They say “cellar door” is the prettiest combination of words in the English language,

Unless you live in Boston.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To commemorate the occasion with a Japanese wine I decided to go down to the cellar

for old time's sake

My parents allways warned me to never ho through the cellar door and one day when i was fifteen i pushed it open and saw some incredible things i never saw before...

Like trees, and birds, green grass and the sun, my god it was beautiful.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I have enough saved up, I'm going to convert my cellar into a sex dungeon to really indulge my freaky kinks.

But for now it's just going to be debasement.

How do you escape from a closed cellar without the keys?

I don't know either, please help me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new monk arrives at the monastery ...

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be...

I had an unhappy childhood. Many's the night I've spent tied up in a burlap sack in the cellar after a thorough beating.

But it doesn't make up for my childhood.

Good friends are like fine wine

That's why I keep mine locked in the cellar.

An Irish girl came home with a depressed look on her face.

Her mother says "What's wrong m'deary?" Her daughter says "I've got a case of chlamydia.".

The mother says "Tis fine love. Put it down in the cellar. Your father will drink anything.".

I strongly believe women are like fine wine.

They should be kept in a dark cellar and only brought out for special occasions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Warning: No Punchline) A drunk is hauled in off the street and taken before the magistrate, who asks him to explain his drunken behavior.

”Well,” says the drunk, ”I had ten bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or I’d be in trouble."

”So I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass...

Brother Mark arrives at the monastery where he intends to devote his life to servitude to the Lord.

When he arrives, he discovers that the other brothers are creating new books by copying from previous copies.

So he asks Brother John, 'Do you ever proofread these copies against the original? How do you know that someone isn’t copying a mistake?

Brother John ponders this and decides, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a basement full of journeymen?

A wine cellar.

How many dead hitchhikers does it take to change a light bulb?

Well certainly more than four because it’s still pitch dark in my cellar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80 year old blind man walks into a pub and sits at the bar.

He orders a pint and tells the landlord, "I've been blind for 50 years lad. My hearing's perfectly attuned. I bet can tell you what's happening in any room in this pub."

"Oh really", says the landlord, "go ahead then".

The old man cups a hand round his ear, tilts his head to the ceil...

An Englishman, A Scotsman and an Irish man are running away from a murder

They run into a bar and say to the bartender “quick, we need somewhere to hide, there’s a man trying to kill us!”

The bartender says “there are some sacks in the cellar, hide in them, just pretend to be what was in them before you emptied them.”

So they run downstairs to hide in the sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which vegetable might you find in your basement?

Cellar-y!

I told my wife that a Husband ages like wine. We get better with age.

So she locked me in the cellar.

A granddad walks up to a priest to make a confession...

A granddad walks up to a priest to make a confession.


\- Dear Father, forgive me for I have sinned - I hid a jewish family in my cellar during the war.
\- But this isn't a sin, in fact you have done a god thing!
\- But father, I charged them 100 euros per week!
\- Well yo...

What’s the difference between fine wine and fine women?

Fine wine doesn’t try and escape from my cellar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wrote a book about basements

I am hoping it makes the best cellars list

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are standing a heavens gate...

.. The queue is moving slow and they get talking to one another.

"So how did you wind up here?", the first man asks the second.

The second man sighs and says, "I froze to death."

"Did it hurt? “ asked the first.

" Not really. You get cold, then sleepy, then just drift o...

[OC] Did you read the book about Manhattan's fanciest wine room?

It's a New York Times best-cellar!

One day I was playing...

I was about seven years old—and I saw the cellar door open just a crack. Now my folks had always warned me: Emo, whatever you do, don't go near the cellar door. But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me, so I went to the cellar door, pushed it open and walked through, and I saw str...

I prefer my wine like I do my women

Locked in a cellar for 20 years and sold for the highest bidder.

A guy dies and goes to hell.

Satan welcomes him warmly and shakes his hand. He is given the keys to a gorgeous apartment, where he finds a brand new set of golf clubs, and a membership to the ritzy Hades Golf Club. He has servants to look after his every need.

In the garage is a brand new sports car and the fridge is sto...

Went to visit my farmer friend and noticed a three-legged pig in the barnyard...

When I asked him what happened he said, “A couple of years ago, we had a fire in the cellar and that pig went to squealing and screaming and raising holy hell to wake us all up in time. Saved all our lives.

“Then, last summer, that pig saw a rattlesnake was sneaking up on little Timmy as he w...

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery

A young monk arrives for work at a monastery where scrolls are copied from prior scrolls by hand. After some time he noticed that they are copying from copies. Humbly he points out to the master monk that an error could be introduced and then copied and recopied via this process.



The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A burly gentleman walks into a pub and slams his fists on the bar.

He tells the barman that the pub hasn't paid its protection money, and his mafia boss has ordered him to collect.

The burly gent heads down to the cellar and starts wheeling out all the wine barrels. He loads them onto his van and drives off.

Later that day the burly gent returns and ...

Some young women are like bottles of wine

They need to be tended to carefully and given time to mature, which is why I keep a few in my cellar.

I've been trying to recapture my lost youth.

I really must get that cellar door fixed.

A man gets in a fight with his wife

A man gets in an argument with his wife during dinner. After the meal, the husband furiously runs down to their wine cellar and opens a bottle of vintage wine. Magically, a genie comes out of the bottle and says "You have freed me. You now have three wishes. But you should know, whatever you wish fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can see the future....

A man walks into his local pub for a pint after work. After being served his drink, he turns to find a table to sit down and enjoy his pint.
There are two tables free, one near the entrance and another towards the back. He opts for the one near the entrance, sits down, and takes a nice refreshing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man walks into a bar

and asks for a bottle of 40-year-old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of 10-year-old Scotch and figures that the man won’t be able to tell the difference. The man downs the Scotch and says, ‘This Scotch is only 10 years old! I specifically asked for ...

Three Legged Pig

A traveller one day spotted a three-legged pig standing near a farmhouse. The traveller went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me, but how is it that pig only has 3 legs?"

"Well," said the farmer, "that pig is very special. Very special. While back my wife was cooking something and she ste...

I prefer my alcohol like I prefer children

Aged in a barrel and chilled on the rocks in my cellar

I told my wife I was going down where the sun doesn’t shine and that I wasn’t coming back up until it had a good old spit shine.

Our cellar is long overdue a cleaning, you see.

What Austrian girls and wine have in common?

Both mature in a cellar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

JOSEPH FRITZL: Why don't you write a book about basements you can't escape from?

It's bound to be a best cellar.

Jay-Z owned a baseball team.

From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldn’t catch line drives to s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four guys break down in the middle of nowhere

They set off walking to find help and come across an old decrepit Manor House.
When they knock on the door a stunning, young, buxom, woman answers.
The men ask if they can use the phone to call for a tow.
She agrees and invites them in. They ring for a tow truck but are told one ca...

Directly to Jesus

One of the problems catholic priests face is how to keep their young alter boys from misbehaving or not accomplishing the tasks given to them, as they have not yet concerted their faith and devotion. One year at the annual meeting of cardinals a group of priests from all over the world were complain...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't ask...

So one fine day, a young boy is listening to the radio. He has very bad reception so the radio is sort of static, nevertheless, he catches something about a purple donut. His curiosity sparked, he meanders over to his mother and said, "Momma, what's a purple donut?" She then gets this wild look in h...

32 Tanks Enter Ukraine From Russia

Ukrainian grandma says, "What is the difference between a Russian tank and a vacuum cleaner? "

Ukrainian grandpa is getting another drink, but yells, "I don't know" from the cellar.

"There's only one dirtbag in a vacuum," she replies, but no one is in the room to hear her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young lad goes into the local pub..

...and finds old man McKeagan sitting at his usual stool. He asks him "old man McKeagan, what is it you're known for? Me da is O'Reilly the blacksmith, me brother is O'Reilly the carpenter. But no one will tell me what you're known for." Old man McKeagan slides off his barstool and says "Come with m...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.