UPJOKE
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A snail brings his car into a garage

He requests a new paint job. The body guy asks what he wants, and the snail says, "Give me a handsome burgundy paint job with a special detail on it. Paint the letter S all over it in yellow gold."

The body tech thinks this is an unusual request, but hey, it's money. The snail returns later t...

I was reversing my car in the garage and asked my son to spot me, and let me know when I hit the wall.

I heard a bang. "3:45 PM", he said.

My wife tried to kill herself last night. I heard noise coming from the garage in the middle of the night so I went to check it out. The car was running with the garage door closed, and she was in the driver's seat crying hard.

This is the last time I buy a Tesla.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

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What do gays guys and garage sales have in common?

"One man's junk is another man's treasure"

Two flat tyres...

I forgot to zip up my trouser.

So a lady told me politely, "Sir, your garage is open".

I gave her a naughty smile as I zipped up and asked, "Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?".

She smiled back and said, "No, just one small Toyota with two flat tyres".

A horse had a life long dream of playing the guitar

So there was a horse, and this horse always had a dream of playing the guitar.

So the horse calls up a music shop and he says, “Hey, I want to learn how to play the guitar.”

The music shop employee goes “That’s great we’ll set you up for music lessons.”

The horse responds “We...

A penguin goes on vacation..

A penguin is driving his car through the country when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it. The mechanic shakes his head and says, "I'll take a look, but it might take some time." The penguin shrugs and replies, "That's alright, I'll wander aroun...

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Italian brothers garage

These two Italian brothers own a garage. They hire this Korean guy as a mechanic.
One morning the brothers go to open the garage and they find the Korean guy dead in the alley. They call the police.

Cop: What was his full name?

Tony: I don't know. We called him Park.

Cop: Jus...

It now takes a dollar more to pump up a tyre at the local garage

I guess it's due to inflation

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With a seductive voice... With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile,
unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smil...

Good reason for a divorce?

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?”

‟Grounds? We have a couple of acres outside the town, but it does have a big lawn and some fruit trees so it's not like empty ground."

‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

‟Yes, ...

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An atheist dies and goes to hell...

...and notices he's in a lush park with butterflies, his physical body has transformed back into its prime, and he's then greeted by Satan who says "sup homie? Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here mate."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of...

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A Scouser walks into the local benefits office, walks up to the counter to collect his fortnightly giro and say's to the woman.

"You know something?
I just hate being on the dole, I'd really rather have a job".

The benefits worker behind the counter tells him.
"Your timing is excellent.
We have just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man.
He wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomani...

In honor of my 1st cake day, I present to you, my Dad's favorite joke

It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs in...

Little Timmy wants to take the dog for a walk and ask his mom if he can take her around the block.

The mom knows the dog is in heat but doesn't want to tell Timmy he can't take the dog for a walk and open that can of worms with little Timmy on what it means and tread down the 'birds and the bees', so instead she tells little Timmy to go ask his dad instead.

So little Timmy goes out to the...

Finally... a smart blonde joke.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz...

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

What's the difference between a sports car and a garage full of dead babies

I don't have a sports car

An immigrant teen is walking home from the supermarket when he sees an older gentleman with a broken down car on the side of the road...

He stops to help and immediately makes a good impression on the older fellow. Eventually they get the car going and the gentleman offers the boy a ride home. The teenager accepts, thinking it would be a great way to get home quickly, considering it's getting late and his mother was probably worried ...

Mistress

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my ...

Little Jonny

Little Johnny wakes up in the middle of the night and hears noises from his mum and dad's room, and goes to investigate..
He walks in, he is directly behind his mum, who is riding Johnny's dad, cowgirl style, unaware that Johnny is behind her and watching.
Johnny...what are you doing to daddy...

Someone just broke into my garage and stole my Limbo stick.

I mean, how low can you go?

The traveling salesmen

Two traveling salesmen were riding together across West Texas when their car began to sputter and cough. Soon, it died completely and they were stranded on the side of a state highway with little traffic.

Fortunately, a pick up truck pulled over to help. The driver was a comely middle aged wo...

Sudden change of heart

An extremely wealthy investor and his wife of 25 years, were having dinner at a five-star restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman came over to their table, gave the husband a big, wet kiss, and in a breathy voice she said, "I'll see you later tonight…" ending with a wink just before turni...

old soviet joke (I believe it was created after Czechoslovakia uprising)

So John, Pierre and Ivan are having few drinks. Guys start talking cars. Pierre brags a bit - "Well, in Paris I drive my Citroen, but to countryside I take Peugeot. Of course, for longer trips to Europe my wife insists on Renault - its so much more spacious". "Well, that's nothing, in London I drive...

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."
Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said,...

What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?

Garbage.

My friends garage

I was speaking to my friend the other day about the fact he leaves his garage full of stuff completely open all the time and if he was worried about anything getting stolen.

I said to him, "You either have a massive pair of bollocks, or nothing worth stealing"

He ranted about how safe...

How to get to Heaven from Ireland (A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher)...

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cl...

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A priest goes to the mechanic.

He tells the mechanic, "hey, I just brought in my car last week, and since you guys worked on it, it's leaking oil all over my garage."

The mechanic says, "my apologies father, we'll make sure we get it right this time, come back tomorrow, and we'll have it tip-top for you."

The prie...

I hate winter…

I hate the snow, the ice, the cold. In these times I think of the 4-man tent I bought on sale sometime around 1995. It’s a basic tent, and it was a great value when I got it. It’s hardly used now and just sits in my garage. I get such Winter Blues that I think about setting the tent up in the back y...

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A man is with his best friend at a local pub

He looks at his watch, raises his eyebrows, and groans, "Oh shit, not again!"


"Why? What's the matter, chum?" asks the second man


"It's already 2AM, my wife's gonna kill me; she always knows when I get home too late." the first man exclaims


"I thought Brenda sleeps e...

I set up a small nuclear power plant in my garage.

It was running well until I got busted by a fish and game warden of all people. He gave me a fat ticket for not having a fission license.

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Women should think of the Penis like they should cars. They should be able to get from A to B on a daily basis, as safe and efficiently as possible, be easy to park in the garage without using the mirrors, and come with a load of kids if needed.

That being said, it is also nice to get a big black stretch limo for her birthday to make her feel special.

I had to get on the ladder to change a lightbulb in the garage this afternoon.

You could say it was the high light of my day.

A penguin takes his car to the garage

A penguin takes his car in to the garage to get fixed and he goes to have an ice cream. The ice cream starts to melt and goes all over his face.

When he goes to pick his car up the mechanic says “you blew a seal”

The penguin says “nah it’s just ice cream!”

My brother works in the garage door business

I asked him how it is. He said it has its ups and downs.

He's really happy for the job, though. The opportunity was really an open door for him.

Apparently they've made him into their main salesperson, since he really knows how to close the deal.

I hope you found these puns to b...

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A penguin was driving through town

Heading up a small hill, his little penguin car started having trouble pulling the grade. Seeing a mechanic shop, he pulled in. He explain the issue to the mechanic, who tells him it will take about an hour for him to get to it. "So what am I supposed to do for an hour?", the penguin asked. THe mec...

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Thank you Russia...

for this beautiful green tractor! Woke up one day to see this massive beauty on my front road. Too bad it didn't have any fuel, had to tow it to my garage to fill her up.


Seems like I could store plenty of stuff in these 2 big boxes at the top. "Miss suh les"? Is that a new Russian word...

A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”

“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”

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The Harley & The dishes (NSFW)

A guy named Joe heads into his local Harley Davidson dealership with a fistfull of dollars and starts looking for his dream motorbike. The dealer looks at Joe's choice and states that while Joe's choice in motorcycle was respectable, the older style Harleys not only held their value better, but in m...

"You know when you go to a garage sale, and you find a dusty old box of National Geographics? Yeah, well you're kind of like that....

You've got issues going way back."

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian

any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Your mama so stupid she tried kill herself in the garage with the car running...

Too bad she drives a Tesla.

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A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

I can’t do anything right, so I decided to end it all. I turned on my car, sat in my closed garage, and waited.

I’ve been in my Tesla for 14 hours so far and still nothing.

I pulled into my driveway, and someone had painted a large number 3 on my garage door.

I thought, “That’s odd.”

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a little friendly banter with the owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.

"So tell me," says the mechanic, "I've been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me.."
"Yes?.." says the surgeon.
"Well look at this," says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, "I check how it's running, open it up, fix the valves...

My neighbor put up a sign that said "Huge Garage Sale"

Looks like a normal garage to me.

[Long] One evening after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Harley in the garage.

One evening after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Harley in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your...

The FBI has determined the rope in Bubba Wallace's garage was a door pull and not a noose.

I guess no noose is good news.

A man was helping his friend clean out his garage.

He noticed an amazing looking belt in the garbage can. It was black, with numerous stars and galaxies etched into it in intricate detail.

"Why are you throwing this out?" He asked.

His friend replied, "It is just such a waist of space."

Today I read the noose found in Bubba Wallace’s garage wasn’t really a noose...

Fake Noose Media

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The ma...

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Two married buddies are out drinking one night…

when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the sta...

Saw a kid riding a bike that looked the same as mine in my neighborhood

I freaked out and went to my garage. Luckily he was still there; chained up and begging for food.

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Tailpipe

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.

She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at leas...

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3 men appear at the heavens gate. Next to them an angel appears and starts asking them how they got there

The first one starts telling: “I came home early from a day of work. When I suddenly hear my wife scream upstairs. I rush upstairs and see her laying in bed very frightened.I was going to confront her later but first I needed to catch the bastard. I also see the window open and rush to it only to se...

Needing new jeans.

I happened to spot several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a local garage sale.

They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33.

So I asked the owner if he had a pair.

He shook his head. “I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

A man scuttled out to his garage and began pulling the lawn furniture out onto the driveway.

Shortly after he did the same with the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbour wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the man. “My son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date.”

“S...

I have a jar in my garage labeled, "My Bachelor Years."

It's filled with a bunch of random screws.

Three brothers are arguing over who got their mom the best Mother's Day present

The first brother says "I got mom the best gift! I bought her a brand new house! It's so huge, its practically a mansion!"

The second brother says "No, I got mom the best mother's day gift! I bought her a brand new luxury car and I even hired her a chauffeur to drive her around! She just has ...

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Came home to find my dog, Minton, had gotten into the garage and eaten all my shuttlecocks

Bad Minton

I drove to the local garage to fill my car up...

I noticed 2 police were watching a woman who was smoking while filling her car up. I thought, is she stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there?!

I minded my own business filled my car up and went inside to pay.

As I was paying for my fuel, I heard someone...

A couple went Christmas shopping with their three young children.

After hours of traipsing around toyshops and hearing their kids ask for every item on the shelves, they were totally fed-up. Weighed down with the bags, they squeezed into the crowded elevator to take them to the parking garage.

The husband sighed aloud to nobody in particular, “Whoever star...

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A therapist runs his business out of a parking garage...

He frequently meets people that are going through a lot.

Did you hear about the depressed hipster?

They found him in his garage, with a hose in his drivers side window, leading to the charging port of his Tesla.

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Stanley was killed in a freak explosion in his garage...

There was nothing Stanley liked better than drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and hunting. At least twice a week, Stanley went out in the woods with his hunting buddies Cletus and Jimmy. They never shot much, but they always had a few cases handy and always had a good time. They were practically in...

I always feel kind of poetic looking for my car in parking garages.

Is it 2B or... not 2B?

Robin walks into the garage in the bat cave to test drive the batmobile.

He jumps into the batmobile and tries to get it started but it wont work.
So Robin goes to find batman to help him.
Robin explains to batman that the batmobile isn't working.
"Check the battery" says batman.
"Who is tery?" Robin says confused.

A butler

… was dusting of the bookshelves when the phone rang. He picked up
“This is James speaking, at your service”
“James, is my wife at home?”
“Yes, sir”
“And is she alone?”
“No, sir”
“Is she with my lawyer?”
“Yes, sir”
“And is she in her bedroom?”
“I’m afraid so, sir”
“I se...

How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage?

A lot.

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus and drove off along the route:

No problems for the first few stops.
A few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.

Six foot eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.

He glared at the driver and said. "Big John...

I would like to buy 200 eggs, please.

- 200, sir?
- Yes. I'm going to egg my neighbor's house and I'm going to egg it good!
- Oh ...
- I'll go down to his yard and throw them eggs to the windows, to the walls, to the door, to the garage, even to his car.
- ...
- That is, of course, unless his stupid dog is outside. In tha...

I left the garage door open last night

Someone stole my limbo stick.. didn’t know people can go that low.

Did you see the episode of House Hunters with King Henry VII?

He was looking for a Lancaster House with a Tudor garage.

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up. "Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, ladders and everything you'll need next to the car in the garage."

"Sure, sounds great!"

The man closes the door, ch...

A dad reversing out of the garage.

“Ah this brings me back”

I asked the guy at the garage why it used to be 10p to put air in my tyres and now it's £1.50.

He just shrugged and said "Inflation".

Garage Door

The Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning
not knowing his zipper was down and his fly
area wide open.. His assistant walked up to
him and said, 'This morning when you left
your house, did you close your garage
door?' The boss told her he knew he'd
closed th...

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The voodoo dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

To spice things up a bit in the bedroom, I asked my wife to talk dirty to me.

Telling me how dusty the garage was, and about the mold in the shower, was not what I was hoping for.

My Jewish neighbor has been moving huge bags of yeast and empty kegs with weird symbols into his garage.

Turns out Hebrews

An old priest died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven

Next to him was a young Uber driver who died seconds ago from his reckless driving.

The priest was called first, and St Peter said, "For your life long career working for the church, we will give you a small studio where you can stay at for the rest of eternity."

Then St Peter turns to...

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A rich Arab guy wants to marry an American woman.

He approaches her but she doesn't like him. Instead of rejecting him, she tells him that she will only marry him if he can fulfil all her demands. He agrees to do anything for her.

First, she tells him that she will only marry him if he has a big house. He takes her to one of his mansions and...

A garage should be called a Carage. And the parking spots closest to the door should be called CarKing spots.

Road rage should permanently be renamed to carnage.

A man is driving through the parking garage looking for a spot.

He isn’t having any luck. In desperation he raises his hands to the heavens and says “Lord, I know I haven’t been the best person. But I promise that I’ll be more loving to my wife. I’ll spend more time with my kids. I’ll even give up drinking! Just help me find a spot!”

As he turns the corne...

I was driving down the highway after a long day's work.

Traffic was light, not much of a problem.
I was listening to the radio and thinking about my evening.
It's not that I was distracted, I just never expected it to happen
Sure enough, on the road was some leftover glass from an accident that morning.
And I drove right over it. ...

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I was outside getting my mail when I noticed my neighbor cutting his lawn. The mower was loud and he didn’t see that his dog was licking something up by the garage door. Suddenly, the dog began running circles around the front lawn but shortly after he fell to the grass.

“Did he die?”

*No he just ran out of gas*

I just had to pay £1 at the garage to pump up my tires.

That's inflation for you.

When I was a kid and got into trouble, my dad would bring me to the garage and whip me with a belt.

Along with the alternator, and water pump too.

A Redditor is trying to make a bomb in their garage, but it wont detonate so they decide to make some changes

Edit: wow this blew up

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An old business tycoon marries a young supermodel but knows his jealousy will eventually, get the better of him…

So everyday, the tycoon; Mr Green, rings up his new wife from his office on the top floor of his international corporation headquarters in the city to their penthouse apartment in the suburbs. And everyday, regular as clockwork the wife answers, slightly out of breath and always surprised to hear hi...

I went to park in a parking garage at a hospital the other day and the security guard stopped me and said "sir this garage is for badge holders only"

I said "I have a bad shoulder... That's why I'm here"

A blonde drops her car off at a garage and then pops off to the bar. When she comes back she says "whasmatter wi ma car?"

"Piston broke"
"Okay, don't worry, I'll write you a cheque"

A husband and wife were relaxing at home when all of a sudden it started to snow...

Their show was interrupted by a news broadcast instructing everyone to park on the west side of the street to allow the snow plows to run.
The woman jumps up and grabs her keys to move her car immediately.
The next night the snow is still unrelenting and the broadcast instructs everyone to p...

Was out for a walk with my not-so-bright friend and we saw a sign that read "garage sale"

He said "Wonder how much they want for that garage?"

How many dead hookers can you fit in a garage?

Another two if I move my bike.

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My girlfriend's moving in with me this week so this morning I burned all my porn DVDs in the garden.

Now all I have to do is burn the ones in the shed, the house, and the garage.

A man said he was going to go out by hooking a hose to an exhaust and put it in his car while sealed in his garage.

Saw him the next day looking defeated, he said he forgot he owned a hybrid

My brother got a new pet hamster.

He wanted to think of a perfect name for him so he pondered for a while. Finally he came up with Cuba Gooding Jr. because he absolutely loved most of his movies.

One day Cuba got out of his cage and we couldn’t find him for hours. We looked everywhere, even into the garage and finally the at...

A transport ship goes down....

A transport ship goes down in the middle of the Atlantic quickly enough that no distress signal get sent. After the ship had been overdue for a ten days, a rescue is dispatched. Five days after that, the come across an island and send men ashore. There, they find four women lounging in emergency ten...

Ross witnesses Ted stealing a bunch of weed from his garage

Ross: Man, you’re really adickted.

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(NSFW) A horse and a baby chicken were playing in the barnyard...

...when the horse fell into some quicksand. The baby chicken, wanting to help his friend, goes to find the farmer for assistance but he’s nowhere to be found. The baby chicken finds the farmer’s Aston Martin in the garage, however, so he backs it up to the quicksand. He then ties some rope around th...

How many toddlers does it take to paint a garage?

One of you throw it hard enough.

A priest buys a lawn mower at a garage sale

Back at home, he pulls on the rope a few times with no results.

He storms back to the garage sale and tells the previous owner "I can't get the mower to start!"

"That's because you have to curse to get it started, says the man."

"I'm a man of the cloth. I don't even remember how...

A guy is selling a TV at a garage sale for 1$

It is a close to new, 50” 4K flatscreen, and a woman comes up and asks him “What’s wrong with this TV, to only be selling it for a dollar?”

The man tells her “Well, there’s nothing wrong with the picture, or anything like that, but the volume is stuck on max, and you can’t change it at all. S...

A man goes to a garage sale.

He walks up to a brand new 50 inch flat screen television for $1.

Man - "Is that TV seriously $1?"

Owner - "Sure is, even comes with surround sound!"

Man - "What's the catch then?"

Owner - "Well the volume is stuck on high and it's always going to be loud."

Man - "...

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An oldie I haven't seen here yet...

So this lady is driving along when BAM one of her tyres gets a puncture so she pulls over to the side of the road. She takes off the wheel with the flat tyre so she can change to her spare, but just as she takes it off a big dog runs past and knocks all 4 lug nuts down a nearby drain.

As she ...

A man was sitting in his car while it was running in his garage. He started to feel sleepy...

He was exhausted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Garage sale

A preacher and his wife go garage sale hunting one Saturday morning.As the wife looks around the preacher notices a nice looking push lawnmower for $20.He asks the man at the garage sale what's wrong with it.$20 is a steal if it works.The man said it works great if you can get it started but you got...

My wife walked into the garage where I was sitting with brush in hand and can of black paint

She yelled, "No you fool!! What I said to you was to remember to turn your clock back!!"

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