “Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?”

The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

I was in bed with this redneck girl when her father, her brother and her boyfriend busted in the room...

....and boy was he mad.

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Two introverts walk into a room...

One leaves

A young woman had a habit of doing naked gymnastics in the living room in the afternoon

One day she decided to try a a split, thereby creating a vacuum which sucked her firmly to the tile floor. In spite of all her attempts, she couldn't free herself and had to wait for her husband to come home.

When he got there, he pulled as hard as he could, too. But she remained completely s...

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A mailman is delivering the mail to one of the houses on his route when he and the woman who lives there begin chatting. As the conversation continues, he notices a sheet hanging up in the middle of the living room with a small hole in it.

The mailman says, “So, may I ask what’s with the sheet hanging up?” She says, “Ahh yes. Last night we had a bunch of folks over and decided to play a game. The men got on one side of the sheet and the women got on the other. The men took turns putting their cocks in the hole and then the women would...

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I was painting my nails earlier when I heard my boss yell at me from across the room.

He said “For fuck’s sake, will you stop painting the damn things and just hammer them into the damn wall”

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A man rushes into the emergency room with 10 plastic horses up his rectum.

His condition is now listed as stable.

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Little Johnnie is in the living room playing with his train set…

when his mom overheard him in the kitchen yelling “alright you sonsabitches! Everyone headed westbound to Memphis, get your asses to platform number 9! And for all you motherfuckers going eastbound to Raleigh, head your big asses to platform number 10!”

Mom comes in fuming…

“JOHNNIE!! ...

I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror

I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror to see a crowd gathered round a crashed motorcyclist.
So I quickly put on my coat and shoes and rushed outside.
Pushed through the crowds shouting “let me through, let me through!”.
I finally managed to get to the front of the crow...

My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding. She kicked over the table, stormed out of the room and shouted that she’s never...

...playing Scrabble with me again.

I went on a job interview for a security guard. After spending 12 hours in the waiting room...

...they hired me.

A little boy was looking through the keyhole of his sister's room

Mom says with a smile, "why are you concerned with what your sister is doing in there?"
Boy replies, "I am not concerned with her, I am wondering what dad is doing."

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A patient walks into a therapist's room

Patient: I'm scared of single letters.

Therapist: Oh? Why?

Patient: *screams*

Therapist: Oh. Oh, I see.

Patient: *screaming intensifies*

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A man with a small penis goes to a brothel, chooses his girl, and they head to a room. She laughs at his tiny penis and says "Who are you going to please with that thing?"

"Me", he replied.

I went to the Atlanta Falcons locker room to get some change for a dollar...

But they only gave me 3 quarters.

A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"

He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now ou...

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On Christmas afternoon, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "W...

My wife ran into the room suddenly and yelled: “Quick! Do you know of anything physical that gives off no smells? Zero. Sort of like an olfactory camouflage that would be utterly invisible to the nose?”

Confused, I thought for a moment, and then replied: “What you are describing makes absolutely no scents”

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

A drunk man hails a taxi. When the cab pulls over, the drunk sticks his head in the passenger side window and asks the driver, "Have you got room here for a whole lobster and three bottles of wine?" "Sure." replies the driver.

"Fantastic!" and throws up on the passenger seat.

My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"ATOE TRUCK!!??"

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I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a stray bra.

Goddamn booby traps…

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of room temperature sweet tea.

When his food arrives he takes a sip of the tea but finds it to be scorching hot.
"Ow!" yells the man, "I asked for this to be room temperature!"
"It is, sir" says the waiter "The kitchen is on fire."

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A husband calls up a hotel's manager from his room..

..Husband : Please come fast , I was having an argument with my wife and she says shes gonna jump out of the window.
Manager : Sir, I am sorry I can't help you , this seems to be a personal issue.
Husband : You asshole, this is a maintenance issue. The window isn't opening.

How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible.

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A little kid enters the room and catches his dad masturbating

He lets a little scream out and look at his father, dumbfounded.

"Don't be shocked, son. Everybody does this. Soon, you will do it too."

"But... Why, daddy?"

"Because my hands are starting to ache"

What did microsoft say to the attractive girl in the room?

Can I crash at your place tonight?

I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me there landlord and that kinda makes them my

Tenants

Every hotel room was taken.

By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you t...

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Four women were chatting in the locker room (nsfw)

When one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation: jerking off, wanking, spanking the monkey, and so on... there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just...

After my proctology exam I was left alone in the exam room for a few minutes. Then the nurse came in and whispered three words no man ever wants to hear.

"Who was that?"

"If there are two idiots in the room, please stand up . . ."

The sarcastic teacher said this before surveying the room with a smarmy smile.

After a long silence, a lone student stands up in the middle of the classroom.

"I honestly didn't expect anyone to stand up. Mister, why do you consider yourself and an idiot?" The teacher asks this with a ...

I walked into my wife’s room and told a joke.

It was so good, even the closet laughed.

Batman walks into a room which alfred is ìn, late at night.

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

Han Solo is chilling in his room when suddenly the light goes out.

He tries to fix the bulb, but after an hour of laborious effort, he gives up.

He heads over to Yoda's place to see if he can help. As Yoda opens the door, he spots a huge machine with flashing lights, beeping in the middle of the room.

"What's this?" he asks Yoda.

"A cloning m...

A man arrives at a hotel after a long train journey, exhausted. He comes into a communal room and sees three other guys who are drunk and talking loudly.

They are cracking anti-government jokes and laughing at Khrushchev. The man is annoyed that he can't sleep so he hatches a plan. He walks out into a corridor and asks a staff member to bring him a cup of tea. He then comes back into the room and starts talking to the noisy fellows:

"Comrades,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mom walks into her son's room one morning...

Mom: "Wake up, or you'll be late for school."

Son: "I don't want to go to school today!"

M: "Why not?"

S: "Because all the kids hate me!"

M: "But you have to go."

S: "But all the teachers hate me too!!!"

M: "Oh, for crying out loud. Get up! You're 45 year...

Last Sunday, we had an internet service interruption during a few hours. The kids came out of their room.

We talked a lot. They seem nice.

A man named Rick walks into his room after a long day of work and sees his wife crying on their bed.

He askes her what it was all about and she said that she had been threatened by someone she thought was her friend earlier that evening.

Now, Rick has no idea how to handle this, so goes to confront his friend Lee, who has some experience with things like this.

After a long discussion...

I’m so glad my grandchildren like to eat my bowl of peanuts I leave out on my dining room table

I can only suck the chocolate off of them

A mathematician and an engineer were placed in a room with a beautiful naked woman on the other side.

The proctor says over the intercom, “every time the bell rings you can move half the distance to the woman.”

The mathematician gets furious and leaves, saying to the engineer on the way out, “You fool! Don’t you understand you can never actually reach the woman?”

The engineer smirks, “...

Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room.

She showed it to her husband when he got home.

He handed it back to her without a word.

She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?"

"Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."

In a hotel room at night, two neighbors do not let a third one fall asleep...

At night in a hotel room, two neighbors do not let a third one fall asleep: they tell various political jokes. He tries to scare them:

"The KGB is listening to everything here!"

Those two just laugh and continue. Then he goes out and asks the room attendant to bring to the r...

A little known rule is that all employees of IKEA have to stand in a line in the meeting room before every shift.

Assembly is required.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers are in their room one morning.

The older brother says, "Billy, I'm 9 and you're 6. We're practically men. So today when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell and you're gonna say ass."

Billy nods his head in excitement and they go downstairs. The boys sit at the table and their mom greets them.

"Good ...

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

I bought a world map for my room, I’m gonna put a pin on everywhere that i’ve travelled…

… but first I gotta travel to the top 2 corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

(Mitch Hedberg 2003)

The first student walks into the room, where he will take an oral history test.

The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"

The first student replied, "Karl Marx."

The teacher asked, "In what year?"

The first student replied, "1848."

The teacher asked, "Are ghosts real?"

The first student replied, "The Party says no, the people say ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room...

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.

Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.

He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear, “Just relax.”

Without warning, he reached d...

Putin steps away from the war room to use the restroom...

As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. He hears his men running around and without hesitation he jumps up, pulls up his pants and runs our to see what the commotion is.

He asks the next in command the situation: "ICBM Mr President!"

Putin replies "I WAS IN A HURR...

Q: How can you pick out the gynecologist in a roomful of doctors?

A: He\`s the one with his watch on his elbow.

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